I was at the register finishing up my transaction at the grocery store, when a very angry and impatient woman and her baby were behind me waiting for me to pay and leave. There was a minor issue with a coupon I was using and she just lost it cussing and making a HUGE deal as she quickly and loudly took all her stuff off the conveyer belt and moved to a self-checkout register. She was acting as though she was waiting for hours or something. I mean, YES I AM AN AVID COUPONER and do make sure everything goes through correctly, but I AM NOT one of those who takes up a ton of time holding everyone up. I think the whole checkout process probably lasted no more than 5 minutes...that's from the time he scanned the 1st product till the time I swiped my card.
So by the time I was unloading my groceries in my car, she was storming out of the grocery store. If she would have just waited ONE MINUTE, she would have been in and out in the same amount of time. She was pulling out of her parking space just as I was driving past her. I slowed down, smiled, and waved really really big at her. She was obviously not happy and was probably calling me every name in the book. I realize that was probably childish of me, but, really it was no where near what I really wanted to do or say.
So what's so wrong with me using coupons to save a little money for my family? Like I said, it's not like I had a HUGE stack of coupons an inch thick. I realize that maybe she was just having a bad day...however, she really didn't have to make such a horrible scene in the process. Why can't us moms support and encourage each other to do what it takes to help keep our family life running smoothly? Why is there such impatience, rudeness, immaturity and lack of class in this day and age?
So my question is, what would you have if you were in my position? What would you have done if you were in HER position?
Thanks Moms for all your comments. I really appreciate it!
I wanted to clarify something...I ABSOLUTELY WOULD HAVE let the woman go before me knowing I had a transaction with coupons as well as seeing her with a young child...however, she entered the checkout line halfway through my transaction. It wasn't a long line to begin with. The store was not at all that busy. I was not about to ask the cashier to void out all my groceries and then let her go before me.
There have been countless situations where I allowed people to go ahead of me b/c they had just a few items while I had a basket full of groceries. I have done this even with two grumpy, fighting children. I am no where near selfish and disrespectful to people in the grocery lines. I do sympathize with people waiting behind me...I have been there too. So I am patient and kind and generous to those people as well.
So to clarify, had she been waiting behind me for a long time before we even entered the turnbelt and scanner, I WOULD OF COURSE HAVE LET HER GO BEFORFE ME. But, what happens when she approaches the register mid-transaction...AFTER my transaction as begun??? Does she still have a right to be mad at me??? AND also to clarify...Her daughter was smiling and cooing...NOT AT ALL throwing a fit.
She was the one throwing a fit.
The right answer is what Bethany said, however I agree with Molly about the chemical imbalance! Who acts like that???!!! Regardless if she's ready to poop her pants, sheesh!
Not that it's an excuse, but you never know what kind of day or month she's been having LOL. Sometimes the littlest thing may set someone off, as minor as it may be. I think we've all been there from time. You smiling and waving at her may have helped her see how ridiculous she acted! Or she just may be a hothead and just got madder!
In that situation I think what you did was pretty funny! Some other people may have drove past and given her the bird!
I have come to the conclusion that people like that will always find something to get pissy about. If it wasn't the coupons, it would've been something else. i just think it's ridiculous to get so worked up about something so trivial. I feel sorry for them, honestly.
That would have irritated me too, but I would have just let it go. As a mom, I'm sure that you have had those days where the smallest issue seemed like climbing a mountain! Lol. Maybe she was a breastfeeder and her boobs were about to explode! Maybe the baby was poopy and needed a change. Heck! Maybe SHE had to poop really bad and wanted to get home! (this has happened to me).
Just always try to be the bigger person and offer help when and where you can and let everything else slide off of your back.
Yes, it was rude...but who knows what was going on with her? It is a lot harder to control your temper when you are exhausted. She has a baby the chances are she is sleep deprived to some extent. My kids are also no strangers to the checkout line meltdown (my older one tipped over a full cart while he was in it having a tantrum as a toddler).
Probably better to let it go and hope someone else would do the same if you were having a really bad day.
Many times while at the register, I turn to the next person in line and say "sorry Im taking so much time". But I waited my turn and I get my time, just llike they will if they need. I try to get my check written and signed so when the checker is done and gives me the total, I am faster to finish. But if theres a problem of some sort and it starts to take time, I just shrug to the person next in line and say Im sorry,, Usually they are understanding and say its no big deal. If I had been her, I would have dug thru my purse for a coupon for something you had in your cart to share with you. I let [people go in front of me often,,if I have a lot and they have less and if they are looking at their watch and seem to be in a hurry. Im not usually, and I just let them go. Im not bragging but want to tell you one time, I had just put a ton of stuff on the conveyor belt and a gal came up behind me obviously in a hurry,, and had just one tub of butter. I reached over and took it off the belt and handed it to the checker and told him to scan it and let the gal go and Id pay for it. They bagged it and handed it back to her so she could go. She was thrilled and as she ran out the door she was still yelling "thank you thank you",, it was $1.59.. made my day too! Not enough people in the world think of how to make the other guys day easier and better.
There is nothing wrong with you using coupons. This was her problem and not yours. Let it roll off your back, out of your mind, etc. She's not worth the energy you've expended are expending.
When I see anyone with a coupon book/binder/folder or anything of the sort. Or someone with a full load of groceries when I'm in a hurry. I go to self checkout or to a shorter lane. More than likely if I have a lot and someone behind me has less; I let them go in front of me. No she shouldn't have gotten angry/loss her temper and you shouldn't have egged on the situation by waving at her. Irregardless two wrong don't make a right. She should have moved on and got out of line without a word and you should have been the bigger person and not stopped to make any gesture.
If I were her, I would have done nothing b/c I also coupon and you never know if it will be quick or not! A lot depends on the cashier, so I try to go to the same one each time that I know is quick with my coupons and price matches. I have a feeling she had been trying to get that shopping done, had a fussy baby and was just DONE. You can only pray for her to have a better day, but I can honestly say, I've been there! As for how you could have handled it, you could have said "I'm sorry this is taking a minute". I don't think any more or less. If the only interaction you had with her was for her to start fuming, then that might not have been appropriate either. I really try to take things like that, especially if we are in the car and someone cuts me off or something like that, and especially if I've got my kids in the car, I'll say out loud "they must be having a really bad day. I'm going to pray for them" and then I'll do a quick prayer for their safety and for their day to improve and blessings on them. It makes me feel better, and I hope teaches my kids that that behavior is not ok, it is noticed by other people, and that sometimes all we can do is pray.
Her attitude and reaction may have had nothing to do with you.
She may have been on her to an event and was running late but needed to get some stuff from the store.
She may have a husband or partner who is abusive and yells at her or hits her if she is what he considers late.
Her baby may have been sick and she wanted to get him/her home.
She may have gotten a call that there was something wrong at home and she was in a hurry.
Maybe she had a bad day at work and picked up the baby from daycare and ran to the store and needed to get home to make dinner and get ready to do it all over again tomorrow.
Next time speak up. Apoligise "I'm sorry the scanner didn't reconize my coupon. This should only take a minute."
I can't say what I would have done in her case because I don't know what was happening in her life.
This isn't about you and your coupons. Good on you for saving money! Coupons are free money - don't understand why people look down on them.
This is about patience and manners. I've noticed that more and more people get really ticked off if they have to wait for any length of time. They just can't chill and relax.
I blame our instant gratification society. Everything has to be fast, fast, fast - rush, rush, rush! And even then, instant gratification isn't fast enough for some. Of course there's the thinking that my time is more important than your time!
I was at Aldi the other day and there was a long line at the register. Only one register person was there - which is the norm at that particular Aldi. I was just hanging out in line, and this woman behind me started bitching long and loud. I offered for her to go ahead of me, but she declined and kept bitching. I told her that I wasn't bothered by the line, it was cool in the store (very hot outside). Well, low and behold, they opened up a new register and asked me to be first. That woman was right behind me, bitching all the way!
I just shook my head and wondered what bug crawled up her butt. But then I decided I didn't care. She still left the store pissed at the world and I left the store feeling great.
Don't let the grumpy peeps of the world bring you down.
She has a chemical imbalance. Yikes! Nothing wrong with using coupons, in fact, when I am checking out and Target and they ask me if I have any coupons, I sigh and say "no". I need to start using them!!
"In this day and age" women are the way women always have been, in my observation. Some will always be impatient and discourteous. That's on her, not on you.
If I were in her position, feeling whatever she was feeling, I probably would have done pretty much what she did. But I'm not her, so even though I sometimes feel at the end of my rope, I've never made a big public fuss about anything.
Why is there so much immaturity and lack of class? Can you think of a reason? How mature was it to find a way to needle that impatient woman back, and wish you could have done it better? I'm sure we've all done similar things for our petty momentary triumphs. But if we really want to be grown up, we learn to notice those impulses and redirect them into kinder or more tolerant thoughts. Revenge is hurtful when other people do it to us. And it's also hurtful when we do it to others.
Well. I am in her position all the time. I've got my 3 kids with me at the store and OFTEN someone in front of us held up for tons of reasons. There seems to be a constant flow of new cashier's too, who don't know how to use the registers, and are always calling for help.
And you know what? I have NEVER acted like that lady. I model patience for the kids, and we keep busy talking and doing stuff. I may even indulge in some tabloid scanning, Hmmmm, Brangelina splitting up again? Probably not true.... I even smile in support if the "time taker" looks back at me nervously because their coupons were rejected. I have the luxury of being a sahm mom right now. I don't need to get back to a rabid boss before my lunch hour is up. We're on a weekly shopping trip, and it takes however long it takes.
Now in times past, when I have been on my lunch break or something and a line gets held up, I may be quietly miffed and doing the potty dance a bit, but I'm never huffy and puffy or rude. I mean really, how often is the person ahead of you PURPOSELY trying to hold everyone up? And it's just immature to act that way no matter what is causing the hold up. It's life.
I don't coupon, so I never cause a delay unless the register crashes, and I ALWAYS look for people behind me who may have just a few things and let them go ahead of me before we push through our weekly mountain of stuff. BUT. IF I saw someone acting like that because I was "taking too long", or say, my baby was crying in my cart or something and they were acting annoyed, I would:
A) Understand they are late for something reeeeeeeeal important or they are a selfish twit. Either way, not my problem.
B) If I was feeling particularly spunky I would smile in front of the kids and cashier and say in a really loud, helpful nice voice, "Excuse me, are you OK? You look really put out, am I doing something wrong here you'd like to speak to me about?"
Or something.
People like that are usually just jerks who don't think of fellow shoppers as people, just barriers to their own personal little egotistic missions.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to use coupons and save money. I used them TONS when my kids were little and I had $300 for a month for groceries and I had to have diapers and baby wipes in there.
HOWEVER, if there was a problem with a coupon and there was someone in line behind me I would always tell the cashier to not worry about it and give me back the coupon ... I'd try it again another time. I was very conscious of holding up the line any longer than needed.
And I've been in her position with people who "think" they are only taking a couple of extra minutes but are actually taking much longer and it's very annoying. Not saying you were actually taking longer than you thought, but it is possible. Plus I was always wanting to get in and out BEFORE my kid(s) started getting fussy, usually by the time we reached check-out we were getting close to their limit before the meltdown fairy came to visit.
Honestly ... you were both wrong. Her for having such a fit and cussing and you definitely for your actions afterward (and possibly not realizing how much time you were actually taking). When I was using coupons regularly I used to tell anyone who got in line behind me that I had a stack of coupons so it could be a few extra minutes.
I am also encountering an anger and intolerance both in stores and driving down the street. It has nothing whatsoever to do with your use of coupons. I learned while working almost 20 years in retail to sympathize with the irate person, so I would have turned to that woman and profusely apologized to her for adding to her stress. It takes that person totally off guard, and probably you would have received an apology in return. We have to take the higher ground and practice what we wish others would practice also. It boils down to what Christ said in Matt. 5 and 6.
If I were her I wouldn't have behaved that way. If I were you, I would have flipped her off. Sad, but true.
You did nothing wrong. It's not you responsibility if her kids are tired. Maybe she should have waited until after nap time to shop.
Some people seem to think the world should run in a way that suits them. Good luck, idiots. If I see someone with coupons and I'm in a hurry, I just move....sans the temper tantrums.
Although I don't agree with how the woman behind you acted (especially while her child watched how her mom reacted), I think you have no idea what she may have been going through at the time. I would have either done nothing or if I felt the need to apologize for holding the line up, but like you said it wasn't a lengthy transaction. There are so many angry people out there. Some may just be having a bad day or bad month and displaying it inappropriately, but others are off because they are suffering from mental illness. Do you really want to push someone's buttons that is either having a bad day or worse and make it worse than it already is? I would just be glad that I don't act like that and hope that her own day improves and she can find a little peace as well. It's not worth ruining your own day over one angry persons' temper tantrums.
Sometimes people are just rude and you have to concentrate on not letting them get to you.
Once I was in line at the grocery store when it was getting busy, so they opened up the 15-items-or-less lane and let me check out there. I probably had 30 items. Not a huge amount, but more than 15. The cashier was almost finished running my items when a woman came up behind me, sat her two items on the belt and said very loudly to the woman behind her, "looks like somebody doesn't know how to count!" I walked a little closer to her and told her that the manager had invited me to be in this line and I knew I had many more than 15. It shut her up for a bit, but the cashier didn't back me up so I felt like an idiot. Obviously it's still bothering me and it happened last year. So I'm not good at ignoring rudeness. People really don't care about anybody else anymore. Civility has gone out the window.
I guess I probably would have done what you did. But if I were HER, I wouldn't have acted like the world revolved around me.
I havent acted like that, but I have DEFINITELY felt like acting that way. I cant tell how many times I have been in line at a store, with a baby on a hip and a baby in the stroller, both howling, and thought, "MY GAWD! Could not someone have offered to let me cut in line?!" And, when I end up behind a couponer, or someone applying for the store credit card, or someone who cant use the card swiper, I want to cry with frustration and make up bad luck gods to curse.
Shopping with my son has always been stressful - you never know when he is going to go crazy and and I just want to get in and out as fast as possible.
I am by nature very patient but two children (and before that just one) tested every patient bone in my body. I never have a fit, role eyes, etc but it is hard.
Instead of getting irritated with her for her impatience, sympathize with her rough day and be thankful that you are able to manage your day in such a way that you have time for coupons at the store.
Some people are just impatient and rude... if I were in your position I would have done nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, nor did you have anything to apologize for. We were in the same spot on Saturday night- at Toys R Us shopping for a birthday party my son had on Sunday. The Lego set he picked out for his friend was listed on sale, but rang-up at full price. The woman behind us simply had to wait b/c I was happy to pay $20 for the set, but wasn't looking to spend $35. She was very nice about it and waited.
It's not "this day and age"- it's some people. I think we've all had those days when we are just in a rush... the whole day is "running behind" and you just NEED A THING OF MILK!! Yup- been there, done that. I would NEVER curse at someone, but I have definitely "thought it"... especially when the person sees that I just have a thing of milk and doesn't offer to let me go ahead...
I think waving in the parking lot was childish and unnecessary, but so was her behavior!
Oh, my. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
When I get impatient in line, or people around me start making rude comments, I usually tell my kids or the surrounding folk (if the timing is right), "Well, standing in line patiently is what grown ups have to do to get presents from Santa Claus!" It's so patently absurd that usually everyone at least cracks a smile.
You did just fine. If I were behind you, I would've tried to remember to smile pleasantly and tell you not to worry about any perceived rush. What goes around, comes around!
:)
If her husband beats her it could have just been the fear of what would happen to her if she got home late.
I wouldn't have said or done anything.
Depends on my mood, if I was in a bad mood I would've been irritated but I wouldn't flip out and cuss. How could I expect my child not to hit and freak out if I can't control MY anger? I hope she gets a grip before her child gets older and imitates it. People who flip like that it's usually not a single rare event. If I was in a crappy mood I would've sighed and went to another register or stay there if they were long lines and just be irritated or pay attention to my little one to cheer myself up, but I wouldn't cuss and flip out.
I agree with Bethany C, maybe she really needed to get out of there or was having one of those days :P In your shoes J., I would've been like I'm sorry but chill out. Your baby can hear your cuss words... I hope she wasn't calling you every name in the book with the baby there.
I too am an avid coupon user. Unfortunately there are those out there that ignore Coupon Etiquette and make using coupons difficult for the rest of us. Follow these simple rules and and people will be more receptive of your coupon use.
1) Never go to the register during peak shopping hours.
2) If you must go to the register at those times always let others without coupons or price checks ahead of you.
3) Never take ALL of the item on sale. Just because it is free and you have a coupon does not mean you have to buy everyone of them on the shelf. I mean hey, how many bottles of aspirin or deodorant can one person use?! Please only take what you and your family will use before the next time it goes on sale.
If it had been me at the register I would have let her go ahead of me. If that was not possible I would have said something like : "Oh I am so sorry, if I had know you were in a hurry I would have gladly let you go ahead of me. I will be finished in just a minute."
I have been in your position! I have been at the counter when a coupon for something I had didn't go through for some reason. So, we start looking through the bags just to make sure that I had purchased what was on the coupon. The person behind me, a middle-aged, grumpy lady, did all this heavy sighing, groaning, grunting, and eye-rolling. I had already apologized for taking extra time. I finally looked at her and said "Are you going to pay my grocery bill?" Of course she said "No". And I said " I didn't think so." That pretty much shut her up. :)
The funny part was after that , she wanted to know more. She asked me if I really saved enough money with those coupons to make a difference. And I said "Funny you should ask- I keep a tally (which I do). In the last 6 weeks, I have saved $125 with them." She started asking me all these questions like where I go to get all my coupons, do I go online, etc. lol
Having been your position, you were much nicer than I would have been. If I were in her position, I would have understood. And not made a scene. :)
This very likely was nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with your coupon issue. You have no way at all to know if maybe her kid was sick and she was in the store to get some medicine, and hadn't slept the night before. Maybe she was sick herself, and facing a full day of caring for a baby when she would prefer to drop off the face of the earth. Maybe she was upset and frustrated with something completely unrelated to you and the store and shopping, long before she set foot in the store (fight with her husband, lost her job, bad news she'd just received, even a death in the family -- yeah, after my mom died I was just a crabby creep some days for no apparent reason and had to think hard to stop myself from going off at store clerks or other drivers on the road).
Yes, she was wrong to crab and gripe and fuss. But I've been in that wrong place and someday you may be there too -- where the small but necessary task like being in the grocery store seems like climbing Mount Everest and the smallest thing sets you off. She was in the wrong, and yeah, it's possible she is just a fussing jerk all the time -- but since you don't know her, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, swallow the anger you're still hanging onto about this, and assume that maybe she had other things going on you'll never know about -- things that are sad or difficult. And then I'd be grateful I was having a better day than that.
1) In your position, I would have done what you set out to do, which was use the coupons.
2) In her position, I would have waited patiently while the transaction was being made.
For the record: It's really no one's fault that things take time & besides, it's your hard earned money, you save however is best for your family.
Just think you probably saved her from an accident further on down the road if it would have been expedited. There is always a reason for everything in God's devine world!
Trying to please everyone is too hard, I find it much easier to piss everyone off. It's just the way it is. I wouldnt worry about it.
When I get in line behind a couponer or someone that has to sort all their stuff out because of food stamps, I just tell myself that I once again picked the wrong line to be in. I dont let anyone else know I'm impatient, I grab a magazine from the stand and leaf through and that is a great time killer.
I get in line behind people that want to buy 50 lotto tickets sometimes, nothin you can do but wait..... People that are always in a hurry are just high strung people that will probably have strokes at a young age. Just ignore them and be happy you arent one of them.
oh I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was at the grocery store a few weeks ago and there was a lady who just kept talking and talking to the checker and the checker couldn't work and talk at the same time. So he would stop checking and talk to her inbetween. The lady who was in front of me was getting really impatient. She started to yell at the customer checking out saying "stop talking and let him do his job so I can get out of here". It ended up being a huge argument between them and the checker didn't really do anything. He just stood there watching. I'm a very patient person. Yes, I was getting tired of waiting (my husband had the kids, so I was alone so it wasn't a huge deal for me to rush out of there). I have worked as a checker at 2 different grocery stores when I lived in CA and I don't remember having this happening before. I've seen this happen 2 times in the last month here. It's crazy!
Another pet peeve that happened here was, I was checking out and the checkers friends were in line behind me. He stood there ignoring me and talked to his friends while checking out my food. It was so rude! I almost complained to the manager about it. I didn't even get a "hi, did you find everything ok?" nothing.
I'm not justifying her response.
That said, I have been on the other side of this. I was at a B & N with my son (maybe 14mos at the time) who was starting to hit the wall. It was our last stop of the day and I had to get this ONE book as a gift. He started crying and crawling all over me bc I wouldn't set him down. The woman ahead of me had a return and EIGHT books in hand. I was next in line. When he started fussing, she turned around, looked at him, looked at me, and turned back around to proceed with her transaction.
I felt like, in a situation where every second feels like an embarrassing eternity, she was not supportive of me. I didn't rail on at her, but it hurt.
Having been there, if I were you, I would have let her go ahead of me. Of course there's nothing wrong with couponing - that's missing the point. I think you failed to remember what it's like in that situation (also factoring in the multiple stresses of new motherhood) by not allowing her to go ahead of you, even if you think the amount of time she waited was negligible.
Your "goodbye" would have had me in tears.
New motherhood is ROUGH. I think an extra measure of consideration is due to new mommies.
You can't control how other people react and it sounds like you did the right thing. You have every right to use coupons and she has every right to move to another line if one is not moving fast enough for her.
Who knows--maybe her baby's diaper was full and she was getting desperate. She probably was just having a bad day.
It is so impossible to judge a whole person based on one encounter, but keep your eyes out for her when you shop there in the future and either stay out of her way or see if she is trying to avoid you due to her bad behavior. If it is consistent, store management ought to do something to prevent her cussing tirades, if it was a one time frustrating vent..let it go and be thankful that your days are better than hers.
I do like the wave, I probably would've done the same thing as long as I didn't have my kids with me, you never want to put the kiddos in dangers way. Her lack of ability to manage time, patience, parenting and temperment put you both on this collision course. You did nothing wrong..keep couponing.
I sometimes am guilty of being anxious and feeling like I am in a hurry for the next thing.... I wish I was not that way. I would have not treated you that way nor would I act that way, but I can see our society being in a hurry all the time and it really is sad to see. Even on the road and in lines, people are just anxious. I think sometimes I feel closterphobic ( if that is even how you spell the word - I am a bad speller ) And too many people around and lots of activities makes me wanting to exit an enviroment quicker then most.
Were you in an Express Lane? That would be the only reason I could imagine for her to be upset...Express means fast....If you have coupons, I would go in a regular line.
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Were you in an Express Lane? That would be the only reason I could imagine for her to be upset...Express means fast....If you have coupons, I would go in a regular line.
