This is what my daughter says constantly now. She is 4 and she doesn't want to walk down the hallway, up the stairs, she won't even wash her hands without someone behind her because she's "scared that something is behind her" or "following her." This is a legit fear; she is clearly terrified. She recently started it at preschool - she told me she doesn't want to be in the back of the line because she's afraid of what's behind her. Honestly, she's starting to freak ME out!!!
My husband and I have racked our brains trying to figure out where this came from and how to fix it for her. She doesn't watch much TV at all and what she does watch is Busytown, Curious George and SuperWhy. I mean, pretty tame. We've tried laughing and telling her she's so fun and silly (not condescending or belittling, just trying to make her feel like she's okay); we've tried telling her to repeat a mantra, "I can, I can, I'm brave, I'm BRAVE!" over and over (this works sometimes); we've tried checking for the "something" first, but as soon as we leave she goes batty. You can see the fear in her face - she totally panics and begs us to be with her. She's scared and not playing us (she does try to play us in other ways, but this is SO different). She will give up treats and screen time and staying up past bedtime for us to be behind her all day and night long. No amount of taking things away matters. She will give up ANYTHING - I know she's truly scared. We only tried the taking away priveleges at first because my husband thought she was full of it. I remember getting scared like this, though - it's real. Last night I was so frustrated I just told her, "Well, if something gets you I'll bake you a cake and you can eat the entire thing before bed." I know, not my finest mommy moment... She did giggle, though. :)
She can't seem to verbalize what it is she thinks is behind her. She says she doesn't know what it is, but is just scared of what is there. I can't even tell if she actually believes there is something there, but doesn't know what OR if she's just scared of the idea that there COULD be something there, but nothing really has ever been. She's very intelligent and verbal (sometimes overly so, HA!), but this subject makes her clam up.
The only thing that she said ONCE, about a month ago, was that someone told her that her guardian angel follows her everywhere. Good grief, that could have been ME who told her that! She said she was afraid of that because angels look like ghosts. She loved angels for awhile, went through a phase where she wanted to buy the figurines every time she saw one. That was about a year and a half ago... Could all of this really be coming from that one comment? I assured her that angels live in Heaven and only come down when we need them. She likes fairies, so I tried to liken angels to fairies a bit. I don't even know... We are at our wit's end around here.
Oh... And this all started about six months ago or so. Thanks for any advice on what to do!
Oh, I guess I should say that it comes and goes... It will be BAD for a couple of weeks, then nearly gone for a week or two. It's super weird.
Because this has gone on for 6 months, I suggest talking with her pediatrician about it. Irrational fears are common at this age but they don't usually last this long nor are they this extensive, affecting every aspect of her life.
I suggest that handling her fear with humor will help. As you said, she did giggle.
I know a lot of people don't believe in spirits, etc., and they'll think I'm crazy, but I truly believe young children and animals can "sense" someone/something better than adults. Have you had anyone die recently? Are the grandparents gone? If this were my child, I would have her turn around and confront whatever she feels is there - I would have her do this sometime when there aren't any other kids around so no one will laugh at her - since you've already spoken to her about having a guardian angel, have her ask them to stop following her so closely!
Did something happen six months ago? Any major changes in her life that maybe don't feel major to the adults around her? Maybe a therapist could get her to talk about it.
I sometimes sense someone with me but I just figure it's my Mom, Dad or Grandma - I just talk to them as if they're here! Works for me!
Good luck!!
This may sound out there:
Ear infection.
When our vestigial thingmy (ugh. It's early here. No caffeine) gets all clogged up... Usually our balance is affected (because that's what tells our brain how we're oriented in the world: upright, tilted, moving, slowing, etc.).
HOWEVER sometimes instead / in addition to: it can affect how our brain perceives the WORLD.
A significant number of agoraphobics (fear of open spaces, often leading to "shut ins" who don't leave the house) actually have inner ear problems. Their inner ear gets messed up and as they move about they experience vertigo (which triggers fear) and nausea (which triggers revulsion). Inside their own home their brain can look at the space and acclimate by figuring out where they are by sight. But in unfamiliar areas, their brain CAN'T... So they experience fear & revulsion (from the vertigo & nausea). It's absolutely standard now that agoraphobics get a complete ENT work up.
So to ME... While its not agoraphobia... The fact that the fear is triggered while your daughter is MOVING (and especially when moving in 2 directions: fwd and up... Like when walking up stairs)... Makes me think that she may have an inner ear infection: with her brain processing that info coming from her ear wrong.
((Like I said : its before caffeine. The part of the ear I'm taking about is kind of spiral shaped. There's fluid in it. As we move, the fluid gets pushed around, and that's what tells us "where" we are in space, and "how fast" we're moving in space. While the most common thing to affect that is an inner ear infection a 'normal' ear infection, sinus infection, tooth abscess, TMJ, swollen glands, etc. can ALSO cause swelling that affects how that information is processed, or that is impinging on a nerve. These kinds of things SONETIMES have pain, but more commonly don't. So I would take her to an ENT to check out the while noggin, although most likely, it will be an ear infection... It could be something else.))
________
ETA: While I do believe in spirits, and also psych stuff... I like to rule out physiological causes whenever possible FIRST. Just as an example: my son experiences panic attacks and anger outbursts. The vast majority if which are caused by a severe asymptomatic (no wheezing or coughing) asthma attack. Test his blood oxygen levels, and they're in the low 90's (90-94). 2 puffs on his inhaler, and POOF. His o2 levels jump up to 98/99, and the panic &/or tenper tantrum vanishes. Both are his body responding to not having enough oxygen. He also gets VERY goofy. Sometimes that's just him (ADHD). Other times? His o2 is in the 80's and he's actually "high" from o2 deprivation. Again. Asymptomatic asthma. Open up his airways and he's right as rain.
Little kids have such awesome imaginations that sometimes its a little too active for them. Something that helped me with my kids was to get a spray bottle and fill it with water-then give it to your child and call it " something behind me spray or monster spray in our case. Then, I would spray it or if they were brave enough, they would and it would make the monsters disappear. It really works well and can get them giggling again.
The best thing you can do is be calm, don't ask alot of questions about it--bring her back to reality.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Why are you doing?
Are you safe with mommy?
Are you safe with your teacher?
Basically go through a few questions that she will answer yes to---then it will make her feel secure and know that :
a. your with her
b. nothing is behind her
c. spray behind her just to be sure.
Good luck!!!
Well, I guess I have to jump on the crazy train too ;) because I kind of agree with Purple Mom...I mean maybe something, or someone, really is behind her! It may seem far fetched, but I do think it's possible.
Other than that, yes I do suppose it could have come from the guardian angel comment. I agree to talk to your pediatrician about ways to handle it. In the meantime I think the suggestion of a spray bottle might work for you too.
I'm sure this is difficult, hang in there!
My youngest used to insist that there were things under his bed and in the closet.
I told him to turn on the light and look. If he found anything, he could wake me up...and if not, he had to shut off the light and go to bed.
Same deal with your daughter being followed. Don't act so concerned. Find a way to give her power of the situation (though I agree with Riley...have her ears checked). When she says "there's someone behind me," say "turn around and look."
You might also consider giving her an angel necklace...then, she can say that her guardian angel is in FRONT of her, guarding her path.
I was the same way as a child. I had to have tons of stuffed animals on one side of my bed so there was no blank space behind me. I would only sleep on the side where the stuff animals were to my back. I would walk sideways down the hallway so the wall was to my back.
There was nothing particular behind me, just an intense fear that there was something there.
As an adult I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have had it my entire life. I am now medicated for it. I also have some OCD with it.
When she's afraid and you are there have her stand in front of a mirror where she can see nothing is there. Ask her if what she thinks it is behind her and why she is afraid of it. Is it hurting her? Is it going to push her down? Or what? Tell her you see nothing and she can see there is nothing in the mirror. Ask her if she is thinking it's an angel. Tell her they are NOT ghosts as children think of ghosts. They are kind and help you not scare you. Matthew 18:10 talks about angles of the 'little ones'. Psalm 91:11 and Matthew 4:6 talk of angles protecting us. I wouldn't compare angles to fairies or ghosts at all and many of the movies, cartoons, etc with those things do scare some children. I hope she gets over this soon. She must be so upset all the time living with such fear. Laugh, joke, and yet don't dismiss her real fear. Let her know you care and tell her God takes care of her so she doesn't need to worry about anything.
phase that works for her on occasion.
Something really scared her and it is so hard to find out what. Have you thought about having see someone? I know someone who is awesome and will get to the bottom of this and probably only have to see her a time or two. If you are interested let me know because this is really real to this little girl and this could go on for a long time unless taken care of soon.
N.
My 6 year old says this too. Like you said it does seem to come and go. Like last night she said she thought someone was behind the door and kept hiding when I looked. Freaked me out too. Not sure I have advice other than to say you are not alone. I try the reality checking and that works sometimes. We also talk about what she can do when she feels scared (ex: hiding under her covers, looking at her nightlight, telling herself it isnt real, etc). Sorry you are going through this, is hard to deal with
