Hi mom's i wanted to see if anybody has had the same situation as me. I dated my boyfreind for 3 month's and he had a great relationship with my son. They went out fishing and my son loved him, he used to tell my boyfreind all the time that he loved him and if he could be his dad. So that made me feel great that my son had bonded with him so good, since he dosent see his real dad that much. My boyfreind was in the marines and was getting out i live in vista and his from New Mexico so when he got out he decided to stay with me for a wile and then he was going back home to see his daughter and come back. But that didn't happend he ended up staying in my place, I got him a job at my work and we have lived toghether ever since he got out the marine's about 6 months. know the problem i have is that my son has change and so has he. we are always arguing about my boy, he know tell's him he hates him and that he wants him to leave and i feel so bad. And because of that my boyfreind doesn't try to talk to him or even play with him no more and it makes me sad. I have tried to talk to my boyfreind and tell him he is a grown man that he should try and win my son but i dont see him trying very hard. I also talk to my son that is 3 years old why he dosen't like him no more and the only thing i get from him is that my boyfreind alway put him on time out and that he doesn't like him. I had thought of breaking this relationship of cuz it hurts me to see my baby boy heart broken. Tell me if this is not wrong my boyfreind went to the store and got some popsicles and my son went out there happy to tell him if he could have one, next thing i know is that my son come's back sad and tells me mom sergio dosen't want to share with me. I got up went to the kitchen and asked him why didn't you give him a popsicle and he told me is not my responsibility to take care of him. I was so mad and i told him i know that but if your putting the thing away it wouldn't have hurt you to give him one. i can go on about little things like that, that make me angry. Sometimes i think is because i was pregnant with his child and he was happy but i decided not to have him cuz i was scared that i would go trew what i went trew with my babys dady. Know i now it was a bad decision that i cant take back and i pray god to forgive me. My boyfreind will be leaving tomorrow to see his daughter and will be gone for two week's and i think i should just tell him that if his not going to change to not come back with me, i have told him before and hi doesn't say nothing he just acts like im crazy. I want to know how some of you dealt with this situation, or what you did to improve it. just to let you know i been taking parinting classes to see what im doing wrong i have asked him to come with me but he said his a good dad to his daughter, and that makes me mad to cuz he doesnt want to try nothing. Help me what can i do!
The parenting classes will help you understand your son's behavior. You may not want to hear this, but I think you should quit seeing your boyfriend and not date anyone for a long time. Focus on your son's happiness, not on yours. He needs your love and attention more than you need a boyfriend. You won't regret taking the time to be with your son.
First of all, you need to get that man out of YOUR house and be the Mom you need to be right now. Your son is VERY young and it seems this man does not have you or your son's interests at heart here. He is taking advantage of you while you've been so kind. If this relationship is worth saving, he should get his own place and get on his feet first to prove himself worthy of your love. Then you might slowly start to see him on dates every so often. But you should place that boy at the top of your list first and foremost. If he is worthy of being in your lives, he will have to prove it to you & your son in time. I suggest you do not let him move back into your home until you have a commitment of marriage and he is on very good terms with your son. If he is not willing to do any of these things to prove his love, then he is clearly not the one and you had been taken advantage of.
In the meantime, focus on your son. You should not be dating right now anyway. You have a job and are a full-time mother. Wait until he is older & can express himself. If you are concerned about having a male figure around, have your son spend time with his grandfather, uncles, good trusting men in your life. You are only confusing the poor helpless child & setting a bad example for his future relationships. If you're willing to put up with sub-standard people in your life, then he will learn to do the same as he grows up. If you continue with this situation the way it is, you will lose your sons respect & faith in you as his mother.
Sorry to be so harsh L., but I'm rooting for the boy in this story!
Good luck
I am a little confused as to whhats happening but I think you have to do whats right for your son before any guy. If this guy is The One then things will work out.
You should take full advantage of him leaving for two weeks. spend as much time with your son as you can. Do you know if something happened between your son and your boyfriend. Maybe you and your boyfriend should take a break from one another. Take a couple of monthes to see what happens.
Getting rid of your boyfriend, at least from your place, is the best thing you can do for your child. Hopefully, you have learned that 3-mo dating is not enough time to make this kind of decision. Keep attending those parenting lessons and listen to the advice they give you, you could lose your child to the courts if you use poor judgement in raising your little one. No boyfriend will ever love you, or need you, more than your child.
Hi L.,
Good for you that you are taking parenting classes. There are a lot of people who should and don't.
I personally think you should pay attention to the little voice inside you--your conscience. If you have thoughts that you should not be with your boyfriend, that's a good indication that you shouldn't. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and that he has a lot on his too. Perhaps both of you should concentrate on your own lives separately. That doesn't mean that in the future things couldn't work out, but perhaps now is not the time--he just left the military, and he has a daughter out of state. You have a son. You work. It sounds like you have other issues with your boyfriend too. You are 24! That's a lot!!
Although the popsicle incident was immature on your boyfriend's part, he was right in one aspect--he's not your son's dad. It's not his job to take care of or discipline your boy. Give yourself and your boy a break. (FYI: Someone who is a true partner will work with you on anything. You don't have to force it.)
My honest opinion--I don't think it's a good idea to move in a boyfriend when you have a small child. That sets you and your son up for bad things--broken hearts, for one. I would really suggest reading Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives". Dr Phil's "Family First" might be one you'd be interested in too. I think those books contain pretty practical advice. Be good to yourself by taking care of yourself--take care of your spirit and your son's spirit. Start 2009 right.
I will pray for you.
D.
