I'm Being Poisened Daily! Am I Alone?

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I'm going to take the other side of this argument.

You need to realize that you are asking others to change their mode of living for YOU. They don't have to do this, and your attitude towards others probably isn't making them want to do so.

Limiting perfumes does not mean that you can force people to buy unscented EVERYTHING. Buying unscented detergents, not wearing perfumed ANYTHING, having no scents anywhere...just wouldn't work for me. I'd find another sitter. Others might do the same.

And the attitude you seem to have that the entire "normal" world is against you and doesn't "care they are making so many people sick" is pretty self absorbed. I have NEVER met these "many" people of whom you speak.

Just keep your tone in mind when you draw up that contract with parents. You aren't coming across as very welcoming. From my perspective, it'd be easier to find someone to deal with who was less...picky.

I'm sorry, but it's like you're asking the world to change because you have an aversion to smells. It does come off as a little rude, and a little bit of an attitude on your part...if you're asking a bank not to burn a candle, asking a mom not to have air fresheners in her OWN car...

My daughter has moderate to severe asthma, but "scents" are not one of her triggers. She usually can't smell them at ALL because of her allergies...and I feel bad for her. Smells are a part of life...not this poison you speak of. Since the beginning of man, people have been creating smells, burning incense, picking flowers, etc...

I know the cause of my daughter's asthma and allergies, and it's not chemicals that smell. You sound like some of conspiracy theorist to think that "much of the world is sick because of perfumes." Perfume has also been around for thousands of years.

I think you've found an explanation you want, because you don't LIKE smells, and are using your allergies as an excuse to hate them even more. I know some people are sensitive to smells, but I absolutely do not think that smells are killing people, killing you, making you sick, etc...

Am "I" the only one that feels THIS way?

I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but I love smells. Yes, I like body sprays. Deodorant. SOAP. I don't mind a good air freshener in a car (sure, the flowery ones stink, but you know what? That's an OPINION.)

Also, cigarette smoking and incense burning are NOT the same as the other things you are complaining about. Cigarettes obviously have hundreds of toxins being let into the air, and incense is a very, VERY powerful burning agent, as far as smell goes. We smell things because particles of that thing float through the air and into our noses...so yes, incense is more likely than some things to cause problems because of it's very strong smell. I don't have a problem with asking people not to smoke or light incense....but that'd be in my OWN home, and no one's going to walk in with a stick of incense anyhow.

You can't tell other people what to do in their own homes. My neighbor smokes. We live in a duplex. The smell of her smoke comes through the basement wall (it's open a half inch at the top, or so) and our basement stinks like smoke sometimes. It bothers me to NO END, but what am I supposed to do, act like a Nazi and say "You can't smoke?" I am very thankful that our rental agency has JUST declared that at the beginning of the year, all units are going smoke free.

Seems like you're in the wrong business, too. Are you REALLY going to tell the parents..."Okay, no one is allowed to have an air freshener in their OWN car, wear perfume, use nice smelling soap/lotion on their baby, or wash your clothes in regular detergent." I would dump you in a second before meeting all those demands. You might have to try VERY hard to find a whole new set of clients who agree with you.

And one note of sympathy...yes, when I have an awful migraine or am sick with the stomach flu, smells bother me. I think that's pretty normal. On the other hand, I realize that the smells were not the CAUSE of these things.

I'm sorry you have so many sensitivities.
I don't want to sound rude, but I don't think the daycare business is for you.
That requires people to come from their homes and their lives to your home and apparently even having an air freshener in their own car can make you sick.
This is a sitution in which you require other people to alter anything and everything they do and use in their daily lives so as not to make you sick.
You may be a great lady and a good child care provider, but I wouldn't take my kids to you. Your allergies or sensibilities are such that you are groggy and nauseous and having headaches. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun for you and it certainly doesn't sound like fun for the kids.

You can control what goes on in your home. To an extent. But you can't control what others do in their private lives or in public.
A hospital I worked at had quite a few Pink Ladies. They are volunteers and for the most part, absolutely sweet and a joy to have around. Well, my building got stuck with one that wasn't a joy. She had said she couldn't work in the actual hospital on campus because the smells made her sick. So, they stuck her in the medical records building. Medical records is an exceptionally busy department and she was always griping at people. If someone came in to get a copy of their medical records, she would yell at them for their "smells" bothering her.
That was also the building where people came to meet with me to finalize their birth certificates and this lovely young couple came in with their brand new baby that had been born over the weekend.
She turned on the dramatics, making dirty faces, pulling her jacket up over her face. She said, "I can't stand the smell of you!" and stomped outside, THEN stood in front of the window staring in acting like she was going to throw up.
That young couple was mortified. They had taken their new baby out for the first time since getting home and were already nervous and they got hit with that behavior. I have a pretty sensitive sense of smell and I didn't smell a single thing. Neither of the parents had cologne on. That's just how that woman treated EVERYBODY and frankly, I think she's the rudest old woman I've ever had to encounter. As for her having to cause a scene in the front of the building, there was a bathroom the same distance away in the opposite direction so there was no reason for her to stand in front of the window making them watch her heave. If she was truly feeling ill, she could have handled it in the bathroom, but that wouldn't have had the same impact, would it.
The other reason I had no respect for that woman.....she put on a real show about smells, BUT, she walked the halls of the hospital to have lunch in the cafeteria every day she came in. Explain that one to me. She could handle the smells in the hospital when it came to eating lunch with the other Pink Ladies.
In her case, it's pretty obvious she had selective sensibilities. She had no business being as rude as she was to people and frankly, she had no business volunteering at a place where she could be subjected to the smell of just about anything. A hospital of all places.
Why would she even ask to volunteer at a place like that?
I've worked with people who don't believe in using soap or deodorant because it's bad for the environment and that means everyone else smells their body odor.
That's not exactly pleasant either.

I just don't know how extreme you think the world can get for the percentage of people who are highly sensitive.
Should markets have to have a sealed off detergent/candle/incense/air freshener section?
Should I stop using my favorite fabric softener because someone in my bank on my lunch hour might be sensitive to it?
Colognes, perfumes, scents of any kind are not used to deliberately harm anyone else.

I don't know.
Like I said, it seems to me that with your sensibilities you might be more healthy if you found a different profession that you can do at home that doesn't subject you to other people so much.

Just my opinion.
No offense intended.

First I wanted to say I am in the business of caring for people. I am in the medical field, and I do not have severe allergies (just minor). Both my guy and our daughter have sensitive skin and seasonal allergies (my daughter has eczema).
This is a hard one for me because on the medical side I understand the people who have sensitivities/allergies to smells. I have seen first hand reactions set off by allergies. On the other hand, working with many different types of people I know it's impossible to end it. There's no line.
You are in a very small percentage, that doesn't mean its not real. Even people with a lot of allergies, sometimes aren't super sensitive to it (like riding in a car with an air freshner). So you have a double whammy.
Here's what I suggest to you. You can either A) put it in your contract about strong smelling things and list examples of chemicals...fabric softners, air freshners, etc. or you can B) find a daycare where they have policies set forth about frangrances due to allergies (yes, they do have them). One of those might help with your sensitivites.
I do understand, trust me. But I also feel like unless part of a contract, you have no right to tell me what I can and can't use. I do use certain products for my family that I have found to work best for my family considering their sensitivities.
I know your frustrated so I hope you don't take my response the wrong way. I am not coming from a place of meaness. I just simply think you have to find a better balance in your life to make it healthier. Everyone patient I have been in contact with, who had a diagnosis, has done the same thing. From blindness to allergies and Cancer to Parkinson's...you have to make the choices that better suit your life with that diagnosis.
Good Luck.

Perfumes and other "Scent" maskers have been around since time began. its part of humanity and animal "nature" to want to smell attractive to others, whether its attractive to some or not. You are the exception to the norm. I would say just because you have allergies to perfume, should everyone just stop wearing it or using it? Fabric softener is something that almost everyone uses because of the softening qualities. I guess if everyone was informed of the dangers that most of the chemicals used now a days can pose it would be less. Though i dont think people will out right stop, using scent as a masker. I use natural oils for scents. They are just as strong, fruity and flowery as any chemical ones. SO even though mine are natural I smell strongly too. I LIKE that smell. On your side though it is becoming more a issue than in the past, I know at least 5 people that can not shop at big groceries, or places like Walmart or Target, because all the scent and florescent lighting. They get sick and almost crazed from being in there. I say if you do daycare then you need to make your entire clientel aware of your problem and say that they can not bring them covered in scent. You will lose of few, but it may help your health in the long run.

Your angry and seriously ranting, so your question is exactly what? if this is what you expected from the "world" other than your own, why did you ask it only to make yourself more worked up. Its really awesome that you make your plight public and you could possibly change some minds as to what we are living in, but I feel most people are victims of the times. Unless you buy a commune in the Rocky Mountains and go back to living like the pioneers, i am afraid things will only get worse not better. Now as far as chiding everyone for answers that can NOT possibly help you, maybe its time you start something of your own. Start a group for those that suffer the same issue as you.

Hi SLM, I'm sorry you're struggling.

To me this sounds more like a radical case of SPD than just allergies alone.

We take our children to have them evaluated for conditions like Sensory Processing disorder, we bring them to behavioral therapy, we try to desensitize them as much as possible so THEY can fit in with the WORLD, and have a relatively NORMAL life because we know the WORLD is not going to change to suit THEIR needs. I would suggest you do the same for yourself. Get a referral from your allergy doc, tell the therapist everything you've told us. There IS help for you, but not by means of everyone ELSE being super sensitive to your own very specific senitivities.

It's not that we don't CARE, you must realize that, right? I admire your responses and have enjoy knowing you electronically, but you must understand EVERY STRANGER ON EARTH cannot possibly be sympathetic to ONE stranger's needs.

I'll bet you can find an excellent therapist to help you through all these issues. I know you have a lot of stress, I wish you would take care of yourself the way you take care of everyone else!

Peace and good health to you! You know ILY, right?

:)

You are not alone, but you and I are in a minority (some estimates suggest 1 in 20 people have some degree of reactivity). People who have not noticed any reactions to scents and other airborne chemicals simply don't relate, and may even believe our reactions are all in our heads. I became seriously reactive to all sorts of chemicals about 25 years ago, and I seriously thought I was dying. I was too ill to eat or sleep, and after one 11-day period, my mental processes became completely altered, and I thought I'd end up in a mental hospital. It was more terrible than I can begin to describe.

I was lucky to find a doctor who helped me figure out it was chemical sensitivities, and after I cleaned EVERYTHING out of my home and virtually stopped going out in public, I started feeling better. He helped me understand the chemical pathways that our livers (primarily) use to detoxify our systems, and that in a growing number of people (MANY of his patients were very ill children), the liver simply becomes overloaded with more incoming toxins than it is able to handle. Once the system is overloaded, it may take years to reestablish normal function, if ever. For many of us, it never happens.

While I'm somewhat better after living VERY carefully for 25 years, I still become quickly and seriously ill from perfumes, air fresheners, and scented cleaning products, the ingredients of which are "trade secrets" and are not required by the government to be disclosed. Here's a website that discusses this: http://www.ewg.org/skindeep/ . Fabric softeners are some of the most seriously poisonous consumer products out there: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/dinged-by-dryer-sheets.html.

As more people and their children become ill, the public is gradually becoming somewhat more aware that toxins really do affect our lives. But it has been very slow, and I don't anticipate being able to be safe in public during my lifetime. So I have learned to accept reality, and my boundaries are extremely limited. I don't travel, no vacations, visit places of business only when traffic is likely to be lowest, avoid public bathrooms, and have to sometimes leave stores, restaurants and theaters, or lose my place in line at the bank or grocery store when someone stands near me wearing perfume, or clothing is wafting fresh fabric softener smells.

Because you are operating a business, you have the opportunity to let new clients know in your initial interview that you must limit exposure to certain products for your own safety and the health of the other children you care for BEFORE they sign on. Have a list of offending products and alternatives to hand them, because otherwise they WILL forget. It's simply not part of their reality yet, and it takes awhile for any of us to learn a new routine.

It does not work, as you have learned, to tell people that THEIR personal grooming products are harming you. Few people can open up enough to let in new information that they could interpret as accusatory, and will simply become defensive, and sometimes outraged. The best you can do is mention that you have certain needs, and you hope they will take that into account. But we have no way to demand it, even in the name of safety, at this point in our public awareness. Too much advertising is convincing the public that they need those perfumes to be socially acceptable.

An allergy specialist (integrative) once told me that allergy sensitivities are a bit like a boiling tea pot. It can hold so much water, boiling, just fine. But if you add too much - suddenly it boils over and creates a mess.

Along those lines, when my allergies are going nuts is when I'm most sensitive to perfumes, smells, etc. I've had to leave church from it.

It helped me to do an elimination diet for a bit . . . i.e., cut out the regular offenders (wheat, dairy, soy, corn). My allergies seemed much more manageable then.

I get very annoyed with our fascination with fake scents (chemicals). IMHO mother nature gave us a sense of smell for a reason - i.e., it alerts us when something is "off" (i.e., dead or dying) or generally healthy (because it smells good). With the plethora of chemical masking out there, we are depriving ourselves of one of our important tools. What if manufacturers could make nasty ingredients look wonderful and healthy? Oh wait, they already do - it's called processed food! Well, I don't want processed smells either, no matter how wonderful they seem.

If I were you I would also research aluminum toxicity. I've read that can cause increased sensitivity to smell and sound.

Good luck SLM - I can really empathize.

You sure do have severe allergies/sensitivities. I believe you are in a very small minority. The majority of people do use scented products. I must be honest. You may be an excellent childcare professional, maybe even the best in your town, but if I still had daycare aged kids and I had to change all of my detergent/fabric softner/shampoo/deodorant and never wear perfume to drop off my kids, I'd find someone else. I try to be REASONABLY considerate. When I taught childbirth classes and worked as a postpartum doula, I never wore perfume or scented lotions when I was working. Now I work in the elementary school setting and while I love perfume, I dont' wear it to work around kids, I prefer unscented deodorant and hairspray, use FREE/CLEAR detergent and fabric softner for years since my son has eczema but I'm not going to worry about my shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer, etc. I'm sorry if that sounds uncaring or if you feel that those of us who enjoy scented products are selfish people. I was very sensitivie to smells when I was going through chemotherapy but I sure didn't expect everyone else shopping at Walmart to know this and not wear perfume or cologne while I was grocery shopping.

I used to have a lot of chemical reactions and at times I still do. One thing that helped me was a look into my hormones. My thyroid was way out of whack. Once that was brought back to near normal all the allergies disappeared. Just thought you might check this out. Maybe you have already.

I'm not sure if I get the point of your post. If you are allergic to perfume, why would you hesitate to tell the person that wears it that it bothers you? Suggest your daycare put in a rule that limits the use of perfumes, etc

This is a hard one. I BELIEVE you and want to validate that for you. For those who don't get it, google multiple chemical sensitivity. This is just ONE condition and may not be exactly what SLM has. Anyway My family suffers from this or a form of this but to a much less extent than you do. We are able to manage it by managing our homes. I also live in CA and I can't tell you the last time I saw a room freshener in a home or car. That's just how we roll here folks! Most women I know don't wear a lot of scented perfumes. It's kind of a stereotype of the little old lady wearing a really heavy perfume (can't remember the name). Not sure how that helps you...unless you want to move to CA

I wasn't sure if you were refering to yourself when you talked about smoking or if it was a quote. I know it is one of the hardest things to do but if it is you I'd encourage you to quit. This will do two things, I think it would help your health so much overall that your chemical sensitivity would be much easier to manage. I also think if somoene smells smoke on you and you are complaining about a candle they just won't get it. Again if that was a quote about someone else, ignore this.

You may also come to a point where you need to make a decision. I can relate to this. I'm recovering from pnemonia. I seem to get EVERY flu cold that goes around and more severely than everyone else. I also teach sewing to kids. I've decided I need to find a way to be very careful about germs MYSELF to see if that helps. If it doesn't I may need to find another way to make extra income. That will be so sad, but I can't expect the kids to wear masks or rinse out their sinuses before they come to my house.

Another thing you may want to do to try and "switch" your clientele as they naturally leave your day care. Think of people who wouldn't use these products. They are probably asthma sufferers, people who are into natural holistic products. I think you should start to market towards those groups and since you list a big city as your home, this might be very doable.

Unfortunately it is Human Nature to not be able to understand and empathize with something that doesn't affect us and is not as known. Everyone has so much they are dealing with I think they sort of just shut down sometimes. Anyway, All the best and I hope you find some solutions to make your life a little less stressful.

I am sorry your reactions are so strong. I wish I could offer a solution, but I am afraid most people will not be sympathetic unless they have experienced the same sort of reactions. I am lucky that I am able to tolerate most smelly things (other than those car fresheners- you are so right on those! Instant splitting headache if I am around one!). My poor late grandmother was extremely sensitive to many of the same things and could only tolerate 1 type of fabric. Sadly, in the end she just chose to stop leaving her home.

It sucks because obviously you cannot control what other people wear or keep in their car,etc. At least we can do the majority of shopping and banking via internet.

You may have to make a rule about parents only using unscented detergents, no perfumes etc...Just type it up professionally and hand it out to current parents and make it part of your enrollment package for future clients. I had a Dr for a short while, that when you made an appointment the receptionist would remind you not to wear perfume to the appointment, because she was very sensitive to smells too. Have you seen an allergist? That may help too, and just stand firm with the families that come into your home. Good luck!

Do kids in your care have asthama? is this effecting them? or just you? I am bothered when people smoke in the public park (that has no smoking signs all around!) because it can effect everyone, but I don't expect people to change things in their lives because it can effect just me. Example. I worked in retail or years. I use to have to fill in for cashiers sometimes. The store I worked at sold borax. I am allergic to borax and there was always a chance the boxes were leaking, but i didn't tell people they couldn't buy it or check out in my line just because they had it in their cart. People shouldn't have to change their routines just because it may effect someone they come across

When I had Migraines my MIL's perfume would make me so sick so I can totally relate. I didn't know at the time that once my migraines went away I wouldn't be so bothered by smell's. I no longer use fabric softener we purchased those natural dryer balls to make our clothes fluffy and they still smell great without the softener. We only use arm and hammer for sensative skin laundry detergent. I don't wear perfume since most of it is made with what the skunk sprays at people (this is why the scent lingers for days) not to meantion all of the chemicals they put in OTC things these days. I refuse to use any products for my skin, hair and body except Arbonne if they don't have it we don't use it. I think writing a nice letter asking that parents not use the things that bother you is not unreasonable. I feel for you and hope you find some relief soon. Your health is more important than hurting someones feelings even though being nice as you write is a good thing. You have to do what you have to do. I think if the shoe were on the other foot that some of those that think you are being unreasonable would change their view if they had reactions like you do and they might be a little more sensative to your feelings.

In my city, this is taken a little more seriously. Evergreen State College (our local college) is fragrance free, as are the state buildings (Olympia is the state capitol). Many of our places of worship are also fragrance free.

I can understand why you feel upset. It's like if someone with a nut allergy risked "peanut spray" every time they got close to another human being or walked into a facility.

I hope you find relief. I have a *mild* sensitivity to fragrance (if I put on perfume, for example, I feel nauseous and it's difficult to breathe properly - but I can walk through the cleaning isle in a store and feel okay). I know the world won't work around me, but it's still icky feeling to not breathe properly. Good luck.

i don't know if you come from a family of smokers but i truly believe cigarettes are what is causing all these allergies and i think allergies is what is causing autism. And i will go so far as to propose that even if your great great great grandfater was the smoker, his actions have altered DNA all the way down the line.

sorry for you difficulties.