I'm a New Sahm, Just Trying to Figure It Out

All I will say is this...when I worked full time there were all kinds of things I would say this about "if I were home more I would _____________" Bet you said the same thing. Do those things.

I was having the same issue a few weeks ago. I am not a SAHM as I will be returning to work once my son is three months, but I was still feeling very anxious being home all day with nothing to do. The weather doesn't help matters either! I finally decided to make myself get out of the house at least one time per day. I take my baby shopping, walking, to the library, out for coffee, or to friends and relatives houses. Do you have any friends that are also SAHMs? I have a few friends that are home all day as well so we try to see each other at least once a week. I also have noticed that there are many moms walking there babies at the mall during the day. I have met a few new moms that way. Hope this helps!

Here's a group I was considering joining. The membership is inexpensive, plus there are a lot of former career women to relate to - check out the "Mom'preneuers."
http://www.uparkmoms.org/index.html

I do think the weather change will help. I feel better just getting out in the backyard for a half hour and a bit of sun. Then you can ignore how dirty your house is and maybe do some yard work as exercise while the little one plays on a blanket!

Hi M., I was in your boat not too long ago and sometimes still am. I too worked since I was young and just recently after our third child was born (our oldest is 9) I stayed home. I started having to look at it as my "job" that I have always wanted. My husband still has a hard time with giving me a break when he comes home as he thinks I am just hanging around the house all day. He doesn't understand that he can leave his job at the end of the day, mine is a 24/7 and you are always on call even when you do get a "break". I started straightening up first thing in the morning to be able to enjoy a clean house (besides the occasional toys). I also make a list of all the things I want to accomplish that day such as chores, making phone calls or doing research on things such as eating healthier, etc. If I look at is as my job I have more motivation to clock out @ 5pm and become just a mom and not superwoman. I also went to a website to start teaching my 2 1/2 yr old her numbers. It has free printouts and it was nice to fit that into our schedule. http://www.dltk-kids.com/ And I also found a website for a curriculum structure for her @ http://www.letteroftheweek.com/preschool_age_3.html. Good luck to you, I wish you well.

I would suggest that you develop a routine for the kids. Have a routine that you follow everyday so that they know what to expect and when to expect it. Then you can get some of the chores you need done and still play with the kids and have time for yourself. I also would look into a story time at the library. I really like ours. I take the kids once a week to the library for story time. It gets me out of the hosue and allows the kids a chance to listen to someone else read a story for a change. With a three yr old, you could also start some preschooling kinds of things. Have activities that you do with him/her that help teach colors, numbers, letters all that kind of stuff. Go to the park and have a picnic lunch (of course it is still too cold here). I would also have a routine of housework that you do---don't try and do it all everyday. Schedule a day for laundry, one for the dusting and stuff like that. Then once you have that done, you can go play. But I also feel like the best parts of my day are with the kids. If the dishes don't get done, that is alright as long as the kids are happy. Watching them grow and change is more important and something that you will want to remember, rather than washing dishes 4 times a day. Plus you will want them to remember that mom was always there when they needed them, not that mom's kitchen was spotless. Congrats on being a SAHM, and welcome to the club. But you also need to remember that not everyday is going to be easy.
J. SAHM with 6 kids (2 in school) ranging from 12 to 4 months.

I HIGHLY recommend MOMS Club. Here's a link to the Bountiful chapter. http://www.geocities.com/bountifulutahmoms/
Or MOPS www.mops.org
Both are support groups for SAHMs, so you don't end up staying at home all the time and children are always welcome. It's full of fun activities for you and your kids. I LOVE my Moms Club chapter and can't imagine not being involved in it.

I remember thinking when I became a SAHM that I'd have time to exercise, a sparkling clean house, fantastic homemade meals. Then reality sets in and you realize that's just not how it is. With kids at home, your house is continually getting dirty and you're continually cleaning, cooking, feeding, changing diapers, running errands, etc. It's a non-stop job.

Someone else suggested you plan your days like you planned your day at work. Make a list of the things you have to do (take your son to school, go grocery shopping) and then fill it in with things that you'd like to get done (cleaning the bathrooms), things that are fun (a trip to the library) and then schedule time for you. If you don't make time for yourself, you're going to run yourself ragged and be of no good to anyone. Make a schedule and try to stick to it, but be open to moving things around - especially when it's something fun!

I read in a magazine to tell your family that you're job ends at 8 pm. And if the kids aren't in bed and the house cleaned up, too bad. Your husband can put the kids to bed and the house can get cleaned tomorrow. I thought it was a fabulous idea. My husband is very good about getting the kids in bed by 8 and he knows that I'm taking time for me and/or us after 8 pm. No more Mom Duty!

Remember, your kids will only be little for a short amount of time. Dishes and laundry and all that can wait. Enjoy being with them and watching them grow up.

Join a group like MOPS or Momsclub and you will meet a lot of women in the same position. It takes a while to get into the groove but it will be the best choice you could have ever made. Maybe see if you can potty train your 3 year old now that you are home, maybe put him/her in a one or two day a week preschool so you get a break wile the baby is sleeping?
And as far as routine, figure out what is the most important that you need to clean. At 3 your child is old enough to pick up after themselves with toys and then make sure the basics are done and have only one big chore a day to do, like Mondays change everyones bedding, Tuesday-dust, and so on. Giving yourself Sat and Sun off but the basics. I have been at home now for almost 7 years, do part time daycare and once you find your groove, the kids are better secure with a strict routine, you will feel like you have regained your sanity, promise. Daily I do ONE load of laundry, throwing it in the morning and folding it while kids are at school, everyone knows here that if you get it out you put it away when you are done, I do the dishes daily, make sure the kitchen is picked up and vacuum downstairs daily (I have pets and messy kids). Hang in there.

I think it's another thing to realize that being a SAHM isn't for everyone though either. Don't try and make yourself fit into a role that may not be meant for you. Being honest with yourself will make you a better mother whether you stay at home or work outside the house.

You are doing the most demanding job in the world! It is so worth it but it is easy to lose your self too. I remeber feeling like I would always be changing diapers...then almost overnight that stage of my life was over...cherish it! Make friends with other moms...get out of the house on play dates. I used to have a friend I called my toilet cleaning buddy because we would talk and laugh while we did some of the mundane things.
Find a creative outlet...learn a hobby...scrapbooking, painting...something you can do on an occasional basis with a friend. Get support from your hubby to help make some "you" time...it is worth it to both of you for you to get a break occasionally.
Also take time to really be with and play with your kids...it is ok if the dishes sit in the sink or the floors are not perfectly vaccumed.
Now, if you feel you are post partum get help asap. this is a real and serious problem that can be easily treated if addressed but can be very serious if left to it's own. I was post partum and didn't understand what it was...by the time i figured it out my son was nearly a year old and i was suicidal...listen to your self and trust your instinct on this if you feel somethings is really wrong...

I know I am a little late in responding to this one, but the best advice I have for you is to get outside. I live in Boise, so I know the weather is similar to where you are, and a bit cold right now, but nonetheless the fresh air is good for you and the kids. While you kindergartener is at school, put the baby in a stroller, let the 3 yr old get on a scooter, trike, or even walk with you, and walk around your neighborhood. Getting the sunshine, fresh air, and most importantly, exercise, will boost what I like to call your happy hormones, thus making you happy. There really is a chemical reaction that takes place when you get out and walk. I do this often, and in the Summer, my two kids 6 and 3, and I make this a morning ritual with my girlfriend across the street. So, I get exercise and girl time, and the kids have a blast! Try it, it will help.

I don't think it's the baby blues. I remember that after I got over the initial frenzied feed-the-baby-all-day-long stage, I thought, "what do I do now?"
I put my time into saving money on groceries and getting good deals on the things we needed for our son. But you've probably got that covered. I started a hobby that turned into an online business (a very tiny one!) I sewed and took my son for walks and to the park. I had a hard time at first feeling like I was working hard enough, but so much of being a mom isn't about working all the time. It's about relaxing with the kids, exposing them to as much as you can in life, and teaching them. I did baby signs and read stories and just dove in to my new role as a mom, after I stopped feeling selfish for doing it!

You sound like a typical SAHM. Especially like me. I have 4 under 4. 3 in diapers. I pretty much clean and re-clean the house all day too. I have found that when I have a routine at home, I feel the most productive. We just moved, so I'm not quite back into my routine yet, and with 4 kids so young, it makes it extremely difficult to go out during the day by myself. But here's an example of my routine when I had only 3 kids (under 3 years old). Monday: I cleaned the house to recover from the busy weekend (it seemed that the house always got into some kind of disarray during Saturday and Sunday). Including the more weekly tasks that don't need done every day (cleaning bathrooms, dusting, etc) Tuesday: Grocery shopping for the week, light touch up cleaning and any daily things that happen with young children. Wednesday: Playgroup at the park in the morning, touch up cleaning, some kind of hobby or project (scrapbooking, sewing, painting, etc.) Thursday: Grocery shopping for things needed more than once a week, touch up cleaning. Friday: Cleaning the house to get it ready for the weekend (more deep cleaning, ie: mopping the kitchen, vacuuming the floors again, bathrooms, straigtening the toy room, etc.) Saturday and Sunday were left open for family activities, hobbies, church, etc. All of those days' tasks included my children. I would always pause to read a book or color with my 3 year old, and play with toys with my babies. I also let them help me do the things I was doing. I used each task as a learning/teaching activity. For my oldest (who was the only one who could communicate at the time) I would talk my way through each task so she knew what I was doing and why. She thought that was the greatest thing. She loved to know why I was putting that blue goopy stuff in the toilet and swishing it around, and that it made it clean. It really helped me feel like I wasn't just a kid robot, doing nothing but caring for kids and their every need and cleaning their every mess with no conversation or interaction at all.

It doesn't sound like much, but having the routine really brought me out of the mundane and discouraging task of 24 hour house cleaning/diaper changing. It's still all the same things everyone does as a SAHM, but it provides a little variety for the week and gave me a sense of accomplishment for the week. I also was on an email newsletter for my church that helped me stay connected to friends and other moms from my church and in my area. Blogging has helped me have an outlet for some of the fun things and also some of the struggles of homemaking. Before I left AZ, I served on the community council for my area (about a once or twice a month nighttime responsibility.) That was probably my favorite thing. It made me feel incredibly useful, needed and accomplished. Anyway. That's just what worked for me. I had post partem depression with two of my pregnancies, and being productive and accomplishing goals really helped me pull out of it and become a productive mom. Hope it helps. You're not the only one who feels the way you do!

I was losing my mind as well, my life was on the "fast track" and suddenly I had nowhere to go, nothing to do. You should try yoga. There are some really good mommy and baby yoga exercises you could check out, that really work wonders. www.huggiesbabynetwork.com is AMAZING. It is relaxing, gives you something to do, and allows you to play with your little one. Maybe your other children will get interested as well, and it can be fun for everyone. On that website, if you click on the activity center, there are TONS of activities you can do with your kids. Let me know if it helped at all, otherwise I got lots of other ideas.

I'm actually impressed that you have time on your hands to be bored with -- I'm envious of that feeling :0)

I'm home with an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old and haven't thoroughly cleaned my house in weeks! Part of the reason is that we've started our own business from home, which I primarily deal with right now. That means a lot of my spare time is spent on the computer rather than cleaning.

Perhaps that's an idea for you -- start a small business. You've obviously got a natural bent toward being career focused. Who says that has to stop because you are not going to an office every day? Spend some time thinking about things you feel passionate about and find a way to create a business to support your passion. Or it may even mean that you find some special group or cause to volunteer for.

Hang in there!