If You Knew Someone Was Abusing Government "Hand Outs", What Would You Do?

I'd report her. So many people out there qualify and need free/reduced childcare so theybcan work but are on a waiting list to get it.

You know what goes around comes around. I tried to call the govt about someone who was taking disability and working and they put my call in the round file. Too much trouble to follow it up.
SInce what goes around comes around you know karma will get her someday when she least expects it. Maybe not for this but she'll be paying and wondering why whatever it is is happening to her.

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Why are you trying so hard not to be judgmental?

Perhaps if there were MORE judgment, people would be less inclined to do immoral and inappropriate things.

There are people out there who are living hand to mouth who actually need assistance to get back on their feet. Times are hard. If it were me, I'd put it like this: "Either you do the honest thing and stop taking what doesn't belong to you, or I'll report it."

The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if she hates you after that. Who wants to be friends with a theif and a liar? She's stealing out of OUR paychecks.

I'd report her. I reported someone who was abusing disability pay. He was out playing golf etc. What she's doing is wrong and it's why people don't want to pay for public/social services. We know some people are scamming the system and TAKING our money. Help weed out the abusers. It helps everyone. Maybe she's taking a spot from someone who really does need it. Get rid of her and someone deserving will get it. I'm not sure why your husband says it's not your business. She's stealing money from all of us. That's your business.

I truly believe that assistance is for those who "need" it. This is stealing. If more people had your frame of mind and had the guts to do something about this, there would be far more money in our system to assist those who really need the help and our government would that more solvent. I am not saying this would eliminate our national debt, however, it needs to start somewhere. I believe there are far more individuals that are receiving assistance while not qualifying. Let you be the voice on this site that shows that doing the right thing is the honest thing to do. Think of it this way, you are saving her Karma in this action.

I thank and praise your for your intregrity and understand why you may have wanted a quick post to validate your concern and appreciate you bringing this to the forum so that we can all recognize the need to react when possible.

:)

good luck and if you are concerned about the back lash, there is no need to even say a word to anyone close to you..simply do this for your own reasons and sleep well...your are supported by those of us with whom only know you on this site.. :)

**I was just reading some of the responses...funny, some don't see where you said "she is lying about her personal family situation to receive benefits"...I believe those of us who are defending the "right" thing to do by putting a stop to this are not saying to remove benefits from someone who is qualified to receive the benefit...if she is qualified, the benefit after being investigated will not be eliminated...however, if she is lying to receive a benefit, it will and be justified. You clearly are not judging her on any other level than her dishonestly to receive an unjustified benefit...thanks for your post once again...As I appreciate all thoughts and views I do see how we all have different interpretations and insight..a great thing, yes but sometimes those of us who see if this way are still caring people too :)

Surround yourself with people that share your ethics and values. If you feel the need, and you are that close to her, I would say something to her about the reason that you have pulled away from her. After that forget it and go on with your life and find friends that share your work ethics. Life is too short to work yourself up over some one else's lack of conscience.

Well, if you have solid proof that she's lying, that's one thing.
If however, she isn't working full time and getting child care full time, it could be for another reason.
I'm just saying....
When I left my husband, I had subsidized child care and I got it for all the time I had to spend looking for work. Legitimately. I had to prove it. And, when I got a job, they paid my child care for so many months after that to give me a chance to get on my feet.
Then, I got free child care through the after school program at my son's school.
At least in my county, you can't qualify unless you show stubs for everything proving income. And, they will help you if you only work 20 hours a week instead of 40 to keep your child from losing their placement.
If you think this person is lying about how much she works, I would find that hard to believe since they make you turn in so much paperwork.
If you think she has more income than she is declaring so she shouldn't qualify, that's another issue.
They also have the Head Start program in California which is free whether the mom works or not. It's educationally based child care. 5 days per week. Pre school, if you will. That benefits the kids.
I'm just saying there could be more to it than you know unless she has admitted to you that she's lying. If that's the case, it's horrible.
But, I know many single moms who went to school 3 days a week and still had 5 days of daycare because that gave them time for their homework etc. It was to help them better themselves and they had to prove everything.
I've never known anyone that would truly try to finagle.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, because I'm sure it does a great deal.
If she's told you she's lying, then turn her in.
If you don't have all the facts, she might not be as abusive in her receipt of assistance as it may seem to you.
Just my opinion.

There could be another side to the story.

You are paying taxes, right? If so, she is stealing from you so it is your business to report her.

i would call and report them. think about where that $ comes from. it comes from you, your taxes. i also dislike cheaters.

As GrammaRocks points out, whether or not this woman feels it's a big deal, somebody else whose need is legitimate is missing out.

This is a tough situation to be in, knowing that someone is breaking the law and not knowing how to handle it. If I thought the cheater might retaliate against me or my family, I might call the appropriate agency and ask how to file an anonymous report. If I was feeling brave and upfront, I would talk to the woman first, tell her why I'm disturbed by her cheating, and tell her she has 30 days to make other arrangements, or I will report her.

She's not too likely to be your friend afterward, but I don't think I could endure the weight of knowing and being complicit by staying silent.

I'm wishing you fortitude with your decision.

It will come back to bite her. These things almost always do.

If you don't like what she does ethically and morally, I wonder how a relationship could stand. It seems like someone you might consider phasing out of your life. I certainly would. You can say something, if it makes you feel better...but, it doesn't sound like it will change her.

Do you actually know that she is cheating or does it just appear so? I would talk with her about my concern, unless she's openly told you she's cheating.

I would call the office that administers the program she's on and tell them what you know if she's admitted to you that she's cheating. You can do this anonymously. But it sounds like you don't want to continue your relationship with her anyway.

You could report her, but don't expect things to change. There is so much bureaucracy with government handouts, that no one will follow up. Trust me, there are many people out there who scam the system--and you can expect more will do that in this economy. We live in the age of entitlement and where's my free money. So many hard working, ethical people such as yourself who pay into the system have strong feelings about this. Just know, that you are not alone.

If you know her well enough to have a sincere chat, then maybe you could ask her: "Wow, childcare is so expensive, you are so lucky! How is it that you qualify for free childcare? We (or the Joneses) could really use some help too, please share."
Perhaps there is a reasonable explanation that you are unaware of. We don't always know people's full stories.
If indeed she is lying to receive this benefit, you could politely tell her that you find that this to be dishonest and unfair and that the money for her childcare is coming our of your, your friends, your neighbors, and your families pockets. "It's not free, someone is paying for it."
Then leave it at that and maybe she'll do the right thing.
We really shouldn't judge others, however, if these are her ethics and morals, then you probably don't want to hang out with her anyways.
And, you could always consider reporting her and let the govt investigate and revoke her privileges. She will probably know it was you that reported her if you have the above conversation, so be prepared for the backlash. Taking the high/right road is always the thing to do, but sometimes not the easiest.
"Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

Yes, it would bother me but No, I probably wouldn't say anything to her directly. Perhaps there is more to the story. I feel the same way about the free/reduced lunch program. I am sure there are abuses there, but I would rather see that and be sure that a hungry child eats rather than not because their parents are idiots trying to scam the system.

Well, I truly believe in what the Bible has to say about this...basically, don't talk about the speck in someone's eye without evaluating the board in your own. I didn't word it correctly, but you get the gist...before you call someone else out, you had better make sure you are doing NOTHING wrong, because in God's eyes, it's all the same. If you've ever taken a pen from a store, etc...that's just as bad.

I'm not sure what I would do. I think I'd leave it alone, and also leave her alone. I wouldn't continue a friendship, but I wouldn't be the one to call her out on it, I guess. Things like that have a tendency to bite you in the butt.

I worked for the state where I am from and did child care subsidy. They should reevaluate her every so often for reconsideration of child care. They will ask for paystubs and see how many hours she is working. At least when I did about 16 years ago that is what they did. She was probably working more when she put her child in childcare. I would find comfort in that. If that does not help then tell her how you feel but be nice about it and do not attack her. Tell her you do not feel it is right. Tell her also you do not want her to get in trouble. If they find out that she is not being honest they may cut her child care off. When she really needs it she will not have it. Also too,keep in mind they may be cutting hours back at her job. I know that they have done that at my job. She should do something constructive such as may be go to school so she can get a better job. I caught one lady who was lying because her daycare provider called me to report she was behind in her portion of payments and found out all kinds of interesting things. Have a great day. be firm but fair with her.

ugh I would be upset too; I know it's none of our business but honestly I couldn't respect her anymore. As to what to do I don't know but I agree with you, she IS stealing.

I know you got alot of responses but when I saw this it really irritated me. You see these kind of people all the time!! You see the women drive up in their bmws, get their hair done, maniucres, and buying very expensive purses. All things that me and most of the hard working and honest people can't afford, because we have to pay for their childcare and our own kids care. I thank God I found a great babysitter that understands what a hard working family has to go through to work and take care of their children. I could go on and on but the thing is we see this going on around us, why is it the the social workers people that work at the offices that give these benefits, don't see it?? They see this person driving around in an expensive car and they don't think to investigate further on why she/he is getting free benefits when she/he can afford an expensive car??? I think our system doesn't screen these people right. People who do need the help are not getting it!!! and those who don't work and cheat the system get everything??? there is something really wrong here. Sorry, I just get so irritated with this subject. She is your family, talk to her, find out why she is doing this. Before you jump and report her. Hope it works out for you, and I hope your fam. member does have a good reason. Good Luck!!!

Well I know two women who do somthing like this. One friend (and she is a very good friend) says that she and her husband are seperated and he pays all the bill and gives her a little money but they can't afford a divorce. This is not true. She says this so she can get medical insurance. They can't afford insurance. If she didnt' do this she would probably die. She is on about 10 different meds. One script is 100 bucks a month. She has Crones disease and colitas(sp). She almost died about 9 mnths ago. I have no problem with her lying and I am a very honest person.

Another women I know he son and my son are best buddies.. She says the same thing as my friend but she does it for both food and medical. They have 5 boys. They can't afford the insurance at her husband work. They buy it for him only. The husband makes ok money but with 5 kids it's tough to afford foo. The mom works part time and they still struggle. I have no problem with this either. Also the husband makes like $500. too much to legally qualify.

I do have a problem with the women you described though. She is lying to get rid of her kid. I would be tempted to report her. My husband like yours would tell me to MYOB. Do you look at her different because she is a liar or because she is not the best mom to want to get rid of her kid? I say you shouldnt' say something to her because you may not have all the specifics of her situation and you will come off as high and mighty. It's a tough call.

Hello, I am right with you on this. I have a nephew who was getting (and may still be) food stamps or the equivilent, and would take my mother shopping and "buy" her groceries and then charge her cash for the exact amount he used on his food stamps. I was so angry when I found out. He is not only using his grandmother, but using our tax dollars. He would then be able to use the cash to buy liquor. I used to have a licensed daycare and had one parent who would have me sign for the childcare payment, then I wouldn't get paid. I continued watching the child for a couple more months of this and then the school year was out. I only continued for the child. The mom was going to school and would be out for the summer. When the new school year resumed, I refused to watch her child. She was very angry. Would she have watched my child if I wasn't paying her and if I was abusing the system.
I would report her, if you know how.
The nephew I mentioned earlier, is now living off of his kids' social security and his new wife's income. His first wife killed herself and he took the small amount of insurance money and blew it. Those poor kids not only lost their mother, but their father has now ripped them off of any chance of a college education.
Good luck.
K. K.

I've known people including family members that have and do this. You can call and complain and leave messages but your chances of getting a hold of someone ( in Texas atleast) is minimal. Im not a thief and we chose yo live our lives one way but to each their own. If she gets away with it then good for her. If not, trust she will reap the consequences. I personally would mind out. Have a great day!