... would you come out and give me the hairy eyeball??
I'm on my deck grilling my chicken, and I see the neighbor's kid huddled over something. I thought, 'No, not matches already. They're only 6.' Sure enough, they're lighting matches. At first I wasn't going to say anything (we don't have the best relationship, the neighbor's and I) but I suddenly remembered my house is right next door. I told them nicely to stop playing with the matches, and they stopped.
I went inside came back out, they're still lighting matches. I told them again. Their uncle must have heard me talking to them because here he comes, giving me the stink eye. I said, 'Hey, they're playing with matches, and I just told them that it's dangerous. I just wanted to let you know.' He doesn't say anything to me, and says something to them in their language, and shoos them in the house.
Now, would you be mad?
I grew up fiddling around with matches too, and it really wasn't a big deal. I also lived on about three acres and the next house was a good walk away. Where I live now, the homes are very close together. If their house catches on fire my house is definitely going to catch fire, and so is the one next to mine. Believe me, I have ZERO desire to police other people's children. If one was shaving the other bald, well, that's their business. But when they are doing something that can directly affect my family, and potentially others in my neighborhood, then I'm pretty much obligated to say something.
In fact, the point of me saying something is moot. I was gonna say something whether he was mad about it or not. If he didn't come out when he did, I was going to take the matches and knock on the door. I've learned from hanging around Mamapedia when it comes to the children, opinions or all over the place when it comes down to what's appropriate and what isn't. I was really, truly curious.
My neighbor on the other side will tell my son in a heartbeat to go back in the house if she sees him walk out on the back deck. I mean, she doesn't know I'm sitting a foot from the door. For all she knows I could be upstairs in the shower. I can't see myself being mad. She's doing what a good neighbor should do, but that's just me. I am pretty laid back when it comes to a lot of things, so I was just seeing what others thought.
Hi Clarified-
I would not only be THANKING you profusely, I would be disciplining my kiddos...and ask that YOU...if there ever was a next time, to squirt THEM with a hose prior to coming to let me know about it...
Seriously...these neighbors seem to need to 'get a clue'...
Best Luck!
michele/cat
No, I would not be mad if you told my kids not to play with matches, I would be mad if you didn't. Their uncle seems like a really nice guy NOT! You did the right thing!
I am guessing that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree on this one, so while most normal people would appreciate the heads up - "the other half" would be offended... I think you already know which half you are dealing with.
Heck no I wouldn't be mad! I'd be appreciative! Could have just potentially prevented a disaster waiting to happen.
Who cares if he is mad, you told them to stop doing it, the uncle knows, your responsibility is over. Now your conscience is clear.
However, I might consider upping my fire damage insurance JUST in case ;)
You have such lovely neighbors. You did pull out the insurance and make sure you have great fire coverage?
I don't know if I would be mad so much as annoyed. Oh wait, I would be annoyed with the neighbors not someone telling my kids to stop lighting matches. No I wouldn't be annoyed with you. Silly brain isn't working quite right at the moment.
I would do exactly what you did.
Plus keep a garden house at the ready to put out whatever fires the little pyros started.
But, sigh, from what you have said before, your neighbors will not share my sentiment.
I would be thanking you, double-checking how my kid had access to matches, and then thanking you again.
I don't mean to be rude, but really? Giving you the stink eye? Some people are really, really dumb.
Well who knows what his body language and eyeball language meant.
No I would not be mad.
But where and how did the kids get those matches?
They obviously don't have impulse control or safety mindedness.
Matches have to be kept away from them.
But I guess in their house, the kids can play with matches.
I'd thank you.
He was probably embarrassed at being lax?
There are some cultures that WON"T stop a kid from doing anything (i think its the boys) lest they supress them. When i worked in the grocery store I saw a mom that allowed a 15 month old boy to STAND in the small foldup part of the cart where they are suppose to sit! With her back turned to him even! Everyone was giving her stinkeye and she gave the look of "I dont care" and kept bagging her groceries. The guy in line behind her ran up to even catch him when he looked like he was going to fall. We were all in disbelief.
Don't take it personal, it's not your issue it's thiers.
I would have thanked you for your concern and for letting me know and would have assured you that I'd be taking care of this.
I would have done the same as you even if I knew they wouldn't appreciate it. If one of the kids got hurt and I hadn't said anything, I would really feel terrible.
maybe because of the bad history he already had a chip on his shoulder. and maybe felt a little embarrassed by the situation, which made him even more prickly. probably if they were friends of yours the reaction would have been a little different, don't you think?
to answer your question, it would depend on my relationship with you. if we already were not each others' biggest fans, and my kid got caught by you doing something like this, i'd be embarrassed and probably feel judged whether you meant it that way or not. if we were on good terms i'd probably be (still embarrassed lol) but happy that you pointed it out.
Would I be mad if you told my kids to stop playing with matches? Of course not, and I would expect you to come knock on my door and let ME know what you say them doing.
But it sounds like your dealing with the same type of people who give their 5 year olds BB guns for Christmas, and send them outside to play with them. Good luck on that one. Next time, just call CPS.
No, I wouldnt be mad, and would most likely have thanked you.
Some people are just weird, I'm sure the Uncle was wondering if YOU were mad.
I hate rude neighbors. No of course normal people would not be mad if you told their kids to stop playing with matches.
Nope I would not be mad at you. I am wondering if the stink eye was meant for the kids with the matches and not you. I would give the uncle the benefit of the doubt that he appreciated your observant eye, even though he didn't say thanks or anything. I would chalk it up to your good deed for the day! You kept everyone safe and still with homes to live in. It truly takes a village... :-)
HTH,
A.
well, matches + kids are not a good combo.
but on the otherhand, my Sis & I had a blast lighting our own at a very early age. We had a lake house from the time I was 6, & we were allowed to use wooden stick matches.
This was the 1960s, different world, different parental rules. We used matches for burning leaves, twigs, & even melting crayons over rocks for artwork!
& now that I think about it....both of my sons were in Scouts by 1st grade. Both were handy with matches, lighters, & punts for fireworks... at early ages. Again, a different world: we live in a small town, little bitty neighborhood + we still have the lake house. My sons were blessed with a very free childhood....& survived.
I know your case is different....but just saying: different worlds, different environments, different parental rules.
Next time call the fire department. Something tells me they would like your way better.
He's probably embarrassed and mad that you had to be the one to tell him. Nobody likes to hear bad things about their kids but sounds like he needed to hear it.
If their house burns down, yours could be next...not to mention how dangerous it is for kids to be doing this.
Obviously the kids aren't very well supervised. You may have saved a life.
I would have been embarrassed that someone else caught my kid doing something like this while I was completely unawares.
No, I wouldn't have been mad.
I would have taken the matches away from the children-I wouldn't mind if you told my children to stop doing something that could possibly cause death or disfigurement-I would have been mad that you didn't take the matches away-I don't think he is as mad at you as you think-I would not be mad at him-except for maybe using a language in front of me that I don't speak-not nice really.
No and my kid would have been in GINORMOUS trouble too!
I would have thanked you and my kids would have been in trouble with a capitol T.
I think I grew up in Sue H's world. Everyone I knew growing up played with matches. We burned everything for fun. And we lit the most dangerous fireworks, which were still legal. We got our matches for free from 7-11. I think back then, if anyone complained to my parents (who never supervised us) about us playing with matches, my parents would have just shrugged their shoulders.
Compare and contrast to today. My kids do not have access to matches and would be in so much trouble if I ever found out they were playing with fire. If the uncle truly gave you the stink eye, it's because he really is from another time and another place. Sounds like you'll always have to keep an eye on those kids to make sure they don't burn down your house.
You did the right thing by telling their uncle though. Next, you should probably tell their parents. If that does nothing, you'll just have to yell at the kids any time you see them with matches. I wonder if someone from the fire department would be willing to talk to those kids and their parents. (Like they have nothing better to do....)
I would be very happy you told them to stop!!
You did the right thing, am sure.
As for your neighbor's reaction, you say it was their 'uncle'? Meaning he is not the actual resident, but more like a visitor to their house? In that case, I think it is too quick to judge his reaction as being mad.
He probably chastised them really well, but didn't really know what to tell you, or whether to tell you anything. Maybe he is people shy. I don't know, am guessing too, just giving the benefit of doubt to the 'uncle', on his behavior... :)
You did the right thing, and deserve a "Thank You."
I'd be thankful to the person who stopped it and angry with my child.
My brother's ex-girlfriend's son burned her house to the ground playing with matches when he was about 6....it smoldered for awhile before the whole place went up. (Her son is part of the reason she's an ex-girlfriend.)
I wouldn't be mad, and I wouldn't automatically assume that his facial expression meant he was mad at you or giving YOU the stink eye. It's more likely that he was annoyed that the kids were playing with matches and doing something so dangerous... and were stupid enough about it to get caught by a neighbor AND someone in their own household wasn't watching them appropriately.
Let it go. You were completely within your rights and frankly you were obligated to say something to those kids.
1) Thank you.
2) Discipline my child for playing with matches.
3) Discipline my child for not heeding a warning when an adult had already corrected him.
I do not know what the man did or said, but perhaps he just gave an in general "I'm annoyed at this for happening" look that you misread? I'd be more upset if an adult saw my child doing something that could SET FIRE TO MY HOUSE and failed to stop it (and tell me) than I would be for someone saying something to him.
I dislike people telling my children stupid things that I don't feel are important (why are you still using a pacifier at 2? take that out.......things like that). I'm standing right there, I gave him the dang paci. BUT if I'm not around or noticing and someone could get hurt with whatever is happening, it needs to be handled and brought to my attention. I'll determine what happens from there. I think you did just fine. You did what a responsible adult SHOULD do.
I agree with you: if I saw boys using hair clippers (the kind that doesn't cut their skin) and shaved each other's hair, or painted each other blue, I'd just go inside and laugh. But dangerous things like fire......in a small yard with other houses......no.
No I would NOT be mad. My kids would be sooooooo busted. Many an accidental fire has been started by a kid fooling around. Could cost money, could cost a life. You did the right thing.
No, I'd be grateful. But then my kids would in all likelihood not be huddled in the backyard playing with matches either.
I think I am one of the parents that is teaching kids NOT to play with matches to begin with. So if you had to tell them not to, there would have to be a hell of an explanation why they didnt listen.
