Long story, my husband comes from a somewhat dysfunctional family. There are several children. He is the black sheep of the family (in a white sheep sort of way...the only one to rise above the drama, so to speak). We have always been cordial to hubby's family, but we try to stay out of the mess, because it is not healthy to immerse ourselves or our children in all that mess. We keep visits short (1-2 hrs at a time), and will have phone calls on occasion, but we don't play into the theatrics. It has worked well for us for the 14 years of our relationship.
A problem that we ran into long ago (prior to getting married) was one brother using my husband's information to open up a cell phone. The issue is that several children in the family (all now adults) were issued social security numbers at the same time, so their SS#'s are only 1 number different. At the time that the cell phone was opened, hubby's parents (who are divorced and hate each other) separately discouraged hubby from reporting it (to protect the other son). The cell phone got canceled, and we have run credit reports for both my husband and I yearly ever since (of which the cell phone never showed up on the credit report). ***We tried to get hubby's ss# changed, but were told that the only way that a ss# can be changed is if he prosecutes the person who illegally used his ss# (Which, once again, at the time hubby was in a predicament from the discouragement of both of his parents....if he said it was his brother, then he would have to prosecute his brother....).
Fast forward many years later to now. This same brother is running into some major health issues and is in need of a transplant. Hubby may/may not be a good candidate, but would never offer, because a.) we feel that this is a huge risk for our family and b.) brother has never taken very good care of himself. Last week, hubby was with this brother and happened to forget his wallet in brother's truck. Brother brought the wallet back. We didn't think anything of it at the time. Today, Hubby's mom calls up out of the blue (we speak to her maybe 4 times a year....we get along, but aren't close....) and wants to know Hubby's blood type. WHAT?! He acted like he wasn't sure of his blood type and asked her why she wanted to know, and she stuttered through a no-answer response. Then she had to go, because she claimed she was receiving another call.
So this has us really paranoid. The wallet had both his drivers license and health insurance card in it.
Please tell me....WHAT could be going on here? Are we paranoid? What could we be missing? I feel like there is a target on us, but we don't know from what direction the arrow will be flying...
We will be monitoring our credit closely, but I worry that something will happen and it will be too late to fix...
ADD: This would be the second time brother needs a transplant. Brother did not take care of himself after the first transplant (forgetting to take anti-rejection drugs, drinking alcohol on occasion, etc.). Hubby has never offered before and has politely declined donating. Also, brother is currently very upset at hubby (for a completely crazy, unrelated situation).
Okay. Thanks for the responses. The cell phone was opened up by brother providing a driver's license (his own, which he showed, and the person didn't look close enough). This brother is 1 year apart in age, and while they are obviously not twins, they do have a lot of similar features (Including height, hair color, eye color, etc.). You would definitely be able to pick the two of them out in a room and know they were related. We did have another incident around the time of the cell phone incident where this same brother got pulled over while driving on a suspended DL (due to a DUI). Brother gave hubby's information, claiming that he didn't have his DL on him. He got off with a warning, because it was for something minor (maybe a tail light out?). These things happened about 11 years ago. As I mentioned before, we have been so very careful ever since these things happened (and frankly, if something like this were to happen now, neither one of us would hesitate to prosecute, even though it is his brother). I do think the paranoia stems from all the years of crazy happenings, and I truly hope that it is only that (paranoia!). Thanks for your support.
AND because I cannot resist, I have to say that I love my husband VERY much. I never, ever would have imagined that another family member would do these things (let alone have the parents support the child in the wrong!). That wasn't how I was raised! It's just craziness to me. It has caused us both to be more cautious about things. :)
She wants to know if he's a potential match. You are being paranoid in thinking her question was connected with the wallet incident.
Be more careful with personal information, learn from experience. You've seen what can happen.
Regardless of why his brother needs a transplant, no one can force anyone to donate an organ. They can ask, they can't force.
Sounds like you are being paranoid. She asked about his blood type to see if he would be a potential match. Sounds like no one is a match.
She was probably asking his blood type, to see if he'd be a match. I worked in insurance, and it's really hard for someone to get away with using the card at a doctor's office. We ALWAYS required picture ID, and such. The ORIGINAL. Not a copy. Unless your brother in law looks like his twin, and somehow made a fake of his ID that's really believable....I would not worry yourself so much.
With all that said, there are some places you can order medication online with insurance. Call your insurance, and make sure your plan isn't being used.
Considering a photo ID is required at doctor's visit's (yes, they can be manipulated and forged), not sure what they can do...
Call your insurance company and find out if there have been any out of network or any claims in the last 30 days.
Asking about blood type? Mom should know that already. But hey - she might have asked to find out if you were a potential match for her other son.
It truly sounds like you need to cut ties with his family. Stop taking calls, etc. Overall? I think you are sounding a tad paranoid...but when one is desperate, they do desperate things...
IF his debit card was in his wallet? I would call my bank and ask for a new one and cancel the old one - as with ANY credit card in his wallet - so if you claim lost or possible fraud - you won't be held liable. Better to be proactive than have to do damage control.
Good luck!
OK, I just wanted to say that I don't think your black sheep/white sheep comment is off putting. I totally get what you're saying. Usually the black sheep of the family is doing something wrong/different from everyone else. You're saying your husband is the odd man out but he's not doing weird/wrong things. Just my 2 cents.
Wow I'm sorry.
You can put a security freeze on all of your credit reports with the major reporting companies. This is a pain in the rear if you choose to go get credit but if someone tries for credit in your name... You are notified.
You can also have a fraud alert on credit report. We have this due to info being in wrong place. This is not as extensive but if anyone tries to get credit, you are called to authorize.
Good for you for being proactive. Give no info whatsoever and I hope hubby can realize this mess and press charges where they need to be pressed.
Only you & hubby can look out for you !!! Count on no one else.
Best wishes.
I know how you feel about this family member, and I don't blame you for being paranoid. However, I'm just wondering if your MIL is trying to find out the blood type to see if hubby was even a match for the brother. Then if he is, she maybe wants to try to convince him to donate his organ.
On a totally separate note, Ronda, get over yourself. Why does her "black sheep" comment have to be turned into a racist comment. Some people are always looking to pick a fight...calm down. I've always referred to myself as the black sheep in my family (as was I referred to by my guidance counselor as a child) for standing out and not acting like the rest of my dysfunctional family. In which case being the "black" sheep was desirable because the rest of my family is the average "white" sheep, who, unfortunately behaved badly. I didn't want to behave badly like the rest of my family. However, in history, being a "black sheep" is very rare and is undesirable because it means by definition that a black sheep went against the grain with unfavorable color, and no person wanted a black sheep because the wool couldn't be harvested and used like that of the white sheep. Above A. means that her husbands behavior is not unfavorable putting him back into the white sheep category, but still not behaving like the other white sheep he is surrounded with, who are all behaving badly. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE. It is a saying about animals. Look up the definition of "black sheep." Aren't you a teacher? You should already know this...
Wow that is some family he has! I would contact the insurance company and let them know what is going on. I would also contact the HR department and let them know as well if you have an issue with the insurance company.
Cut off ties to these toxic people.
Ronda X - There was nothing racist about the black/white sheep comment. Stop it.
In addition to your credit, I would be watching my insurance claims, and possibly for any insurance policies.
I would contact your insurance carrier and warn them to flag your husband's policy to watch for fraudulent charges... You could even mention that you think someone might attempt to file claims related to a transplant and that they are NOT your husband's.
Wow. I know about dysfunctional families, but trying to pass off on health claims? Wow.
FYI, I read somewhere that if someone gets tested to see if they are a good match for organ donation, even if they are a good biological match, all they have to do is tell the doctor (or whoever is administering the test) that they do not feel comfortable donating their organ. Then they will be classified as an incompatible donor. So if your hubby ever gets brow-beaten into getting tested, he will still be ruled out as a donation candidate.
And here is my paranoia for your situation: I wonder if BIL can write into the DMV for a new license with a C. of address. If he gets your hubby's license at his address, then he *might* be able to apply for a fake health plan (or credit card or anything else) using your hubby's name? Just a thought. Sorry to hear his family is such a mess. You are wise to be on high alert.
You *could* be paranoid, but you kind of have a reason to be!
I like Wild Woman's advice. It never hurts to cover all your bases and protect yourselves!
I hope things get better!
Edit*
Rhonda, your racism claims are ludicrous! Do you not even know where the white sheep/black sheep reference comes from? I suggest you educate yourself before you accuse.
You are not being paranoid. I know a couple of people who have been through identity theft and it will stick with you for LIFE if someone steals your identity. One friend's identity was stolen perhaps 15 years ago now, and she still carries a special letter with her everywhere she goes, testifying to her identity. You already know this brother has a very bad track record and cannot be trusted.
Tell the credit monitoring companies that his wallet was out of his possession for some time and though it was returned, you suspect that his information might have been compromised.
The following should ALL be called now and told to flag his accounts for possible attempts at fraud:
--Health insurance company
--Credit reporting companies
--Bank (all of them, if you use more than one, re: his debit card)
--Credit card companies
--Any other entity from which he has a card. For instance, does he carry any department store credit cards in that wallet? I would notify them as well.
He will be asked, "Do you want us to issue a new card?" I would say definitely yes. You can ask the health insurer for a new personal ID number and new card, and should do so ASAP. Same with credit cards -- tell them you want a new one with a different number and they should flag the old number as defunct as of a certain date. They should all be willing to do this pretty readily! These companies have a strong interest in preventing identity theft because such prevention saves them money. He does not have to say the wallet was in his brother's hands or name his brother; he can just say that on date X he lost his wallet for a long time and someone returned it but now he is concerned that stuff in it was messed with...
Do not just monitor your credit via the reporting agencies; be proactive and get new credit card(s) and a new number from the insurer and tell the insurer to flag your account in case someone tries to get health services on your husband's account.
This is something that's really important for everyone to know. I'm in the process of helping a couple of my consumers through this process because it's affecting their ability to obtain housing.
The article I'm sharing below associates Medical Identity Theft with senior citizens, but it obviously happens to people of all ages. I wouldn't take any chances that your brother-in-law could be using your husband's insurance ID fraudulently. It's a federal offense.
http://www.govhealthit.com/news/commentary-8-ways-fight-m...
And also, your husband IS ENTITLED to have his social security number changed. There are several valid reasons that the SS Administration lists right on their web site to change a SS#. Your husband has TWO:
*Sequential numbers have been assigned to members of the same family and are causing problems;
*A victim of identity theft continues to be disadvantaged by using the original number; or
The identity theft MUST BE REPORTED to the Social Security Administration and not just to the credit bureaus. This link below has relevant links in it that you need to apply for a new SS#. Do this ASAP.
http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/79/~/...
Yikes! You have every reason to be paranoid. In fact, I would not hesitate in letting them know, you will prosecute any fraud committed by any family member.
I think I need to mention a website to you. BPDfamily.com
You can look at the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and see if you have a few family members with it! I do. I never feel safe unless I don't have contact.
You have established good boundaries in the past. There are lessons on the site about boundaries and communication techniques that can arm you to keep yourselves safer. There is a board there also, that can match you, experience for experience.
Good luck!
I haven't read the other responses, but I would go get another drivers license and explain that you feel that your license was in the hands of someone who was not trustworthy and may try to use his license in identity theft.
I'd also call and talk to the insurance company and tell them that there may be an issue of someone trying to use it for a transplant. I have read of instances of health insurance fraud, which could not be prosecuted because the person who did it died.
You own NO ONE a reason for not giving an organ to anyone, including this brother. I would not give any reason other than it's too risky for your husband and the family. NO ONE can argue that point. They can argue about the brother not taking care of his health, but that's all.
Your husband does need to protect his health insurance by making sure that no one uses his identity. Please get your husband to pursue this.
I agree with those who think her question about blood type was in regard to the transplant. She may not realize its not quite that simple...
Good luck!
The blood type question is probably in regards to the transplant issue.
In any case, your husband should have a freeze on his credit and a fraud alert. That means that no one can open new accounts and any placed that checks his history will see there is an alert and know to be diligent to verify identity.
Wild Woman gave some great advice, but she also mentioned needing an ID for doctor visits. That varies greatly, so don't rely on it. I've never had to show a photo ID for a medical appointment of any kind; only an insurance card, and only at a first visit or when it changed.
