I Want to Scream!!!!

Why can't the baby stay at grandma's house and be brought home in the morning???? Then he can get use to a set bedtime??? That would be the best thing to do. Having him trained to be up late and sleeping in is going to bite you in the butt when it is time for school. Believe me I have been there!!!!

Either it might be time to find new babysitting arrangements or new work schedules. My husband and I both worked 1st shift and we spend soo much on daycare, when my 2nd son was born I switched to 3rd shift. I work 9pm-5am and my husband works 7-3. It works out very well. No babysitters and kids stay on constant schedule..

I think having your child on that kind of schedule is really not in his best interest. Babies (and people in general) are wired to sleep at night when it's dark. You're asking your child to go against his nature to stay up until midnight. I also think it asks a lot of your mother in law to ask her to keep him up that late. Most adults need to go to bed themselves by 11 pm at the latest. If you keep this schedule I'm afraid that you will really mess with your son's internal clock and sleeping pattern. While the rest of the kids in his class are going to bed at 8 pm and getting 11-12 hours sleep, yours will be dragging through the day. Sleep has enormous effects on behavior and development. If it were me, I would do absolutely everything in my power to get a day job. Ideally, both of you would but if that's not possible, one parent should. Then, your child can have a regular daycare or babysitter arrangement and be on the same schedule as most people.

Read: Healthy Sleep, Happy Child

I realize this is probably not what you want to hear but I'm trying to spare you from endless grief if you continue to subject your child to this routine.

PS Here's another possibility. Can your child not just sleep at your mother in law's? Then he can go to bed at a regular hour (7-8pm) and you can pick him up in the morning? That would solve a lot of the issues.

K.

That's tough, because since he's two, you should be getting him into a permanent sleep schedule. My son started preschool when he was 3, which I think is a fantastic idea for boys since they sometimes seem to be a little behind girls their age. But, I can't imagine not having him used to a sleeping schedule, and how difficult it would've made things for him.

I truly think that you and your husband need to talk and decide which one of you is going to switch jobs or your position to work the day shift. Sometimes, as a parent, you just have to do what's right for your child, even if that means uprooting your own life in certain ways. At two, he should be going to bed around 8, waking up daily around 7, and taking a nap around 1 (just throwing numbers out there). If you wait, and start him in on a regular schedule in a year, than you're cutting it really close with the whole "schedule" thing, and that isn't fair to him. I understand that you took the job to be able to stay at home more, but it's not going to work. You can't be working during the hours you and your child should be sleeping, and be able to make it work. I've known mothers who have tried. If you can't afford not to work, then sit down and figure something out with your husband on the best solution. I have two different friends that have families of four, and one of their husbands makes $27,000 a year, while the other one makes about $30,000, and they both are stay at home moms.

S.,

Your son should not be staying up until midnight and then going to bed at night. He should go to bed around around 8/9 pm.

Why not see if you can find a sitter to come to sit at your house? That way you won't have to go pick him up and he will already be settled in his bed.

I wish you luck.

S.,

You've gotten some good suggestions here, and while we're sympathetic, you probably have to get a daytime job. Another good idea mentioned here is letting your son just stay over night at grandma's. He's asleep already, so he's not going to be much trouble for her. You should go home and sleep after work and let your husband pick him up after he gets off. Then you can get up with your son and let your husband sleep when they get home. I know that cuts your sleeping down to about 5 hrs if you're lucky, but you'll have to make it up in a nap with your son.

GOOD childcare is hard to come by anytime, but night time babysitters are practically impossible. Try not to ruffle your mother in law's feathers and see what you can do on your end. She could just refuse to babysit at all if you complain, and then where would you be? Good luck and let us know how it works out! :)

S.,

I hate to say it, but you probably are not going to find a sitter to do that for you. A child his age needs to be going to bed at a reasonable hour. A reasonable hour is around 8 or 9pm, not 11 or midnight. He will never have healthy sleep habits if this is what you are doing. What are you going to do when he starts preschool or kindergarten? He is not going to be ready for school when he doesn't go to bed until midnight. You should be having someone come to your house to babysit while you work. It will be hard to find. The child should be sleeping and not awoken when you get home from work. It is not easy because you will not see your child very often, but you can't be selfish about this. I would say that one of you needs to find a new job with new hours so that one of you is home at night. It isn't fair to your son that he has to be going to bed so late. He shouldn't be "napping" at 10 or 11pm, he should be in bed sound asleep. I think you should discuss this with your ped. I would think that they would give good advice on how working parents (with a nighttime work schedule) can handle this situation. I wish you luck.
S.

I read your update and I just wanted to tell you that, actually, there have been plenty of studies done that show that children get the best rest when put to bed between 6:30 and 8 until the age of 5 and 9 after that until middle school.
I think you'd have a hard time finding someone who would agree to do this to your child when all the evidence shows it's not good for him.

I am sorry you want to scream, maybe you should, it could releave some of the tension.
There are no easy solutions for your problem that I am aware of really.
I stay up later than a lot of people, but frankly I have to live in the daytime world. Have you thought about what is going to happen in a few years when your child will be starting school? How are you and your husband going to work nights while your child goes to school during the day and will need to be getting 8 or more hours of uninterupted sleep at night?
One of you may have to consider taking a day job then anyway. It might solve some of the arguing, etc. for one of you to consider taking a day job now. Routine is very important for children.
I am not condemning you for your choices, I am not judging your decision, just asking that you consider the future of your child and school.
You, as a family, would still have time together for dinner and a few hours of family activities when one comes home and before the other has to leave for work.

I have 2nd shift job too, and my husband works days, we have two totally different scheduals. I am alone with my kids during the day and he is alone with them at night, it's a rough life, but it is the only choice for us, being that we cannot afford babysitters, the cost is outragiouse. You are probably having your husband's mom watch him because it's free, am I right? But believe me, I know how difficult it can be to have other people watch your child, because they tend to have their own ideas about the way things should be. The only advice I can give you is to try to see if one of you can switch to a day shift, provided the job will permit that, it is rough, but at least you and your husband will be the ones raising your child and not somebody else, and you can have him on a schedual that works for you.

Good luck to you!

Hi S., sorry, I am probably not going to tell you want you want to either. Long story short, I had to get a job when our now 5 yr old was 14 months, my husband got laid off. I found a job working 5:30 am-2:00pm. I was a night owl, worked nights as a bartender for forever. Didnt know there was a 5am unless I hadnt gone to bed yet! I found I really enjoyed my job, so when hubby found a new job, he went to 2nd shift so one of us was always with our son, and I could continue working. we see each other about 5 minutes a day(really, when he brings our son to my work so he can go to his) but we have weekends, and I have a day off during the week, so we have that morning, we have 2 incomes,( not that in this economy it helps much:-), and our son has 2 parents full time. But we vowed when I got pregnant not to have someone else raise our children. When you think about child care costs, if you find a new sitter, a slight paycut to switch jobs would save you money. Sorry I couldnt be more help, just wanted you to know two different shifts can work. Good Luck, A.

I am sure that you do want to scream but I kind of understand where grandma is coming from. Do you know how hard it is to keep a child from going to sleep when they are sleepy? I am sure that she isn't doing it to be mean or anything like that. I am sure that the reason that you don't have a problem keeping him awake at home is because he feels more comfortable at home and has more to do, whereas when he's at grandma's he's bored and that is the reason that he want's to sleep. Try taking more of his toys to his grandma's.

Maybe mom can't handle him staying up when she is tired. I would suggest maybe finding another sitter. Also, if you just started this job then maybe see if your husband could switch to daytime instead of nights as well. If he can't then the only thing I can think of is finding a different sitter. If you are close by me I could help you out. I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4 and I am a stay at home mom. My husband works from 3:30 p.m. until midnight or later. He is a diesel mechanic and they do road calls as well as work at the shop. I am in South Bend, IN.
D.

My ds is almost 4yo. Up until last year, he always went to bed at midnight. It's just the schedule that he/we fell into. We've been working on bedtime, and his bedtime is now 10pm.
I am not of the mind that a child's bedtime has to be at 8 or 9. Whatever works for your family (including the child)as long as dc is getting enough sleep at night. Just know that it can take a long time and being digilent to move to an earlier bedtime that is suitable to school hours.

I do have to say, though, that if your ds is tired earlier, he should sleep. In that, I agree with your MIL.

Your MIL could try playing with him a bit more right before he usually falls asleep. But if he's really tired, or if she's just worn out, that may not work well.
If he still takes a nap, you could ask your MIL to try to play with him a bit more close to nap time, so nap time is later/earlier (whichever would work).

You need a sitter who will keep him up. It's not a big deal. I would do it. My husband worked nights and we stayed up so dad could have time with him when he came home. Of course I was a stay at home mom and got my sleep when I could and took him outside to play so dad could sleep.
I feel for you that she is not cooperating. Maybe it's her way to say she doesn't want to sit anymore.
I would be willing to work with your schedule if you live near me. Not too far from the Cincinnati Zoo.

i know how tuff it is having family watch your children. i am not sure where you live but i live in perrysburg and i am looking to pick up a child to watch in my home. i have an ass. degree in early childhood. i have worked with children for 8 yrs in a child care center. i am now a stay at home mom of a three yr old and 2 m old twins and just looking for a few extra bucks.

you can email me if you would like to talk
M.

hey S.

if its ur mother or mother in law why cant he just stay the whole night at there house the nights ur working and u pick up up in the moring? and if its to much and u cant find a sitter maybe right now you have to work days until ur soon gets a lil older i know u want to be home more, but when u look at the whole picture and its not fixing togther right make the change the ones u want and then the ones u feel needs to be made no matter what sleep i impartant for ever one and that will stop all the meanness that come with being sleepy and while yall sleep it can mind all relationships good luck

Your family and sitter need to uphold your routine and schedule. If she cannot understand and follow your preferences, this is not the best environment for your child. You need good communication and work together with the care provider of your children. Talk to her and explain that you need the routine adjusted how your husband and yourself live. If she allows the infant to sleep at different hours, you are allowing the infant to control your lives and your schedule.

I suggest you try communicating the issue. If this does not work, then check with Early Childhood Alliance for sitters available until midnight or 24 sitters. You may not find a sitter that is right around the corner, but there are several available in the city that can accomodate your work schedule. You need to explain your terms upon interviewing and tell what you need from them as far as schedule, discipline (when applicable later) and communication as far as illnesses and questions.

www.ecalliance.org

I think you may want to do some research on this matter. There are oh-so-very-many studies out there that actually PROVE that children your sons age who go to bed late at night do not sleep as well, have behavior issues, etc. It really does cause a world of problems for our kids when we do things like this.

If you cannot or will not find a different shift to work so that your son can go to sleep (preferably in his own bed) at a good time, then I strongly recommend that you find a sitter who can watch him in your own home so that they can put him to bed at an appropriate time.

Also, I agree with the posters who voiced concerns with your son once he starts school. Right now, you are setting up a pattern that he will continue. He needs adequate sleep at a reasonable time or he will suffer in school.

Ultimately it is your choice. I would hope that you would make the best one for your child, rather than the seemingly best choice for anyone else.

Do you have an extra room in your house--my oldest daughter finally solved her child care problem(she is a single mom who works nights and is in another state from me). She posted a notice at a local college and found a young woman to exchange room and board for being with the kids at night. So far it seems to be working out--the kids love her. Her kids are usually ready for bed when she leaves so there is not much actual sitting time--maybe you would need to also pay something to a sitter. Good luck.

I understand - I have a second shift job, so I get home a little after midnight most nights. DH is a SAHD/freelancer, and he has worked third shift, so he's a night owl too. Sometimes he lets our son nap at 9 or 10, then he gets up about when I get home and wants to be up until 2:30 a.m. - when I'm ready for bed at 1 or 1:30!

I don't have a real solution for you. We're just trying to make it work, like you are. We are starting a business that will let us work mostly at home, and I'm hoping that by the time he's ready for school, we'll be on a more "normal" schedule.

It is a little frustrating, because I like my schedule otherwise. I like to grocery shop while everyone else is at work, and I like having the day to do other things. But there's only one time for school, so we'll have to eventually adjust to that schedule.

as long as he gets 10-12 hours of uninterrupted sleep it's probably fine to keep him up late... then let him sleep from midnight to 10 or so. it's a night owl schedule, but it sounds like that's what you are as a family, so go for it!

you ALL need enough sleep, so maybe asking grandma to stay awake and alert and play with him so late is too much for her? maybe she needs the rest? so how about getting a sitter just for the late evening or something like that? it's REALLY tiring to care for a 2 year old, so keep that in mind...

what is his nap schedule like? he probalby needs a nap around 5:00 if you have him going to bed at midnight. my 2 year old takes a one or two-hour nap regularly about 6 hours after she wakes up, so right in the middle of her day. he will need some sort of nap at grandma's house, but maybe she can put him down sooner instead of right before you get home.

I didn't really have time to read all the other responses, so I don't know if someone has already said this, but is there any way his mom would be willing to watch your son at your house and then he can be put to bed in his own bed at a reasonable time? Or, if she is willing, she could even have him at her house for the day until close to bedtime then take him to your house for bed. Good luck figuring out the best solution!

At his age, your son should be sleeping 10 or more hours a night.
It would be reasonable to put him for a "nap" at 10 pm.
When you get him home, there should be NO question that it is time for him to continue his sleep, whether he wants to or not.
Then he should sleep at least until 8 am or later.
I am assuming that you do NOT do errands on the way home...it is better if you refrain from talking and interacting with him and he should be wearing his pjs etc, and know that he will go directly to bed.
When I was a little girl, my mother often worked 'til 11pm and often I was asleep when she picked me up.
It was go home and go directly to bed.
Your habit of keeping him up so late on your days off is certainly NOT contributing to the time that you and your husband can spend together.
It would be better for all concerned if you stick to the 10 pm bedtime every day at the least...and I am assuming that he takes another nap during the day.
If not, then he is not getting enough rest.
Grandma has his best interests at heart and you are lucky to have her caring for him.

Sometimes family is hard to work with. I would tell my current babysitter that if she cannot respect your wishes, you will have to find someone else to watch your child. First, though, maybe you could explain to her that the earlier napping and then waking makes your son frustrated and it is very difficult for him to adjust, it confuses his internal clock, thus making a difficult night for him as well as the rest of the family. You only have his best interests at heart.

Dear S.,

It sounds tough but my best advice to you would be to change his sleeping schedule. If he is 2 years old than he should be in bed way earlier that way when you pick him up you should be able to transfer him to the car. He may miss you and thats why he is so awake when he sees you. Or may be your mother n law could come to your house that way there is no transition and awaking him. But your best to change his sleep pattern. If your mother n law is doing it to help and it is helping money wise be greatful I know how mother n laws can be but the bright side is that she isn't a stranger. IF her does go to bed earlier that will give you and your husband alone time when he is asleep. Take care.

Look.. If the shoe were on my own foot I'd get a sitter. But in your interview you must tell her that the baby should stay awake later.. OR,, even better for everyone, the sitter could come to your home and work on getting a night time routine established. Not that going to bed around midnight is bad for him.. My own kids went to bed at that time and later when I was a bouncer at the night clubs. .. They're perfectly healthy.

Don't feel silly, it's ok not to know something. It's really good that you are trying to find a solution to help your family. With that said, I have to say that I agree with everyone here. I think it might be a good idea to get a daytime job even though you may not see your spouse that much, but in the long run it will be better for everyone and since he works later then you do, you probably don't see him as much anyway and if you worked during the day then he would be sleeping while your working or just let your son sleep at your mother in laws house and pick him up in the morning. Hopefully she won't charge you for just letting him sleep there. Talk to her about it and see if you can come up with a solution and some understanding from her. I really don't think it is fair to your MIL or your son to ask her to keep him up like that. I have children and I know how hard it is to keep a child up when they are tired and it really isn't good for him. He really should have a regular sleep schedule like sleep around 9pm, 10pm at the latest. Good luck, I know your trying to figure this all out and thank God there's a web site that you can ask questions like this and get alot of advice. I wish I had this when I was raising my children.

If I was in your position I would be looking for some one to watch my child in my home, so his sleep was not disturbed. Once you son nears pre school/ kindegarten this schedule will be detrimental to his schedule at school.