I Probably Shouldn't Have Said Anything, But...

YOU were right, SHE was wrong here!
Dont feel bad at all.

She's just mad that someone caught her not watching her kid.

You were so right for saying something... I would have also told the mom since she brought it up to yell at you, that I would never have said anything if she had been watching her child...

If it were my daughters, they wouldn't have been doing what that little girl was doing in the first place. If they were they would have been chastised by me if I caught them. If I learned that someone else chastised them I would have said, "Well, the lady was right. Now clean it up."

Sweet Mother of God!!!

yes! I would've said something to the child and asked her where her mother was!!

I would have asked the child to pick them up as well!! I'm surprised the store didn't say anything to her about it. Guess they are afraid of law suits!!

YOU GO MAMA!!! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!

I think you did the right thing and I'm glad you stood up to the mom. The other posts are right- she's just mad because she was busted for not watching her kid.

I'm sure I would have said something similar or asked "where's your mom, sweetie?"

My beef is with the mom. I get that she was trying to keep her daughter occupied while she shopped, but clearing out three rows of shoes? Who lets their kid do that?? Were you able to tell if the girl put them back??

Have a good afternoon!

If I were the mom I would have escorted my child back to the pile of shoes and had her pick up every last one of them.
L.

Did you read today's featured post here? This is why so many people are hesitant to approach parents...

I have watched unattended kids trash out toy areas at places like Ross and Marshalls. (This was when I was much younger, by the way, and didn't feel comfortable saying something.) My guess is that the mom you encountered has serious problems. Self-delusion may be one. :)~ She was admittedly checked out, not paying attention to her kid doing damage and making a mess, and then yells at you for correcting her child? I would have been embarrassed at the situation and thanked you for stopping my child, who would then have had to sit in a seat until I was finished.

Yes, we talk about appropriate behavior when we are 'in someone else's space' (store, library, restaurant, playdate) ALL the stinkin' time. It's my job to make sure my son knows what the expectations are. When I was nine years old I would never have behaved the way the girl you encountered was acting-- I knew better, and knew the consequences. (And I wouldn't have gone off to mommy to complain about the mean lady if I had been busted for misbehavior by a stranger. It sounds like this little girl knows how to work mom.) I also wouldn't have been careless with anything in 'mommy's closet', either. Teaching respect for other people's property should start early on.

ETA: after reading a suggestion that you shouldn't have said anything, I will add this: I don't *want* to live in a world where we are supposed to turn a blind eye while kids run amok and not say anything. This isn't good for the kids, who *need* to learn how to live in a community and consideration, and it isn't good for us. Shouldn't kids know that *everybody* is watching?

Well, you just never know what things happened previously to either of them to lead up to them freakin' out about nothing, right?

I mean we ALL have those moments where IF ONE MORE GODDAM THING GOES WRONG TODAY.....

But, yeah, I frequently strike up conversations with kids (and adults) in a situation like that, sure. I don't think you committed any serious crime against humanity, no!

:)

I just read the "You are a MOTHER for Crying Out Loud!!!" and I can tell you i am the parent that says something NO MATTER what because if it was my kid I would rather you say something then let my child be direspecful, hurt themselves or others ect. I have always taught my child that she is a reflection of me. No matter what she does in public people are going to form an opinion of houw she was raised so that better lead to positive choices. Now my child is not perfect, even at 19 it is engrained in her to think about her actions a little bit more then her friends do. But of course I am a "it takes a village" thinker

I wouldn't be the Mom in that store because I teach my kids respect.

This mother obviously knows nothing about that.

I think you did fine. The kid should've been supervised by the mom, at least the mom could be periodically checking on the child. The child or her mom didn't seem to mind messing up the store merchandise either which is a shame, just b/c it's not theirs doesn't mean don't take care of it.

Only thing I would've done differently, if it were me, is that I would've tried to find a store employee to tell them first then try to find the mom. But I too, like you, HATE not saying anything when a child is misbehaving unsupervised. I did the same thing once. I was in a business, some kids, looked like they were related so I just assumed they were, were playing w/a cart. NO one was saying anything to them. I wasn't sure who the mom was so I went & told the manager. Apparently the manager told the mom who'd ratted on her kids & she went ballistic. She harassed me the entire time I was in the place...even following me around to harass me! Basically saying the same thing, how DARE I say anything about her kids! Did I have a problem w/her kids?? When I didn't say anything, she smarted off saying "No, I didn't THINK so!" There was even a sign saying "Please do NOT play w/the carts!" I felt the kids might've either gotten hurt or accidentally run into someone. It was a small business & not a lot of room for kids to be running around, playing w/carts so I was definitely concerned for all in the place plus it was just plain annoying. I just ignored her til I left but still.

I agree w/poster Mary L. When did all this start that we can't correct someone else's child. This is not how it used to be. When did it suddenly become ok to let kids run pell-mell in a business, making a mess or being unruly! My sister's kids are HORRIBLE. I try to discipline them if she's not around & of course, sis jumps my butt b/c 'SHE' is only supposed to correct them....ooookay. It really irks me to see this type of non-chalant behavior from grown adults & I always think to myself, how were the parents raised, surely they were disciplined too the same as me. I KNOW my sister was so I have no clue what makes her so tolerant of misbehavior. Makes me wonder honestly. It's a shame, really. I know if it were ME...I'd very much appreciate it if someone saw my child misbehaving & told me about it or got on to her about it. If my child then came to me & told me that 'stranger' got on to her, I would've tried to find out all about it first before jumping somebody's case but unfortunately, not everyone appreciates someone else's efforts. I do, however, completely disagree w/Cheryl B. True, this wasn't your child but you do have a right to shop w/o unruly behavior in kids in a public place, especially if it seems they're making a mess of things or tearing up the merchandise but again, I'd consider speaking to a store employee first next time, just to keep the mom from lashing out at you. If it comes from a store employee, then it may be easier to accept. Best wishes!

It seems to be the fashion that these days that no one is allowed to correct somebody else's child. How did this start? Did it start with the fear of our child's talking with strangers? I don't know. But we adults seem to be very fearful ourselves. We isolate ourselves from others, however many friends we have. Do we tend to take offense when our friends correct our children? Probably.

First of all, letting your 9 year old be on another aisle as you in a department store really is okay - especially if you're just in the next aisle. Let's not get carried away with trying to make the mom seem negligent.

Secondly, if I were the 9 year old's mom, I wouldn't have to worry about it because my GD knows how to behave in a department store and would have never done that. She may have tried on some shoes, but she would have put them back as she was finished with them and not piled them up on the floor.

Lastly, I don't think you should have said anything to the child. She was not your child; she was not doing anything that was dangerous to herself or anyone else; it was none of your business. And let's be honest, the only reason you did say something is because you wanted to be sure you let the bystanders know that she was not your child.

You did nothing wrong! Having someone accuse us sure gets the adrenaline going making us feel anxious about whether or not we did the right thing. The anxiety if a normal reaction to a threat. It does not mean we did something wrong. It means we were threatened and our body is reacting to the threat.

After your SWH. We answered to reassure you because of your introductory statement of "I probably shouldn't have. If you don't want that issue dealt with don't bring it up. Start out with what you did without the apology. Also by describing the entire incident you're giving the impression that you're not sure that what you did was right and are asking for reassurance. Your actual question is buried in the last paragraph which apparently many of us missed.

I would've said, 'um. where's your mom?'

When Mom confronted me, I would've said, 'so YOUR gonna go pick up that mess? '
The employees shouldn't have to clean up after her laziness. Also, no way would I be 1 aisle over from my kid in a store.

Yes I would have said something to my child and I wouldnt have questioned you telling her anything, I may ask you exactly what you told her and looked at my daughters expression, I could tell by the look on it if she was lying or stretching the truth. I would hope my kids no better than to act like that in a store. Someone commented that she was not hurting herself or anyone else, but really how do we know someone else may have not gotten hurt by her actions, someone could have tripped over the pile and really hurt themselves. Now my rant!!! I hate the irresponsibility of people! Really we are responsible for our children. Just like when a kid spills something in a store aisle and not them or their parents clean it up, if you or a child knowingly makes a mess at public place STOP, clean it up or let someone know so it can get cleaned up. Many times I have picked things up, shoes, spills ect, because I dont want someone getting injured. This may because I worked for a safety officer for so many years or the fact that my grandmother slipped and hurt herself bad on someones spilles coffee! YOU DID A GOOD THING K.! People who cant handleothers discplining thier kids need to get their heads outta their butts and do it themselves!

I would have brought it to the attention of the store manager in a way that he would have reigned on the mom's parade.

I would have asked him how much more of a discount would there be on the shoes the little one was playing with and would have pointed out some of those scuff marks and dirt she was putting on them. I am sure her feet were not very clean either. The store manager should have gone at that point and checked the shoes to see if any were un-sellable so they could make the mom pay for them.

That would have gotten the task off me and onto the store who was not watching their merchandise very well.

As for the mom, she should have been told to go clean up after her child before letting her buy anything.

As for the mom correcting her child about the behaviors, it's the mom's lack of parenting and ignoring her child in a retail store that led to the whole mess. Of course she's not going to do anything about it. She was ignoring her child hoping she was entertaining herself so mom could be alone and do whatever she was doing. She should have gotten a babysitter for the girl and gone shopping without her.

Nope. You scold YOUR child. I'll scold mine.

MYB mama.

I had to laugh at what Cheryl B said: "And let's be honest, the only reason you did say something is because you wanted to be sure you let the bystanders know that she was not your child. "

That was my exact first thought, too! Sorry, I must be completely honest ;)

ETA: 1. Yes, I make my child pick up after herself. 2. I wouldn't necessarily believe a random stranger who is accusing my child of lying or stretching the truth. I don't even know you.

The mom was probably just embarrased because she SHOULD have been parenting her child, but was too pre-occupied with finding her own shoes. I would have said something too, and what you said was in no way offensive or mean. If the girl got emotional over it, chances are her mother lets her rule the roost and she wasn't used to it, or ramps up the drama to manipulate her mom.

I wouldn't be the other mom, pure & simple.

I don't blame you for saying anything, though. Crappy parenting & kids out of control need to be put in check. If you're not there to supervise, and your kid is doing something wrong or dangerous, then too bad.

First of all I would not have said anything but only because I am very non-confrontational, but I sure as sh*t would have been thinking it! I probably would have given her the stink eye for sure. I think you had every right to say something to her. I would never let my kids tear up the shoe department and if they had they'd get a good ear flicking right after they picked up the shoes and apologized to the sales clerk. I am appalled at the nerve of some parents. I am so tired of parents not taking responsibility for their children's behavior. I think before I would have gone off on an adult for saying something to my child I would have liked to get both sides of the story. Kids are gonna lie to cover their butts every time! Even Suzy angel pie.

First of all I have to laugh at the people stating "I would say this...I would have told the child to do that". Not my kid you wouldn't! And IF it was done with attitude (which you did t do) I would have responded with attitude.

I would never let my 9 year old wreak havoc like that for 10 seconds, let alone long enough to do what you've described. So I doubt I'd ever. E in that moms shoes.

HAD something like that happened, and brought to my attention, then yes, I would explain to my kid what needs to be done (clean up).

Simple answer...I would never leave my child alone in a store in the 1st place. Even at 9 she doesn't belong out of my sight period!

If in fact her Mom was in the next aisle over then clearly she should have seen the mess her child was making and put a stop to it then and there. I would never allow my child to behave in such a manor. Same rules apply in a store as they do at home: You take something out...you put it away BEFORE taking out something else. Granted my girls are only 5 and 2 and they do take out a few toys at once however I strive to get them to put those toys away before moving on to something else otherwise we have a huge mess that no one wants to pick up.

To answer your second question, I know children have a tendency to "stretch" the truth of what was really said or what happened. I would have approached you with my child and asked if you could tell me what happened because "Jane" is rather upset. After hearing your explanation I would then look her directly in the eye and ask for her confirmation. In this case if the circumstances were the same and she had played the drama queen card I would repeat back whatever she had said to me initially and ask her flat out why the two versions of the story do not match? Then I would remind her about the boy who cried wolf, and how important telling the exact truth is. I would have also thanked you for your time.

Now if you had been snarky (doesn't sound to me like you were in this case) with my child for ANY reason then I would have put you in your place. No one has the right to be rude to my child. She deserves the same respect as I expect her to display to others.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

yea-like when they were two years old-the girls would never have been permitted to try on shoes that were not age appropriate or may have become damaged in any way by so doing-or put them at risk of turning their little ankles!

I never reprimand someone else's child and I never give unsolicited advice to a parent. I get it all the time because my son's special needs are not physically obvious and it's truly hurtful and not helpful at all. We never really know what someone else's story is...