I Need Serious Advice on How to Get My Daughter to Lose Weight

This: My husbands family is very tall and all of them were chubby kids who are now healthy weight adults.

She takes after her dad's side of the family. She's in sports, according to you she eats healthy, just let it go at this point. The bigger deal you make about it, the more of a problem it's going to be.

1) If you don't chill out about this you're going to give her a complex.

2) You can't "make" her lose weight.

3) She may not need to lose weight. She may continue to grow and slim out.

What type of foods does she eat? What does a typical dinner look like for all of you?

Also, what does she usually drink when she is thirsty?

The reason I ask is this..... many people base their meals around carbohydrates..... breads, noodles, potatoes, stuff like that. If you can start reducing the amount of carbohydrates, and replace that with high fiber vegetables, that may help her stay full.

Also, as far as drinking..... some people feel that milk is healthy and drink a lot of that... but there is a lot of fat and calories in milk. You don't need a lot of milk to stay healthy. If she is getting herself a glass of milk when she is thirsty, that can pack on the calories, also... start getting her used to drinking water, if she isn't drinking a lot of water already.

You "worry yourself to death"? You're "suffering"? "More than we can imagine"? Really? So... This is as bad as if your child had cancer? Or cystic fibrosis? A terminal disease? Really? Your husband's whole family followed this path and is healthy today. Her doctor hasn't commented. You are imagining that people are judging you and it's terrifying you because you don't want to be judged. You can't even post your question without trying to preempt judgment. You are teaching her to worry what other people think. And the person whose opinion means the most to her thinks she's fat. You don't want her to have an eating disorder? Then honor her own growth path and back off! Think about what I'm saying. Please, dial down the drama - this isn't suffering. She isn't the one who needs help. I'm not trying to be mean - I'm very serious. She is not you. Get help for yourself and your thinking. Reconsider how serious her problem really is or whether this is your fear of being judged or becoming fat. And instead of trying to get her body, which is following the path of her father's family, to change to satisfy you and her bullies, work on building up her own emotional strength. Help her to love her body, because if it's not her body, it'll be her hair or her clothes or something else. Kids are mean. Period. So don't focus on what the bullies are criticizing because all It does is tell her you agree with the bullies. Fix her thinking and yours. Let her body grow as it's supposed to.

sweetie, i'm concerned too. i'm worried about YOU. your guilt and fixation on this are out of proportion. your daughter is not you. you can't judge her by your genes. and you cannot base your parenting decisions for your little girl by what other people who are not aware of the backstory are saying. no matter what you do, people will make pejorative comments. you need to be confident, and supportive of the daughter you have.
it's funny, this is the second time i've been moved to use my younger boy as an example this morning. i put on way too much weight when i was pregnant with him, and he was a very fat baby, and remained a hefty little guy all the way up to his early teens. he was active and played sports, but he loved to eat. i could see the struggle in his little face sometimes, how much he hated being 'the fat kid' but how much he wanted another piece of birthday cake. it broke my heart.
we never put him on a diet. we did work harder than we would have otherwise on eating healthy, and keeping better snacks in the house. at the time it felt very pro-active, but from the perspective of time i can see many areas in which we could have done way, way better. we did a nutrition unit study in our homeschool, which i think had long-term positive results, although nothing dramatic at the time.
when puberty hit, he really went through a renaissance. a friend made a comment about his negative attitude which seems to have had a greater impact than all my years of careful parenting, and he quit having meltdowns for not being 'the best' at everything. and he started working out, and he himself decided how to craft his diet so that he was eating better yet not totally depriving himself of treats. i'd love to take credit for it, but basically i just watched in awe as my son re-made himself.
i hope you don't take this as a slam. but i think you might benefit from some counseling yourself, to help you get a handle on your guilt issues, and to help you relax and accept your little girl for who she is, and to help her work on her relationship with food and her self-image in a positive fashion. words like 'lost cause' and 'addicted' concern me. i do understand the agony, truly i do. i wanted to scorch the earth when my baby would chug around the bases at little league, with parents as well as kids yelling 'pull that wagon, dylan!' and 'easy out at third!' while his little face contorted with sadness and anger. but you need to keep your focus on a positive atmosphere with your own child, and not allow the opinions of others to taint it.
you are so worried about their judgment that you are blinding yourself to your own very negative judgment, and that's where you're living. please find a way to free yourself, and enjoy your wonderful daughter.
khairete
S.

You don't say what your daughter weighs. And I am not being critical but you're daughter will get a complex. If she reads you the way this post reads you think she is fat and has been since birth. Kids at 9 can have a little chub and be perfectly healthy. I can't imagine limiting my kids food. Just because you were tiny doesn't mean she is going to be fat. You say she is very active she sounds healthy. I would make an appt with your pediatrician without your daughter and discuss this. Then at a separate apt take her if the Dr feels she has an issue. Just a thought but it sounds more like you have an eating disorder than she does.

It is hard to respond to your question because the tone is super defensive and you are WAY too worried about judgment from others and what others think about you. I feel like no matter what I say and how kindly I try to put it, I will be deemed as judgmental.

You come across as you are suffering from some terminal illness and this is not like a terminal illness. Your daughter is a growing girl and will more than likely balance out within a couple of years with or without help from her pedi or nutritionist.

The BIG picture is your daughter. Stop worrying that you are skinny and she is not... if you continue to convey that message to her, then she might develop a complex about her body. Why are you so worried people think it is your fault? It would partially be your fault if you were cramming Twinkies down her for each meal instead of healthy choices, if all you purchased for your family was junk food, and if the only thing you offered her was junk.

Is she acting like she has a complex now? How do you communicate with her about this? Listen to how she feels. Does she tell you she feels fat? Does she ask for help? What has the pedi told you? It never hurts anyone to talk to a nutritionist and learn about better nutrition and how to work it into the family routine. Have plenty of fruits, veggies and healthy foods for her. Don't make her finish every morsel of food on her plate. Make sure she is drinking a lot of water.

Of course moderation is key and if she sees her favorite junk food (we all have one) and it is banned then it becomes the forbidden fruit and she will not be able to satisfy her cravings until she has part of it. Example.. for someone who loves sweets and desserts after dinner.. take 2 bites then put it away.

As a teacher, I see a lot of little girls who are on the chubby side about this age. They are growing. As long as they are maintaining healthy food habits and regular exercise in some shape or form they do slim down. I've had some girls come back to visit me and I've hardly recognized them. I do see other girls that eat the wrong foods and not seem to care if they are overweight or not. I think that is another issue all together.

The basis for your daughter being overweight should be diagnosed by her Dr. She should not feel bad about her body if she is a bit overweight right now. She should learn to love her body, nourish her body when it is a little thicker than needed as well as when it is the perfect weight for her. If you feel that talking to a Dr or nutritionist will send your daughter over the edge and into some sort of food disorder... then she needs to see a counselor as well so she can learn that she is normal. We are all different shapes and sizes and need to accept that.

You need to accept that it is ok that you are skinny and petite and get it out of your head that everyone who looks at you is judging you.

It sounds like she is eating healthy and has a healthy lifestyle and is just following the path of her dad's family. There is NOTHING wrong with that. She is not you. She is probably hungry from all the activity. I am starved after exercising.

If anything, I would give her tools to feel great about herself THE WAY SHE IS! I would help her come up with snappy comebacks for kids that make comments. I would let her know (when she is feeling badly) that she is built just like sweet, wonderful "Auntie so and so". I would also not withhold treats. Everything in moderation. You don't want to "go there".

If anything, I would get help for yourself. You feel helpless, guilty, judged, shocked at her love of food, and that your daughter's weight is a "lost cause". Very sad. You have way too many emotions tied up in this and your daughter will pick up on it and it will add to/create more of her insecurities. Most don't judge people with overweight kids and for those who do, screw 'em.

Tell her how beautiful, smart, athletic, talented, kind, funny, etc. she is everyday, have her tell herself this everyday and let the weight thing go.

You don't get her to lose weight. You're doing all the right things from what you said in terms of what you have in the house and that you don't totally ban something special.

Why don't YOU go visit a nutritionist instead of her? Find out if you are cooking foods wrong. If you're making too many starches, that's a problem. There are dishes you can make that TASTE like starches, but use cauliflower instead. You can make "tasty" without it being full of calories, and then she can eat more, especially using vegetables.

I really and truly think that you have a skewed view of food and enjoyment. You are tiny and by your own admission, remember that you couldn't finish your plate. Most people aren't like you. I'm not judging you either - if you think that, then you're not going to get anywhere with help, because you simply HAVE to see an opinion other than your own.

What I got from your post is "I'm small and my daughter isn't and I feel like people blame me for her being fat, because she's really fat".

I think you need to love and accept your daughter for herself and stop focusing on the fact that she isn't small and thin like you are.

Of course you want her to be healthy but you already cut out so much. She's fine.

Well, it's really hard to tell with a child. My cousin was very, very chunky growing up. He was overweight, roly poly, and had huge chubby cheeks. He definitely considered himself the fat kid. Then his junior year in high school he shot up in height. He is SUPER tall now and a very healthy, handsome weight. The first time I saw him after he grew I did not recognize him at all! I would guess she takes after your husband's family and this is nothing to worry about. If as an adult she continues to be overweight (say in her 20s), then she needs to eat smaller portions - but that will be her battle to deal with as an adult. PS - I am a very thin person but I would never judge someone for their body shape. This comes down to genetics and for some people it is very easy to put on weight and hard to lose it. Please don't think everyone is judging your daughter.

You really need to stop comparing your weigh/build/eating habits with your daughter's.
Your daughter is picking up your vibe on this and it only makes it worse for her.
You have to be the adult here.
So she takes after her fathers side of the family - so what?
It seems they turn out alright (enough for you to marry into the family) so relax.
Serve healthy meals - lots of salad (with very light or very little dressing), lot's of veggies, lean meats/proteins (chicken/turkey/tofu). whole grain breads/pasta, oat bran cereal, etc.
She's a growing child so some fats are needed (cook with olive oil, coconut oil - a serving of oat bran cereal with 1 tablespoon of nut butter on it is delicious and will keep hunger away for a very long time) for proper development.
Don't be shocked at how much she enjoys eating - we all need food.
There's nothing wrong about talking to a nutritionist.
And you might want to talk to a counselor yourself.
I think your issues with food are making things worse for your daughter.
Try to keep your food issues and her food issues separated.
You offer healthy food choices - carrot, celery sticks, apples are good snacks - and watch her portion control - then both of you go for a walk around the block.

What does the pediatrician say? Kids tend to get chubby and then all of a sudden they are inches taller. I would ONLY focus on health. My sister was always chubby and I was always skinny, and we are still that way. But we are both healthy. I cannot turn into an apple shape and she cannot turn into a beanpole.
I think the one who needs to change is YOU. Love her for who she is, play frisbee with her when she is bored, take her to get some cute clothes, spend time with her painting toe nails, do girlie things. Love her and accept her. And stop just judging her on her shape but focus on her as a budding little person. We only have a limited number of years to walk beside our kids and guide them. Use them wisely.

If you are all doing the right things, it may be her metabolism. Just make sure it's not the thyroid.Take her to the pediatrician and make sure she doesn't have a thyroid condition. Has the pediatrician said anything about her weight? You don't mention how tall she is - is she taller than you? She is coming up on puberty so her body is changing around a lot.

Talk to a nutritionist without bringing your daughter. You may be able to get advice on how to make some changes without it being totally obvious to your daughter. Even though you think you are making healthy food choices, a nutritionist might be able to discover certain things that you don't realize can cause weight gain in your daughter.

Most doctors and nutritionists won't actually recommend a diet for a child in the way that an adult would diet. But they can help you come up with healthy menus and amounts for your daughter and ideas for what else to offer when she's still hungry.

I know you mentioned dance, basketball and soccer. Are these each once a week or does she go more often? What does she do to get exercise on her days off from organized activity? Make sure she is spending a minimum of 60 minutes a day being physically active. This means having fun outside - riding a bike, playing on the playground, running around with friends, etc. Don't think of it as exercise, just think of it as being physically active while playing. I know it can be hard to fit into your schedule, but it is important to try. Encourage her to play active games at recess as well.

Do not convince yourself that it is a lost cause. If you give up, she will give up.

Finally, find out if she is an emotional eater or if she uses eating and food as a coping mechanism. Some people, when they are upset about something or unsure of how to control certain aspects of their life, turn to food. They love to eat and they can control what goes into their bodies. Make sure nothing is bugging her. If you don't think she'll be 100% honest with you, see if there is a school counselor or someone else she could talk to. Just a thought.

Finally, make sure she isn't sneaking junk food somehow without your knowledge. Check to see that she doesn't have a stash of candy in her room. Make sure she isn't trading lunches with her friends or buying junk food at school.

Overall, it sounds like you are doing the right thing and trying really hard to have a healthy child. Don't beat yourself up or take the blame. Don't think you are helpless though. Go to a professional and get the help you both need. Good luck.

cook most of your family's meals, use plenty of veggies, and leave out carbs for the time being. as for snacks, fruit and veggies. my skinny kids don't get junk food because they don't like it not that they can't have it.
i am on the opposite side of spectrum, our pediatrician just told us she is concerned my kids are underweight (14th percentile for their age group). and they eat plenty, all meals are homemade. my kids are not obsessed with how they look, nor were they bothered by what the pediatrician said. so steer your daughter towards eating healthy, and teach her how to love herself.
ps no dieting

So don't make her finish her dinner, but encourage her to eat slowly (so that her body tells her brain she's full) and eat healthy foods. If she drinks a glass of milk at dinner, the next drink should be water. Don't offer high-fat foods often and tell her she can eat all the veggies she wants. If you are concerned, you can talk to her pediatrician about genetic predisposition. It sounds like she is following her dad's genes and is still an active child. You might want to do things like everybody gets smaller dinner plates (we eat less on smaller plates) and serve everybody's food vs having people serve themselves. That way you determine the amounts of first and seconds.

She is absolutely not a lost cause! Please don't think that way. My mom had the opposite problem. When I was 4 she took me to a specialist because I was so small. Kids would tease me about being too small to keep up with them swimming or playing. Please try to keep her around kids that are encouraging vs discouraging and not let your own fears show. If the doc says your kid is healthy, then believe that. I turned out to be a petite but healthy adult and my DD is small herself. Probably will go the same way. When people comment on how tiny she is, I just shrug and say, "Genetics". Give your DD words to use if kids are hurtful.

You don't say exactly how big she is, but there is a difference in eating a fair bit in and being addicted to food. If you said she was obese vs chubby, that's different.

I also think that if you are fretting and worrying, you may want to talk to someone yourself to find out why you are so upset about her weight. I realize it's not easy to be worried about an aspect of your kid's life, but is this just about her or is it also about you? Do you have anxiety about things often? It may help you to talk to someone about ways to not get so upset about your daughter because I get the feeling if it wasn't this, it would be something else.

Don't say anything to her since it's her genes. Instead make small changes to the household.
-Cook mostly everything you make w/ground turkey. You can make tacos,
Shepherd's pie, spaghetti, hamburgers, lasagna etc.
-Don't go out to eat too much
-stock healthy food & let her see YOU eating it (carrots & Ranch, turkey
sandwiches etc).
-realize she is growing & has your genes (yours & your hubby's) so she
has that
-stock your house w/healthy food, healthy snacks & some treats
-walk together as a family
-eat 6 sm meals a day (3 main meals w/3 sm snacks)
-buy what bread, low fat cheese etc.
-encourage her to drink water

Omg. No pediatrician will endorse a child "dieting" !
Kids are still getting taller. They have that on their side (unlike adults).
You want to slow the curve of gain, not have her lose weight.
HEALTHY foods and MORE exercise.
HEALTHY snack portions.
NO soda.
What you don't buy, she won't eat.

Is your pediatrician concerned with her BMI? I would ask her pediatrician about it. It sounds like your doing what the pediatrician would have you do . Healthy meals / snacks & activity. I would imagine she will slim down , just like your husbands side of the family.

I think you've gotten good advice so far. Here's the one thing I'll add - don't make weight a taboo topic. It is ENTIRELY appropriate for a doctor to discuss weight with a patient of any age. It becomes "a thing" when you make it one. When she asks you if she's fat, HAVE A DISCUSSION, don't just tell her she's perfect - she's not perfect (no one is) and to say that when she is obviously questioning this is hollow. For me, the discussion would include lots of "what do you think" or "why do you ask" questions. Let her lead the discussion. Talk to her about how everyone's body grows differently, about how daddy and her aunts and uncles were bigger than many of the kids their age when they were younger and when they grew up, their bodies adjusted and they are active and at a healthy weight. Ask her if she would like to see if there are changes you can make together to what she eats to see if it helps her to get to a healthy weight and see what she says. If she's open to it, then it would be a great opportunity to meet with a nutritionist. If I were you, I would stay away from nutritionists who are "conventional" (members of the ADA) and would look more towards someone who has an "alternative" or naturopathic approach to whole body health and wellness. This could be a great way to educate both of you and something you would be learning together.

FWIW, I wouldn't be surprised if she's eating but is nutritionally starving based on food sensitivities or intolerances that aren't obvious. This is where a holistic approach can be more helpful...it may very well be that she's getting too many calories from carbs (bread, fruit, starchy veggies) and not enough fat, so she's using that food quickly and isn't feeling satisfied or full. She may have a sensitivity to something like dairy, which can cause leaky gut, which causes all sorts of problems. What might be a healthy and satisfying meal plan for one person can be totally wrong for someone else, so that's where meeting with a nutritionist can be really enlightening.

I would encourage you to be open to talking about this with her. She knows she looks different from her peers, the same way a kid with learning or behavioral issues knows that she or he is different from his or her peers. My oldest son (15) has ADHD and learning disabilities. Don't you think he felt stupid as a younger student, always being the last to finish work, always taking longer to do homework, always scoring lower on tests than his friends? Would it have been to his benefit for me to say "no honey, you're perfect!" when hearing him say "I'm stupid, I'm a dummy, I hate school"? Saying things like "no, you're perfect just the way you are" totally invalidates the negative feelings that our kids experience. In the case of my son, wouldn't you think it makes more sense to say "well your brain handles information in a different way than the brains of a lot of kids your age do, so that can make it harder for you to learn. It doesn't mean that you're dumb or stupid or slow or lazy, it means that we have to figure out the best way for your brain to learn. Luckily, there are lots of kids out there like you and lots of ways to help make this better. We're going to meet with some doctors and talk about this, then we'll get some help from your teachers at school and a tutor and this will get better for you." Substitute body for brain and food for information in the above and you have the gist of a kind of conversation that may benefit your daughter. Once she's part of the conversation, this will empower her to make good choices and be open to reminders ("I know you want seconds but let's wait 15 minutes and see if you're still hungry first, just like [Nutritionist] recommended") and feel like you are working as part of team to improve an area of her life that's bothersome to her.

You never mention how much your child weighs, is she truly overweight or does she not fall into the idea of what you want your child to look like?

I am a childcare provider, I had a child in my care recently that I really worried about Mom's attitude toward food. Mom is a tall but thin woman, Dad is a very tall solid man (not thin but certainly not fat). She would drop her daughter off here to eat breakfast and then get on the school bus. It didn't bother Mom at all if they were running late and "Jane" might not get breakfast "oh, she'll be OK". Not in my book, a child needs food in their belly to be able to concentrate at school. Mom didn't want me to feed her an afternoon snack, but the child was ALWAYS hungry. I think Mom's attitudes were really causing some major food issues at a horribly early age. This child talked about food all the time. Children need to eat and move. Children go through phases where they are a little more pudgy and then a few months later they'll grow several inches. Mother nature is preparing that body for the grow spurt that she knows is coming.

If you know that you are offering your child healthy options with the occasional treat then let her eat.

M

I will try to answer this, even though you come across very defensive from the get-go.

I have an 8 year old who is a bit on the chubby side and is extremely active. She is 95 lbs and 4'8". She is very muscular with a belly. She also eats well. I don't shop 100% organic, but try to keep things somewhat healthy.

I believe a lot of the belly is from the morning bagel. She loves them as well as mac & cheese, cheese, cheetos, and ravioli (the canned kind). They are kids and that is a lot of the stuff kids like. I don't allow her to eat this stuff every day, but I am aware it doesn't help her.

If the figure skating coaches had it their way, they would have her eating spinach salad. Don't get me wrong, she does eat spinach, but I can't push it every night or she won't eat.

Even though I think she is a bit overweight, her doctor hasn't said anything about her weight.

Review everything she is eating. Keep in mind, school lunches are not always that healthy.

Please understand that some of it is her genes, and it sounds like she's following in the footsteps of her Dad.

With that said, there are things that you can do to insure that she is healthy, even if you feel that she is overweight.
- walk. take daily 15-20 min walks as a family
- watch for empty carbs. serve more rice, and less noodles.
- increase her water intake. a doc told me last week that people should be drinking half their weight in ounces of water. So, if you weigh 100 lbs. throughout the day, you should try to drink @50 ounces of water (3 - 20 oz bottles).

My son put on a lot of weight around age 9-10. I was having to buy new jeans like every 2 weeks. Not kidding. He has maintained that 'size' for about a year now, and while his weight may increase 5-10 lbs, his clothes size, waist size, has stayed the same.

Listen, I amnot trying to be rude or judge your parenting style, because i have a child who is a little overweight also. I do not find it a big deal that your child is overweight. It does not bother me . If she had a problem with it she would try to lose weight, but she obviously is perfectly fine with her body and how she looks, and i dont think you should make her lose weight. If you have read this and you still want her to lose weight, try onlypacking 1 sugary or junk snack for lunch(2 or 3 cookies, cupcake, zebra cake, brownies, etc.) the rest make sure are healthy but still yummy!(granola bars, allmonds, yogurt, fruits and veggies) you can try giving her a healthy meal too. If you are making her eat healthy please have the rest of the family eat healthy too so she does not eventuallyfind out this is for a diet. You can try getting a different bread like wheat, a different milk like Almond milk, get fat free or sugar free cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, etc. Try new things to veat. If i did not give you enough varieties here than you could look up some stuff. Try excersising with her. Get her to ride bikes every day or walk a mile, go rolar skating, go swimming, try to play a game with her like every time you take a drink you picka paper out of the "cup of fun" and have an exersise on it. Try getting creative and making excersise a fun game for her to play.I hope this helped:)

The formula for losing weight is the same it's been since the beginning of time, burn more than you take in.
I do think that some people have a predisposition to insulin resistence which makes their blood sugar fall and causes more hunger than the average person. Since she's always been larger, she may have this genetic trait.
My best suggestion, just based on when I've wanted to lose weight is to fill up on high fiber foods, that way she can still eat a lot, but the calories are less. So for example, have her eat carrots and hummus for a snack, or give her a fiber supplement before meals to fill her up. I make my dd eat her vegetables before anything else and it usually fills her up and it keeps her off all the other stuff.
Go for a 2 mile walk every day (go to the mall if it's cold). Walk together...that's 14 miles a week...it all adds up.

She's only 10, so young. I was heavy at that age too, it bothered me so I talked to my mom and she just got me off sugar, I got taller and the weight fell off. But I was concerned, my mom didn't make it a big deal. So if she is happy, eating healthy, active, I think she is doing great! Kids do come in all shapes and sizes. I am 5'9" but my Mom is 5'4", mothers can daughters can be really different. Also, I would say don't project future problems if you can help it. Just bc the pediatrician said something and she is struggling doesn't mean she will have some eating disorder and of she does battle weight issues and is a person who gains weight easily it doesn't mean she won't grow up awesome. I was up and down the scale as a kid/teen/young adult/pregnancy etc and I've had a great life with no anorexia of other issues. I had dates, married a great man have 3 of the sweetest kids ever. A weight issue doesn't equal a jacked up life, it may just be something she has to figure out as she grows up. I finally found a healthy way it eat that got me out of the diet trap, but I had to get to almost 40 to figure out my body and she is only 10! If she asks you about it why not just reflect It back to her, asking how she feels about it and just listen. Good luck!

Do some research on grain-free diets. Many of us can't eat grains and only turn the sugar from grains into fat. It also causes more cravings for sugary foods and food in general. I have cut them out of my diet and have lost weight immediately. I don't limit any other foods, just sugar and grains. It's as if it's all the fat that is melting away, not the muscle. I feel strong and energetic and I'm never hungry. I used to be hungry about 2 hours after I'd eat. There are plenty of ways to make grain-free treats too. I make cupcakes, candies, and plenty of wonderful dinners and snacks with no grain and the kids love them.

My kids take after my husband too and they are larger kids than I was. I have to keep a close eye on our diet. My daughter also seems to really enjoy sweets and I think cutting back on grains for her has really helped with her cravings and expecting sweets each day. I saw a difference after about a week of eating this way, but in some people it takes 3-4 weeks to start seeing and feeling the benefits.

Also, I don't hesitate to let my children know that they should limit their food. For me to remind them that they can't eat anything else until dinner, or a reminder to limit their portions, isn't me calling them fat. It's only reminding them to be mindful of what they are eating and that their body has limits. I teach my kids the same thing I teach myself. Portion out snacks before you eat them, don't eat from the bag for example. I serve their dinner and rarely put more on the table, so second helpings are rare, etc. I think kids can regulate their eating pretty well naturally, but they still need to be taught some basics. Also, some kids need more help than others if they are more interested in eating.

You want her to love herself? You teach her that she is perfect as is. You continue to encourage healthy eating, with the understanding that not every body will respond the same to every food item. You make sure that there is nothing medically wrong. You figure out if some of the things that are healthy for you are less healthy for her. (I can't do corn or wheat. Whole wheat is worse than the bleached process stuff. I require a beefy diet. When I want to look and feel my best, I have to follow this.)

If everything checks out, then you just let her be. Meanwhile, you continue to teach her that she is fine as she is, and you stop feeling judged by it. That's not as easy to do--the feeling judged part--but you need to focus on that. You're visiting your issue onto her.