I Need Mother-In-Law Advice! Please Help!

Your in-laws are being nuts about it. It's my understanding that they don't own the whole resort, correct? If not, then they have no say so on who goes there or when. Just because they've decided this is their "special place" doesn't mean no one else can enjoy it.

Without being too confrontational (although they've really started this), someone should simply explain to them that your family thought it was so lovely and enjoyed being there so much for your wedding, that they wanted to return and vacation there. I have to say that I find this weird beyond belief! Why would they even care if your family bought a house there -much less just spent a week? Do the in-laws become livid at all the other vacationers who rent places at this resort? I hope they realize that if people didn't rent most of the places at their beloved resort, it wouldn't exist!

What? That's insane! Your family can vacation where ever they choose to! Your husband needs to have a chat with her.

I would just tell your in-laws that your family, like everyone else, are free to go on vacation where they choose. You are sorry and shocked they feel possessive of the whole area but your vacation is not open for negotiation.

My in-laws would have offered to let us use their place so this is odd.

I suggest your in laws use their wealth to purchase the entire resort and surrounding areas to preserve their legacy...

If they have a problem with people renting near them...maybe they should buy/move elsewhere to a location this isn't an option...I alert Gilligan and The Skipper of their new neighbors..

You poor thing! ;) What ridiculousness!

Your in-laws are being ridiculous! I would be upset if my in-laws treated my family like that! Unless they own the WHOLE resort, it's not their area. Just an area that they own a condo in. I hope your family enjoys their trip!

Your inlaws are being ridiculous! You all go with YOUR parents and have a great time. What are they 12? Time to grow up!

Am I reading this correctly: your inlaws don't want your extended family to vacation in the same area that they like to vacation?? Are you kidding me? I would be profoundly offended by this stance, as I'm sure you are. They better change their "position" quickly before irreparable damage is done to your greater family unit. I've never heard of something so ridiculous. Your inlaws sound like first-class snobs, I'm sorry to say.

OMG - yes, be sure to keep us posted. I wish I would've seen this sooner!! I think your MIL is being totally unreasonable in her request. They don't own the whole place, just one condo. Who do they think they are.

Ugh - your MIL must be a real pain in the ___.

I'd try to find a similar resort to go to and book there. It's just not worth the aggrivation.

I hate to say it but perhaps your in-laws are snobs and don't want your middle class family on their snob turf. I'd just keep the peace and move it. It's just not worth it. Good luck!!

This does sound really odd - even if they felt that way - why would they even think of saying it out loud!? Your inlaws sound really petty. Keep in mind that this is definitely born out of insecurity on their part. I suspect it's more from one of your inlaws than both (either the MIL but not the FIL or reverse?) Do they feel superior and that the community is too exclusive for "common working folk" like your parents? Or is it more about wanting this special place to be only about the kids builidng memories with them and not the other grandparents? It's not as if kids even notice their surroundings - any pool and beach are the same to them until they become teens. Little ones don't recognize the difference between a Motel6 and the 4 Seasons! Frankly, it's quite a compliemnt from your parents that they respect your in-laws taste.

I can fully understand why this bothers you - but do not take it personally - sounds like deep insecurity on their part - feel bad for them but ultimtely do whatever you and your family want to do. They are the ones with the emotional problem - not you. Don't make a big deal of it and just move past it. If they ask what your family's plan are simply answer that your parents are making the plans and you're just going to show up.

Sounds like your inlaws must have been a lot of fun to have as friends in high school. Yikes!!!

That is perplexing. Are they in a differant income bracket than your parents? Do they either look down on your parents as in - "how dare, the lower class coming to our special place that only we are supposed to be able to afford?" Or maybe your parents have so much and all your inlaws have to call thier own is thier special place and don't want that taken from them? That's all I can think of since there is no bad blood between them.
I would think it would be fun for them to play host to your family. Especially since they are so proud and have so much invested. If it were me, I would insist they come stay at our place and be thrilled to be hosting them.
Why do I suddenly want to go see Little Fockers? ha

This is totally stupid and petty of your MIL, but just like with your kids, "pick your battles." For whatever reason she is doing this and you have to decide is this worth possibly causing major issues amongst the family if you fight this. I'm sure there are other places you and your family could go, so go some place else, make it a "special" vacation for them and MOVE ON!!!

Your MIL is WAY out of line. They don't own the resort area and can't dictate who can go there and who can't..

i know you've already closed the form, but there is nothing stopping anyone from renting that close to them if it's open, they don't even have to know

got your back on this one.

i'd do it for spite but i'm in "revenge" mode lately

My first thought is "Wow, are your In-Laws five or something?", because this sounds like one of my preschoolers! ("She can't sit in that chair. It's mine. I sat in it for three minutes two and a half hours ago!" ...I hope this makes you laugh, not cringe.)

You know what? She's said what she wants, which I think is likely universally regarded as ridiculous. If it were me, I'd treat it as I would a preschool situation: don't bring her attention to it. She's not the Queen and so you are better off just dropping the subject for now. Let your own family (your own parents, etc.) decide what you want to do WITHOUT factoring this strange request into the mix, and just don't tell her. In fact, unless you've already shared this with your own family, I wouldn't. It would just be giving it too much attention. If she asks later, you can just explain with a straight face that your family makes their own plans, and they wanted to do this for their vacation this year before she made her edict, and when you mentioned it to her, you weren't asking her permission, you were telling her what the plans *already* were.

It may be that she's like a lot of people who 'discover' a place before it peaks, and wants to keep it the way they liked it, smaller and less-known. The mindset then becomes "Everyone else who comes after us is an interloper/ruining it for us. Renters aren't committed to the area, etc." Of course, if you want to make her feel that this isn't true, you could do some small things, like take one morning to walk around and pick up the trash left by tourists. Take pictures of that to share with her, and perhaps she'll lighten up and understand your family cares too? Odd hoops to jump, I don't know, but it is an olive branch she won't dare to argue with.

But until you actually go on this vacation, try to avoid talking about it if you can. Maybe this is about something deeper, about having to share their son and grandchildren with another family? They'll have to figure out for themselves what the deeper feelings are, but I'd just stay non-confrontational about it, and just not bring it up for now. (Distract and redirect! Just like we do with toddlers!)

No you are not over reacting. Just make your plans as you had planned w/ your family and go... I mean really, all your in-laws can do is be upset and look like selfish idiots :)

Your MIL sounds crazy. Seriously?? I'd tell my husband to tell her to get out of the way or deal with the wrath of a mama! Who is she to tell you where your family can and cannot rent vacation space? Ugh, do we share the same mother-in-law?? Good luck with that one!

It's stupid, but it's also not worth it. There are so many other resorts in the area. Pick another one and don't make a big deal about it. Let them be childish. but don't engage. It's just not worth it.

That is just ODD. Is there some other negative family dynamic going on that you havent shared? There would have to be.
The only other reason I can think of that they dont want you ALL together at the same time is that they dont feel comfy sharing the attention of the grandkids.
Sometimes that is uncomfortable to me when we have been at huge family gatherings. My grandsons live near their other set of grandparents so they are very tight with them so it makes it harder for grandpa and I to get the attention we are craving from the boys... it gets a tad competitive and just makes you wish you were there without the other set of G-parents. That could be their fear.
Other than that it is just plain rude of them to tell you that your family cant come, especially since they are renting their own place at the resort. Maybe it should have never been mentioned at all and it could have taken a more natural, spontanious course?

Last time I checked, this is a free country. Your parents & family are free to stay anywhere they wish, if they find a rental there! It's not like they are asking to be house guests at your in-laws!
BUT it would really make me stop and think if I wanted my family to spend time with these wackos.

That's insane. You are not overreacting. Your reacting like a loving daughter. If someone in the resort is renting their place out for the week your parents have every right to rent it! I could understand if your parents were wanting to rent the condo next door the same week they were in town, but its a big resort. Your parents can do as they wish.

I would just drop the topic and try to stay out of it.
M.

WOW, your in-laws need to get over themselves. It doesn't matter how much they have invested on their property, they certainly don't own the whole resort. How rude of them to suggest that your family cannot stay in "their" resort.
I do not think you are over reacting, I think your in-laws are way over the line here and you need to tell them to step back.
Good luck!

That sounds really kooky to me!

I'd ask them straight out why they feel this is THEIR place and they absolutely cannot have your family anywhere near there.

Yes, this does sound odd. Let's look at it from another angle though. Could your in-laws be jealous?? Maybe they feel proud that they have this special place to share with their son and you his wife. How long have they been going to this resort??? It sounds like they are kind of protective of this resort and for whatever reason feel threatened about your family being there.

This is in no way an excuse to not include all family in a good time. Your family has every right to vacation wherever they want. Maybe in time your in-laws will see this.

Peace.

LMAO At they don't want your family there. They sound very jealous I would ignore their chidlish remarks, don't even talk to them about it. Have fun with your family!! I find it sad how instead of people being happy for others they go out of their way to cause drama especially since this is family.

Unless the resort is making 'special' rental accomodations for your family, it's designed to be rented out by any family, person, etc... right? Your inlaws can't control who rents units on the proberty unless they own it. AND, yes, I would be offended... I mean, what are they saying with that statement they've invested lost of money into this place? I'm sure your family would respect and take care of anyplace. This is crazy with a capital C.

My sister has a similar problem with her inlaws. They do not want our family anywhere near them when they are with their son (my BIL), even though my family has been nothing but nice to them. I find this type of behavior to be petty and immature, . Your inlaws have no right to dictate where your family vacations. However, I say screw them and find another place, and explain to them that it is too bad they will not get to see their son and grandchild as much during that vacation since you will be staying further away.

You are completely correct here... it's "their spot" and your family can't go there? WHAT? Tat's insane.

It's a free country and your parents can rent a vacation home wherever they like. My guess is that they are concerned that your daughter will have fun with your side of the family and compare the two experiences. They probably wanted that to be the "special place" they take their family.

Honestly, I would ask them for a real answer here. If they are upset that your family is enjoying the spot on the "cheap" b/c they didn't purchase a vacation home, then that's simply petty. They may have a valid concern (although I doubt it). Ask for a reason. If they don't have one... schedule the vacation and enjoy!

How much money have they invested in it? Why is only their invest ment so important? I'm not quite sure I understand this?! I'm sorry - did your in-laws purchase the entire resort?
I agree with Julie B - put it back in their court in a positive manner (ie - they loved it so much, they'd like to visit it for vacation).
I would've already gotten confrontational (good for you to keep your composure)...This is c-r-a-z-y!!!
BTW: Does your family want to go at the same time as the in-laws? Why bother telling the in-laws...Tell them to suck it and wish them a Merry Christmas! LOL
Good luck M....This is a hard one?!