Ok moms. I am new here. I have two great little ones. My husband and I are getting a divorce, he has a drinking problem. Monday he was moving his stuff out and I went to get something out of the suv and he asulted me. I went in the house, and he threw a bed frame at the front door and tried to break in the house. It was ugly. Thank God the kids were not home. I called 911 and I am trying to get a protective order. My appointment for that is on monday. Our court date for custody is set with the attorney general for oct. I am moving asap with the kids b/c im a scared of him. He says that he is going to find us and take the kids and do worse to me. No his mom is texting me non stop saying that she is comming to pick up the kids tomorrow for the weekend. My question is where we do not have visation set up, and I am scared for my kids and me do I have to give him visiation? I know once I get the protective order I dont until we go to court. Im super lost and confused! Any advice??
I got a new apartment, he doesnt know where it is, its outside od houston, am moving on friday...
Call this number ###-###-#### it is a Lawyer Referral Service that I was given when need advise for my grandson whose mother died several years back.
Sincerely,
P.
I went through the same issues several years ago. Your first concern should be to protect yourself and your kids. Your mother-in-law does not have any rights at this time and would probably just take the kids to her son and that could cause you more problems. I am not sure why the protective order is taking so long. Mine was issued immediately, but I had my husband arrested. You also don't want CPS to get involved if your kids are in the middle of a violent altercation. You can also contact your local womans shelter for advice. You must document everything and save any messages (text or voicemail). I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope everything works out. You need to find a support group or someone to talk to. I will prayer for you and your kids.
Why would you HAVE to let the grandmother take the kids? If you have nothing in writing about temporary custody, they don't have a leg to stand on. Besides, when a divorce is being sought after, I don't think many people spend time writing in clauses for the grandparents.
If I were you, get your move done, tell your soon-to-be ex-mother in-law that the kids are busy and not going to be home and just make sure you LOG everything down. If you have not deleted the text messages she has sent you, email them to yourself. Keep record of EVERYTHING you do because of the father. When your court case comes around, you will have that journal to go back into and will then be able to show justification as to why you did not allow the grandmother to take the kids.
For the safety of your children keep them with you. Inform your MIL that until everything is set up you will keep the children. If she wants to see them without her son then arrange something but do not let her take them. If she shows up with her son then leave. DO IT IN A VERY PUBLIC PLACE AND NOT CLOSE TO YOUR NEW LOCATION!
I am concerned he will take your children and run. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU CHILDREN. You are doing the right thing.
You have support from all the moms here.
Do NOT give him the kids. Take them and get away. Go to a shelter if you need to. If you don't know of one, call The Women's Shelter ###-###-####. Possession is 9/10's of the law! Good luck.
A.,
I am sorry for your problems, but so proud of you that you're taking action. Too many women stay in abusive relationships. Those kind of men will NEVER change.
If you do not have court papers yet showing visitation, you do NOT have to let him (or his Mom) take the kids. Does his Mom know where you live now? If not, she can't pick the kids up can she? Do you have a male brother or cousin who could stay with you until you get the protective order? Your Dad, an Uncle? Any male family member?
Be aware that he or she or any of his friends can follow you and find out where you live. It's not that hard. Be careful! If the kids stay at daycare or with a babysitter, make sure they know the situation and have copies of any and all legal paperwork.
If he DOES find you, call the police. Protective order or not, call them.
I'd also suggest getting in touch with a local Battered Women's shelter and get advice from them. They are great people and can really help. And if for some reason he does find you and causes problems, and you call the police....ask the police to bring you and the kids to a shelter....they will and you'll be safe. They tell NO ONE where you are.
Take care, be aware and stay safe. Please let us know how you are doing.
No, you don't have to let her take your kids. You don't have any court visitation so just go with your gut. I don't ever have to let my mother-in-law take my kids now unless I want to so why should you? It is really good that you called 911 when he attacked you, because a police report will help you. Good for you for moving to a new location. If you haven't gotten all your things, try and have someone go with you next time or go in your place if possible. My mother moved us to a new place and gave the inlaws a p.o. box address to mail christmas presents etc. to. I didn't see my father's family much but they always kept in touch by phone and cards etc. so I always felt close to them. As I got older they even worked with my mom to let her know when my father was away, and we would go visit at those times, but that was well into my teens. Just telling you this so you know things can work out, it just takes time. With someone violent you have to just get away and let that rage simmer down. Just be ready to do what is needed on a moments notice for a while. My mom moved us 3 times my first grade year because my father didn't respect the court order and found us. But after a couple years he went back to his life and stopped chasing us. I hope your journey is not as hard! But if it is, hang in there and just do what you need to for the sake of your kids. Of course if he does have supervised visitation etc you will have to be somewhere relatively close but if he loses visitation all together, you are free to go where you choose. Best wishes! I will pray for your family.
I believe since he assaulted you - and it's on file (good for you), he has made threatening comments and gestures to all of you, he would NOT be allowed to have visitation with the kids.
Hopefully you will have law enforcement involved in this situation until you can meet with an attorney and get things sorted out.
Good luck - and I'm sure I don't just speak from myself but others as well - good for you for taking steps to protect yourself and your kids.
First, I am so sorry you & the kids have to experience this. Now, NO you do not have to let them have visitation. You husband, his family, etc... none of them! Your MIL has NO rights at this point. DO NOT let them bully you. Talk to a lawyer. Remember you have to protect your children. Make sure the lawyer, the police & your children understand the situation. When it gets ugly, call the cops. It helps to have a record of them coming to help. Log everything! Even his mother texting you, etc.. Keep a log of EVERYTHING! You never know when it will be helpful. Also, make sure any visitation they do have is supervised. Also remember, you can put anything you want in the divorce papers. You can put in there that the kids are not allowed to stay with him if he lives with another woman, they are not allowed to spend the night, etc... anything. The trick is though, wearing him down enough to agree & sign the papers. Keep your head up, stand your ground, be strong for your kids. You have to show them that you love them, they deserve to know that they don't have to live that way. If you need a shoulder or someone to talk to... let me know! =}
Good luck, remember EVERYTHING is temporary!
DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN OR HIS MOM YOUR KIDS!! If you need any advice, I know battered women's hotlines have free consultation on this sort of thing. Whatever you do, do not let you kids out of your sight, you have no idea what a person like him in this situation is likely to do.
