I Need Help! - Matteson,IL

UGGGGGH! That's gotta be rough! I'm with the other post - document EVERYTHING! I don't know how long you will be able to keep the silence. And...part of it depends on how much more time you have in school too. I would use this time to think, sort, make sure you know where all major documents are in the household (i.e. insurance policies, stocks, 401K's) and make copies of them. I would consult a lawyer and many of them will not charge you for initial counsel. You are asking the question but you are not saying that you want a divorce - you have to make the decision what direction you want to take this. Can you forgive and forget???? Counseling? Divorce is the only answer? You have to decide. Very sad. Do your homework before you get sideswiped with any other news! Good luck!

If you need to stay with your husband while you're in school, focus on finishing up ASAP. If & when you decide to leave, you need to be smart. Document everything. Print out whatever you've found on Craig's list. Check phone records, etc. And contact an attorney. He will give you initial advice even before you pay a retainor.

dear D. i am so sorry that you are in this situation. if it were me i think i would be thinking of two things leaving and moving in with family until you can work out a better situation or going to counseling immediately if you think that your marriage is still at the point of salvaging. only you can tell that. i do think that you may need to take some time so that you are thinking clearly and not rushing into any decisions out of anger. i would be extremely angry and hurt as you surely are. i am sorry for your pain. it will get better.

I agree with what the other moms said. Take care of you and your kids livlyhood first and then make your moves. If you don't have friends here I live close to you 15 min away in Glenwood. I will welcome a new friendship. My husband has never cheated (not that I know of) but he has a small addiction to sex and we are working on it so we are kind of in the same boat. Hang in there honey.

D.,
I hate to tell you but I think "Once a cheater, always a cheater" You need to get out and get your kids away from him. You surely dont want them to think that it is appropriate behavior! I was in the same situation 20 some years ago. My kids were 2 and 3 and I hadnt worked in several years either. I moved back home with my mom until I got back on my feet. IT took about a year. If you are in IL you should get alimony. THat will help. You will also be eligible for more financial aid for school since you wont have your husbands income. It will be hard, dont get me wrong, but in the long run, its the right thing to do.

Good luck!

You poor thing. I am so sorry this is happening to you and you have to go through it alone without your family close. How far do they live? Do you have any friends here in IL you can confide in or just talk to? How did you find out he cheated on you the last time? I think you should first confront your husband if you think it is safe and he isn't a violent person. Are you thinking of leaving him over this? If so, I would let him know and speak with a lawyer right away. You can have it so that your husband pays all the attorneys fees on your end since he was cheating. That is if you have solid evidence he was cheating or you think he will admit it outright. Can you ask your family for financial support for an attorney retainer fee? If not I would seek family/marriage counseling to get to the root and reason of why he cheated and is looking to do it again. You need to make the best and right decision for you and your children. If that is keeping the family together and giving him a THIRD chance, than I think counseling is definitely in order. Ask your husband if divorce is what he wants, and when he says no, ask him why he cheated before and is seeking it again. Many men don't divorce because they'll pay out the u know what for support payments. He would be SCREWED. That is something you would get almost immediately, enabling you to move out if needed and even possibly going to your family. But you need to talk to a good attorney. I found an ad in the local paper of McCarthy & Griffin. I don't know much about them, but know they are women attorneys in family/divorce law. Their number is ###-###-####.

The fact that he knows you are defenseless and you have no place else to go is horrible. He knows you are stuck and he can get away with what he is doing. He is taking full advantage of the fact you have no where to turn. I am sorry, I have no sympathy for cheating men. They are always sorry when they are CAUGHT, am I right? Not only would you get about 30%+ of his salary in child support, but alimony as well which would help you pay your bills and possibly still do school part time. If you plan on staying in IL, there are programs here that will pay for your daycare with a monthly copay.

I guess your other option is to use him until you are done with school. When you graduate (hopefully soon!)....call an attorney and splitsky. Don't say a word to him about it. I am sure he will continue to cheat,the chances of him trying to do it again in the future I think is pretty high. That way you'll have your degree and all you will have to worry about is work and supporting your children. getting the advice of an attorney right away I think is your best bet. They might be able to fight for you to stay in school by his means and by co-parenting. Sorry for this rediculously long email. I was a single mom for four years until I met my new husband. It was hard but I was so much happier being without my ex who was abusive and controlling. You know you have it bad if you'd be happier being a single mom!! If you have any other questions feel free to message me. If you want to have lunch or anything, really. I feel terrible you are solo in this! Good Luck.