I Need Advice About 2 Children I Babysit For

In my preschool classes I have seen this sort of think a lot. Either they act up prior to going to one parent's, or they act up after coming home, or both. I would suggest definitely talking to the Dad, but realize in doing so you may be opening a can of worms. He may want to persue a different custody aggrement or whatever. Anyway, I find that the issue deep inside is usually a problem of the kids feeling a lack of control over what happens. Many times, on these problem days I let the child make as many choices as possible...what they eat, what they do, how they do it. But you still have to have boundaries, and if they cross the line, they lose priviledges. This is usually another issue they have...discipline helps them feel in control. They are lucky to have a sitter that caes so much about them. It sounds like they need all the TLC they can get!!

I agree with one of the previous posters. Your daughter will see other kids throw fits and other things you don't want her to do, wether it is at the grocery store, a firends house, pre-school when the time comes. I do not think the boy's behavior should go un-noticed, it sounds like they need help. But as long as they are not hitting or hurting your daughter when they act out, use the opertunity to teach her that she can not always do what she see's others doing, and what you expect from her. I would not think it is a reason to stop watching the boys. With a little time things should get better.

I agree with the person who asked have you talked to Dad about the behavior on the days they go to Mom's. That could be a sign that something bad is going on there. It might not be but they should be evaluated and someone should make sure. Yes, your children are your first priority but I think that these little boys are crying out for help. They do however need to know that that behavior will not be tolerated in your home. I have been a nanny for 15 years now and kids know that I mean buisness and as long as the parents are not home they know not to push the limit or there is a going to be a consequence for their actions. If I were you I would say to them "I understand that you are upset that you have to go to your mom's house but you may not act this way in my home." Even though they are little they still understand this. They will also know if you mean it or not so make sure that you do.

i hate to say this but i know they are in your house and you can control that factor. but there is always going to be kids out there that you kids are going to learn from. i think you just need to teach your kids right from wrong and explain just because someone else is doing something don't mean you have to. even though we want to keep our kids away from that we cannot. but like i said i know they are in your home and you can control that situation some how. and i know it is hard to explain to a 2 year old. i have a four year old and a 19 month. i know my mom use to say that my brother and i used to act out when we came home from my dads because we pretty much could do what we wanted there. we only went every other weekend. we would come home and talk back alot i guess. have you talked to the dad about this? good luck you know another thing in my experience boys emotions are different than girls. most girls i know just cry or wine when they get upset. all the boys i know including growing up i had three brothers there emotions were to hit and throw. but i read the other response about drawing and right in a journal that is a great idea

I think it’s great that you are going to try to work through this even though it sounds like they are being difficult. Definitely involve the Dad - if it were me and my kids were that upset about something, I would definitely want to know. Would he mind if you call him at work? Maybe if they get out of control and time outs aren't working you could ask him to speak with them, but maybe check with him first to see if he would mind you calling. Also, maybe try a positive reinforcement plan on the days that you know they are going to be upset because they know they are going to their mom's. I don't know how old they are so this may not be age appropriate, but you could have a chart and let them get a sticker each day for not cussing/throwing/hitting and for doing positive things (sharing, saying something nice, cleaning up, etc) and take some away when they do things that aren't appropriate. Once they get enough stickers, have some type of reward for them or let them do something fun. I watch my niece and she was really fighting with my daughter and she would always be terrible around the time her mom came to pick her up because she never wants to go home. The chart worked great - I picked up a few things from Target's dollar store and put it in a "prize bag" and they get to pick something out if they get enough stickers. Hang in there and good luck!

I would say that you definitly need to punish them when they act out. Let them know that those actions are not acceptable in your house, and give them time and the opportunity to talk about their emotions and their feelings about seeing their mother. Tell them you understand it must be hard, but there are better ways to take their emotions they feel inside to outside without hurting others and saying bad words. They can draw pictures, if they know to write they can keep a journal. Allow them to have notebooks with either lined or blank paper to do so, and let them know they only have to share the notebook if they feel comfortable enough to share them. Otherwise what they put in their is for their eyes only. Give them a special place to put the notebook if possible. This will help them learn "healthier" ways to deal with such hard feelings that they must be feeling. It will open doors and allow them to feel more comfortable with you, even when they aren't comfortable with their own thoughts. I hope something here helps. Best of luck!

You have to talk to their father. It is his job to see to it that they do not act that way. Are you having to take them? If so, it isn't your job. If they go to mom's, then dad should take them. If it doesn't get better, the stop watching them. You can still be there for them. Your child must come first.

Have you spoken with their dad about how they are acting? He may be able to get them into counseling to deal with their emotions. Also, I know this sounds harsh, but YOUR kids are your first priority. If they are in a situation you don't want them to be in... your job is to stop it. It sounds like you love those kids, but remember to protect your own in the meantime.

First off how old are the boys? Are they old enough to talk to, find out what is obviously bothering them about going to their mom's? Sounds like it is pretty bad...I know it is hard(when you are the sitter) what lines to cross and how far to get involved, but if it means they are effecting your girls, you really do need to speak with their dad about it. They may need some counceling to deal with stuff. Good luck to you and the boys!

W.
I think Dad needs to be aware of it or already is for I feel maybe something is going on with the mom situation that can't be good for those boys. It wasn't mentioned how old the boys are but regardless your 2 year old is going to pick up their behavior and then you will have a battle to deal with. I wouldn't bail out I would have a conversation with their father. Not wanting to go to Moms is a big deal and I would not leave it alone. I don't think they should be punished because they have behavior problems over being at Moms. It sound like their Dad needs to get them help and find the reasons of why and see if they do the same thing when Dad is taking them to Moms. It is part of your problem when its affecting your child as well as the boys.
Hope all goes well.
C.

If you are willing to work on this with the dad that would be wonderful. If not, which is completely understandable, then have a talk with the dad and let him know what is going on. Ask him what you can do to help. As far as your little one, just keep letting her know that behavior is unacceptable from your children in your house.