this may be long, sorry!!
My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party/dinner is being planned for this saturday. i know that is a big deal. only happens once. here is my problem. they were too 'busy' to make it to my wedding. they live in CO and typically vcation here for the entire summer. never once have they not. they were here up until a week before my wedding, went home then came back a week later. there was nothing at home for them to do at all. when i asked them what they did "nothing but lazied around" was their response. these are my dads parents and family. half of his family didn't even bother to come either. so iam to the point of 'boycotting' that side of the family. they all made special arrangement to be at my sisters which was in the beginning of may.(my wedding was last july) do i be the bigger person, suck it up and go or not. i told my mom how i feel and she agrees with me but then my dad will feel hurt if we don't attend. i told my mom that she is more than welcome to take our kids but not to expect us. i just want to tell them that i have nothing better to do than lazy around.
my hubby WILL NOT go to anything that has anything to do with that side of the family.
how do i handle this one???? please help. thanks
my hubby and i did not go. my dad asked my mom why and she played dumb and then my dad understood, because of the wedding thing. he was not at all upset at me for not going. they did take our kids and my grandma even understood why we didn't go. noone said the exact reason but my mom said by the look in her eyes that she knew. i still feel a bit bad about not going but finally my point has been noted. thanks everyone
Grandparents pass on one day.
Along with their passing goes some level of resentment and pain.
What remains is regret.
Don't add your actions to that regret.
Be the Grandaughter. Set the example for those who follow you.
Pull your shoulders back and be the example for your children.
You will not regret this.
Well I would say don't hold it against them they did not come to your wedding. It sucks but it is what it is and who knows what they were thinking. I would say this... if something happened next year woudl YOU regret not going? Doyou want to go? If you thinkyou will enjoy yourself and have a fun family time then go. If you think the whole time you would be miserable don't go.
Good luck keep us posted!
F.
I completely agree with Kristen. If you want to teach your kids family values you need to expose them to family. If they see that your family isn't great to you what they will also see (at least later in life) is that you stood through it and tried to make the best of it.
If you sever from your family you will regret it and your kids will resent not having that part of their heritage.
Maybe try to talk your husband into reconciling himself to your family too. It is a part of you part of his job is to stand by you. Especially if you have difficult family.
Good luck, which ever way you decide!
I would go for a short time. If your dad would be hurt then it seems like the best thing to do.You don't have to say anything but congratulations to your grandparents. If they ask where your husband is say something like "he promised to come to your next anniversary party maybe you can be there for ours since you missed our special day":)Do you have any idea why they didn't come to your wedding ? the party is not the time to ask them but I would definitely bring this up to them. I'm sorry this happened to you.It wasn't right of them .hang in there. Good luck!
J. B,
I really have to agree with Kristin.
she says what I was thinking so well.
sometimes it tough to be the 'better' person, but nothing in life worth having is easy to attain... you will feel better about going and as long as you don't shove it down anybody's throat that you're the better person, it will be rewarding and you won't have regrets later.
I would go and have a great time. You don't really have to talk to them that much either, you can mingle and connect with other guests that are there.
But, I completely understand where you're coming from. I say that as long as the grandparents are not abusive to you, your husband or children in anyway, that seeing them isn't a problem.
Gosh....what CAN be added to Kristen's advise???? Incredible! Speaking from the heart...my mother-in-law died last June (the only grandma my kids have known) She lived with us for two years. Most of my in-laws made my life H _ _ _ on earth during that time. My mother-in-law, too, was a difficult person... And, here I am, planning a barbeque for her anniversary of her death, at our home. Time does heal and my kids know that my husband and I have tried to handle the situation in the best way possible. I can't change people - I can only change my attitude toward the situation and it hasn't been easy. I know your situation is hurtful-just by asking the question means your being the bigger person! Baby steps. Good luck!
