Wedding Venting and Need Advice About FAMILY

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you are not asking them to pay for anything! At 29 and with kids you should be paying for your own stuff anyway.

I think that unless you are asking for assistance (financial or otherwise) from your family, it's really none of their business when and how you get married. Just smile and say, "We are planning a 2010 wedding. I hope you will be able to come. We look forward to having our family and friends celebrate with us."

If you are asking relatives for money--either for the wedding directly, or for other things because the wedding has pushed you in the red--then your relatives may have a point.

To answer your question about your budget, yes of course you can have a great wedding for $4,000. You can have a great wedding for $400. Remember, all you *need* to get married is a wedding license, an officiant, and two witnesses. Everything else is a *want*. I got married about 3 years ago, and we spent $2,500 on everything--my dress, the reception, singer, rings--everything. We had 75 guests and everyone had a wonderful time and I will always remember the day.

Good luck to you!

I'm with all the others - do it your way. When family doesn't get it, just say, "I appreciate that you're concerned about our finances, but we have decided that celebrating together with our family is a priority for us."

One strategy that I've learned over the last few years that works AMAZINGLY well in all kinds of situations - especially for me who tends to react really emotionally and cause situations to escalate - is the "broken record" strategy. It's the only way that I've found that I can remain polite, not get crazy or upset, and get the conversation to stop. I use it with telemarketers, bill collectors (!), my family, whoever... When someone says something that I've already made up my mind about, I say, "Thank you for thinking of me, but (insert what I want/need/decided here)." If they continue the conversation or try to argue with me, I simply say the exact same thing, over and over and over again. I feel in control, I turn the situation around, I assert myself, and I remain calm and polite. Win, win. Think of it as the Inigo Montoya strategy (from the Princess Bride). :)

Good luck and enjoy your wedding!

Hi K.,

It is YOUR wedding. Do it YOUR way. You know your budget and what you like and don't like. Assign certain (trustworthy) friends and family to help you with the details. Check out EBay and Craigslist for items you may need. On Craigslist, you can post a WANTED ad for specific items. There are plenty of people who have bought everything for a wedding reception and then would love to sell them afterward to recoup some of the money.

Don't forget Michael's weekly ads have 40% off coupons. They sell so many things you can use (invitations, decorations, flowers, etc.).

Have fun, delegate tasks, create a budget and schedule and stick with it. Part of the enjoyment of the wedding is planning it (okay, well maybe for some people!)

Maybe if you ask the "complaining" members of your family to take care of a specific portion of the plans, they will shift their energy into doing something positive. :)

I am not trying to sound harsh here, but you have more than what I did. I would go get the church now and get married. I wanted to have cake in the park afterward. It was my MIL who wanted the reception and paid for it.

The wedding day goes by so fast. It really is the rest of your life that creates what is special about being married. If I were you I would call up the church and see when the next available day is that I could marry the father of my children.

YOu need to have the wedding your way. You NEED to have your father walk you down the isle. That was the best part of my weeding!! Both my mom and dad walked me down the isle to my husband, the best memory ever!!

Don't worry what everyone else is saying. It could be the perfect "everything" and those same people will think it should have been different. Some people just need to complaine to be heard. Be happy with your decisions and this day will be for you, your husband and your kids. It will be YOUR family's day, not your friends and relatives. YOURS!

$4000 is plenty for a well planned wedding. You can have a very simple and beautiful wedding with that amount. When you get all this "wonderful" advice, just smile and let them know you appreciate thier opinion. It's their choice to come to the wedding or not. (you know they will be there to add more coments on how it should have been different)

Enjoy yourself, it's YOUR wedding!!!! Tomarrow will be my 14th wedding anniversary. Wouldn't have changed a thing!

Good Luck!

Have your wedding and don't listen to those family members who are making you feel bad. My son got married this summer and it was a beautiful wedding outdoors. The whole wedding cost less then $2500 so it can be done. Congratulations and good luck.

Stand your ground.... If you want to have a wedding at a church and have your father walk you down the isle do it. we went the cheaper way and now both of us regret it.. Missed out on great pic and many more things. we did not have much money either but you can make it work. Goold luck and stand up for what you want. They will get over it if they want to help tell what they can do, if not please let us do what we want.

I say do what makes YOU happy and forget what your family and everyone else says. If you think its worth it then it will be! good luck!

You have EVERY right to have a wedding! I always love how people like to tell others how to do things, even though they didn't do it that way themselves. How many of those people that are telling you to go to the courthouse did the same themselves? They had their wedding, why do they care if you have yours???
My wedding cost $2000, dress included! We had a wonderful time. I had the whole thing in one room. I got married on Dec. 23 so the room was already decorated with a Christmas tree, and I just added a bunch of poinsettias to it. I asked a family friend that is into photography to do pics for us and he did them for free and then we developed them into what we wanted. We used 6 big round tables that sat 10, and arranged them with an isle down the middle. We each had 1 person stand up for us and my nieces were flower girls. We invited all of our Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and close friends, and then I told all of my 18 cousins and their spouses they could come to the dance that evening. This was my second marriage and his first so I didn't want him to miss out.
It was WONDERFUL, and the best thing is that we saved the rest of the money that we would've spent on a rediculously expensive wedding on a downpayment on our house. Money better spent for the future instead of one day, I think :o)
Best wishes, and be sure you DO have that wedding because if you don't you'll regret it and wonder why you let others make that decision for you.
J.

We had our reception at a state park outdoors (under a covered pavilion in case of rain), and it was just fine. We saved a TON of money by having family members do a cookout for the guests rather than have it catered. It was about a decade ago, but I don't remember spending more than a few grand total. Remember, it's about the love, not the money. As I recall, we had a family photographer do the photos too, and we used simple decorations that had already been through a friend's wedding. When my sister got married, she had her mother-in-law do the cake (it was gorgeous). Anything you can have a family member or good friend do for free helps with the costs. We were really RALLY broke when we got married. I would have liked to have had a grander wedding, but it suited us fine as it was, and I got to have my dad walk me down the aisle.

Definately have the wedding YOU want. My only recommendation is if you are on a limited budget...It is much nicer to have a smaller elegant wedding with the people that are really special to you than cut corners and invite more people. My friend decide the invite everyone approach and cut corners on the wedding and reception was a better idea, and I must admit - 15 years later it was still one of the worst events I have ever attended. It was held in a musty community rec room with horrible lighting and unpainted cinderblock walls. The DJ was awful, the tables were like a school lunchroom, and the food was served by cafeteria women in hairnets and white lab coats on trays like school lunch. She should have cut her guest list down by about 75%+ had a nice dinner or even hors d' oevers and drinks somewhere nice. She could have made some easy beautiful decorations on her own, but chose instead to add to the guest list and throw up some doillies and tulle. I love my friend, but it was absolutely cheesy, and I kept thinking I wish she would have not invited me, and saved her money for the stuff that would have made it a special day for her. It is much better to go small and elegant vs. big and cheap (and by cheap I don't mean spending alot...but tacky). I am all about saving money and there are terrific ways to do it. You can buy flowers at Costco or Sams or even farmers markets. Use local in season flowers. Be creative and clever in buying on clearance ribbons and craft items. Costco also makes amazing sheet cakes for less than $20 each. You can get chocolates and nuts for nothing at Trader Joes, etc. Having done a few weddings and events for family and friends on extreme budgets, it is pretty easy to cut out ridicuous costs. You do NOT need a professional photographer...everyone has a buddy or cousin who takes great photos - call them and ask. Flowers are an easy one, find a crafty friend and just ask for a favor. Buy ribbon after Christmas when everything is white and gold anyway for pew bows and bouquets. You can have an amazing wedding easily on $4K - do it!

K.,

I have been with my fiance for 3 years, we live together, and we also have a 2 year old daughter. We are both divorced, but we didn't do the big ceremony thing the first time around. As a result, we have decided to go ahead with the big wedding celebration. We just want all of our family and friends to share our joy and witness our commitment. And, since we love to have a good time, a reception is a must to celebrate the happy occasion. We also are on a budget and are doing everything for about $5000. Of course it would be much cheaper going to the JOP, but this is what WE want. Our wedding is next Saturday the 22nd, and I'm super excited.
You need to think about what is really important to you and your fiance. Who cares about everyone else! This is a day you will remember for the rest of your life, so have the wedding you both want and damn what everyone else thinks. Good luck! And congratulations!!!

Do what you want, as long as you are the one paying for it....if no one else is contributing to the budget, they have no say-so.

My husband and I got married a little later than most of our friends, so we were working and living on our own, so we figured we would pay for everything ourselves. We had 250 guests, had the wedding and reception outside at a park ( rented the lodge and area outside where we had the ceremony for $300 for 4 days - we had to do set-up and clean up though), and we had a "picnic style" luncheon for everyone ( 11:00 wedding, reception immediately folowing in the lodge), we had a DJ, we had a small cake and 300 various flavoured cupcakes, ham and cheese sandwiches, potato salad, chips, and beer and wine and soft drinks and tea. Our photographer was a family friend through work, and she only charged us $400, and we got all our proofs printed by her, and then she just copied all the digital photos onlo disks for us and worte a letter detialing to any photography studio printer that we were allowed to print as many as we wanted!!!

We spent a total of $3500, including our honeymoon, at my Grandparent's cabin on a lake, and including my 2 wedding dresses ( got a great deal on both and couldn't decide) and his suit - which is a Pierre Cardin that he can keep and use forever from men's wearhouse...his actually cost more than my 2 dresses together! LOL!!

The great part is we planned it so that we would pay for it ourselves and not go into debt, and that no-one else would have to pay for anything, but we wer lucky enough that once we added up all the moentary gifts we got, it added up to almost exactly that amount!

Plan carefully and you can do it, and have great mamories too.

Good Luck!

Jessie

Do not, I repeat, do NOT, give in to what the family thinks you should do. If you both agree this is what you want, then this is what you will do. I had a weddding on less than 2k. It was not everything that I wanted but that was because I gave in on a few things. This is your wedding day regardless of how long you've been living as a famiy already. We had two children when we got married. Our second child was a year old when we had our day. You only get married once and you can never do it again. Stick to your guns. Let your father walk you down the aisle. It's every little girl's dream. Good luck!

Hi K.,
I didn't get the big wedding either and really couldn't afford the wedding that we did. However I wouldn't have done anything different. We made sure everything was paid for in advance and did it the way we wanted. Those that did agree with the wedding enjoyed it more than anyone else. I didn't get married until 35 yrs and we have 2 beautiful girls. It's been 6 years this weekend and I would spend the money all over again. Follow your heart and make your immediate family happy. (kids and husband to be) The rest of them may or may not agree later and you will look back and wish you had followed your heart.
God Bless.

You need to do what YOU want. It is YOUR DAY. A wedding is one of those very important days in your life, and you should do what makes you feel special.

I made all of my decorations, with my 2 bridesmaids. we had a smaller wedding. I even made my daughter's dress. We rented a hall, and had the ceremony and reception there. It was Dec. 28th, in the upper peninsula of Michigan... I didn't want to have to drive anywhere lol.

Anyhow, the whole thing cost about $2000 dollars because we cut costs wherever we could. I have been told by many people it was the nicest one they have been to.

So, get together with the wedding party and see what you all can do together to cut costs, and still have it be classy :)

Hi K.. HAVE YOUR WEDDING!! Weather you can only spend 1K or 50K you can have a beautiful wedding!! There are so many options out there for everything, and I know you can have a great wedding for 4K!! I also want to add that I made the mistake of going to the courthouse and got married there---and said "we can always have a ceremony or reception later".... well that will never happen now. My father passed away a little after a year after I got married...I never got to have him walk me down the isle, and I never will get that chance now. I never got that 'beautiful father/daughter dance', and will also never get that either. I missed out on some of the most important things because I chose the fast/cheap way out. You said you want your father to walk you down the isle--so make sure you do that!! If that chance passes and you dont have a ceremony---you may never get that special moment with your father, so my advice to you is stick to your guts and have your wedding. 4K is plenty of $$, and more than anything every woman deserves that special day!! good luck with everything!!

K.,

First of all congratulations on your pending nuptials! Second of all, go book a church!

How you handle this will set precendence on how people may relate to you after you are married. Rise above all the chaos, discuss what you and your intended really want. If anyone has "advice", listen, smile, say "Thank you for your insights, I will keep it mind" and then don't argue, get defensive or sucked into whatever someone is trying to make you do. Take what is helpful and put aside the rest.

I had an enormous fairy tale wedding that was wonderful and as I look back, the thing that made it so special is that people we cared and loved were there to celebrate this special day. My father was terminally ill and walked be down the aisle just months before he died. He even danced with me! I will cherish our wedding forever and not because of the size, because of the people.

On other thing that I want to share about the wedding itself: We had all our family stand up for us, you can include your children if you wish. We had all my married siblings and spouses (I am last of six to marry) and all my husband's brothers (he was first of four brothers to marry) and close girlfriends stand up for us. This was a huge wedding party, but we had couples stand together, we took our vows and then every married couple there renewed theirs. It was very touching to turn and watch this, as my ailing father and my mom, married for 48 years, renewed their vows, along with my siblings and the congregation.

You can have a wonderful wedding no matter what your budget. You just have to be creative whether it is having a friend do photography or be a DJ, having a pot luck reception or whatever.

One thing I would strongly encourage you to do, regardless of your wedding plans, is go to a weekend retreat called Engaged Encounter. We did and it really smooths out the bumps in the marital road! It is even so important, as a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime. Google Engaged Encounter to find info on one near you and look at it as divorce prevention insurance. It was worth every minute we spent there and cost so little (as little as $50 for the weekend) It helps you both sort out what is important for the life you are building together. Make it a part of your wedding budget.

Good luck to you and God bless,
J.

Hi,

I agree with the others who say have the wedding you want. My advice is to choose the items that are most important to you (site, photographer, food, or whatever) and pay higher prices for those. Then the items that you don't care about as much (maybe decorations, invitations, etc) spend less on. Ask crafty friends or family for help. There are always ways to save money and still have a beautiful wedding. Decide what's important to you and your fiance and don't worry about the rest. Good luck to you!

I have been some lovely weddings that it was a simple wedding ceremony in a church. Then afterward some did just a few sheet cakes and snacky type foods so the wedding couple could talk to everyone that came to the wedding OR I have also been to one that did a picnic reception in a local park.

Work with your budget and if you want a wedding instead of going to the court house do it. The people that come should be there to help you celebrate your marriage so they will love whatever you do.

K.,

You only get married once (or at least that's the plan!). Have your wedding. 4K for a wedding is very inexpensive. You might even be able to find a less expensive photographer if you do some research (do you live near a tech school? Maybe there is a photo student who wants some extra cash?).

Here are some ideas for making it less expensive (since you have some much already).

After your church wedding - use the reception site at the church to have a pot luck reception.

Decorate with your own stuff, or use the churches (I assume this is a church where you attend?).

Have a tiny wedding party (maybe just one witness on each side).

Invite only family.

Good luck to you, and have a great wedding. Remember, you will have memories from this day for the rest of your life, you want it to be special, but that doesn't mean it has to be expensive.

J.