I Have a Three Year Old That Will Not Listen to Her Father or Me.

Hi H.,
One of the things I learned with my daughter as soon as she was old enough to say "No" was not to give her too many choices. For instance for snack I would ask her to pick a banana or an apple or at play time she could choose between play-doh or finger paints. Making small decisions like this would give her enough control (since this behavior is all about control - a power struggle) that she could feel good about. However, if she acted rudely in anyway, I would take away her options all together and choose for her - this was the worst punishment for her - But I'd let her know that it was due to her actions and that to get to choose again she would need to show good behavior. I agree with the other mom who stresses consistency because once you give in, any progress you've made will vanish. Lastly, it helps to have a "no-nonsense voice" when my daughter is misbehaving, I lower my voice a few octaves and give her a hard stare. She knows I mean business and usually stops what she's doing. But I make sure I stick to whatever threat goes along with that reprimand such as "time Out" or putting that toy away, etc. It all goes back to consistency.

I hope this helps. Take care.

PS. Oh, I forgot to say that it's also okay for you talk with your daughter about how her behavior affects you. You could say, " when you do X it really makes me angry, please don't do that because I don't like getting angry with you" or you could say "how would you feel if I did x just like you did with me today?" - You may feel that she's too young and will not understand what you are saying but she is smarter than you think and will soon learn to be compassionate.

Hi H.....I share your "stress" since I also have a 3yo little girl. All of the professional advice I have read and used stressed CONSISTANCY....and BELIEVE ME...I am IN "the boat" right with you and there are days I would MUCH RATHER just give in because it is easier. Kids easily sense our frustration and KNOW when they are breaking us down. If you give in once you are going to basically start the process over...I am also a SAHM so its even easier for us than it would be if you had to coordinate all your care givers. Another helpful part is that my husband and I STAND FIRM TOGETHER so she cant have the advantage of playing one over the other...you didnt mention that part. I hope this helps and that one day we will BOTH be sane!!! Good Luck!

saying "no"at 3 is what they do. its no about everything,they are just trying to establish their boundrys, and when you let yourself get pulled into a power struggle with a 3 year old, you loose. pick your battles, is it so important that the toys get picked up right now? do you offer to help? why not? dont get into a fight about dumb stuff, but if she is doing something she could hurt herself at, like playing with siccors, or sneaking out, then talk to her in terms she can relate to, about why its important she dont do those things.

a 3 year old will say no,even when they want to say yes, talk,talk,talk, your child is not stupid, but will begin to think you are if she cant ralate with you, her sole providers,caregivers,and when you loose it, you are teaching her that its ok, to loose it. dont be suprised when she starts throwing fits. you do.

and why cant she have an opionon of her own? do you want a mini me? who's idea of happiness or chilrearing are you trying to follow. every person has a voice and every voice deserves to be heard, from 3-90, if she says no, ask her why, she what she says, then tell her why you want her to do what ever it is you need her to do, hopefully it cant be to much, she is a baby.let a baby be a baby, you dont think she should be out working full time do you? then let up on your expectations and demands, then everyone{you,your husband,baby}will be alot happier

unfortunaly, i have, or had, the same problem. my little girl has got quite the sassy atitude! i am a day care teacher and deal with this all the time, but when it came to my own daughter, it was sooo different! i talked to her teacher and she recommended "123 magic". it is a form of the old "thats 1!" my mom used to use, but it really tells you why what your are doing is not working. that was the best part for me. and you can use it for little things, or big things. i have been attempting this for a couple months now, and i do see a big difference! i dont even have to count to three, she "usually" stops at 1 or 2, "usually"... i am not perfect, but i am trying to stick with it. you can buy the book, or video i believe through amazon.com, or if you are interested i could try to outline it for you through email, but it reads really well! hope i can help, and i do sympathize... terrible twos have nothing on threes!!!

I also have a three year old. When he is one of his moods, he will tell me "no". It's hard, but I have found that staying firm and consistent helps. I remind him how to properly talk to people. If necessary I remind him that I make the rules.

I have to admit that sometimes I will try to prevent a tantrum by giving him an alternative or a compromise. If he feels a little bit of control he usually cooperates better. Example - Maybe he doesn't want to put on shoes to go outside to play. I tell him he has to wear shoes but he can pick which ones to wear.

I also try to give him warnings about what is to come. For example, I will say, "We've had a fun morning but we need to rest so we can have a fun evening. As soon as your video is over you need to go up for nap." Most of the time he will respond favorably.

I try to acknowledge his feelings - "I know it makes you sad when I tell you it is time for bed and you don't want to go, but you need rest. We have a party to go to tomorrow and you won't have fun if you are too tired."

When he does listen and doesn't sass or say "no" I let him know that I like his behavior and thank him for being polite, listening to mommy, etc.

These aren't foolproof but I"ve noticed we have fewer battles.