I Feel like All I Do Is Yell

There is also a pamphlet I used when my girls were little. It's called "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio and is available online. It is very biblically based and reminds the parent about the importance of consistent discipline.

Get the book 1-2-3 Magic. Read it, and if you think it is something you could do... give it a try. It was like "magic" at my house.

Hang in there.

I think that it might help if you use a video camera or a voice recorder and turn it on and walk away. If you can see or hear the way that you yell at them it will change you forever.

When I find myself upset and yelling I stop and ask myself this....

"Would you allow someone else to yell at your little ones like that? NO! Then why is it ok for you to do it"? It is not ok and it needs to stop!

Here are two books to look for
* Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. By: Becky A. Bailey, Ph. D.
* I Love You Rituals. By: Becky A. Bailey, Ph. D.

I am not perfect ~ you are not perfect ~ all mommies yell. Some yell a little and some yell alot.
You are a normal mommy. We did not have a great big book come out of us right after the baby came out that told us what to do for everything.
It doesn't matter how many kids a mommy has, we are always learning what to do and what not to do.

If you want to change, you will. You will do a good job. Keep trying not to yell.

I wish you the best and I admire you for being brave enough to say this outloud.

= )

Believe me, I understand completely. There are a couple of things that you can try that might help. The first one is praise. No matter how small the act, when your boys do something right, like share a toy or put their toys away, praise them. When they are doing something you don't want them to do, don't yell, just redirect them to what you want them to do and try to stray away from using negative words like no, don't, and things like that. For instance, if one of them is trying to play in the trash can, just calmly say "Let's go play with your blocks now." Then sit down with them and play with them for a few minutes, with lots of "Wow, look what you can do with those blocks!" and things like that. It may seem corny to do, but it works. When it comes to taking toys from each other, gently take the toy and give it back to the child that was playing with it and give the "offender" a new toy to play with. It's going to take time, and dinner may not always get done on time or those dishes might have to wait another hour, but positive reinforcement will go a long way. I hope this helps!

I used to be that way and I feel like I've improved a little by using that 1,2,3 Magic technique. Really, all it is is calmly saying 1 to your boys when you want to yell at them, then if the behavior doesn't stop, say 2, then a few seconds later, say 3 and send them to their rooms. They get used to the technique and most times, stop their behavior at 1 so they don't have to be seperated. If they are like my kids (4 1/2 and almost 3) they HATE to be seperated. I actually have to close their doors while they are in their rooms so they won't lay in the doorway and talk! There is a book you can read called 1-2-3 Magic and a kid's book to help explain it, but you really don't need it if you can count and keep your cool...that's really the premise of it.
Hope it helps! It may not...all kids are different.
M.

Margie is giving great advice. "Save your words for happy times." is a motto of Love and Logic. I really have benefited from this program. I also recite the scripture: "In your anger do not sin." I find comfort that God knows I will get angry, but He says not to sin in the moment. This is a stronghold for me that God has truly helped me with. I seek knowledge in this area and Love and Logic has helped by giving real strategies to real issues. Lots of stuff on their site. www.loveandlogic.com

You have received some really good advice. Hope you find something that works for you. Sometime you might try whispering instead of yelling. Make sure at least one of them is looking at you and cup your hands to your mouth like you are telling a secret - then whisper. Children love secrets and love to be in on them, so are more apt to listen and listen harder when someone is whispering. =) I don't do this often, but it does get their attention when I do.

WOW I was going to ask the same question!! My kids are almost 7 and 3 and have a hard time listening to me. I've learned that no matter what you have to go to your kids instead of yelling at them. Put the toy in time out first then if the continue to fight separate them and put them into time out. I also use the 123 method. I'm going to be reading all your responses on this one!! Good Luck!!

Just wanted to say...you aren't alone :-) Good luck and I'll be waiting to hear what others have to offer!

They will get used to the yelling and ignore you.
Watch the nanny shows. You will see how bad it can get and what you can do to turn it around.

I took a class on 1-2-3 Magic.
Kids also know that you won't do anything until you hit a boiling point, even 2 yr olds. So act. If they are doing something you don't like, tell them once then put them in their rooms or in time out. Put the toy away. Actions speak much louder than words.

We all yell, especially when no one else is around. Kids learn just exactly how long you will "yell" before you actually "DO" something. Try to stop yelling and "do".....the best advice I got when my kids were small, was from 2 very simple books (easy reading and even has cartoon examples in them).."How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk" Long title and the two women that wrote it have another book, too..."Siblings Without Rivalry".....both a great help!!! Authors: Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.....

Check out a website called www.celebratecalm.com. I highly recommend signing up for Kirk's free newsletter. I have used SO many of his strategies, and they work. The calmer the parents are (difficult!), the less friction you'll have with the kids. Kirk works with parents of kids with specific problems like ADHD, ADD, OCD, etc., etc. but his techniques work with ANY kid and parent. It simply makes sense.

Updated

Check out a website called www.celebratecalm.com. I highly recommend signing up for Kirk's free newsletter. I have used SO many of his strategies, and they work. The calmer the parents are (difficult!), the less friction you'll have with the kids. Kirk works with parents of kids with specific problems like ADHD, ADD, OCD, etc., etc. but his techniques work with ANY kid and parent. It simply makes sense.

Our Sunday School class is reading a wonderful book right now called The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. It's awesome. If you can take some time even to read some of the bold print it will help. I have two 2 and a half year olds and have been really working on this. I do yell a lot for the same reasons you do, but they will never learn to be sweet to each other if you don't speak sweetly to them. Still having trouble getting through to the bigger one, but learning is a long process for these guys.

Watch a few episodes of Supernanny.

I have a 14 month old that I seem to always be telling 'No' to and sitting him in time out to only go back to doing what he previously got in trouble for. My mother directed me to "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. I'm just starting to read it but it may be worth you looking into.

Good luck and hang in there!

Oh God... have experienced and continue to experience the same thing. My boys are 6 1/2 and 5....only 17 months difference in age. What works for me 90% of the time is to calmy walk over to where they are playing and I take the toy they are fighting over. I don't yell, I don't get mad and I USUALLY smile and tell them anytime they fight of over a toy/game/whatever, no one gets to play with it. Also, I don't know why it works, but if I have them both go to the corner for a few minutes, they calm down, and SOMTIMES they go back to the same toy and work out a solution. Just remember, they watch you and will mimic you, so when you stay calm, they are learning how to control their emotions from you. Hang in there... It will get better!

I feel the same way some days. My boys are the same age as yours. It sucks and i feel awful when i do it. My mom yelled a lot when i was young so i definitely dont want to do the same, but sometimes do. I will try the book that was suggested.

Love and Logic. That is all I have to say; look it up on the web, buy the books, listen to the cd's. It has really changed my life. I used to feel the same way.

I highly recommend Love and Logic.
www.loveandlogic.com
It's a great parenting tool and it helps you stay focused instead of angry.
It also gets your children thinking, making better decisions, etc.
You may be able to find some books, cd's or dvd's at your local library too.
Some schools also offer "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent" classes.
You may be more interested in the Becoming a Love and Logic Parent for Toddlers-PreK.... Early Childhood class.
Good Luck!

Have you tried confiscating the toy they're fighting over? My kids are four and two and we run into that alot. It doesn't always work, but has seemed to help. I tell them if they can't get along and play nicely, they can't play with it at all. The toy then goes into the pantry for a while. When they are getting along well again, I give it back and let them know they can only have it if they play nicely. . . Also, I have found that turning off the cartoons, music, whatever noise is going on outside of our conversation, has helped with getting them to listen. . . hope this helps! : )

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