I am going to keep my mouth shut to my brother, but just looking for someone to talk to on this one. My brother just recently left his wife. They had been living seperate lives for a while and he just finally decided it was over and wanted out. He is coming to our cabin this weekend with my neice and I am so excited. He asked if he could bring a girl friend and we immediately said yes b/c we were excited for him to start a new chapter in his life. I find out this morning that this friend is his soon to be ex wifes best friend. Ugh! Just says trouble all over it to me. I didn't realize until today that she is going thru a divorce as well and my brother and the new girls husband were best friends too (I think I probably do not know the whole story here). Anyways I just feel bad for my neice. This lady is/has ALWAYS been at there house, they live 2 miles from eachother, her son and my neice are great friends, etc, etc.. I just feel bad for my neice b/c I don't want this relationship to go sour just b/c 2 adults are going thru a tough time and decided to start hooking up with eachother just "to be there for eachother". Plus I think it is just creating more drama for when the soon to be ex wife finds out her best friend is doing her soon to be ex.
I know it isn't any of my business and as I said I am staying out of it as far as talking with my brother. But has anyone else gone through something similar that can tell me it is all ok? And that my neice will be ok? And it is ok to gently remind to it is non of my business - b/c I know it isn't. My heart just aches for my neice.
The soon to be ex wife has been cheating on my brother for the past year plus. I wouldn't doubt that the new girl is the reason that my brother finally decided to leave his wife.
My neice is 5
I'd like to think that I would have said that I feel uncomfortable if you bring another woman bro because you guys are not yet divocred. I watched a reality show where a girl had a divorce party when she was not even divorced yet! to me that is as my hubby would say POSITIVE PRETENDING of moving on........That is such a messy situation I would not touch it or get invovled with a ten foot pole.
It is your business when they bring it under your roof (your cabin).
I wouldn't be comfortable with that scenario either, if for no other reason than I would not want to alienate my sister-in-law (brother's estranged wife). What if they get back together? What if she gets primary custody of the child and then she cuts all of you out of that child's life for a period of time?
I would tell my brother that I love him, but that I cannot take sides and I cannot get into a sticky situation in my own home. Could he please save a weekend get-away with the new lady for another time and place? Or tell him to send your niece, and the two of them can go somewhere else together (not that they should broadcast it to the niece).
JMO.
It's a sad situation.
What you need to decide is if it's appropriate for "Uncle" to be at the cabin with a girlfriend in front of YOUR kids...let alone his own daughter, considering he "recently" left his wife.
Maybe the reason the split up is because he was seeing this woman in the first place?
I personally think your brother needs to set an example for his daughter and not invite the new g-friend. It sounds that even though the relationship has been over for a while they were all still living together. So he needs to be sensitive to this recent break up of the family unit and not invite her. You can simply tell him that you would like to spend time with him and your neice as a family OR tell himhow you feel but let him decide. You dont mention how old the neice is but I can only imagine that at any age it would not be a welcomed event for her to see her mother "replaced" so suddenly.
Are you sure you weren't just watching a soap opera and thought it was your brother?
I would look at this through the lens of what morals/ life lessons do I want to teach my own children.
If your brother is not divorced and is bringing a girlfriend to you home - what message does that send to your children (not to mention his daughter). I also totally second the poster who said no sleeping in the same bedroom w/ girlfriend. WAY to early for that. Good luck .
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I agree that I think for the time being the future ex wife is still in a sense your family. I think that it's a bit inappropriate for him to be bringing the friend to a family thing so soon, especially with the dynamic of the situation.
I may be a bit biased here as I was the ex wife who's best friend hooked up with my ex husband. They were having an affair and then we got divorced. I was crushed. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but it made me feel less like wanting to maintain a relationship with my ex in laws that they welcomed the new girl with open arms.
Even if the marriage is rocky the future ex wife will probably be crushed and you don't want to be in the middle of it, which you will be. I like Angela S's answer.
Good luck that is hard. I hope your brother is considering everyone's feelings here. I still at times mourn the betrayal I felt. :-)
So sorry to hear that. You are probably correct that there is more to this than you know. It seems rather "coincidental" that this woman who has always been at their house is divorcing her husband as well. Kinda makes you go "hmmmmm."
Sorry for your niece. You are correct that this will be difficult for her. I would not want to meddle in it, because it will come back to bite YOU sooner or later, but since your brother did ask you your permission to bring this guest, maybe you could just sort of gently ask him, "ummm... it's not my business at all, but, uh.. are you sure you think it is a good idea to take your wife's best friend and your best friend's wife off for the weekend? That just seems like it could go badly in a lot of directions." It's not being judgmental or telling him what to do, or really even getting in his business, but maybe trying to help him view things with bigger eyes (as in eyes that see a bigger picture a bit farther down the road). Helping him to be a bit more objective in evaluating if he is making good choices. ?
Good luck.
that stinks. As long as the ex is ok with them dating it could work if not, that would be horrible for your niece...I guess whoever he dates is his business,, but if it will affect his relationship with his daughters mother he should think if its worth it. They should be able to be friends while divorced
Your heart is in the place.
Here is my experience...
My best friend and I were friends for a long time. We were very close to her parents and family. We had many get togethers at each others houses. My kids LOVE her parents. Well a month before our 5 yr anniv. I walked in ( yes literly walked in) on them together. I felt so stupid that I didn't see this going on. My husband and I didn't have a good marriage. He was controling and always put me down... but that is another story.. anyways. We spent our anniv together, then I moved out. They sent out the invites to thier wedding even before our divorce was final. Talk about another sting.. But they have been married for 7 years now. At the time my kids were 8, 4 &3. The oldest had a very hard time with it, as he understood more what was going on. They other two didn't have any problems really readjusting as the familes were close anyways. Im not sure what would have happened had they split. But being we were all so close they knew what they were getting into ( for the most part, she called me of all people the first two year with the same problems I had with him). I have actually thanked her for what they did, as it got me out of a miserable marriage for both of us.
Who knows maybe with being friends for so long this is a good thing for them being they are begining a relationship after being friends. Maybe even if they don't work out, this will be good for your neice as the new lady in her life is someone she knows and is comfortable with. It might be easier than if it was a stranger. I think it was for my kids.
