**I Don't Want to Be Single Forever!

L G,
I don't know your age, but I highly doubt that you will become an "old maid"! lol
As for the situation with your son, he is clearly stressed by this change in your lives. Maybe it's best to keep the dating life separate (I know, he's already met the guy and likes him but still...) I don't think there's really any need to have your boyfriend that involved with your son. Once things are engagement-serious, spend more time as a threesome. When you go on dates, get a sitter and tell your son that you are going to see some friends, etc.
Good luck!

I can so relate. I have a 4 1/2 year old son, and also recently entered the dating world. Recently engaged, so be encouraged!

I had all the same concerns as you, and my son has also recently, out of nowhere, started crying for me not to go to work (NEVER did this before.) He stays with my mom (who lives next door, so they are very close) when I work, and he LOVES to be there. But recently, he doesn't want me to go to work, wants me to take him with me, etc. It's tough because I'd love to stay home with him but can't financially.

Anyhow, as for the dating, I'd say that if you feel your guy is truly a GOOD guy, and we know deep down whether they are or not, then it's ok to continue to allow your son to be a part of your relationship. In reality, you son IS there. He is your life. So to try to disconnect him from this part of your life with your BF would not only send him a bad message (that you're choosing someone over him), but will also set an unreal precedent for what your relationship would be like in the long term with your BF. You do have a child, and much, if not most of your life will be centered around your child. BF needs to be ok with this, so why pretend like it will be any other way? And to try to keep things separate might also increase your sons obvious anxiety about you leaving him.

We did go out alone on (rare) occasions, but usually, my son was with us. My fiance knew when he decided to pursue me that my son was first, and he has never tried to exclude him from anything we do. And like you said, we usually plan the things we do around things we ALL enjoy. And for us, that has fostered the development of a positive foundation for their relationship. My son has never felt that I pushed him aside for my fiance. And my fiance has never made my son feel like he wasn't a part of our family.

I understand that there is a degree of protection that we need to provide to our children from fleeting people in our lives. So in that way, there is kind of a fine line you have to walk between exposing them to too many suitors, and allowing them to continue feel like they are a priority, not pushed aside for the flavor of the week. :) I think it comes down to your intuition. You need to trust your instincts about your guy. Realsitically, (and being real with yourself is paramount), do you see this guy long term? If so, keep doing what your doing.

Best wishes to you. I know where you are. It's tough, but you and your son will be fine!!!

It helps to isolate the issue. I don't think dating is the issue. He is having seperation anxiety. That is occuring when you go to work and when you date. Are you considering quitting your job? Of course not. You can effectively deal with seperation anxiety without alienating your boyfriend, taking away your sons male role model, and resigning yourself to being single for life. If you have health insurance you can go to family counseling. There are lots of resources on line and I bet if you asked, the nice ladies on this site probably have some constructive advice on that subject. It's something alot of kids go through whether mommy is dating or not.

Denise P hit the nail on the head. There should be no taking sonny out on dates with the boyfriend until it is engagement serious. You need to concentrate and focus on getting to know this man and establishing a healthy relationship with hm.

Your son has had you to himself for 6 years and likes it that way. Change is difficult for all of us. Perhaps you need to get your little one in more activities where he is without you. Have some other people pick him up or drop him off. This way you can schedule dates around that. I would also consider getting a sitter and occassionally go out after baby boy havs been put down for the night.

I have a 15 year old son and am raising other children too and just recently got married at 43 (not an old maid at all but just another fabulous 40-something). Help your son work through his fears and don't give into them.

I think your son is feeling possessive of you. He's been the one man in your life for his whole life, and now you want time with an adult man. Just tell him you'll always be his Mommy no matter what and no one can replace him as your wonderful son. He has friends his own age, and Mommy needs friends her own age, too. He might like your boyfriend, but on some level he's feeling competitive and he doesn't want to lose his special place with you. He needs to know he can't lose that. My son went through a possessive stage with me when he was about 3 yrs old. Daddy and me would be hugging, and my son would push between us and tell Daddy "My Mommy! Get your own Mommy!". It was sweet, and funny but he was so angry and serious, too. Of course, he became Daddy's little helper and were best buddies when it came to looking at fire trucks, and they get along great now. If this turns to an engagement and will be a permanent relationship, perhaps then it'll be time for some male bonding.

The term "old maid" refers to a woman who has never married or had children. In fact, the term "maid" means virginal -hence the term "Matron of Honor" for married women instead of "Maid of Honor" which is used for unmarried women (whether they're virgins or not -the origins imply this and come from a different time).

Anyway -let your son know that sometimes you need alone time with other adults -whether it's a date or not. He should get used to the fact that sometimes you go places without him AND nothing bad is going to happen. Just keep up the inclusiveness and he'll eventually get used to the fact that sometimes he DOESN'T go -but you do! He has to get used to it eventually.

And although I don't believe in shielding kids from death or Disney -Disney is notorious for introducing death to children! Almost all Disney classics involve a mother who is dead or dies or parents who are gone (Bambi, Cinderella, Finding Nemo, Snow White, The Jungle Book, etc.), so it's possible that MAY have a little something to do with it, but I doubt it.

I am a strong believer in keeping dating & parenting separate. My dghtr was 3 when her dad & I split up. I dated a little but never would bring someone around my daughter til I felt things were getting serious enough to move to the next stage which is engagement. I even dated a guy for 1 1/2 yrs & he never met my daughter.

Maybe you can ween your son from the new BF to help with your sons anxiety about you never coming back. Your son doesn't need to know that you are going on a date but maybe you can have whoever is watching him distract him by taking him to get an ice cream or a movie etc, so you can slip out on a date.

Hello. I had this problem as well. My boyfriend, who my son knew before I began dating as he and I started out as friends for two years before we dated, and I would have one date each week alone and one date each week with my son. This mostly worked out great, but sometimes my son would cry when I left or wouldn't go to sleep until I got home. Sons are especially attached to their mamas at this age and especially guarded to any men who try to "move in" on their mothers. Patience, patience, patience. That is all the advice I can offer. I believe it is important to include them when you are seriously dating someone...so that they aren't left out and so that your partner doesn't get a false idea of what they are coming into - a relationship with a woman who has a child and that generally means 24/7. What worked best with us is my bf sitting down with my son and talking to him. Telling him that he understands that I am HIS mama (my son's) and that no one can ever take that from him. He just explained that he loved both of us and wanted to share his life and his time with us. It worked. I am now engaged...