Telling Kids About Mom Dating

I've been in your situation. If your girls know this man and have been around him and his son, there really seems no need to give your dates a title, you just explain that this time, mommy and Mr. "Jack" are going to go out by themselves. Kids are smart and resilient. With my son, I never had an actual conversation about dating, when I finally met someone worth while, and I felt that this was going to be "it", we did things together and then sometimes alone, and my son never asked questions. It just seemed normal to him and part of life. Even when we decided we wanted to get married, we ALL talked about it openly, and when my husband did ask me, he asked my son first. The point I'm trying to make is that I think that if you make it a big deal, then it will become a big deal. Just don't make a fuss. If you do fun things together with all the kids, I'd make it a friend event with no obvious change in your relationship, and if you decide it's the real deal, then include those occasional hugs and kisses. When your girls start asking questions or making comments, then you'll be in a better position to explain how you guys feel about each other and where you think your relationship is going. Anyway, good luck whatever you decide, I hope it works out well for you.
J.

Skye A gave excellent advice. Not only would you be hurting if something should happen but the girls probably would be hurting if they got too attached.

I would approach the girls as a general question about how they would feel about you dating someone else besides their dad.

Congrats on the new relationship and I hope things work out for you.

When I had this problem in my life I told my son that my friend was a special friend. Since your girls have already been around him just tell them you feel like he is a special friend and you are glad they like him. When you think it is long term you can tell them at that time you love this person and make sure they understand they come first before anyone else this always helps a child to feel safe.

A.,

My son calls all my friends "Aunt" or "Uncle", so I have many aunts and uncles for him. He is four though and too young to understand that my boyfriend is anything more than a special friend. I have informed my boyfriend that it is both of us or neither of us. I may have to explain to my son if he asks or the relationship becomes more serious. Me going on a date is like me going to work, just another place I go, and I don't do much PDA around him

Hi A.,
I'm a 27 yr old mom of one who happens to have been divorced for four and a half years. Allow me to share some of my mistakes...

Before the ink was even dry on the divorce papers, I started dating a good friend of mine who had been around my son regularly. My son wasn't quite two years old. My then boyfriend, myself and my son went places together (museums, the zoo and aquarium, etc) and most of our "dates" were kid-friendly. We didn't kiss around my son but we did cuddle and hug and hold hands. Since we were spending a lot of time together, my son became very attached to my then-boyfriend. When the boyfriend deployed to Iraq, my son had a very hard time with abandonment. My bf and I broke up while he was deployed - and it was a horrible feeling knowing that I had not only let my son get close to my friend but also encouraged it.

I learned from that mistake and the next time around, introduced my son to "my new friend" after about nine months. I only introduced him as a friend and there was no cuddling or PDA. He only came by once or twice a month while my son was home - usually only for an hour or two on a saturday. When things didn't work out, my son mentioned that he hadn't seen my friend in awhile and I told him that we were both very busy with work and other friends. My son didn't get attached as much and wasn't bothered by the breakup.

You said in your post that you've recently started dating a great guy and that you daughters have been around him before as just friends. I would keep the interaction minimal - still be just friends around the kids. Definitely don't introduce them until things are very serious - like an engagement ring on your finger or if you and your bf discuss moving in together. Remember that in the beginning, all relationships are wonderful. If things work out and progress, then think about including your girls. In the meantime, enjoy being a couple but keep it to yourselves. Not only will that protect your girls, but it gives your new relationship a chance to grow and be about the two of you - and not based on children!

Good luck... I wish you happiness!

Hey A.! You need to wait before you start involving them with this gentleman. Children, especially girls, tend to bond easier at a young age. They need to be allowed to be children and not feel any competion for mommies attention. This part of your life needs to be kept as seperate as possible until or if something more serious evolves. They are not able to discern like an adult. It will be difficult to do, but if you and your gentleman discuss it, it will work out well for everyone involved.
Good luck and I will be praying for your family!
D.

I have been re-married for 2yrs. I have 3 children from my previous marriage. I never brought anyone around my kids. I like u dated a friend of mine for a while, and our kids used to hang out all the time,because we lived in the same neighborhood; but i made it very plain & clear to him as well as anyone else that i dated that i did not want my children to know that i was dating, until i was sure that our relationship was going to last a while. i didn't want my children getting the impression that(Mommy has a lot of boyfriends) I wanted to set a good example. Needless to say every guy that i explained this to, kinda understood, and never tried to buck my system. i never gave out my home # until way into the relationship.(Call my cell phone)Contrarie to what i thought, my kids actually said they wondered why i never had a boyfriend; i told them because i was to busy raising them,and didn't have time for a man. My husband now has no kids, when i introduced him to my kids, i told them that he was a friend that i liked a lot, but i still had to get to know him first. He met my kids after 5mos.of dating, eventhough, i loved him then and we spoke of marriage, i felt like i needed to know how he would interact with my kids, because they are ultimately my first and fore most responsibility, before we committed to each other. Things are now have done very well. There is nothing wrong with being cautious, and if he really is the man for u, then he will understand;mine did.
Sincerely,
C. R.

Depending on how long it's been since the two of you started 'seriously' dating, it may be best to not say anything. They're 5 and 7, and I'm assuming they are normal, bright, curious girls. Give them enough time, and they'll probably figure out something special is happening and start asking you teasing questions along the lines of 'we're having dinner with them again?' or 'he's over here an awful lot' or straight out 'mommy, do you like-him like-him or just like-him?' If they've been comfortable with your friendship for a while, leave it there at the comfort stage until they press the issue.

My daughter was six when I started dating my current husband (she's 12 now). I don't think I ever made a big issue about the fact that he started being around us more and more. It just sort of happened. Once she got old enough to really realize what 'boyfriend and girlfriend' were, she didn't have to ask and I didn't have to explain anything 'cause she'd figured out he was mommy's boyfriend. But she was cool and comfortable with everything - and was very happy when we got married three years ago.

Unless it gets to the point where you all are actually considering marrying then I would suggest that you don't involve the children. Enjoy getting to know him on a more romantic level, but your children don't need the confusion of that relationship right now. I don't know what your relationship is with their father. If he is alive and they see him then they might get put in an awkward position of having to protect or defend a parent from another adult's feelings.

It realy depends on how old the children are.I don't have kids personally.But my mom has dated other guys so I understand.(Kinda).But,she just told me at age 3 that this was her boyfriend and they realy like each other I understood kind of it was fine with me b.c i am the only child so if my mom was dateing a guy and he had kids it made me even happier.U don't have to say that yall r in love r anythang jsut say yall r more than friends know that is all it takes.:)

Hi A.,
As a child of divorced parents, I really think you should take it very slow. Don't get your kids too involved with this guy until you are really serious and plan on a long term relationship with him (marriage). If your kids get too attached and then you guys end up splitting up then it will probably feel like another divorce to them.
Good luck. I hope everything works out.