I Don't Know How to Punish My Daughter

Hello J.,

Does she any allergy meds? what is she eating for breakfast? stay away from high fructose corn syrup. is she inadvertely consuming any caffeine? is she nervous? is she having trouble concentrating? talk with her. could she be too excited to be back to school? good luck and patience.... =) as silly as it may sound... play the quiet game (see who lasts longer without talking)it takes practice to stop talking after not having to be quiet all summer long. ~C.~

While not a punishment, you may gain insight (or simply set a precedent) by visiting her classroom. Let the school know you're coming, but do not let your daughter know. If possible, enter the classroom discretely and observe. While teaching at public schools, I had parents drop in on their kids - always with positive outcomes.

Hi J. Y,

I hope your daughter has adjusted to school and is more able to focus and follow directions! The first week of school is so exciting and it is sometimes quite overwhelming for kids to adjust to the routine of school after the summer break!

If your daughter is struggling in other areas, you may want to explore this further! Is she listening to you at home, is she able to follow directions and a routine in the morning or do you have to remind her every step along the way? Is she forgetful, clumsey, or have trouble expressing herself when she gets frustrated? Does she have any trouble reading, like skipping words, adding words that aren't there or have comprehension problems? Does she tend to avoid eye contact, make friends and have trouble keeping them, or struggle making real friends?

If she is struggling beyond just paying attention in the first few days of school, I would love to talk with you maore about what can be done to help solve these struggles.

Have a great day and good luck!

S. M.
The Cerebellum Center
www.cerebellumcenter.com
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Is there any chance that she has ADD and is really struggling with being attentive? It might be worth looking into. Then you can work on helping her to cope with her inattention instead of punishing her for being bad.

There was a post like this yesterday.

If grounding doesn't work, try rewarding positive behavior.

At 8 yrs. old...She is old enough to sit in with you and her daddy with the teacher for a conference maybe even the school counselor and principal if needed to try and figure what is going on. Esp. if this is the 1st year this has been happening or did this happen last year too.

I agree that a meeting with you and your husband, daughter, teacher, and counselor is in order. Your daughter needs to know that you are all working together and are all on her side to support and help her. The counselor at her school is an excellent resource, especially if he/she has been doing it for many years. They've seen and heard it all and have tons of good ideas. Good luck!!

Someone else mentioned this, but I was also going to
suggest rewarding positive behavior. If you haven't tried
this, maybe setting up a system where she can earn something she wants by having positive reports from school. You may have to make the reward easier to obtain at the beginning to
get her to buy in to the system, and then make her work
harder for the reward as it goes on.

I am sure you have tried a lot, so I hope this helps!

As odd as this may sound, you might want to consider getting her eyes checked. My son's attitude in school improved dramatically after getting some glasses for reading. He was farsighted! VisionWorks in Frisco took me seriously when I asked about that, and Dr. Patterson was great with both of my kids. GL!

J.,

I believe that it is the rare occasion that you should discipline a child at home for what goes on in school. I believe home should be for advice and support. A safe place. You can certainly let your child know how you would rather her behave, but I think the school should impose the punishment. I feel like it is doubled when you punish at home. All that said, I would privately talk to the teacher about ideas of what she/he can do at school.... both disciplinary when applicable, and to give your daughter some help.

What you do now for your daughter (if this continues, of course.....could be first week stuff) could make a big difference in her self-esteem. I kind of feel like avoid discipline until absolutely necessary. Better to use a few quiet techniques and ask the teacher to avoid pointing your child out. You don't want her labeled as a problem with the other kids.

For example: The teacher could gently ask your daughter to move if she is chatting with her neighbor. She could ask her a question to engage her, or simply touch her shoulder and point her towards the board (or whatever else they are working on). If disciplinary action is needed, try to make it for before or after school when the other kids aren't watching a drama unfold. I know you don't have big control over the teacher, but talking to her, being friendly, volunteering.....all this will help your child get better treatment. I'M SORRY.....BUT OFTEN IT IS TRUE!

If discipline is needed, let the teacher do it. If you think it is being more harmful than good, speak up. Don't take everything away. This will cause your little girl to give up at the tender age of 8. She will say to herself, "Why should I even try? It's too big. I can't succeed. I am bad and I'm not lovable." I agree with the Mom that offered positive reinforcement/rewards for success at home. Empathy for failure.

Gosh, sorry I went on so long. Truly, this could be first week adjustment stuff. I'm no expert, but I do know a little about this subject, as we lived it. This is just what worked for our family.
All My Best,
P.