Stealing? Acting Out? Is It Her Teacher?

Hello- I am sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble, here is my take on it.
As far as the stealing I think what you did was right on the money and her punishment should only get more harsh if the misbehavior continues.
As fars as acting out, I think you should insist on her being moved to a diffrent class, your daughters education is the most important thing and it is the school's responsibility to provide for her, who cares about the teachers feelings, she is an adult and will get over it. Dont give her meds if they say she is ADHD. As a child during my mothers divorce they said I was ADD and proscribed a variety of medications. All they did was make me more hyper and distructive. It wasnt until I was much older that they realized I was just a kid with issues at home. Children these day are expected to be little adults, they are naughty sometimes, they are hyper and act out, it is difficult but teaching them right, from wrong is better than telling them their problems can be solved with a pill. Just my point of view and I hope it helps.

I do not know how old you daughter is. But if you feel that strongly about the teacher it is your right to get her out of there. Also do not assume it is your child (ADHD), I feel that is use as a cop-out for the school who do not want to deal with issues. Maybe it was peer pressure.

Good luck

I completely agree with you and others that your discipline for the notepads was just fine. You know your daughter best. Keep that in mind thru everything.

When my son was in 3rd grade, he had a teacher I asked for - our school will take a parent's wishes into consideration when placing children in classrooms. My oldest child had this teacher and she was great. For months my son would tell me she was mean and didn't like her. I would get reports from her telling me how awful he behaved. Knowing my son is a handful (so like his mother), I told him to cut it out and behave right.

In March of that year, the teacher sent a letter stating she was requesting an evaluation of my son for ADD/ADHD. I ignored it as my son had been tested (my daughter was being tested so I figured he might as well be, too, and by an outside independent psychologist) twice before and he did not have ADD/ADHD at all.

A month later, I get a phone call from this teacher. She's demanding I have the testing done or ELSE. She starts to beraid me and informing me she will take the necessary steps to do what she wants. I replied "fine, do what you think you need to." After I hung up the phone with her, I called the school and asked to speak with the school's psychologist. As I knew him from dealing with my daughter, I spoke plainly but civil. I am the mother and I do not give permission for them to test my son since he has already been tested and there's nothing wrong. I also informed him that if they or she pursues this any longer that I would take some necessary steps of my own.

I then sat down with my son and had a long conversation with him bout his and his teacher's behaviors. My point of the conversation was this; do the best you can to get thru the rest of the school year as I can't do anything this late in the year. I told him he did not have to like his teacher but he needed to be civil and do his best.

I hated having to tell my son he had to suffer with this teacher. I waited til the end of the school year before contacting the principal for fear of retrobusion for my son. It took 3 years and a year of homeschooling to bring the joy of learning back to my son.

As parents, we want to believe that every teacher on this earth is a kind-hearted soul but the fact is some are not. Get more involved with your daughter's classroom. I know you said you work during school hours but maybe your boss will let you come in early/leave late so as to have an extra long lunch hour once a week to volunteer in the classroom? Talk with the other students' parents, maybe at PTA meetings, and see if you hear any similar issues for their children. It may only be that your daughter has found this teacher's "buttons" and we know how kids are with those! But then again it may be this teacher and her problems communicating properly with the students.

The more involved we are as parents' in our children's education; the better adults they will become!

Hi H.,

Yes, stealing is wrong but I think you handled it appropiately and there is no need to second guess yourself. My 8 year old son is AD/HD. (I never had him tested but I've read a lot of books and his father is the same.) It is hard when a normally good child starts to act up. I've known that my son was different by 6 months of age. I don't know the whole scenario but it sounds more like the two of you are going through changes and maybe she doesn't know quite how to handle them. It sounds like you are compassionate and understanding. Maybe you could plan a special day together and when you both aren't so stressed talk about the problems in a calm environment.

If she is AD/HD please write me back. I have lots of resources and I DO NOT believe in medicating children. My son is a challenge but we are working together to find his gift. His dad was considered slow in school but guess what...he is brilliant. I always say AD/HD is not a learning disability but it is a teaching disability. Let me know how things work out. L.

the whole ADHD thing is very overated and over diagnosed...I think you would have seen signs from it way earlier than 9 years old...she was doing fine last year, but now she is not...this really isn't a reason to test your child to see if she needs meds.

How long have you been dating this guy...did it start recently, is it still within a year? maybe she feels 'pushed aside' (not your intentions), but it could be she feels this way.

Is it a completely new school she is going to, or was she there last year?

I agree with the other person who said that she shouldn't just be moved because she doesn't like the new teacher, maybe have a meeting with the new teacher and your daughter to get to the bottom of the issue. Taking a few hours off work to meet with the teacher...could save you a lot of trouble in the long run here, for both you, your daughter and maybe even her teacher.

I think you will feel much better about the whole situation at school if you talk with her teacher. I don't think moving her to a different class should be the first thing you try. That sends the wrong message to your daughter. As far as ADHD, the doctors can tell if she does/doesn't struggle with it and will talk to you about medication or other options. I would be worried about her because of the changes you are seeing both at home and at school. I'd mention that to the doctor as well - maybe some sort of counseling would be beneficial. Good luck!

hi.. i have a daughter which is almost 10... she is odd optional defiant disorder.. which i did have her on zyprexa for over a year.. i now have her off of them.. and im sorry but the meds did help her control herself.. off the meds i was either gonna go insane or run as fast as i can... and after me and her doctor did all the test and figured out what she had and got her on meds it was totally diff.. so i say go for it get your daughter tested and see what happens.. and for the meds making you feel diff well that is meds. and if one makes her feel worse theres others to try... im a mother that deals with this and get shot at for having my daughter on meds when she is bad... well kids can be kids.. but when they start to hit and kick and punch and run away from school.. or other places its time to put your foot down.. and for your punishment i thot it was a good idea to have her write her teacher a note.. i woulda made her go to bed early for that whole week.. as a grounding.. i have done that with my daughter also..let me know what happens at your doctors visit on the 4th. im curious of what happens.. i wish you good luck and just keep your head up high.. if you ever need someone to talk to to vent out just message me and i will message you back.. hugs

i agree, you should talk to the teacher and meet her. If you have strong feelings about the teacher, you do have the right to move her out of that teachers classroom. Sometimes it is better to encourage your child to adapt, but some situations just do more damage than good.
When i was in second grade, I was very shy and had trouble listening and following directions. My mom did not like how my teacher handled her classroom, and she thought my teacher got frustrated easily and was inexperienced (she was just out of college). She kept me in the class anyway-hoping it would be ok.
Because of my trouble following directions, the teacher made me feel humiliated and dumb that i couldnt understand. (i didnt know this because i was too young to know better-in fact i trusted my teacher) I would have to take time outs for not listening. I remember crying and feeling terrible secretly. My mom said I would come home crying saying I was stupid. My mom told me I was smart and bright.

(im not saying it was all the teachers fault, i was also a sensetive child)

My mom did test me for ADD and ADHD, but I never knew what was going on because she protected me from being labeled unnecesarily. She told me I would visit Mrs. Conrad sometimes- and it was a good experience. I never heard the word ADD around me. Turns out I was borderline- fine. I now know, I just have a different learning style and have learned to adapt to how I learn best. I thank my mom for shielding me from that label.
I know, if my mom had moved me out of that teachers class, to a teacher that knew how to deal with children that had different learning styles, that would have saved my self esteem.

You do what you need to do, but I wanted to tell you my story.

Hi H.. I am a single mom as well (dating but not dating Daddy).

Part of this sounds like your daughter is acting out and wants attention. My daughter is 6 and pulls stuff like this for attention. She actually got kicked out of the homework room at after school care on the first day of school. This is a kid that all the teachers like and is usually teacher's pet.

What is going on in her life? I know my daughter acts out when she hasn't talked to her father for awhile (he rarely calls her and lives out of state). Does your daughter have a good relationship with her father? Has anything changed? How does she get along with the guy you are dating? Is someone at school picking on her?

As far as ADD or ADHD, I think too many people are quick to blame those conditions. When we were children, you rarely heard of that diagnosis. You may want to try giving her less sugar and white flour products. Also, where do you get your meat from? A lot of the meat at the large chain grocery stores is injected with steroids and antibiotics. The steroids can really change a child's behavior. My daughter is a completely different person since she has been taken off steroids for her asthma. Check out a local butcher. If you are in the Milwaukee area, a really good butcher is Bunzel's on 84th & Burleigh. The only reason they can't be considered organic is because there is pesticides ont he corn the animals are fed. And Bunzel's is actually cheaper than Jewel and Pick & Save.

Good luck and feel free to contact me when you need a little support!

i agree with the punishment u gave her but nmaybe for a week to bed early but that is neither here or there....i think alot of people jump too fast to medical condition like adhd talk to her...try every avenue u can....let medicine be ur last resort...J

Although I believe ADHD is very real, I don't believe she has it.

My guess is that she is acting out because you are dating again, and might have difficulty adjusting to the situation. Kids act out because of their home lifes, not their teachers.

I bet you she doesn't like her teacher because she got in trouble for something during the first week at school. Meet with the teacher and be honest about your child's feelings.. I guarantee the teacher won't be hurt by that.

I'm not saying that this is what your doing.. but I hear it from parents a lot... Sometimes we want to believe our children are good, because we feel we failed at parenting if they are acting badly (which isn't true).. so often times it is easier to blame a teacher than to admit to ourselves that our child could be at fault.

I would reassure her that she is first in your life.. and make sure that you are giving her extra attention while you are dating again.

H.,

I think your punishment was fitting, the letter made her take responsibility for what she did and an earlier bed time gave her time to think about it. I'm curiouse to see how your daughter's screaning for ADHD goes, you say she does not seem to understand things she had a grasp of only last year... i'm reluctant to point a finger at a teacher, since we are all aware that their job is not an easy one, but teachers are only human and no matter how hard they try they can not reach everyone maybe her teaching style is not compatible with your daughter's learning style. If you have not already planned to do so you should really try to have a meeting with her teacher before her Doctor appt.

I agree that the punishment you gave your daughter is not only age appropriate, but a good consequence for a first offense. But I think it's really interesting the way that your daughter was talking to you about it. It really sounds to me like she's trying to get attention. She was hinting around to you and seeing when you were going to notice what she did. She acted non-challant about it, saying she was just going to take them back tomorrow, but that she just took too many. How many is too many? I think she wanted to see how you would react to this misbehavior. She might be doing the same thing to the teacher at school, especially when the teacher is saying that she's trying to get other kids to act out with her. There has to be something else there. Maybe she's also trying to get attention from the other kids. Anyway, to me it all sounds like attention-seeking behavior.

I use to be a teacher myself and I agree that it is a very bad message to send to a child to move her out of a classroom, at least in this case. First of all, it's only September. Second, the teacher and her may not "mesh" but we have to learn to get along with all sorts of people in this life in order to be successful. This may be a difficult but rewarding opportunity for your daughter or in two months she might be the best teacher she's ever had. Teachers often start off the year tough to avoid disciplinary problems. Third, it might be the mix of kids in the class that is causing the trouble, in which case I think the teacher & other staff will figure it out and fix it. I think it is REALLY important that you meet with the teacher and get a feel for what is really going on. When you meet her it may all become clear to you and you have insight that the teacher doesn't. A short meeting can help the teacher know how to reach your daughter.

As far as the ADHD part of it, it doesn't hurt to have a screening done. It's just a couple of checklists that you and the school fill out. I would recommend that you have her new & old teacher fill one out. From classes I've taken on it, the best treatment is a combination of meds. & diet. Either one on it's own is only partially helpful. There are a lot of great resources out there for parents. I agree that it has been overdiagnosed in the past, but I think people are starting to get a better understanding of it now.