I Can't Get My 3 Year Old Son to Eat!

Hi J.,

I am not an expert but a mom of three boys with different tastes. I learned that children will eat what their body needs, call it intuition on their part. Children will try new foods when they are ready not when we are ready for them to try it.

Just be patient and continue to offer new foods, eventually he will try them but not until he is ready to do so.

P.

We had a rule with my daughter that she had to take 1 bite of everything on her plate. At 8 she will eat just about anything. I had the same rule growing up though I am still an extremely picky -weird eater. But at 3 it is usually a control issue with food. My daughter loved her nuggets but she also loved dipping them in anything so we would mash different vegtables for dip, carrots broccoli whatever and she would beg for more dip.

Your three year old son seems a lot like my three year old. His older sister eats wonderfully, but he has a limited diet much like the one that you described. There really is no great secret, but to keep trying as my son as gotten older and we have continued to offer different things he has started trying more things. Also occasionally we have tried bribery with his favorite treats as a reward we don't do that very often for obvious reasons, but that does work too Good luck :)

My daughter was a wonderful, adventurous eater UNTIL somewhere around her 3rd birthday, at which point she pretty much refused to eat anything that wasn't advertised by an animated character or a creepy guy in a clown suit. Okay, she did eat peas, green beans and most fruit and cheeses...but as far as entrees, it was bleak. Chicken nugget city.

I finally stumbled on a solution, though it may sound bizarre...

While we were grocery shopping one day, I noticed that she was eager to try almost any "sample" that was offered. Sure, sometimes she would spit it out, but at least she'd try! SO, I started cutting up her food ahead of time and placing festive toothpicks in each piece. I do realize this sounds a bit mental -- but I swear, she began eating almost everything I put in front of her! (Unintended consequence: I used toothpicks featuring "world flags", which she loved, insisted on saving, and even drawing. As a result she could identify almost every flag in the world before kindergarten. Weird, I know.)

Having said that though, when she was six or so she went through another ultra-picky stage. I pretty much ignored it this time. Figured as long as she was also eating fruit, veggies and vitamins, she could subsist on hotdogs, cheese pizza and the dreaded nuggets for a while. I didn't push it.

Now she's ten and LOVES exotic foods. In fact, once a week we have a "family date night" and let her choose a new ethnic restaurant to explore. Further, she flat out REFUSES to eat at McDonald's, even if she's with her friends. Obviously this is a turn of events I would NOT have predicted. (I was pretty sure she'd still be insisting on chicken nuggets at her wedding dinner).

I must say I strongly, but respectfully, disagree with some of the moms here who advocate any sort of force feeding, i.e. "You can't leave the table until you eat x many bites of x". Children are people too (even if they don't always act like it), and it seems insulting to insist that they eat foods they truly loathe. I mean, how would YOU feel if someone forced YOU to clean your plate or to eat things that make you gag? Haven't we all been to a dinner party where the food was either disgusting or simply not to our liking, so we moved it around the plate a little and then went home and made a frozen pizza? Can you imagine how indignant you would be if your husband said, "I'm sorry, but you didn't eat what was served...no pizza for you tonight!" There would be violence (at least at my house), and it would be justified.

Hi J.,
My 4yo boy has always and still is the same way. We started to read Green Eggs and Ham to him. We make him take one bite to try it and 50% of the time he does like it. Meal time is dreaded at our house. My son will take up to an hour for breakfast and over an hour for dinner.
I feel your pain.
Good Luck!!

I hit a rough patch of eating about that time too. Kids reach a point that they don't need as many calories because their growth isn't as rapid as before, and, they start to exert their wills. You don't want meals to become a battleground, because that can cause eating issues later (even into adulthood).

My way of coping was this: My daughter could eat what I was serving, or nothing. I made sure that she had a healthy breakfast that she liked (oatmeal with raisins, ground flaxseed, wheat germ and milk plus some fresh fruit), a lunch of pb and fruit-only spread on whole wheat bread. For an afternoon snack, she would get cheese and maybe a half-slice of bread, or a small bowl of plain yogurt with wheat germ. Then, when dinner came, if she didn't like what we were having, she would take a required bite, and just wouldn't eat. She eventually came around and realized that she was hungry for dinner and would eat.

This method might leave your child cranky before dinner because of hunger, but it eliminates you catering to his every whim. You are giving him some good foods that he likes, but maybe need to cut out the bad fillers like crackers and pretzels. That might leave him more apt to eat at dinner. Don't fight it, just be matter-of-fact and say that you'd like him to eat with the family, but if he doesn't care for what you're having, he can choose not to eat. Then, of course, no dessert or snacks before bed.

Best of luck. It is really great that you recognize that he needs to eat more of a variety. A lot of parents go the route of catering to "kids" tastes... as you've seen with your daughter, kids enjoy all kinds of "adult" foods when exposed to them in a positive way!

I remember those days! Just relax for now. It sounds as though some of the things he enjoys are very healthy for him. Give him more of the healthy foods he likes to lessen the amount of unhealthy snacking. My youngest was very picky but my oldest has always eaten most anything. Both are lean and healthy. As my youngest got older, he was more willing to try different things and eats quite a variety of foods now. I know that when I was little, I was the same way. I'd rather starve and go to bed hungry than eat something I did not like. I would much prefer my child to choose from a small group of healthy things they do like than not eat at all. Best of luck to you

I used to have this problem too. First, remember that the stomach of a child this age is tiny. About 1/4 of a sandwich will fill them up. This said, too many snacks will not give them incentive to eat real foods. They know that if they hold out, they will get something they want. When my kids were 5 and 8 I quit fixing separate foods for them. We did it cold turkey. My husband and I presented a united front. I served normal but healthy foods that kids should like. The first few weeks were agonizing, but now at ages 8 and 11, they like a wide variety of foods besides chicken nuggets LOL!

Just try not to be frustrated although I know it is hard b/c I have a toddler who goes through his phases of liking nothing I offer. I believe I ate corn dogs for the better part of my childhood, I hated everything. I couldn't help it, it just didn't taste good. But when I went to college and had to cook for myself things started to taste a lot better. Now I will eat just about any type of food. Just keep offering a variety of foods and don't keep too much junk in the house so he only has healthy options. He'll be fine! If you are worried about nutritian, make sure he gets his vitamins.

I also just got a cook book by Jerry Seinfeld's wife (Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld) which is all about sneaking healthy food into your kids diet. Pretty good book, might be worth a shot too.

Your job as a mom is to offer the "healthy food". If he doesn't eat it, too bad, he's not going to waste away. He'll eventually get it. I know it's easier said than done, I still go through it with my 5 year old. (and I know I went through it with my 8 and 9 year old, they eat fine now) If I'm having a dinner that I know my 5 year old probably won't like, I try to include some healthy side dish I know he'll eat, as well as have some "appetizers" before the meal such as apples, carrots, grapes, etc, that way at least he's eaten something. It is hard to put them to bed and think they are hungry, but they'll be okay. Don'y even buy the goldfish, nuggets, etc then you won't be tempted to give in! Good luck!

Hi J.. My name is L.. I have two boys, Adam 3 1/2 and Jonathan 2. My oldest boy, Adam, would not eat anything! I remember days where I was lucky if he ate one chicken nugget all day! I understand how this can be very fustrating for you. One thing I tried with Adam that seemed to work well, was to ask him to take a bit of something (in your case something new) and then he could get something he liked, kind of like a reward for trying the food. Usually when I did this, he would finish everything on his plate! He would take one bit of food on his plate and I would give him a bite of what I was basically bribing him with and eventually he would take a bit on his own so he could get more of what he really liked. Now Adam eats very well. There are some things he doesn't like but he will usually take at least one bite to try it. I hope this helps.

You need to be just as stubborn. He is not going to starve himself. My five year old is a very good eater, but every now and then he tries to tell me he doesn't like something that either he has not even tasted or I know he likes. My rule is that you must take as many bites as your age before you are considered done. If you still don't like it, then we can get something else. 9 times out of 10 he ends up eating and liking whatever I gave him. I think if they are not made to try it, then they won't.

The rule in my house was that you had to try one bite. Then if you didn't like it, you didn't have to eat anymore. It worked great w/ my children and now most of my grandchildren but my first granddaughter was a hard sell. She sat a few times until she tried one bite. The premise, as explained to the child, is "you can't say you don't like it if you haven't tried it"!

It sounds like your son eats several healthy choices. Perhps he is meant to be a vegetarian except for the chichen nuggets. Did you ever hear the proverb, " you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"
Continue encouraging healthy eating habits by providing good food. Never get into battles over food. You can't win and you might createan eating disorder. A.F. an empty nest mom

I had to talk to my two year old daughter's DR. about this and she said that my daughter will not let her self starve. Don't give in and give him what he wants. The Dr. told me to offer 2-3 choices of healthy food, and if she didn't want it, tough. When she got hungry enough she would eat. I also used to let my daughter snack all day, now she gets one in the am, on in the pm and she's hungry for dinner. One other trick we learned: we got her to start eating salad by introducing crutons as "Salad Cookies" and now she asks for them.

I also have a son like yours, although he doesn't even eat peanut butter. He is six and has added minimally to the edible food list since he was 3. He eats tons of fruit, most vegetables, yogurt, cheese, cereals and nuggets! His sister (10) and brother (2) eat everything we adults eat! The foods you listed are healthy and most kids eat nuggets occassionally, so don't worry so much. I would worry more if the foods he did eat were high in fat and sugar. If I set the table, I put forth something everyone will choose from and I do encourage trying, but never push it! My husband was the same way as a child, and probaly still is... he just tries new things beacause he is an adult who knows better. That doesn't mean he likes it though. Finally, my husband is a slim healthy adult and he ate the way your son/my son does. I truly believe children self regulate their diets and our job is to keep them away from fat and sugar. Good Luck!

when my son was three, I would have given anything for him to eat the healthy items that your son will eat. My son just turned 5 and he wouldn't try anything new until he was about 4.5 years old. We give him something every night that we know he will eat and then give him two other things that we were eating and told him he had eat two of the items before he got down from the table. We have had some long nights sitting at the table, but lately, it has worked. We told him we don't fix anything "yucky" and he has been willing to try things now. So, give it a bit of time but keep offering (by putting on his plate) him some of the things you are fixing the rest of the family. Oh, and by no means do we have this problem nixed....my son still will go four or five nights in a row eating chicken nuggets. But overall, he is trying new things and it growing in his tastes. Good luck!

H. B.

A couple of thoughts:
1. He might be out of his growth spurt and not really be hungry. So give him less food in total and really watch what you let him snack on so that he doesn't fill up on the stuff you don't like. Offer a reasonable choice that is healthy and does not make you a short order cook. You need a united front with your husband on this one, however or he'll whine you both into submission. Be gentle and firm and give all of your time to adjust. And have a "chicken nugget night" so that he can see that his choice is not a "bad" one.

2. Investigate thoughtfully why he doesn't like certain foods. Maybe he likes the taste but they give him indigestion and he doesn't know it. For instance, some kids have trouble digesting certain proteins or foods. It literally gives them a bellyache, but they don't know how to verbalize it.

3. Don't make it a control issue, but a lifelong issue of learning about food. My kids were terrible at this age and now (ages 16 and 12) will try just about anything. To our surprise, they love Indian food! (Go figure!)
A great book: Let Them Eat Cake!:: The Case Against Controlling What Your Children Eat by Dr. Robert Kleinman

hang in there...
D.

J.,
You should check out Parenting on The Women's Nest - www.thewomensnest.com - they have a great forum for moms!

Hi, my name is H. and I am the proud mother of two boys(7y.o. and 9mo). My older boy was the same way at 3! He wouldn't eat as many fruits, though. My "advice", if you want to call it that, is that he will change!! At 6 my son decided-because he loves cheese-that broccoli and cauliflower would be OK if they had cheese on them. Now, he'll eat them (and sweet potatoes, steak, chicken, chili, soups--even cucumbers w/ salt!) and he likes to help me pick out what he's going to eat. It's not always everything, or the exact same thing we're eating, but he's eating more and he's growing like a weed! I think, as long as their growth is OK w/ the Pediatrician, he'll be fine for now. He's eating lots of protein,fruits and carbohydrates, so he's doing well. My brother (who's 21 now and eats as much of everything he can get his hands on) would only eat cheese pizza, mac&cheese-from the box ONLY-and scrambled eggs w cheese. That's it from 2y.o thru 6y.o!!! CHeck w the Pediatrician, but he seems very normal--albeit a bit boring to you:)--and should be fine! Good luck and just keep offering new things so he sees they're out there.....peace,H.:)

J.,

My four year old daughter is a very good eater, but she gets in a rut wanting the same things all the time. Just recently she's decided to try new foods to see if she likes them. She has tried chili and sausage (not the healthiest, but at least it's different). Tuesday night my husband and I were raving over a spinach salad, and she decided to try some fresh spinach. Success! The leaves are more tender than lettuce.

It could just be a phase, being stubborn because he knows it's bothering you. He may eventually try new things, but he'll be older.

Hang in there.

He can't eat the other foods unless you buy them and bring them into the house. If you don't want him to fill his diet with crackers, nuggets, etc. do not buy them. Do not make him special meals just to get him to eat. Everyone in the family should have the same thing on their plate and if they don't eat it, oh well. He will not starve. If he's hungry, he will eat it.