I Can't Do Anything Without 2 Year Old Crying for me/Husband

You can try doing things with him at home like peek-a-boo so that he gets used to not seeing you for a second, then knowing that you will reappear when he opens his eyes. Also try it with a small blanket or cloth over his eyes. Hide and seek could also help. At first, let him watch you hide behind a couch or door, then let him "find you." Then, let him hide and you find him. He needs to know that you are still there even though he cannot see you. Do this several times a week and make it fun.

Also, the other suggestions sound really helpful. However, I would not sneak out when he is not looking because then he will never know when you are about to leave and will awlays be anxious. If he knows that you will not leave unless you have given hugs and kisses, then he knows what to expect.

Good luck!

You might want to check with his pediatrician. He might have a social anxiety. I've known of the happening with small children before. Have a nice day!

NO! don't sneak out! ever! I see some people giving you this advice... that is very unhealthy. Instead, use WORDS to assure him. When you leave, say "I am coming back. I love you." ...it will take a couple of times for him to learn what those words mean, but sneaking out is damaging... you should never sneak out just to avoid confronting this matter. When you come back, tell him "I'm back. I love you." He needs to see that it "hurts" you too when you leave, and that you will miss him, and you will come back... don't ever sneak out!! TALK to him, or he will never learn what you mean by leaving. Even though he is too... TELL him what is going on... they catch on so quickly. Tell him "Daddy's going to work, he will be home later. he loves you!" Also, have daddy tell him this when he is leaving.

Some one gave me this advice before I had children. Fortunately, I have done this since they were infants, so they have no anxiety when I leave. My 2-yr-old understands what I am saying to him, and has even began to tell ME what is happening. Now, when daddy leaves for work, he tells ME "Daddy go work"

Have you been sneaking out on him long? Maybe you haven't at all, but if you have, that can cause this behavior. I babysat a child who's mom always snuck out and it would DEVASTATE the boy for almost an hour. I told her it would be better if she told him bye, but she didn't want to face the problem like she should.

About 20 years ago, I used to babysit a little boy with the same problem. His parents had me come over two or three times before them ever leaving for Playdates so he would know me. Then when it came time to leave they made sure we were very actively engaged and just slipped out. He did notice eventually of course, and he did scream like crazy but I held him and comforted him and eventually got him back to playing.One downside was I could NOT lay him down to bed. He couldn't handle that at all. I had to hold him or have him on the couch next to me with my hand on his back or stroking his hair.Still, Mom and Dad got some much needed alone time. I guess my best advice is to not make a big deal about leaving in case he is feeding off your anxieties (justified about your concerns for him). Take him to someone you trust. Make sure they understand what they are in for. Then slip away at his busy/comfort time. Now this means dinner not a movie. Maybe even just getting away for 20 minutes then coming back to show you will and increasing time away. Remember after the first couple of times you leave have a nother play date or two. You don't want him to think that every time this person is there mom and dad disappear. Take a deep breath, step away from it for a second and think about what you advise someone else. I'll bet the #1 thing will be to calm down and take it slow. He will respond to what he feeels in you. I fyou are stressed tense or nervous, so he will be.

I read that you can give him a photo of you (or your husband or both) so he can see you when you're away. never tried it so I don't know if it works.

Don't know how verbal your son is, can you just ask him, "What will help you feel better when mommy has to be away for a little while?" or maybe say "What do you want to do when mommy comes back?" That way he knows what is coming in the future and also feels like he has a little bit of control of the situation.

When you go potty, give him a time that he can understand, like "I will be back when 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' is over" That helped with my kids. THey never understood time so when we were at the park, I'd say "Im going to sing "Jesus Loves Me" one time then it will be time to leave" and they understood that. "one minute" or "five minutes" doesn't mean anything to them.

Hope that helps.

I don't know that this addresses the underlying issues, but this worked for a friend of mine when she had to leave her toddler in daycare. She bought him a watch with an alarm and set it for just before the time she would come to pick him up. She told him that way he would know she was coming when the alarm went off and he could be reassured she was always coming. That knowledge and the novelty of the watch really helped him be more comfortable being away from her. I believe he was 3 when she started this. Obviously you can't do this every time you need to go to the bathroom, but maybe you could practice with short dates with your husband, or when your husband goes to work (set it for the time he will come home) or even when you go to someone's house for a playdate and stay with him, that way he gets the idea that it is time to go home with mommy when the alarm sounds. I hope this might help!

L.,

I strongly encourage you to ask your pediatrician about your son's behavior change to rule out any physical or emotional problems. If that is ok, then you could start doing some behavior training. You've received a lot of good advice about that from other moms, but I really think it's important to see his doctor first.

I am writing because I have posted questions before and been very disappointed when I didn't get any responses. I don't have a lot of information for you other than to talk to your doctor or someone at the older child's school that they may have resources. My daughter was in daycare from 6 wks old because I HAD to. But outside of her being mildly sick constantly, she's grown up very well-adjusted and healthy. We can go anywhere and she makes friends easily. I don't know that this is true for all children in similar circumstances, partially because it's nature vs. nurture/environment... who knows which is stronger. But in my opinion that is very unhealthy for your son to be so dependent on you and your husband. I hope this helps and good luck.

L. -

My 2 year old did this when she was about 1 1/2 and got a lot better but then got bad again within the past few months. She is more attached to me then what she is with her dad. She used to love the nursery at church and now hates to leave me. She is fine after we leave and get gone, but she screams and throws a fit for a while. She is fine when we are at home and out as long as she is with me but it is tiring and wears you out. I would just try and do things subtle like when he's playing and content, step out of the room and see how long it takes for him to notice. When he starts getting worked up walk back in and reassure him that you were just in the other room and will always be there if he needs anything. I would say he is afraid that you won't always be there with the situation you had when your husband was away for a few months. I know its hard and is tiresome but it will wear out. Try and get your older one try to become more involved in playing with him so that when you guys want a date night, he can feel comfort in her being there with him. I hope this helps at least for encouragement that it will get better.

Good Luck!

Wow, I wish I had an answer for you. Really all I can offer is support. This may be something that he is going through worse than other kids, an unnatural reaction to a natural stage in development. I do know, that he will not pass this stage until it is in some way resolved or comforted. Have you tried to speak to a therapist for young children?? My thoughts and prayers to you!