Since everyone is being very real this morning about the things people think....I'll be real about the things I DO. I've done it again. I've managed to let the caring side of me win over in business. I have a mom that has gone through a difficult divorce. She has a house in a nice neighborhood and yet no money ever because she's been living almost entirely on child support. She gets this new job. It's starting a new company. She's been required to go out a lot nights and weekends and even take some business trips. 2 of her boys are in school. One is in preschool with me. I've been giving her a discount for the young one and charging very FAIR...leaning towards nothing to speak of. I've told her a few times that I'm helping this way, because I can, and just for now. I have told her that if I find myself in a bind, I'll up her weekend rates.
This month I have had the youngest for 14 days straight. The older 2 have spent the weekends with me and 2.5 extra days during the week. In addition, one of the older boys needed to be with me last Friday for a teachers in service meeting. I've even needed to drive the older two to school a few times. I've had the older boys 5 and 7 days overnight out of the last 14 days as well as the younger one overnight 7 of the nights and the rest days with the younger one. I did all that for $400 dollars. Just to be clear, that covered EVERYTHING, food, showers, rides to school, one trip to play at McDonald's with lunch, one trip for ice cream, and one trip to swim and I did their 5 days worth of laundry befroe she picked them up. It averages 28 per day for the first 14 days of the month. I'm NOT complaining. I agreed to it.
All was good until she showed up today without money. Now she says that she thought the 400 dollars covered this week. REALLY? I never agreed to that covering 3 weeks, I always charge in advance, and the emails clearly show each week that we negotiated each weeks pay to cover the preschool and the weekends. Todays payment should be for this week we are starting today. So she drops him off without money, without bringing him to the front door, and then when I email her to ask about the money she says she thought she was paid up.
I know that some of y'all here have told me again and again to stop being nice. There is a HUGE difference between being NICE and being stepped on. I am pretty sure she's bringing me a check tonight. She said she would need to bring me a check and go over the dates and emails again.
The obligatory question????? Will I ever learn? Does no good deed really go unpunished?
A note about medical release forms.. I took a class years ago while I was licensed. They made it very clear that these forms are NOT worth the paper they are written on. The doctors will not treat a child for minor injuries until the parent can be reached and they can and will get authorization over the phone for minor things. AND, even if the papers were notarized and in proper order, the state will take control if it's serious, until the parent arrives. That's why social workers are on staff. If it's very serious, they don't need anyone's authorization. They are already authorized to stablelize the child.
From a legal standpoint, we were advised to NEVER sign anything. If we sign anything at all, we can be charged. I will NOT be taking responsibility for an accident that is normal...as in the child trips and falls or someone else rear-ends us..then it's on their insurance. I would ONLY take responsibility if it's my fault as in, I personally drop the child or a pet of mine hurt the child. If it's not somehow negligence on my part, I won't be signing any forms.
I do keep children for weeks on end while their parents are out of the country. I always have telephone #'s of grandparents that can be reached in case of emergency and with these boys in particular, their fathers live in town. And yes, they are dweebs that are not willing to help mom get her new career off the ground by watching these boys.
Oh she did pay the 400. She paid me 200 each Friday, which was to cover her business trip on the weekends and the week days with the little one. Normally she pays on Monday, but paid earlier because she was not in town the last 2 Monday mornings and the boys were already with me. I know this is throwing her off, in addition to the fact that she worked like 21 days in a row without a day off.
If she doens't pay you today after reading the emails again, then I'm with Dawn...
and Angela re: the kids.
My concern is for your legal protection.
You have an other woman's children in your home overnight on a regular basis, and take them to school, and to swimming class on a regular basis (not the same at all as one of your kids having a pal over for a visit). What if one of them had a medical problem? What if your car was rear-ended and they were hurt?
The second potential legal problem is that mother dropping her young preschooler off without bringing him to your door. What if you were in the back yard or busy with an emergency phone call?
I think you are unquestionably kind, but you may need to consider your legal protection. You could potentially end up in an emergency room with one of those kids, and have to tell the doctor that they've been sleeping at your house and the mother is out of town somewhere and nobody has any medical power of attorney and you are not a paid nanny or caregiver.
If someone dropped a preschooler off at my driveway and drove away without seeing that he was safely transferred to my care, I'd film it on my camera and call the police.
Please don't continue to care for all the kids without the mother's giving you legal rights, appropriate expense money, and written permission and authorization as far as school, swim classes, transportation, etc. Tell her that in order to protect your home and preschool and assets, your lawyer has advised that no care take place without proper legal precautions in place. If she asks why the sudden change, explain that you did not change the rules, she did, by leaving her children on your sidewalk and in your house for days and nights.
This has stepped across the line from good deed to potentially troublesome and dangerous, in my opinion.
I really feel sorry for these kids.
Wow.
SLM,
You yourself have said that there is a very fine line between your "business" and your "ministry", right?
Before you freak out, give her today to re-read the emails and calculate the care she owes you.
You don't know that you're being "stepped on" just yet.
Either way (if she stays or finds someone else) she needs to square up with you.
She is so using you... You need to start getting things in writing. Email her back, "the $400 covered the last 14 days. Payment for this week will be due at the end of the workday, or I will have to charge a $15 late fee (how ever much is stated in the contract) for each day it is late. If it is not paid by the end of the week, you will need to make other arrangements for care, but that does not remove you from your obligation to pay me for my services." Give her an itemized receipt of what that money covered, she may just be having a hard time figuring it out since this ordeal has been stressful, so gauge what you tell her first.
I did daycare for a lady in a similar spot. She never paid, like once every 3 weeks and she was always short... she also had an irregular schedule and would just show up or not at unexpected times. After 3 weeks of non-payment, I had to upfront tell her I expected the money at the end of the day. She got mad and made ME look like the bad guy. I explained that I also had bills and such and this was my form of business. I had to fire her because she could not figure out why I would 'take advantage of a single mom'. Uggh. Not only did she get child support, but govt asst, child care vouchers and va benefits... and she lived rent free with her parents.
Take a deep breath, put on your happy, confident voice, and announce your fee firmly. No, "just for nows" or "if that works" or anything at all to sound more "kind and polite".
You know what? Because I am the sort of person who always WANTS to square up, and doesn't want to take discounts for people's personal small business labor, and who over-tips, and who wouldn't dare show up without cash to the daycare (and no, I'm not rich, I just only do what I can afford) I've never had anyone remotely offer me a break! People have no problem announcing their fees and prices, and I offer no resistance. This lady is used to people bargaining for her, and she's used to acting this way. Curb your anger, change your tune, and be firm. She'll respect you for it.
In her defense, (and I'm sure this isn't the case with her, but just sayin') daycare weeks are very hard to keep track of. I often had to show up with a blank check and ask for the run down, because I couldn't keep track. So Give her the benefit of the doubt and show her the daily break down ONE MORE TIME. Then be firm.
It's nice that you are doing her a favor, but it sounds like you're not that happy about it. If you want to do it for her and are not worried about money, that's one thing. But if you are working because you need the money, it's not fair to you to work for that little. I don't know if you have an established daycare at your house, but another response on here mentioned legal ramifications of what you are doing, and that's a good point. When my son has gone to daycare a few times there is tons of paperwork to fill out and waivers to sign, and if you have her kids for what sounds like most of the time and you are driving them around, if you have a business you need to make sure all the paperwork is done so she can't come back and sue you for something crazy. And what you are doing is not daycare, it is being a nanny. First you must decide if you want to be a nanny to these children. If you do, you need to decide on reasonable rates for your area, and then type them up and give her the paper. If she doesn't like it, she can find someone else to nanny. Don't let her take advantage! :)
Impossible to say that you will ever learn or if what goes around comes around. It sounds like for the past 2 weeks you have the been the personal nanny with 24 hrs service for 3 boys for a 400.00 paycheck. It sounds like this woman needs a nanny who is available at her whim. To be honest I have no idea how much others would charge for this service. From your vent it sounds like you are unhappy with the current arrangement. It sounds like a low amount but I don't know what the going rate is. My advice..... Decide if you need this person as a client. Ask yourself if you want to be her nanny. Before you meet with her, sit down and decide what you are willing to do and for what amount, write it down, and stick with it. My spouse owns a business and there will always be someone who will try and weasel in extra service for free or even think they can get everything highly discounted. There is always people who cry poverty but they have much nicer belongings than we do. You just have to stay kind but FIRM. Business is business and this is your income. Stick with what you have written down. If you try and negotiate without having what you wanted firmly set then you will most likely to cave given your niceness and her desperation. Only you can decide what you feel is fair. Good luck.
After the check CLEARS, (I'd go to the bank and cash it immediately),inform this client that you will no longer be able to keep her as a client. You have gone above and beyone and owe her nothing.
Blessings...
I won't go so far as to say to NEVER do a favor/good deed for anyone ever again.
I just wouldn't do THIS woman any favors/good deeds again.
Once someone has used you and abused a privilege, you can be wise enough not to fall for it from that person again.
Sure, you might get bit from new people every once in awhile, but you won't get repeat offenders.
If you keep turning the other cheek, eventually you run out of cheeks to turn and some people have no sense of shame at all.
The kids are lucky to have you... I would get payment for this week and not say anything else. Then if she needs anything above her normal schedule fo the boys, I would reply in writing it will be $x which works out to be $x/hour. Make it a lot more than last time. If she questions it, do the calculation of whatever this worked out to per hour (seems like about $1/hour). If she can find a better deal, wish her well. You don't know the status of her house but it would appear that she's not hurting that badly if she's still living in it. And all these issues of other people's aren't yours. If you're not living in the lap of luxury and going to get your nails done all the time and lunch w/ your friends, you likely are working way harder than they are. Enough! Do they feel sorry for you or help you out if you need it?
To respond just to the legal aspect: when I used to baby sit a neighbor's child 2 mornings a week who was my daughter's friend, I had a notarized letter from the mom giving me the legal right to allow doctors to treat her child. In case of an emergency I would otherwise not have had the right to allow a doctor to treat her. We never needed it, since we had cell phones and we had each other's work and home phones, so she would just come get her child. My sister was on a bus with a bunch of students as a chaperone and all the "consent to treat" forms were on another bus. Their bus had an accident and a child with a broken ankle had to drive 2 hours home in order to be treated since the doctor's could not touch her legally. If it is life or death I think they can.
