I Am So Angry That I Could Just Burn up in Flames

Sometimes, the best defense is a good offense.

You have already compromised enough. If hubby wants dinner on the table by noon, at the latest 1pm, then he needs to do his share. Explain to him that you will not be able to accomplish that feat and address the needs of your children at the same time. It will be his job to entertain, change, feed, dress, etc. everyone until dinner is finished. You can determine if that is to include the point where dinner is placed on the table or until everyone has eaten. (Moms typically don't eat hot food until their kids leave for college so here's your chance to get a hot meal.) MIL will not be able to babysit for him because she sounds like a nice lady and will most likely be assisting you in the kitchen.

After the meal, don't worry about entertaining MIL/FIL. Most grandparents are happy just being around the grandkids no matter what they are doing. Make plans to go do something with your children and have them come along. Discovery Green's ice skating opens Thanksgiving Day, go to the movies, load everyone up in the car and spend the evening looking at Christmas lights. Begin your own Thanksgiving Day tradition. When hubby gets back from the game and hears what a great time he missed out on with his kids, he may reconsider next year's plans. If he doesn't, then that is his loss. Continue to build family traditions with your children (and your in-laws) because you will reap big rewards in the future.

Since you are compromising on your trip to Virginia, you could ask your hubby to do the same. The game doesn't start until 7pm and the last time I checked it only takes a couple hours to get to College Station from Houston. What's the rush? He could leave your house a little later and spend more time with the family.

And, the next time you agree to spend the holiday with your folks, book your flights as soon as possible. If you already had your tickets, would you have changed your plans?

All the ladies who have told you to be more assertive are absolutely right. Women can be assertive without having to "ride-the-broom". You sound like a very sweet person so calmly discuss the issue with your hubby but be firm. If you both agree to certain 'boundaries', write them down if you have to and hold firm on them.

Good luck!

This time, you need to put your foot down. You make allowances for him to go to all the other games, so he needs to stay at home and watch it on tv Thanksgiving day. He can record it and watch it any time during the day, when it's most convenient. He is not only being insensitive to you, but to his whole family. Compromise is a 2 way street. Tell him how you feel about it, try to keep your anger in control, and he will do the right thing. If he doesn't, then let him know that Thanksgiving is about family, and you will be going to spend time with your own family in VA, since he doesn't have any interest in being home. Maybe he can take his parents with him.

Hi D.,

I'm sorry you have to go through this, and being unhappy in your home. Next year, you are going to have to speak up or better yet do it this year. Let your husband know how you feel and you originally had plans to spend Thanksgiving in VA. Inform him & his parents that next year your time will be spent in VA. You are going to have to speak up and if dinner is not ready for 12 then so be it. Have dinner ready when you can. Step up tot he plate and make your voice be heard with everything.

Good Luck!

Anita

You may not want to hear what I have to say. Love your life. I have seven children and a father that was diagnosed with leukemia. These are suck little things you are complaining about. Let your husband know that you believe he needs to stay with the family but if he chooses not to "LET IT GO" Life is really short. What if he did not come home from work EVER again. Just love LIFE as it come to you.

When I read this I felt so angry on your behalf. I'm sorry Thanksgiving is this hurtful for you.

This might be the worst thing to do, but what if you talked to his mother about it? Tell her that he just told you about the noon deadline and say that you are going to need a lot of help if you are going to be ready by then and how sorry you are the he isn't going to stay and visit with them. She may have something to say to her son about it.

That all depends on the kind of relationship you have with your mother-in-law. I know it sounds passive aggressive, but he might hear from her what he won't hear from you. Or she might tell you that you should go be with your family. She's a wife, too, so she will surely have feelings about this.

Wow...so how did the initial plans of spending Thanksgiving change. When the inlaws invited themselves, did you or hubby not speak up to say you had plans? So, you allowed the plans to change. The longer you allow it, the harder it will be to change it then your husbands thoughts will "I ALWAYS go to the games. You should talk and communicate now and not let it linger if it bothers you. It is a S. day and maybe an alternative is to watch it on TV where he can still be with family.

Sorry that you feel this way but be glad it is a football team and not another woman. The season will be over soon and hopefully he will be home with you and your family. I grew up in a Longhorn family and I know they take sports seriously. My dad is 79 and still goes to all the home games. Hang in there!

Have you ever said NO to your husband? Do you guys even talk or does he just tell you what he and / or the family is doing?

Sweetie - you need to tell hubby that a) his parents are welcome to come for Thanksgiving and he can watch the game via television. Nothing says you have to eat at 12 - you can eat after the game or b) he can go to the game and you and the kids are going to Virginia without him and will see him after the weekend.

I understand the importance that football plays for some - but this is Thanksgiving - a holiday for family. Not a holiday for you to spend with his family and his family only.

Why in heavens name would you continue to go along with this madness? You have been married for 11 years and have 4 small children - yet he is married to football.

On second thought - perhaps you should call the travel agent for tickets to your parents. Maybe hubby needs to know that you are serious about this......

D.,

I feel your pain, only bc my husband has to work on thanksgiving, every year, so we spend the majority of TG without him. however, if he were home, and his parents were coming over...I'd demand to go to the game WITH him and have the parents watch the kids for the afternoon so you can spend TG together and give the grandparents the afternoon w/ the kids...tell him, you want a ticket, he should have offered for you to join him in the first place. What about having TG dinner a little later, when he gets back from the game? Let him know that this is the last year he's doing this, and next year, if he wants to see the game outside the home, then you'll be at your parents house and he won't get to see ya'll at all. he can have Luby's for TG! :-) Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope you can work out a good compromise where YOU are happy

When his parents invited themselves they probably did not know that you had made other plans. It would have been so much better if you had told them immediately that you and the children were going to Virginia while their son was at the football game, but since this didn't happen you are stuck with entertaining them. They will see for themselves just how immiture and inconsiderate their son is. Be a gracious daughter-in-law this year, but the next time you make plans to go someplace let them know immediately. As for the football nut, let him go to the games but don't submit your little children to them. Plan something special for you and them while he is gone...maybe even a trip to Virginia. If he is so selfish that he spends money going to the games then you have every right to do what you enjoy...even if it means getting someone to watch the children while you do it.