Ok ladies, here's the deal. We are very strict with our kids on video games, no more than 1 hour per week (unless it is a special occassion). However, my husband will play it constantly. I have really been getting on him about it, so now he is like a child and "sneaks" time with it. I am not trying to be controlling, but seriously, he got up in the middle of the night (3am) just to play, then complains that he's tired! We don't get to spend much time together as it is, and I don't want all of our time together to be with him on that, not to mention the games he plays are inappropriate for oure children, so they can't be near him while he plays either. Video games just take so much away from our family. I guess I should be greatful that he ony goes through phases (when new games come out- until he beats them), but I hate how lonely I feel when he chooses them over us. I have told him this, and he just thinks I'm overreacting. Any advice?
Thank you ladies for all of your responses. I took everything you all said into consideration. We argued about it again tonight, and I said how I felt about it again. I decided that is the last time I will bring it up, and whatever he misses out on with the rest of us is his problem. I don't want to keep fighting over something so silly. I think he will eventually get the point. I'll let you know how it goes!
1. Print these responses out.
2. Fold them nicely.
3. Place gently in the case of his favorite video game.
I am only half joking.
Ladies, isn't nice to know we are not alone...
Hi there-
My husband is also addicted to video games and as a result, my 4 year old has become addicted too. However, I knew this getting involved with my husband and so I have had to make a conscious decision not to make a big deal out of it.
Personally, I do believe it helps develop skills like hand-eye coordination, problem solving and analytical skills. So, while I think that their addiction is borderline unhealthy, I can't totally disregard it's usefulness.
As for your husband, trying to control his time with the video games will result in him sneaking behind your back as you saw and this behavior could be damaging to your relationship. Treating him like a child isn't healthy. You are lucky in that he only gets addicted when there is a new game out (my husband plays all of the time). Perhaps you can talk to him about playing only once you are busy doing other things or when you go to bed?
As for your son. I have found that buying educational games has helped him play and encourages him to learn more while he does it. Limiting to one hour per week really isn't much and will only build resentment and possibly cause him to sneak behind your back too.
As such, I would encourage you to help both of them find more appropriate times for their game time and/or more appropriate games. Have your husband play appropriate games WITH your son so that they can share their common bond and have your son work on educational games.
I know it's hard. I am not a fan. I didn't grow up with them and so living with this has been a difficult transition for me too.
Good luck.
N.
My husband also loves computer games and plays online every night. Our deal is that he can only play those games when the kids are in bed and after we have had our time too. In fact, I told him he'd get laid more often if he came to bed with me. :)
Fortunately, my husband does not require that much sleep. I do and am frequently in bed by 10:30pm. So he will play Call of Duty 3 or some other game online from about 11pm - 1am. He'll come to bed then. Later on the weekends. It used to bother me, but we talked about it. It's nothing personal. He just enjoys the games and loses track of time sometimes. If he's cranky in the morning, I totally call him on it. Come to bed earlier. It's not my fault or the kids' fault that you choose to play a game until the wee hours of the morn. Do not take it out on us. He knows I'm right.
I do not think you are overreacting. You're entitled to your feelings. If you feel that his game-playing is interfering with your family time or time alone with you - than it is. I'm sure you can reach some sort of compromise. Good luck!
I just don't think i could deal with that at all. The issue in your story for me is that you told him you felt like he was choosing the game over the fmaily and he completely disregarded what you said and told YOU you were over reacting. How about a "ohmygosh, i'm so sorry you feel that way. I still want to play but what can i do to make this better?". I personally feel if he's disregarding your feelings entirely that he's protecting his addiction.
Welcome to my life, my husband is a big kid too! I think it is this generation of men, video games just came out when we were kids and so they almost hoard them, as if they will not be there tomorrow. I used to try to fight it, but I gave that up, what I have done is tried to find common interests in video games, and I have found that I like Guitar Hero, we play Rock Band, he has games like tetris, things like that that we can play together and we have spent more time together. Also, since I have taken an interest in his interests, he has taken more time to do things with me, we watch movies together somethings, etc. Also Rock Bank is really a game the whole family can play and it is fun! Just some ideas, hopes this helps!
M.
OMG, you literally just described my situation. My hubby has passed that phase of purchasing new games only to beat them he has now moved on to playing online. He loves to play Call of Duty 3 every chance he gets. There were days where he wouldn't sleep all night just so that he could play. The fact that I am pregnant w/our 3rd one due in June and my mood swings did not help w/me arguing w/him about it. We finally sat down about a month ago and he's come to understand that the games are not appropriate to play around the kids and that family time means family time. Being that I am a sahm and he's the only one that works I do understand that was his way of venting off his stress and I guess his form of being in lala land. Try compromising w/your hubby about how much time he should get a week to play. My hubby & I came to the agreement that he gets to play 1 day a week all night if he wants as long as it doesn't interfere w/family time and work. We spend more time together now and less fighting about it. Good luck.
K.,
Well, I think it's time to put your foot down here. It wouldn't be fair to expect him to give up something he loves so much - I know there are things I wouldn't give up - but everything in moderation. Seriously.
Anyway, we have an unwritten rule in our house and I've posted about it before. When we come home we are "Mom and Dad". We don't surf the net, check emails, take phone calls (except from family - love caller ID) or anything else until the boys (2.5 yrs and 6 months) are in bed for the night. Since we have a pretty good schedule, they are both in bed by about 8:00PM and then we are "T. and Rich". Most nights, we just chill on the couch and watch some TV, but there are nights when we do our own thing. My husband LOVES his MP3 player and usually is hooked up to that or wants to watch sports - any sport. I enjoy surfing the net or messing around with the pictures on the computer.
There are nights when I'm tired and want to go to bed earlier than DH and vice versa. There are also nights that I want to go to the bedroom - but not to sleep ;) He better join me! Lol.
Seriously, I think it would be best to talk to him and ask him to limit the games to when the kids are in bed and your needs have been filled - whatever they are. If he chooses to be up all night playing, I wouldn't be very forgiving or understanding with the "I'm tired" the next day. I have never prevented my DH from going out with "the guys", but I remind him that he still needs to be Dad on Saturday AM. I'm an early-bird, so I'll get up early with the boys a lot. But, when it's time to get things done, I send our older son in to "get Daddy". If he were crabby because of a night out (or gaming in your case), I'd be really p'd off. That's not fair.
So, talk to him and ask him to just be respectful of your needs and the kids. In turn, you can respect his "need" and he can play the games.
Good luck.
T.
My hubby is a huge gaming fan. He actually has lan parties where 15 guys come over with their computers and play games all night long. He only has them maybe four times a year, but twice a month he goes to a friends house to play. The way I look at it, he could be out at a bar instead of at home playing games. It doesn't bother me, I actually support it-I love when he has the parties. It would be a problem if he was playing games instead of spending time with the kids. He only plays at night once the kids have gone to bed. And we still plan our own nights that we spend with each other. Everyone needs their own down time and space to be by themselves. There is a compromise in every situtation.
Dear K.,
Hello! My husband is the same way as yours. He loves to play video games until he beats them and then he takes a break from it for awhile. He works second shift and on occasion he is awake when I awake the following morning to get kids ready for school. I am a stay at home mom so my husband works alot so that I can be home with the kids. I was angry the first couple of times I "caught" him awake playing video games. But I've had alot of time to think about it and really, he is a good man, he works many hours so that I don't have to work. He's not out going to bars after work and it's not like he is never home and not helping out with the kids. I do more with the kids than him, but I've faced the fact that he doesn't do much outside of working and as an adult, if he chooses to take his time to play video games, SO BE IT. I am strict with my kids on their video game play time but they are children. They are in school and they have rules that they have to follow. When they have asked about daddy playing video games, I simply tell my children that once they graduate college and are on their own working to pay their own bills, that they can choose to play video games any time they want. I know he loves me and our kids. But believe me, if I could be out of the house going shopping, bowling, or just out with the girls, I would do it just to get some peace of mind. I know how he feels with needing personal time to do the things that bring a person joy. Try to give him some understanding regarding his playing of games. As long as he is not neglecting his responsibilities, you, and your kids in a long term basis, kind of in an addiction kind of way, then I'd say he needs a break sometimes. Be glad he is not out and about with others outside of the home and really neglecting you and your kids. Please don't take this too personally. I used to be very restrictive with what my husband did with his time. I am sort of a jealous person anyways due to being cheated on with my oldest son's father so I am overly protective. But I can understand the video thing. Good luck!
When husbands act like kids they need to be treated like kids, take the video game away. If he doesn't care about how you feel about it, and can't make concessions with his lifestyle for the sake of family time, He needs to be put in his place. On the other hand, It could be a lot worse, and at least he isn't addicted to alcohol or drugs.
It's also not fair for dad to be playing the games all the time when they're only allowed 1 hr a week, that's gonna give a mixed message, and show that you guys aren't on the same page.
Good luck, Unfortunately, we can't live with them and we can't live without them
I really am of the opinion that these video games can be another form of addiction. That might seem over the top, but if you live with someone who can't seem to stop playing that's what it looks like. I won't allow video games in my house (except my daughter's leapster) because my husband spends so much time on computer games that I know video games would drive me completely crazy. I've had to threaten to throw out his computer a few times and we're about due for another talk. When your six year old is asking you to do something and you can't pull yourself away from the game of solitaire you're playing, there is a problem. I understand when he's playing online with someone that it's rude to walk away from the game, even though I have made him do that before, but solitaire? Come on.
I don't think you're overreacting at all. Other than talking to him and telling him how his gaming makes you feel, I don't know what else to do unfortunately. Maybe schedule specific time that he can just have game time and make sure that you guys get to spend time together when he's not playing? Good luck, and if you find something that helps, let me know. :)
