Husband Wants Divorce, Lawyer Advice

First of all, Hang in there A.. When I divorced thank heavens we had not had children yet but any divorce is difficult and very scary. My current husband when he divorced had a terrible experience with lawyers, child support and all that mess. But there is hope. 8 years later when his son was 14, he asked to come live with us so we said we were going to get a very good lawyer and get it done. His mother wasn't giving up without a fight, nor should she. However, we won big time and found out a lot of things that my husband got screwed over on and never should have the first go around. This lawyer I am going to recommend to you is who we used when we went for custody of my stepson. He is awesome. Carl pulls no punches and is very up front. We have one friend who used Carl after his wife cheated on him and when I tell you our friend got everything, I do mean everything. To include the car she drove to court in that day. She had to get a ride home from court and I am not kidding. We have had other friends to use him also with success. He is in Ashland but it is worth the drive. His name is Carl Witmeyer. The address is 11139 Air Park Rd., Ashland. His office number is ###-###-####. A., one important thing to know is that it won't be cheap. My husband went the cheaper route the first time around and that is one reason he got screwed over. You have to have a good lawyer. Carl is not the most expensive in the Metro Richmond area but I think we ended up paying $2500. My husband's exwife went thru 2 laywers before their case was ever settled because she thought she could go the cheap route and get everything. She ended up paying out her tail by the time it was all said and done because she went to cheap with her initial lawyer. You are also in a unique situation with the fact that your father is the cosigner of your house opposed to you. Be sure your father's name gets off anything to do with that house before the final paperwork is done. If your husband wants to stay in that house than he must refinance on his own and get your dad off that. He will most likely have to pay you half of the equity anyway. Bottom line is that it is marital property with or without your name on it.

Again, hang in there. I hope this will help you. By the way, Blacksburg is a wonderful town to raise children. Gilbert Linkous Elementary School just down the street from Lane Stadium is named after my stepfather's dad.

Dearest A. ~

You don't say if you two own a home or not, but if you do, why are YOU moving out? HE'S the one who wants the divorce, so let HIM move. You will be giving up your home, the place where your children live and possibly risk losing your greatest equity. If he has been the only breadwinner, then HE should be responsible for paying for the roof over his children's head. You definately need a great divorce lawyer, especially if you fear you will have a problem with your husband providing for you and your children financially. He may say he will now, but down the road, especially if he meets a new honey, he might not be so generous. It sounds like you should get some alimony for awhile, since you have not been working, so that will help with your finances, along with child support.

In the state of VA, if you have children, you must be legally separated for a year before you can get a divorce. I'm almost certain the lawyer will advise you not to move out of the home. If you rent a home or apartment that might be a different story. If so, then moving in with your parents might be the best thing, as they can help you with child care. But prepare yourself to go back to work - sad, but true. Even the courts will not let you stay home with your babies after a certain amount of time.

A., get some professional help, as you will experience some great emotional changes and you want to be strong for your children. I went into severe depression with my divorce and my children suffered because of it. I don't have any names of lawyers for you. I used a family friend and my ex and I were able to be work things out, but you need to protect yourself, so get the best you can afford (yes - they are expensive)! I wish you the very best and hopefully there are will be more great advice to come from other folks.

~ K.

A.,

I went through a divorce about 25 years. Before
I left our home and moved into an apartment, I
went to a lawyer to get "seperation" papers, which
also included "custody of my daughter". I don't
know any lawyers since that happened a long time
ago.

Please contact a lawyer before you leave "your"
home to make sure you and your daughter are
protected. Why isn't he leaving your home instead
of you?

Just a note: About a month or so after I left,
my husband thought he could get custody of our
daughter. Of course, that did not happen.

Just be careful. I can't stress this enough.
You have you and your daughter to take care of,
and you can't count on your husband to do
what's right. Some lawyers will give you advice
over the phone, but some fees may be incurred.

M. C.

I went to an attorney and she tried to take me for all I was worth. She charged me for every piece of paper, every time his attorney called she charged me for it. However, she never had it itemized and just gave me a bill. I asked for a detailed list of all charges, that has been 5 or more years ago and I have still not gotten it. Please be careful when you retain an attorney. Some, not all, only see money. Whatever you decide on do not negotiate about your babies. Negotiate about money, property but not your children. And keep your head up. You are not alone. If you want to be happy you will be. If you feel sad then feel sad. If you want to cry cry, but never ever look back. Now if you did all you could and did it honestly you will make it. It will not be easy. Nothing worth having ever is.

Someone once told me that you should never move out! That may be your only trump card to play. Her Midlo attorney told her that.

A.: Girl, don't let it get you down. My husband did the
same thing to me, but I am a survivor. First of all, where is
he working. You need to get a lawyer asap because I don't know
how long you two have been married, but part of what's his is
yours. He is going to have to still take care of you whether
he is with you or not. I am not sure about any lawyers around
our area, which I live in the Midlothian area also, but I wasn't living in this area when all mine occurred. I am still living
comfortable and he still has to pay me, and pay child support.

B.