No matter how many times I tell him, my husband continues to use poor language in front of our 3.5 yr old son. Then, of course, my son repeats it. My husband is black, and will call my son 'lil nigga' in a joking way- this drives me CRAZY, more than swearing- I do NOT want him saying that, but yet, of course my son repeats it. Or just the "n" word. I tell my husband he has to knock it off, and he says ok or whatnot, but then shortly after- he says it again. I don't think he does it intentionally, but almost as a habit or something. He is an educated professional, and would never talk this way around his peers or at work, but at home he does. He says that 'he is just joking', but clearly my 3 yr old doesn't know that. He does this as well with swear words. I'm not too concerned with my son saying these words at school, because he knows they are bad and is very shy, but he has said them when i was with him at the grocery store!! So, this is somewhat a vent, but do you ladies have any suggestions to get my husband to stop talking like this in front our son.
I'm sorry, he doesn't sound like an "educated" professional to me. How very, very sad for your son that he will now forever aware of words like that. I don't know what to tell you except to have a sit down with your husband so he KNOWS you mean business about the acceptable language in your home and with your son.
It is only a matter of time before your son gets over his shyness at school and starts using those words to express himself. That is what I would tell your husband. Is that how he wants to be reflected upon as a parent?
I have hear before people asking toddlers to repeat bad words and finding it funny, why I don't know.
I would tell your husband that while "he" may finds it funny not many people would, and that he is exposing his child to be looked down and get corrected for others.
How your husband will react if a grown up correct his son from saying this kind of things?
My M. always told me to educate my kids so no other people does, and because I would go amazingly mad if somebody educates mine I try to do a good job so nobody does.
Your husband should not teach him this words, one day some body may take it the wrong way and things can end up badly.
AFTER READING SOME OTHER COMMENTS:
Hi Erin,
It been suggested to me that perhaps you do attend church and have a pastor. If this is the case, I sincerely apologize. I would also talk to the pastor about your husband's language, because I am also a woman of color and the church I attend has many Black, Hispanic, Asian and Caucasian families. I have never heard a black father who attends church on a regular basis call his son or daughter their "lil nigga". And that extends to non-church functions. That is why I thought your family might not have a pastor.
ERIN,
Tell his mother, see if she can straighten him out!
There is NOTHING funny or joking about calling your son "lil nigga". If he hears these things and cursing from his father, who he loves, he will grow up to do the same.
I would say tell your pastor, but I have a feeling you don't have one.
Stop it while he's young!
Blessings......
Well my husband has a horrible mouth too. Although he doesn't use the N word but we are not black nor are we predjudice so that word is not a problem for us but I can see how it can be a problem. I just have to say that you really can't make your husband clean up his mouth I have been trying to for years and years with mine and with no luck. Some men are so foolish they see nothing wrong with talking like a sailor. My 8yo never really swore but my 5 yo thought is was soo funny to swear all the time at about from about 2.5 until he was 4 then I had enough so he got soap in the mouth and after a while he stopped. I agree you should talk to your husband and tell him it is a bad example and embarrassing when you son swears and makes you two look like bad parents. I have tried with mine and have no luck these words are just a part of his everyday vocabulary and he doesn't even realize he is saying them half the time BUT your husband may clean up his mouth not all men are the same.
I might try talking to him calmly at a time when you both aren't upset about it. You might try telling him your experiences and concerns, and what you think this might mean for your son's future. "I feel uncomfortable/upset when.... because....". Really own what you need to say, and let him know in a loving way that it's in his son's best interest to be mindful of words.
Start with the end of the duct tape near his ear --go all the way around his head -- covering his mouth -- repeat several times.
Do this daily until he WAKES UP!!!
What an idiot!!!!!
Keep reminding your husband. Keep asking him to stop. Don't get mad at him but let him know how you feel about it.
Seems pretty impossible. You may want to think up a really big "adult" reward of some type you will give him for x amount of time not swearing. Maybe he'll get in the habit if he practices? Not easy for adults to change habits! But at least he could also tell his son it's only for adults. Our kids aren't allowed to swear no matter who they hear swearing, including us if we slip. My son wouldn't be allowed to say a word just because he heard papa say it, and I was raised the same way. Your son sounds like he has good control when he needs it. Just enforce his rules. Parents are allowed to do some things that little kids aren't.
My husband was the same way with the potty mouth. My daughter started to repeat him. So now when he says a bad word I tell my daughter, "Tell Daddy bad word" So now it is getting to the point when he says a curse word she tells him on her own without me telling her to tell him. When she says that he tells her that he is sorry. She has not used a curse word since. She knows that its bad to say these things. I do have to remind him sometimes when we are alone. So when he says that tell him even if it's in front of his friends or family. Maybe he will get the point when you put him on the spot.
My best friend hung up on her baby's father lol when he called her son lil nigga (he's mixed, dad's black, M.'s white). But he's not around like your hubby is obviously and barely has anything to do with his son. I don't know how serious you are about it but you could be like I'm going to leave for a couple hours with our son because it pisses me off when you say that, I don't want our son repeating that.
Where I'm from back South it's not a big deal when we hear it or when white people say it (they call us wiggers), but like I said my best friend (we are from the same place) and I agree we don't want to raise our kids like that. It's not cute. I would try to teach him that not everything daddy says is okay. Like my dad (grandpa) says he hates the cats (me and my daughter's cats) and is going to shoot em and swears and I've got on him to the point that my 2.5 year old daughter says "grandpa, stop it!" or "grandpa, that's not nice" or "grandpa yucky words" lol. I live with him and my M. for the past 7 months so it's the same living situation as yours as far as she is around him every day. I would try that approach because if it's a habit your hubby may not stop.
You could always find some child friendly soap or something lol. All natural or something.
I agree with Mamyof2... your hubby may not think anything of it but it's setting him up to be looked down on if he says that to someone.
When your son isn't around talk to your husband in a way he can't stand and when he gets pissed, be like that's how I feel... do you understand NOW...lol sometimes guys need it broken down barney style.
I think you should see if you can create a scenario where it's likely to happen, and make sure your husband is there. If he hears his son saying it in public, and realizes that it's his fault, it might really have an impact on him and his use of the word.
