My DS has been potty trained since he was 3. Since, when he wakes to go potty in the middle of the night, he calls for me to go to the bathroom with him and then tuck him back into bed. He is 5 ½ now and still does this. It’s not a big deal to me at all. He basically walks down the hallway and calls for me, I go into the bathroom with him and when he is done I tuck him back into bed then go back to my bed. We don’t talk at all, I just kiss him and walk away.
I’m sick with a terrible cold right now. I rarely get sick I can go a whole year completely healthy so I’ve always been the one to get up with my DS. Last night I took some cold medicine to help me sleep through the night without coughing and keeping my DH awake. Well when my DS woke up I was OUT like a light and I didn’t hear him so my DH attempted to get up with him. My DS didn’t want anything to do with that and wanted Mommy! I was awakened by his whimpering calling for me as my DH is getting frustrated with him.
So I get up and do my normal routine. When I got back into bed my DH said, obviously frustrated,
that this was my fault and I needed to break him of this habit.
He meant my DS getting up and wanting me to go to the bathroom with him. I have asked my DS why he wants me to go with him and he has said he is scared and plus “I love you more!” Of course that means he prefers Mommy at night =-)
To those that have potty trained children – do they prefer you to get up to take them to the potty at night? Do they go by themselves? Just curious if my DS is the ONLY one who does this as that is my DH’s opinion and thinks my DS will still do this for years to come if I don’t stop the behavior now. Is he right? He brought it up again this morning.
What's "years to come?" High school? His wedding night?
It sounds like you won't be sick again for another year, so keep doing it if you want to.
My daughter is 4 and rarely wakes up at night. When she does wake up, sometimes she will say "I have to go potty" and since my hubby is a light sleeper, he gets up. Other times she just goes and may or not tell us "I had to go potty".
I don't think it's a big deal. He'll grow out of it sooner or later and if you don't mind, it's really not your husband's concern. He shouldn't critique what you're okay with doing. You are your own person.
Your son won't be 16 and asking for you. Right now, he's still pretty young and probably enjoys the special attention you are giving him. His asking for your help could be a cloaked message of "do you love me enough to get up out of bed and help me?"
When I was a child, my mom would practically tear my head off if I woke her up at night. If I had a bad dream and was scared, I would stand next to her and try to stare her awake. It never worked and I missed being comforted. I would never have dreamed of asking for company to go to the bathroom.
Personally I think it's a positive when my kids ask for me. I enjoy their wanting to connect. Someday I won't have it and I know I'll miss it. Unless it's bothering you, I'd tell hubbie to let it go.
I agree with Liz A.
I approach it the same way with my kids.
Your Husband is just irked... because HE had to do it... HIMSELF. And has no empathy or patience for it.
all the best,
Susan
It's been working for you and it is a sweet moment in your day. Change it when it needs to be changed, or one day he'll sleep all the way through the night, or you'll notice he didn't wake you up. These little rituals will be gone forever soon enough. I promise when he is in college he won't wake you to take him potty and tuck him in.
Good Luck.
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Yup, agree with Liz too. I don't understand why some people think children don't need to be parented at night. it's dark, it's scary, it's lonely. Of course he wants company. He goes right back to bed so you are doing it right and he's not manipulating you to let him in your bed or stay with him.
My cousins' kids do the same -- 4 and 6. They get up to go to the bathroom every night. You could try to coax him to do it on his own with night lights, rewards, less fluids so he doesn't need to go as often. But if you don't mind doing it, I really don't see why you need to stress about stopping this.
Your husband didn't have an issue with it until he had to be the one taking taking him to the bathroom, right? I would explain that as long as DS needs a little extra attention, then a few minutes of a potty trip is no big deal. That being said, I would also do two things:
1. Less fluid before bed. By this age, he should be more than capable of making it through the night without having to go potty.
2. Sit down with everyone together in a good mood...son, dad, mom...and talk about how mommy can't get up every night and daddy will help him when he needs it. That throws your support behind dad - which is good for both the father-son relationship and the husband-wife relationship.
Our children need us, plain and simple, some more than others. I would never assume that my parenting stopped when I went to sleep. It could be that he's scared of the dark or just scared of how quiet it is and that he's alone. I don't think there is an issue with it, as long as you don't have a problem getting up with him. I have a 5 1/2 yr old son and he still occasionally wakes at night, I couldn't imagine not being there for him because he is "supposed to be" sleeping.
He's only going to be little once, enjoy the time you get with him now. Trust me, my 14 and 21 yr olds dont wake me up LOL
I do not have a potty trained little one yet, however I see this happening in our future ... is there anyway you can have all three together for a family meeting and discuss that while mommy does not feel good daddy is mommy's big helper at night? It seems that the only thing daddy was not fond of was the difficulty not that he had to get up in the first place. Maybe DS needs to understand that for a few more days daddy is your special helper and he will be ok with it. I would think that a night light leading the path could help if you do not already have this and drop a step each night until he goes by himself if you want to stop it all together.
1. get up with him
2. stay in the bathroom
3. tuck him in
4. kiss him
the first few days drop the kiss, the next few days watch him get into bed, the next few days stay at the door while he gets into bed, do not go into the bathroom but watch from the door, then get up but do not leave your room, so on ... probably a few week process. Good Luck.
DH was especially "pissy" because his sleep was interrupted.
If his sleep hadn't been interrupted, he would probably never mention it
and maybe not even care.
It is true that most people do not need to accompany their children
to the bathroom at night after some particular age. But that's no reason
to attempt to "cure" your son of this habit.
There are other good reasons to attempt to "cure" him when he's ready.
But not because your husband got "pissy" this one time.
Consider having a 'big boy" conversation with your DS about this.
Let him know that as he's getting older and smarter,
maybe he can make this trip on his own from now on.
Perhaps combine this with some meaningful "big boy" privilege.
You might want to consider some kind of reflective tape or stick-ons
to define a pathway from DS's bedroom to the bathroom.
Good luck with your (irritable) DH.
My DD goes by herself when and if she wakes up which is almost never. She will be 5 in Jan.
I think your husband is right in that your son will probably keep doing this even if he doesn't need to because he loves you and your attention. However I do think lots of kids need to get up in the night.
I would just tell your son that he has to take whatever parent he gets and if he doesn't like that then he should go by himself. He will get used to it. Of course he prefers you. You are his mommy.
My daughter is 3 and she wakes up whimpering if she has to potty at night. I help her and tuck her back into bed. Its almost as if shes doing this in her sleep. Either way, I will be encouraging her to be more independent at night by the time shes 4. So-- no, your son is not the only one :)
My son is five and has been potty-trained since 3yrs 9months. We went through a brief--like a week or two--period of him getting us up at night when he went to the bathroom. But he didn't seem to have a preference for which one of us it was. Since he was about 4, he generally doesn't get up in the middle of the night at all, just sleeps straight through til morning. If he does have to go to the bathroom, he goes on his own. If anything, I think he likes the "big boy" feeling it gives him. Do you have a night-light in the bathroom? And a nightlight in the hall so he can find the bathroom? Maybe that would help ease his anxiety. And is he really going to the bathroom or just wanting some more time with you? We always have my son at least try to go to the bathroom during his bedtime routine, even if he says he doesn't "need to go." I would trust my gut. Do you feel like you're being manipulated? If so, you need to give him a heads-up that you will not buy into his drama. You could tell him that if he goes on his own in the middle of night, he'll get some kind of special breakfast or something.
All 3 of our kids go to the bathroom by themselves, even our 2.5 year old.
Maybe tell your son that at 6 years old, you get to go to the bathroomin the middle of the night like a big boy. Mommy will still be here, but he can't keep waking you up. There is a line for everyone....and I can't imagine a 10 year old waking you up, but it's a habit you've both formed and someone has to stop it. He might, but he might not until later.
Don't get me wrong, we bedshare, breastfeed to 2 years old, but my kids are SUPER independent. Sleep at night alone after about 2 or 3, are potty-trained at 2 years old, dress themselves and bathe themselves. I'm all about being there for my kids, but there's no reason he needs you to get up and watch him pee. It almost sounds co-dependent....he loves you more at night??? I think you need his attention as much as he needs yours. Ask yourself why this is so important to you AND him.
I agree with your husband. He's 5 1/2... it's time for him to be responsible for his own potty time, even at night.
L.,
It isn't worth causing strife between you and your husband. Tell your son that he needs to do this on his own from now on. If he is sick, throwing up, etc., then you will help him. But other than that, he needs to do this on his own. Assure him that you love him and are in the next room sleeping. If he actually *needs* you, you are always available. He doesn't need you to go to the bathroom. Please, follow your husband's lead on this. It will do more to strengthen your relationship with him by submitting in this small thing. And, beside the point of just following your husband's lead because he is leading, he also is right. :)
my middle did this for awhile, but he still needed help in the bathroom. Once he was doing it by himself during the day, I told him he was more than capable of doing it himself at night too.
My son did this. He just turned 5. I went with it for a good long while and then worked to break the habit. I got a motion sensor night light for the hallway and that helped. And we started by me waiting in the hall for him. Then waiting in the living room. Then me just kissing him goodnight and him doing the covers himself. Then a few nights of him doing it all by himself and me checking on him after. And from there he did it on his own. I didn't mind weaning him off needing me at night...it was easier than fighting it like your hubby experienced last night. I am so glad I don't have to help him any more...I like to sleep. :)
my daughter has always used the bathroom at night on her own. She has never asked for any help. Now that is not the case all the time during the day, but at night... she has never asked or needed any help.
Maybe give him less fluids in the evening so he can make it through the night without going to the bathroom? I have 2 girls and they never go to the bathroom in the night. Sometimes they wake up a bit when I go to bed around 11 or so, but they are far too warm and comfortable to get out. But I know every child is different and I am sure I would rather get up to help him in the bathroom than to have to change a wet bed and wet PJ's in case of an "accident". Good luck, whatever works for you is best.
My older two kids also did this. I did get up with them for about the first year or so of them being potty trained but I think after that they should be able to do it on their own. I do agree you should start talking with your son to let him know he doesn't have to wake you to go to the bathroom. My son who just turned 4 doesn't wake me anymore and it's amazing how much better I feel now not being woken up. We do keep a night light on in the bathroom so the kids can see in case they do wake up to go to the bathroom.
I wonder why you're ok with this yourself? Seriously, your son is 5 years old, not 3 & newly potty trained. He doesn't need your help in the bathroom, he just wants to see your face. All that is happening is your son is learning that if he wants you, not needs but wants you that he can have you at any time. It also ensures that you do not get a single uninterupted night's sleep for half a decade. Your husband is definitely right on this one especially since it DOES affect him if you are ever sick or just unavailable.
i have never walked my daughter to potty at night...that would get OLD FAST...my daughter has used the "scared card" many times, and i know that walking through a dark house at night IS scary to me...so i give her the choice of which light to leave on, and that's her crutch...she's leaving mommy and dad alone! in a way your dh is correct, if you dont break him of this habit, it COULD result in getting teased later because HE'S NOT GOIGN TO BREAK HIMSELF OF IT.
