Husband Didn't Ask About My Doctor Appt.

He just forgot and got preoccupied. I do the same thing! With kids, dinners, work, housework, etc. -I frequently forget to ask about the appointments, meetings, etc. -just tell him how it went.

Men are not women. They don't think or act the same way. Some do, but most don't. It's passive/agressive to wait for him to ask - that's not healthy. Be more open - don't be afraid to talk to him. They just don't talk like we do.

Give him a break. He probably assumes all is well since you didn't come home and talk about it.

Sounds like you have a good hubby... let it go.

Men are just wired differently..understand that and if he needs to know something communicate that with him instead of building up anger and resentment over something like this. He probably has no idea how angry you are over this and now you are building up resentments toward a good man.

I'm curious why you didn't immediately just spill the news rather than wait to be asked...? I'm not trying to be insensitive, trust me, I get my feelings hurt way too easily as well. This sounds like you almost were setting your husband up for failure or "testing" him to see if he'd say what you wanted him to say. Never a good idea. There's no sense in forming this whole scenario of "he doesn't care about me because he didn't ask" while at the same time....you didn't offer. Just tell him how the appointment went & let it go.

Mom:

He does care! STOP!!! Take a deep breath!! Men can go on the adage "no news is good news" so when you didn't come in the door with puffy, wet eyes or said "we need to talk" he ASSUMED all was well!

He can't read your mind. he doesn't know how to handle this situation either - keep that in mind. When I was tested last week for cancer - I told my husband NOT to go with me. When I got home - I had no answer and had to wait for another appointment. I told him we are in a waiting pattern. When I went to the doctor for the reading - again - did NOT take my husband there with me. When I got home - he did NOT ask. He waited for ME to say something to him. Maybe this is what your husband is doing as well?

Guys tell people when they think things are important so they assume we do the same. The concept that information must be requested or dragged out of someone is foreign to them. They hate when we do it to them so they won't by nature do it to us. He figured if anything changed you would have told him when you got home.

Instead you are sitting her pouting that he didn't ask. Can you see how crazy that looks to someone who volunteers important information?

It is not a matter of him caring, he is just a guy. So next time you see him tell him your news, he will be interested.

This may seem like a strange response but most of my friends are guys. If I had a dollar for every time they ask why the hell do women do..... I would be able to retire.

For as much as we don't understand why they don't play by our rules they are just as confused as to why we don't understand theirs. The difference is they shrug off how strange we are and we get all upset and psycho on them. Not healthy.

Give me a break!
Men aren't mind readers.
Tell him and move on.
LBC

Um, men don't ask, they avoid. Just tell him.

If my husband didn't ask, I wouldn't mind at all. In fact, as soon as I got home (or on the cell phone on my way home from the visit) I'd volunteer that info to him right away.

You two are married with a child (or maybe more), and -not an insult at all- but you are reading FAR TOO much into details that don't matter and it is driving you to the point where you think he doesn't care? You sound like you are in high school. You should know by now that he cares about you, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind, especially because of this detail. men just don't normally ask about stuff, they expect you to come right out and say it your self. Honestly, I think it is a little weird of YOU to have not told him yourself.... Waiting until he asks?

Really not trying to be mean, but hopefully giving you a perspective that will have you not doubting that your husband cares for you.

Why in the world didn't you walk in the house (or call him from outside the physician's office) and share the GOOD news with him?

This appears as a test to see how he reacts and then complain that it doesn't go your way. You could easily share the good news, celebrate and have a great day!

Try not to play these games in your marriage. Men are not like women. They never will be.

If you want to talk, then do it.

Setting traps, waiting for him to act the way YOU think he should act, is just wasting your energy and is not fair to him.

Set some time aside for the 2 of you to have a conversation. Then without a lot of dramatics, tell him what the doctor said.

Also consider next time getting someone else to watch your children and have your husband go with you to the appt, if it is that important.

I have learned this in my own life. It answers his questions as well as my own.

I would have been on the phone with my honey the minute I walked out of the doctor's office. I had some health issues a couple of years ago and I would call him immediately after the visit to let him know what the doctor said. I don't wait for him to ask I just volunteer the info because he is my best friend and I share everything with him.

You aren't being fair to him. He is taking his cue from you. Remember he is scared and worried too. Time to "woman up" and get over your hurt feelings and let the man know you will be around for a long time!! Happy V-Day!!!

you are over-sensitive because you're worried, and maybe you have a tendency to do this anyway (so many women do.)
but you need to stop. you're both grown-ups and you have children, and 'testing' him by withholding important news as some sort of gauge of his affections is terribly immature. unless you have alerted him to the rules of this game, he has no way of knowing he's losing it.
it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and give your husband the good news.
and congratulations!
khairete
S.

Why didn't you simply come straight out and TELL your husband how the appointment went? Why in the world would he have to ask you how it went before you would tell him? I mean.... he came home from work early yesterday (so you said) proving to you he cared. He was giving you space and time to tell him how you chose. Why are you playing childish games and making this an issue where he has to prove how he cares and loves you? He's already done that.

Of course he cares!
He figures you will tell him what he needs to know when he needs to know it.
That is a very profound level of trust on his part - appreciate it.
Is pestering you about it going to change anything except to raise your anxiety level?
You got some good news, so share it and be relieved together about it.

Cut him some slack. He may just be overwhelmed by the even remote chance that his mate may die. He may be just burying his head in the sand because he doesn't want to hear any bad news.

To you I say put on your big girl pants and talk to him about your doctor's visit and stop waiting for him to approach you. Your hurt feelings aren't helping you feel any better. Talking to him about what is going on with you will help you feel better and then you can ask him why he didn't inquire about your health. Don't fight about it but get to the heart of the matter.

Do you really believe in your heart of hearts that your husband doesn't care at all or could there be something else going on with him?

Don't let your feelings lead your relationship with your husband down a road to destruction. As women we feel many different things in one day and we have to learn how to master our feelings instead of letting our feelings master us. I hope this helps.

Congrats on the good doctor's report.

I find myself sometimes caught in my own mind-trap of "If DH loved me enough, he'd KNOW x (to do X, to ask about X, to remind of X, to buy me X, etc.). When, in fact, he's not a mind reader, and not really very observant, and doesn't think along those lines AT ALL. He thinks, if there's a problem or she needs help, she'll ask. He does occasionally think to do things of his own accord (the dishes, taking out trash, etc.), but maybe not on my timetable.

So, I say, tell him the good news, and unemotionally (even if you are emotional, don't show it), tell him that you were sort of surprised that he didn't ask about. He might have been thinking "problem solved" and thus it wasn't necessary he ask. But you wont' know unless you talk.

BTW, I'm glad it was good news! :)

take a breath, relax and just know that he cares!!! Men do things so much differently than women, they don't always think about things the same way. Maybe he is afraid to ask, maybe he wants you to just tell him. sounds like you have a lot going on and it sometimes can make things seem more than what they are. He loves you and cares. If you are worried, just talk to him tell him how it went and ask him why he hasn't said anything. Communication is key! Cheer up :) It's Valentine's day!

Tell him the news and tell him that you are feeling a little hurt that he didn't ask. Maybe he thought that he should give you some space.

Sounds like he may just be waiting for you to talk about it. He may not want to ask you thinking you are not ready to talk about it.

That is how my husband thinks! "if you want me to know then you'll tell me when you're ready"...

But I get that it hurt your feelings and I honestly believe that was not his intention.

Stop being a baby and tell him the good news. He was probably unsure how to communicate and so he just didn't and you're not helping the problem by keeping quiet too. He can't read your mind so get over your hurt feelings and communicate. Otherwise you'll just be a hot mess of negativity all day.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Thanks for letting us know how things turned out. I'm glad your OK and I'm sure your husband is MORE then glad.

You had the appointment and came home, you could have easily let him know the results immediately! What if he thinks you DON'T CARE enough about him to share the results? Please if he did not care, why the sweet card? Don't hold a one woman pity party.....go get him a sweet card and announce the good news.

My man probably would not ask either - he would just stew in his own thoughts for a few days thinking I am digesting the information before sharing. Honestly, tell him you are ready to talk about the doctor's appointment when he is - he may not be ready to hear it yet himself for fear of bad news. Men handle things differently, realize that and do not assume he does not care until you talk to him about the whole thing. Situations like this give need for personal contemplation - btw good to know it's good news.

Sounds like my husband.

I too was hurt. I let it fester, and when I finally blew up about it - 'Don't you care?!?', he was stunned. He admitted he was wrong about not asking, but said that he was waiting for me to tell him and figured that it either wasn't a big deal, or that I didn't want to share.

Since you received good news, turn it into a Valentine's Day surprise/gift somehow. (congrats on the good news!)

Hi, Mom:
Remember it's your life. Take care
of yourself. Don't wait for him to
initiate. You be the one to do what
you need.

I was feeling blue that no one sent me a
valentine's day care.

I said to myself, let me see what JL has
on the web, and I'll send out some beautiful
cards.
Wow! The responses I received were absolutely
beautiful. I got what I needed but I had to
initiate it.

Hope this helps for the future.
All the best.
D.

Men are clueless is right, but it still hurts.
I am sure he cares but it just didn't register.
I would totally tell him you are hurt so he can make an effort to remember in the future.

we all agree with you cause we are woman... we would ask. Hell I will text my husband to say ... call me when you are done. that is what we do.
I have a very hard time with this too... but I am starting to accept that after 10 yrs I can not change my husband... lol
Did he support you and help you when you were weaning you baby?
When you first found out and told him... did he try to support you?
Look at the overall way he treats you and try to no focus on this one thing... i know it hard. But hey that is why we are here so you can come and say Can you BELIEVE he did it... but then we can calm you down and you can talk to him later calmly... ;-)

Men are clueless !.... You have to tell them what you want them to hear not expect them to ask. It's just how they are, I don't know your husband but mine Would do the same thing and not mean anything by it. They can just be oblivious creatures sometimes.

If the news were bad, would you have considered (even for a moment) withholding it from him for a day until after Valentine's Day? So that you would have one last Valentine's Day unspoiled by the news? If you cannot honestly answer that it wouldn't have even crossed your mind then you HAVE to see that he is waiting on you and doesn't want to push, in case the news is not happy.
And so many of these other ladies are right. He is taking cues from you, and you are upset and looking for a reason to be upset almost. Don't. Just give him the happy news.
And have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

.
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My husband has had a few moments like this and it usually comes out later that he was too scared to ask b/c he was fearing the worst. Being a man, he can't say "I'm scared" so he just ignores the problem. Glad things are worked out!

My husband did that, too-now he doesn't live here and I'm much happier-in fact, my overall health is improving!

Maybe he thought that since you didn't say anything that everything must be fine. I would tell him how the doc appt went and ask him why he didn't ask about it.