Husband - Sandusky,OH

that's what vacations are for. Tell him to put on his big boy pants, take a vacation and get off the pitty-potty!

The good news is he was able to share this with you.

Many men would suck it up, be pouty,or angry or mopey.
He figured out what he needs. AND he was honest!
I think you are fortunate that he was able to share his feelings and needs.
This is HIS truth.

Maybe you should be honest with him.. As moms, we feel guilty about we want and need. We do not want to be judged, or to seem weak or seem as though we are not up to the task.

Instead of getting your back up, talk with your husband about how he can have some off time , how you also would like some off time.. and maybe the two of you just need time to be a couple.. Even just 1 weekend away can make a huge difference. Find a really inexpensive motel/hotel in town, but have your or his parents stay with the kids.

Maybe he can have 2 days of just being away from home all day and not at work..

Then you can plan your own 2 days, of being away from home. Hang out with some friends, go to a library and cozy up with magazines and books. Go to a Museum, go to the movies all day long..

Planning a weekend away in the fall and again in a few months..Go for it.

There is nothing wrong with sharing how you feel and what you need. I would rather know the truth than be guessing what on earth is going on with my husband,

Does "I need a break from life" mean "I need to go find myself - so long"?

It would be good to find out. If your husband won't tell you, ask a counselor - with or without him along.

Yes, it's that important.

Maybe it's not family life that he needs a break from. I have felt stagnated in my career at times and am quick to make a change within my organization in order to combat this.
A friend's husband is finishing up a 4 month sabbatical from his job. He was very burnt out at work and it was spilling over into his attitude about everything. His employer offered a leave of absence to add new skills. It was unpaid, but the employer will reimburse his tuition and he could keep their insurance at the same rate.
This was a big financial sacrifice for them. Luckily, he was able to make a bit of money by doing odd jobs when he wasn't in class. He did everything from tutoring to yard work.
My friend said she noticed a difference in her husband's attitude within 2 weeks and a complete change by 6 weeks. He was more relaxed and engaged. Her husband helped out more at home and they revived their sex life.
When her husband returns to work in about 3 weeks, he will have a new position, albeit the same pay and benefits. Hopefully, the sense of refreshment will linger.

I've looked at your profile and you tell us nothing about you and your family. I could offer much more help if I knew more.

I went though something like this when I was 29 and approaching 30. I hadn't accomplished any of the goals I had set for myself 10+ years earlier. The goals I set for myself I felt were achievable and realistic.

My wife saw my depression and tried to help me. It helped a little, but when she started treating me like her lover, rather than just like her husband, it helped a lot.

Look at how you are treating your husband. Read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Then watch the movie, "Fireproof". Get "Fireproof's" companion manual, "The Love Dare" and follow its instructions.

We all have times where we carry the load. This maybe your time. It will be your husband's time later on.

Good luck to you and yours.

My husband was very burnt out at work this year, so I planned us a relaxing family vacation at a place that he loves. The place we stay at has separate bedrooms for us and our kid, and a full kitchen so we could bring our own food. I premade a ton of snacky foods and had stuff for sandwiches and we just spent 4 nights away vegging out. The place had a pool, we did some touristy stuff, and we were able to just hang out and not worry about real life. I didn't have to cook or clean, he didn't have to worry about work, and it really helped recharge both of us.

Wow, so he needs a break from life? Give him a break. Leave him with two small children for awhile and see if his desire for his ' break ' changes. Tell him he can have any time off from work to be with children who are always fun.Apparently 'guy' fun isn't doing it, so perhaps he needs to live in a tiny apartment at the Y by himself and see how much of a break that is. Tell him that you need a break, too and you can take turns and you make sure your break includes a spa, back rub and plenty of time with your girlfriends. And THEN ask him what kind of break he needs because I think there are a lot of us who would like to break his...oh you know, his spirit. AAAAUGGGH

Maybe suggest he see a medical doctor. My husband was feeling this way, some pharmaceutical intervention helped.

Honestly, I am a "keep on trucking" and "someone out there always has it worse" kinda gal and he really didn't get much sympathy from me. No one ever said life was easy.

Or it could just be as simple and having your husband take a couple vacation days, sleep in, no chores, whatever. Would that recharge him? It would recharge my husband, for like a day. Then It would be all forgotten and he'd be complaining about life again.

This is why we, as a family, take a vacation out of town on a regular basis. Sometimes something as simple as that, a change of scenery and a chance to get away from the everyday routine, helps bust that rut that we get into. Sure, there are things about vacation planning and travel in and of itself that is stressful, but we generally have a great time and feel recharged when we get back. If he feels burnt out at work, maybe you need to ask yourself when was the last time you all got away anywhere, with or without the kids. I was also talking with a family member about this recently, and she said typically the time in a marriage with the least amount of marital satisfaction is when the kids are young, and I know there are days and weeks that my husband and I are just muddling through as best we can.

But I don't know if what your husband is going through is as simple as that. He may need to see his doctor about possible depression or try talking with a counselor - he may not even know himself why he is feeling this way.

Mid life crisis. It happens at different ages, not always in the 40's.

I think he's just at that point in life when you reflect on what you've done, what you always wanted to do and did or didn't, and what you want to do before you die.

I know it's hard and that leaves a lot on your shoulders but he needs this time to process what is going on in his mind. If he doesn't he might never be the same guy again.

It might help if you told him your experiences when life got to you and you wanted to make changes. Not what you did but how it made you feel. He has to go through this and come out with his own ideas worked out.

What does this mean? Has he quit work? Did he move out? Has he left you?

I'm confused too. Can you elaborate?

Your husband sounds selfish. Lucky for your kids, you do not act on those moments where you could use a break too.
Do you know where he is or how to get in touch with him? Is he in rehab? Or with a girlfriend? What led up to his leaving? Sorry to say but it sure sounds like he has checked out. You should probably figure out what you need to do to support yourself and your kids if you are not already doing so. Best of luck!

E.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

It's been TWO WEEKS since you have talked? I hope you are meaning that it's been two weeks since you had an in-depth conversation with him and not two weeks since you have talked!!

His statement brings on so many other questions. HOW does your husband want a break from life? Does he want to look and get a new job? New home? Does he need a vacation?

Find a counselor for him to talk with. If you go to church - ask your Priest, Pastor, Rabbi for help.

Maybe family time is what he needs - instead of "guy time". RE-Focus and prioritize his life.

Coming out of left field here - has he found another W. or man who makes him feel alive again - and makes his every day life seem blah? I don't want to plant a seed of doubt in your mind - however - when I have heard men who state they need a break like this? It's a mid-life crisis and someone younger is paying them attention. I hope this isn't the case for your husband. I just wanted to put it out there.

You both need to learn how to communicate with each other!! I hope you find a counselor to work with both of you to get you through this time and on to better times in your marriage!

Good luck!

What does that mean?
Does he want to quit his job? Change jobs? Take a vacation? Get a Hall Pass week?
I'm sorry--I can't answer without more specifics...