How Would You Read My Husband Confession?

He thinks you two need to WORK TOGETHER at life and not look for faults in each other/criticize each other.

I think it's very loving. Plus he says he intended it as loving. Lot of guys wouldn't write a note like this after a fight. You are lucky. Relax and love.

I really don't see anything wrong with what he had typed to you. He seems to be saying that at the core of it all, he loves you. If he is saying that is what he really meant, then I would take his word for it.

I think what he meant was that no matter what interferes or stands in the way, he still loves you. Maybe that is something he has "confessed" to himself....no matter what, he can't help his love for you.
I didn't read any sense of "obligation" in his words.
You two had a bad argument. Maybe he wants to look forward instead of dwelling on the argument and what led you to it.

I write things all the time. I tried so hard to express myself for my husband and it always either went over his head or pissed him off.
He even told me once..."I guess you're just too deep for me."
I guess I was. We're not married anymore.

Try not to over analyze things. Your husband called you "his love" and "his darling"...
Men aren't always great at expressing themselves and it seems he really tried.
It's hard when your guard is already up to understand things sometimes, but I don't think there was anything but sincerity written.
I don't know your husband or the whole situation, but that's what I see.

Best wishes to both of you.

I am a writer and I have no clue what he was saying. My best guess is that you have many things stacked against your relationship but he still loves you?

I would definitely talk face-to-face about everything so it's clear.

I think what he saying is that even when he's angry/frustrated at you he is still drawn to you through your past/present/kids, etc. Even when he's mad at you he can't help but love you. But that he wishes that instead of looking at the flaws within each other you both look toward the future together.

My interpretation anyway.

I think you are reading between the lines. From the sound of it he's saying that he wants you to both look to the future and your goals as a couple instead of looking at each other trying to figure out what each other means. Any guy that would respond like that is a keeper. He's not saying he's obligated to love you he's telling you that when he questions what's going on he knows in his heart that he loves you.

... I think, he is talking about how he loves you... but circumstances and your personalities... do not cooperate.
Meaning... that instead of blaming each other or nit-picking each other for any nagging or complaints in life... that you both look in the SAME direction.... meaning... to look toward a positive goal together... not only conflict. That, can't you both get on the same page about something? Anything... just having something in common, together... once and for all.
He loves you... but the everyday hassles of life... just conspires against that and one's good thoughts... about their spouse. But such is life... but for a man... they need to be a team with their wife... being on the same team, the same direction... instead of "looking at each other" and butting heads and always seeing what is 'wrong' with the other person.

I don't know... to me... in a roundabout way... that is what he may be saying.

all the best,
Susan

I read it as "even though things can be tough, I love you".

When I read it through and then read your part of the post with your doubt, I guess I could see what you are saying, but I I had to work at it to find the negative.

No, you read into it more than you should. At first glance it seemed to me he was saying "no matter how much you have a fight with him, he convinces himself "he loves you"...and continued to explain that everything around him suggests he does. How sweet of him to write you a love note against the odds of you feeling a certain way. Nothing counteracts a bad situation than nice words. Kudos to your husband. He did start out with "my love"! :-))

HI M.,
When I read that I interpret it to mean that despite anything that's negative in your lives he loves you without question. And sine we don't really have any other information it appears that there may be issues that you two don't see eye to eye on. It doesn't sound like to me that he feels "obligated" to love you, it sounds like he's desperately trying to show and tell you how much he does and that it is unconditional.
You might consider seeing a marriage and family therapist. Men and women show love in different ways and sometimes it takes another person to help identify just what it is that each person is missing about the other. Even if you don't have issue that you think warrant counseling, it can really help your communication and the strength of your marriage.

best of luck!

Wow, I wish a man wrote me a letter like this, there was a time in my life when I took for granted sweet men who walked into my life. I really miss that so much since I am now stuck with a man with a mean temper with a mean family to boot. I don't know your husband or you and only you can truly know the intentions behind his letter but to me, this seems to be written by a very sweet man who does not have a mean streak, that's all good to me. Good luck.

I must be missing somehting b/c I don't read that as a love letter at all.

"everything conspires against me to be close to you, our past, our present, our kids, the people we know, but most of all, the whole universe in my heart." That sounds like he is getting the message not to be with you - I must be reading this wrong if that is not the message you got from the letter. And what is wrong with looking at each other - does that mean he feels stagnant? Of course, you should always look froward but to tangle that with not looking at each other - not sure of the message.

Sorry, I'm not sure what the letter means at all other than I get a negative tone from it. If I am the only one that has that perception - please ignore my words.

Obviously we do not know what is going on in your relationship. Just by reading this message this is what I see: there must be a lot of people in your relationship that think you two should not be together, he feels that despite that..he still loves you, he wishes that the two of you would focus more on the same goals in life. I'm a close? I think it is hard to have the same family goals if you guys can't even talk to each other face-to-face. Sit down and have a real discussion with him..not all this love poem symbolism stuff.

I think that he was telling you he loves you. He is also saying that you need to communicate better. If you have to send an email instead of taslking to your husband that you need to work on communication. Try getting a book on nonconfortational "I" language.

A very wise person once told me, that only a foolish person takes offense when none is intended.

Sounds like you are looking for reasons to be offended. Sounds to me like he is making amends and telling you lets put this past baggage behind us, and move forward so we can fully enjoy the future together. Sounds like you need to seriously give him a break. The best thing you can do, is to start where you are, and go forward.

I think it was the "everything conspires against me" that created the problem in your mind. I am sure there is a better way to say that part!! =)
But the part about looking in the same direction instead of at each other is really good---that is what helps a marriage most, I thing---looking and moving in the same direction, together.

Don't worry so much about the words, when he is telling you the meaning. Some people don't have as good of a way with words as others, and if you react in a negative way he might give up writing...just tell him to proofread carefully, because you are sensitive. =)

I suggest that you need some marriage counseling. What I hear is what your husband told you when you talked. He loves you very much. He's wanting the two of you to look forward in the same direction and stop looking at each other and seeing what you don't like and then fighting. He very much loves you. He wants the two of you to work together and not against each other.

Marriage counseling can help you do this. I read some of your earlier posts. You get up early and he gets home late. You don't sleep together so that you don't wake each other up. I urge you to find a way to reconnect with each other. Start dating. Perhaps one night/week go out, just the two of you and find the fun you used to share. Perhaps even sleep together that night. And sleep. Don't allow yourself to be sexual. Nothing like lying side by side, knowing that you can't to wake up some feelings.

After reading your previous posts, I understand why his love letter sounds negative. Sounds like very little and perhaps nothing positive is happening in your relationship. Does your 80 yo mother live with you and/or are you her primary caretaker? You have a new baby? You both are in a very difficult place in life. Please find a way to have some fun together. And.....get some counseling to help you handle all this stress.

I suggest that your negative feeling about the letter is you looking at what is happening now instead of looking at what could be in the future. Perhaps you could focus on finding happiness with your husband by letting go of your anger and disappointment in what isn't in your relationship that you expect or expected. Find a new way of relating.

The letter does have a negative tone. It does sound like he feels that everything is conspiring against his love for you. And your response, of not believing him, indicates that his feelings have a basis in fact. I would believe what he says to you in person and would interpret the letter as he explains it. I suggest that both of you are discouraged and perhaps "the whole universe" seems to reinforce that idea.

You can change the way you think. A book that I've found helpful is entitled, What to Say to Yourself when You talk to Yourself.

Perhaps he is saying he's obligated to love you because he does love you in spite of everything that has gone wrong. It doesn't make sense to love you but he does. I suggest that he's not fluent with words and expressing how he feels. I suggest that you accept what he says at face value and start counseling so that what both of you say and do is congruent.

Later: there is a way of communicating called nonviolent communication that may help you improve understanding each other. You can google it and there is also a book with that title.

I am confused and have no clue what he was babbling about really.

I think his message is very clear. He says: Stop looking at the circumstances and blaming whatever comes our way. There is always an excuse to be close, "our past, our present, our kids, the people we know, but most of all, the whole universe in my heart. "

We should stop pointing fingers at eachother and look in the same direction for our future: "I just wish one thing darling. That we look at the same direction instead of looking at each other."

It just seems not fluent English to me, but then English is my second language.....
Try to see what connects you, not what differs you to make you marriage work.
No couple will completely always agree, but you can always compromise and love eachother. Isn't that what your vows are about?

So, if he is trying to say that he loves you, give him a break. Maybe he said it in a way that you didn't read "I love you" but then help him learn how he can say it so you believe it.

Are you bringing some old baggage (even from childhood) and reading it through tinted glasses?

I get the message that he WANTS to be having fun with you and cherishing you. wow! what a great place to start from. Look for some marriage books that speak to you and go from there.

He's TRYING! Help to figure out how to get there instead of focusing on not being there yet.

I think you should stop emailing back and forth and start having adult conversations with each other. That way you don't need to read between the lines and get others "opinion" of what we "think" YOUR husband is trying to say.

I think it sounds sweet and poetic. He loves you and wishes there weren't so many obstacles getting in the way. It seems that circumstances in life are trying to make it difficult for him to love you, but your love is stronger to overcome those obstacles.

What is he confessing? He refers to one word, and it sounds like the word to which he is referring is "why". I hope things turn out for the best for you.

I like it- I think it is very romantic- It seems that he is saying that he is drawn to you - like a soul mate. It sounds as if he hates that he fights with you and feels like instead of blaming each other, you should both be on the same page and figure things out together.
He sounds like a keeper! I really like the line of "That we look in the same direction instead of looking at each other"
It really makes me think of when you are looking at each other you are facing opposite directions- heading away from each other, but when you are both facing the same way- you are right next to each other, heading purposely the same way.
~C.

Men are very straight forward, you cannot read between the lines when reading / listening to a man. It is exactly as it says. He LOVES you and wants you to know it and he has obsticals in his way when it comes to his capabilities to show you as often as he wants to.

Actually, I think it's beautiful.

When we are unhappy or angry with someone, it's hard not to see everything through a filter of "angry thoughts." The subtext that he wants the two of you to work together and not against one another is only a problem if he has betrayed or abused you - then it's manipulative. Otherwise, it seems like a valid expression of longing for a shared vision.
And I didn't read it as he was obligated to love you - but rather, that he loves you & everything you have shared.

Best of luck to you.

i think he's trying to cloud the issue by not really saying anything. ask him why he keeps having to remind himself thaty he loves you. and why he doesn't want you looking at him too hard. why is the "whole universe of his heart" conspiring against the two of you? that letter is a bunch of bull if you ask me.

Gosh...I don't think very personal words, from your husband should be posted and dissected. If I wrote a "confession" letter to my husband, it would be assumed it was just for his eyes. I would feel very unconformable, if my husband did this to me. I would think a big problem, is that you didn't go to your husband, for clarification first. Don't you want him to communicate the meaning to you? Do you two frequently lack communication? By your letter and this post, I think you two are on a very different page. My advice, is get clarification from your spouse. Ask HIM what this means. Work on it together. None of us are in his head, or your marriage.

Girl! How lucky are you that even have a man in your life that is willing to express himself this sensitively or at all for that matter. The one thing I have learned about men is they pretty much say what they mean. They really don't think that contriving. Or like my husband says "I am not smart enough or have enough energy to come up with something that clever". In other words, what is says is what it is.

This letter is saying that everything in his life shows him daily how much he loves you and would be lost without you, and it makes him sad that the two of you sometimes fall off the same page and fight. How thoughtful and wonderful. He wants to be in sync with you, not fight. How in the world can that be negative?

Take this letter and turn it to your favor, enjoy your husband and lighten up. Try to look in the same direction, work on the same goals, and pick your battles because this is no where near a battle it is wonderful.

Good luck to you.

IS he saying he loves you but things are going bad like the world is conspiring against our happiness? I dunno but that does sound odd to me. I think you should sit down and talk to him face to face and express how you felt and let him tell you his response. I think face to face you will clear this up.

At least it is better than asking a group of strangers that don't know either of you what is on your husbands heart. Good luck.

Even if you did tell him you were posting it, it's still pretty messed up that you did. Anonymous or not that was meant only for you. Maybe that's part of the problem.

He did started with my love,
Yes i did get a negatif feeling probably because of the words conspire which is more like a war word than a love word .However i do not think that was the way your husband was intending it.It did wrote a love and somewhat apology letter most husband won't do even that. He must be like my husband have all the intention but not very good with words.Please just accept that it was a true felt love letter worded well in a manly fashion i guess.Guys just don't have the same perception of words as we do.My husband once wrote me a lovely apology and i love you letter.And ended it with " I like you a lot you are my deerest friend sincerely and his name"
And i but on the like instead of love and told him .now he is too cautious and don't do love letters as often as he felt critisized when he had spent so much time on it and got rejected for one word. To me and too most women i know it was huge and somewhat revealing of his feeling at the time to use like instead of love .But man might have read it and interpret it differently .Women are just way more sensitive to words than man are usually.
Instead of "everything conspires against me" a women would have wrote something along the line of" The whole universe and chao in my heart keeps throwing me back in your arms over and over again our past, our present, our kids, the people we know but most important those intense feeling from my exploding heart to look at the same direction,in the same direction instead of trying to look at what is wrong with each other".
Very lovely love letter indeed when worded womanly.Kuddo to your husband.Enjoy.
N.

lucky you! I read it as "let's face life together not going it alone, looking for the fault of the other" LUCKY YOU!

Don't read too hard between the lines. His poetic prose is a little incomprehensible, maybe, but I think he's trying to tell you he loves you. Appreciate it.

I'm actually having trouble seeing this in either light. Probably because I don't really know the situation, and it is easy to see any letter in a certain light depending on your feelings at the time. I think that it is a really good thing that you talked with him about this.

I am horrible at writing and getting my point across, too. It is good that you now know that it was intended in the positive instead of the negative. The line that would make me think negative is the not looking at each other...but now you know he loves you, and that is what matters, not what you felt when you read this.

LET HIS ACTIONS DO THE TALKING WHILE YOU OBSERVE.

HE SOUNDS CONFLICTED, OR AT LEAST HIS HEART IS.

It's unclear to me what he's trying to say, but it seems like he has been questioning "something". I would ask him to elaborate on the following.

don't know how many times I have said it to myself. Or how many time myself have answered me with same word "You love her".

I think you are going to have to take his word as to what he means. Maybe it's because much of it is personal to your situation but it is confusing to me. Also, if he was "trying" to write something moving, he may have used words that "sounded" better than just stating something outright. I'm not a writer so where I might say, "It's Winter, it's cold and the snow looks sparkly" wonderful poets have written numerous poems that describe this much more eloquently than I'll ever be able to.

When someone has hurt me, I find it a lot easier to email them than to talk to their face. But the thing with emailing is often things can be taken out of context. Facebook can be that way too sometimes and the receiver takes it the wrong way. I've been on both sides at times.
I have to agree with most everyone else, your husband seems like a great guy, and wants to strive at making things better. I didn't read anything negative in his letter. Don't look for the negative and stay positive in the future.

My feeling when I read this is that he feels you are fighting against him, not recognizing his love, or denying that he loves you, by telling him "you love so & so, not me" etc.

Try this experiment for 3 days or a week: Look for the good, and only the good in him, appreciate, and EXPRESS your appreciation for, all the things he does.

Then see how you feel & have another heart to heart chat (or email) next week.

I read it as, even when you fight, it is all worth it, because he loves you. That he would really like it if you were both striving for the same things in life but even if you aren't he still loves you.

Hey, at least you got a letter stating his undying love for you. Most men would never apologize let alone write a letter showing his love to his women. Take the letter and be greatful that he loves you and can write things like this about you. I think it was very thoughtful of him and this was a way for him to express himself to you. Good luck.

Hi,

How it reads to me, without seeing what he is responding to:

Regardless of differences, conflicts, past issues, he loves you. If he could have one wish, it would be that instead of pointing fingers at eachother or at problems (we all have them), that both your focus switch to the future....switch to the end goal.

I have no doubt he loves you based on this email. I think what he is saying and how he says it has to do with gender differences between men and women. Women talk intimately face to face and share a lot of feelings and details about themselves. This kind of intimacy is less comfortable for many men. Some men (including my husband some days) get frustrated talking about feelings and have trouble putting things into words (women can do this more easily because of small differences between male and female brain structure). Intimacy among men is a lot more like being on a team together. When men do talk about personal things it is often while doing something together (taking a walk, shooting baskets, etc.) or just sitting next to each other rather than face to face.