How to Train Your Child to Self-sooth/put Own Self to Sleep?

Yes, you're probably going to have to let her cry. We I did it with my daughter it took about 4 days. Now I can just put her in the crib & close the door. I used two books that really helped me with the process. Babywise is excellent & also Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby also really helps. I used both as a guide & it really helped me make sense of the whole sleeping thing. Good luck!

You do have to let her cry. Go in after 5-10 minutes and soothe her without picking her up and let her know she's ok and mommy is here, then leave. The next night, wait a little longer to go in and comfort her. It is not a fun thing to do, I hated listening to my daughter cry. The first night is the worst, then each night it gets a little shorter until eventually she will go to sleep on her own. We also have the little aquarium that plays music to soothe her and that seemed to help a bit.

Hi Rachael-My girlfriend and I were just discussing this and there are some great websites and articles I can forward you. Send me an email and I will get those over to you. I have 4 children (one being a 5 month old right now) and when they could not sleep on their own I did let them get upset (the whimpering no tears being upset) but went back to soothe them every few minutes and all 4 now sleep like champs.

T.

____@____.com

Hi R. - I too, struggled with letting my daughter CIO. I did read Dr.
Weissbluth's book as well, but found advice more my speed in Tracy Hoggs' book, "The Baby Whisperer". She has alternative approaches to helping your little one gain her independence w/out crying herself to sleep. Basically, you'd do your routine, put your daughter down in her crib and if she screams, pick her up and calm her down and then put her down again the second she's calm. After sometime of doing this, for us was about an hour, they give in and go to sleep. We needed to do this for a few nights and each night she needed to be picked up less and less. It hasn't worked perfectly as there are still random nights where she fusses and we have to repeat or if she is just complaining we let her CIO. We've come a long way though as she went from sleeping with me in a twin bed in her room to sleeping in her own crib in her own room by herself. Good luck, I know it's the most difficult thing!
http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer6d08.html?load=...

Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

R.:

I used Babywise -- I cannot remember the rest of the title, as I gave the book to another new mother, but if you look on Amazon.com and just type in Babywise it should come up. It's all about getting the baby on a schedule, self-soothing etc and I believe a chapter specifically focuses on starting later. Good luck.

M.

R., Get a copy of the book Healthy sleep habits Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I got this book with my first and all 4 of my kids are wonderful sleepers. Good luck !!

When you and your family are ready you are just going to have to dive in and do it. there is no way around it. she is going to cry. some children cry longer then others before realizing self soothe others learn quicker and we ask ourselves why it took so long for us to do this. my nephew it 13 and still will not go to bed by himself.

I know it's hard, but letting her cry it out is sometimes the only way. It usually takes a few days for them to understand that, but she will get it, and you will be much more thankful for it in the long run! We put on a baby lullabies CD quietly for my our daughter to fall asleep to - That helped a lot for us, because it gave her something to concentrate on instead of thinking of us. good luck!

Dear R.,

My daughter was also a 27 weeker & came home on oxygen & a heart rate monitor, so I know exactly how you feel about cetain things not "flying" due to your child's circumstances. I know it sounds harsh, but you will be hearing some crying to break some habits, you see this is how she has received results in the past so you are going to have tohave to change some patterns, unfortunately for a short period of time there will be some crying. You state in your posting that she is doing just great!! Well then you shouldnt be treating her as if she needs that "little bit extra attention". Trust me, I have been there & then some--my daughter is now 2 1/2 & doing great also, "Thank God!" You have a great place to start with this sleep issue, because when she gets older you will have a lot of 1st issues to deal with--the crying is nothing compared to the first time out by the way. The best advice I had to get my daughter Lia to self soothe (doesnt matter what age) was to get her on a regular schedule, but what I did in advance was talk the schedule out & this seemed to work best for me, just so you know, they understand quite a bit more than we think--(ie "lia, after dinner we are going to take a bath--how would you like that & then we wil........& then you can pick a book for mommy/daddy to read....& then milk & then you will go to sleep with Minnie & purple blanket--they are waiting for you do go nanni (sleep in Greek)---yes this did work for me after about 3 days with no crying, but I had to be consistent--also when she has gone to parties or with her cousins, she tends to get overly excited--these nights still give me challenges, but usually this works & still does---I read Ariel every night! Hope it helps feel free to contact me with any other questions at ____@____.com luck with you daughter & sleeping.

A. Margaris

My feeling is, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. If you don't feel comfortable letting her cry, then don't. You'll never look back in 5 years, or ten or twenty and regret not letting her CIO. Our babies are only babies for such a short amount of time that I feel that if I need to lay down with my daughter for an extra 20 minutes every night, then so be it. In another 10 years she'll not want to be around me at all and I'll look back on the baby years fondly. I'm sure others will tell you the same, but try out different times of going to sleep too. I've found that that seems to make a big difference. My daughter lately will take a 2 1/2 hour nap if it's early but a much shorter one if it's late. Go figure. Do what you feel ok with, not with what a doctor in a book tells you. Remember, your daughter hasn't read the book!!!

My son was born at 24 weeks and lived til he was 6 years old. Preemies are not cut from the same cloth as full term kids. Their nervous systems don't develop the same. Your daughter was cheated out of 13 weeks of growing in your tight womb. I am not an advocate for letting a baby cry itself to sleep. Hold her in your arms and thank your lucky stars that she actually made it through her early birth and is here for you to love. Listen to your heart and you will find the answer you need. I hope this helps you put things in perspective.

I have a 7 1/2 month old son who had the same problem, but was also up every 45 min all night long. We went to see a sleep specialist (a behaviorist) who listened to our situation and gave us a protocol specifically designed for our son. What will work depends on the child, the problem, the family and the end goal. She did say that with a child who cannot self soothe and had been dependent for so long, putting them in a crib to cry it out was just too cruel. In our case, we put a mattress on the floor of his room and my husband (who didn't usually put him to sleep) slept with him. The 1st night I had to leave 2 hrs before bedtime, which lessened with each night. He could touch him, pat him, talk to him in a soothing voice, but couldn't pick him up or hold him. I felt better about this, because I do think there is a difference if your child is crying with a loving parent rather than crying alone. It worked and after 4 nights he was putting himself to sleep and sleeping through the night (for the most part). Once he did well with dad we switched to mom and so forth. We still haven't transitioned to the crib yet, but these things come slowly. The specialist did mention that all the books (No Cry Sleep Solution, Healthy Sleep Habits - Happy child, Ferber, etc.) have good and bad points and that children, as well as sleep problems are different. Remember that all those books have a goal of getting desperate parents to buy them, so they all claim to be the perfect solution. That is not the case. Figure out what you want to happen and what will work for you and your family and if the books don't work. Talk to a specialist!

Good luck!

If you can't imagine putting her in her crib and letting her cry and cry, then don't do it. I feel there is a reason that it doesn't feel right.
Ultimately, you need to do what feels right for you as a mom and what you feel is best for your family. Period.
Many other posters mentioned Dr. Weissbluth and his knowledge on sleep. I believe that to be true and have learned a number of things from his book that has helped find sleep timings, but also will never never let my child cry.
I feel there is a reason it is hard for moms to let their children cry. A cry is an indication for help whether that be to sleep/attention/diaper or what ever.
If you want suggestions strategies on getting your child to sleep without CIO then I suggest
The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg
The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems by Tracy Hogg
(There is also a web site that has lots of great advice all relating directly to Tracy's methods: www.babywhisperer.com)
Also, The No Cry Sleep Solution (not my favorite, but I did get value from the book
GOod Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West - This one particularly had great advice specific to different ages that are much more gentle methods of teaching your child to sleep.
And as for the moms asking what is wrong with rocking to sleep? I agree. If this works for your family, then do it. Ultimately, charged subject or not, you as mom knows what is best for your family. And your decisions trumps every one elses.

Best wishes to you in finding your path on this matter.

I know people dont agree with it but my husband and I decided to control cry when our son was 11 months and it lasted for 7 nights for about 20 mins each night and now it is a DREAM putting him to bed without a care-we pop him in and that is that....no tears and he sleeps for 12 hours. I guess do what is best for you. Good luck

What's wrong with rocking your child to sleep? I did that with my son until he was 6 years old. These years go quickly as he is 31 now and I don't regret one moment of holding as I rocked him to sleep naptimes as well as bedtime.

R.,
Your timing is perfect! My oldest child (6) goes to sleep fine, the youngest one (3 1/2) stile likes for mommy and daddy to sometimes sleep with him. It's a stage that some of them go through. Try giving your child a nice warm, playful, relaxing bath before bedtime. Say a short prayer and read to her for a short time. Use Johnson & Johnson Bedtime bath (if you are able to), make sure your child has a full belly and warm milk. I hope this works, because this can really affect your sleep habits, it did for me. I'm just starting to sleep better.

to R. g. 1st do not worry about your legs ...you notice way more than anyone else. 2nd I taught my kids to hide thier hands under the pillow and tucked them in at night preventing them from kicking, twitching, playing exc.. babies fight sleep by doing these things. When they "hide thier hands" under the pillow it's time to sleep. Since she is so young though you may try wrapping her up in her blanket tucking her hands down. I know this sounds cruel but it is very comforting to the baby. My oldest would immediately calm down and sleep when budled up this way. Cut out light and noise and sit in the room with her ..but do not make eye contact. If she squirms her way out just wrapper up again and put her down. consistancy is key :) good luck let us know how it goes.

I am concerned with the same problem in the future, with mine being almost 10m old. I just read this article called "The Sleepless Generation: The Unhappy Results of The War on Sleep Training" the other night, here it is:

http://www.babble.com/content/articles/features/dispatche...

It may help you come to a decision, I know once I stop nursing, I just may have to resort to the CIO method, but did order the book that came off of this article, it had great reviews off of amazon including other people that have read Weisbluth, Baby Whisperer, etc found this book to be the most helpful. Good luck, let us know how it works for you.

I know this sounds absurd but I rocked my now 3yr old daughter to sleep every night until about 6 months ago. Just before her third birthday I took her in her room one night, read her a story and said good night. She stayed in her bed all night and I've never had a problem since. She prefers to go to sleep on her own now. Good luck!

Hi R., My daughter was born at almost 26 weeks, I can totally relate to your dilemma. The only thing I can tell you is that if it doesn't bother you then don't let it. I was told too that I should of started lots sooner than I did but it didn't really bother me the hold her to put her down. I always reminded myself she is not going to want me to do this when she's 5 and they do grow up fast. So I did what made her happy and that too made me happy. Believe it or not though she let me know when she was ready to go by herslf. I think it was just because she was so big she just could not get comfy in my arms or lap. She is 3 1/2 now and she does go to sleep by herself now, so if you also have the ability to stay home like I do with her and again if it really does nopt bother you then don't be bothered by it. Enjoy it as long as you can.

Why don't you just let her play until SHE is ready to go to bed. My son is 15 months old and we just let him play until he is ready to go to sleep at which time he will crawl into my lap and nurse to sleep. He also can not sooth himself to sleep but that is totally normal in most cases unless you have let your baby cry it out--which I don't agree with.
He usually goes to sleep between 8-9 pm, and sometimes even 9:30.

I still nurse my 17 month old to sleep. I think it's pretty normal and not a "bad habit". If you're o.k. with it, keep it up and follow your child's cues. Recently, within the past 3 weeks or so I've noticed my son starting to get drowsy and lay down on his own. I think eventually he will get to the point that he knows it's time to sleep and put himself down when he's tired. Don't worry about what others think. Do what works for your family. What you do to put your child down to sleep is nobody else's business - if it works for you, stick with it. They're only little for a short time. It will change before you know it!

I also still nurse my 17-month old to sleep and it is very calming for both of us. We had a similar situation a few months ago where she all of a sudden just wasn't interested in going to bed, even when we had a bedtime routine established. It was a battle every night that sometimes took as long as two hourse to put her to sleep. We did some reading on Dr. Sears' website (http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp)
about toddlers and their sleep habits and we learned a few things. First of all, we couldn't stand the idea of letting her cry at all. We have always responded to her needs and we weren't going to start abandoning her in another room now. One thing we learned though, is that there is nothing that says a toddler has to go to bed at a particular time. What we did was go through our regular ritual and if she didn't fall asleep nursing and seemed to want to play some more, we'd let her stay up for another half hour to an hour until she seemed tired again or signed that we was ready to go to sleep. Almost every time we did this, she went right to sleep the second time we put her down. Toddlers are so busy exploring their world and it's sometimes way too exciting to go to sleep, they want to keep exploring! So sometimes, just letting her get up and play and wearing her down will help a lot. Our other issue was that she was very restless for several weeks and we were exhausted because she just wasn't sleeping well. Well, we toughed it out and realized that she was getting in five new teeth at once! So now she is sleeping better. Do what feels best to you and maybe try experimenting with pushing your bedtime routine later so she'll be more tired and ready for sleep. Good luck!

put some quite music on and rub her back. They like that!! I have a 4yr old

Get the book "No Cry Sleep Solution." Worked wonders with my first child and am currently referring to it for my second.

I second the advice to look into what Dr. Weissbluth has to offer in "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child". So many people who have had issues with sleep and need real solutions have found success, implementing some or all of the techniques. We found it to be pretty flexible in helping us help our child sleep. And, like the other poster said, if it doesn't suit your style then there are several other techniques out there to try.

Good luck to you and happy sleeping!

Hi R., I won't reiterate but I completely agree with Rivanna's post, and the others that mention it just not feeling right to let a babe cry it out.

I detest the weisbluth method and personally thought it was a bit cruel. A gentler approach not yet mentioned is Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. Many good tips there.

I will say, I tried the weisbluth approach when my daughter was about 18mo and I was preg w #2 and desperate. It never worked and is still the worst memory and my only regret in parenting, that I stood there and let my baby cry for me and didn't go to her.
Since then and still, I snuggle up w my now 5year old and she is asleep in 3 minutes or less. And she goes to sleep so peacefully, it is beautiful.

I hope you find the best solution for you!

Buy and read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It's based on his research with infant/child sleep issues, conducted over a span of 30 years. Now, I'm hardly an expert with my *one* child, but I consider someone who has worked with tens of thousands of children to be an expert, so I find it hard to pooh-pooh his background and advice. If it works for you - great; if it doesn't align with your parenting philosophy, that's fine too.

Well - I just nursed by 2 yr 3 month child to sleep, then laid down with my four year old in the next room. We get quality cuddles in this way. And. .. although I sometimes wish I could tell them it's time to go to bed, take them to their rooms and shut the door, it hasn't worked that way for my family. I sometimes ask the question you are asking, but in the end, I always decide that the right choice for me and my family is to cuddle the little ones to sleep. They're only little once, and it's really only a few moments each day. I haven't read the other responded to your inquiry, and probably won't. This IS a hot topic. However, I'd suggest that you consider whether you really mind rocking your daughter to sleep, or whether you just think she "needs" to learn how to put herself to sleep on her own for some reason. I'm relatively sure my kids won't need me to rock them to sleep or hold them when they are 5 or 6. J. O.

i'm not one to force sleep, so my suggestions might be out of line for you, but you may as well have them to pick from!

first of all, if she was 13 weeks premature, she's really only 12-13 months old. and that's a big difference (12 months vs. 15 montsh) as far as sleeping goes.

the other thing i would say is that even if your routine says bed at 7:30 with bath and reading, etc, if she's too squirmy to listen, she's just getting more riled up, rather than relaxed, by these routines. maybe you could wait another 20-30 minutes before starting the routine if she's squirmy and doesn't want to relax as she used to? or look at the whole day - is it just bed time when she doesn't want to go down, or nap time too? maybe it's time to decrease a nap or push back bed time?
otherwise, i personally am totally against crying it out, it just feels wrong. and if rocking and reading has worked until now, why not keep doing it? i mean, why force your daughter to self-sooth before she's ready? she won't be a baby forever, and in the grand scheme of things, another year or two of reading and rocking her to sleep is only giving her more love, not hurting her in any way. she will self-sooth and put herself to sleep in her own time, and the longer you make yourself available to her the more securely she will actually feel about herself. psychology is strange that way! i think about it this way - it's hard to trust myself or feel safe if everyone around me says I'm not trust-worthy, that it isn't safe, and keeps leaving me in situations that both decrease my trust in them and my feeling of security. do you see what i mean?

if it's really important to you that she go to sleep on her own because of something else that's changing in your family situation, maybe you could try changing the routine so that it's more likely she'll fall asleep on her own... like, read to her in her bed (or your bed) instead of the rocker. wait until a little later so she'll be more apt to fall asleep while you read. read an extra book. just lay with her. maybe think in terms of sections of bed time or steps -- the bath, the pjs, the reading, the rocking, the falling asleep. if the end goal is getting her to fall asleep on her own in her bed, then think of ways to getting her closer to her bed while she's getting sleepy?