My 5 Month Old Can't Soothe Herself to Sleep

If you don't have it already, pick up a copy of "The Baby Wisperer" by Tracy Hoag (spelling?). The book has a section in the back for solving the issues you mentioned above.

Good luck.
D.

Please read what expert Dr. Marc Weissbluth says
http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2008/09/sleep-beg...

Don't let her cry it out! She is way too young for that!!!
Even the Weisbluth book says that 5 months is too young.
First of all, start putting her to bed earlier than you have been and she will be much easier to put to sleep. I would also say stop the pacifier and create a new sleep routine. Compare the pacifier to a pillow. She wakes up every time the pacifier falls out of her mouth or at the end of every sleep cycle. You would wake up if someone pulled your pillow out from under your head. It's the same idea.
Create a short, simple going to bed routine- bath, turn the lights down except for a small lamp, put on PJs and sleep sack, give her either a tiny blanket or a tiny stuffed animal to hold, then read a few books, breastfeed/bottle, and then cuddle her for a few minutes, maybe sing a little song, and then put her down in the crib, whether she is asleep or not. Let her try to put herself to sleep. It's ok to let her whine or fuss, but if she is truly crying, go back in and pick her up. Do not talk to her or turn on the lights. Have minimal interaction with her. The more time you spend fussing over her and trying to put her to sleep, the longer it will take her to learn to fall asleep on her own.
It is totally normal around this age to wake up once or twice at night. But make sure she is truly awake and not just making noise in her sleep. Wait about 5 minutes before going in if you hear a noise. She very well could be teething too, which is very painful and could be waking her up. Or it could be that she is not actually waking but just making noise at the end of her sleep cycle. Just have some patience and let her get a bit older.

So much advice.....:) I'll through my 2 cents in. My daughter is 6 1/2 months. I did CIO at 4 months and it did teach her how to soothe herself to sleep. It was WONDERFUL. She learned quickly and within a couple of days was down to 5 minutes or nothing at all. However, her patterns change constantly and I don't stick to CIO all the time at all. Listen to her cries. My daughter can usually get herself back to sleep in 30 seconds. If not, I go in there and rock her sometimes. Now that she is 6 1/2 months old, she is much better at sleeping than before. It seems like she is getting better at soothing herself and sleeping better now vs at 4 or 5 months. I think it just takes time and is different with every baby. Do what works for you. Good Luck.
D.

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time, but it will pass, remind yourself. Try reading the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It's a great book and she has one just for toddlers too. I had a similar problem, but my daughter NEVER slept in her crib. I guess I just gave up after awhile and chose to co-sleep since it made more sense with nursing and everyone seemed to sleep better. If you don't like that idea, can you lay a mattress down next to your bed or put the crib next to your bed? My daughter did not sleep through the night until at least 2 years old - every child is different. She has been in her own bed for almost 6 months and sleep through the night most of the time. Also, maybe she is cutting her 1st tooth?

Personally, I agree with your husband. Basically by letting your daughter "cry it out" you are telling her that because it's past a certain time of day you are going to ignore her emotional needs. It appears that she has already "learned" that--that's why she is more insistent on your comfort today while she can get it. She believes that once you put her down, you won't come back when she calls you.

On top of that, even proponents of CIO do not recommend allowing the baby cry for longer than 5-10 minutes, because extended crying can reduce the blood & oxygen flow to the brain and will increase stress hormones. Also remember that at 5 months she has only been on the "outside" for 1/3 of her total life. 2/3 of that little one's life has been spent inside you being rocked to sleep constantly.

I totally understand your exhaustion--my daughter was a high needs baby and needed constant attention for a long time, she is also allergic to soy which basically boils down to everything we eat needed to be prepared by me from scratch (I lived in Japan when she was born). I wore her of and on during the day and from 5-10 in the evening every day. She would not sleep otherwise.

The best thing for you to do is to look for the reason why your daughter is waking more often at night. Is she hungry? A growth spurt might mean she needs an extra nursing at night. Have you just started solids--she may not be ready? Is she teething? Is her diaper wet or does she have to pee? Is something disturbing her sleep (noise from outside, etc)? Is she too warm or cold? Does she have gas? Is she lonely? Is something in her room bothering her (new bedding, cleaners, etc)? If you need some down time, have your husband take her and settle her back in bed.

Get a good, comfortable, two-shouldered carrier (Ergo, becco) and wear her on your back while you take care of your evening chores. When you put her in her bed, make sure there is something with a mommy smell near by (a t-shirt you wore the day before is good). Make sure she is getting enough sunlight during the day. Take a warm bath with her before getting her ready for bed.

Dr. Sears has a lot of good information on settling babies to sleep at night on his website as well as in "The Baby Book."

You're getting a lot of advice about what a 5 month old is and is not ready for. But every child is different! My son WAS ready to fuss it out at 5 months, with me watching and carefully reacting as I saw fit. (Just like you did- you listened carefully, and went in when you decided it was the right time!) He was a big boy, and he learned very quickly- and was sleeping 12 hours on his own, and waking up with a big smile! Some 5 month olds are NOT ready. Only you can decide that. But it takes more than one night for a baby to figure out how to soothe herself to sleep.

If your child is at least twice her birth weight, then she is probably ready to learn to soothe herself. The best book to help you, in my opinion, is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" By Weissbluth.

Happy mama = happy baby. And a sleep deprived mama is not a happy one! You and your husband should read the book together, so you're on the same page. And "cry it out" does not necessarily mean leave her to cry on her own. Weissbluth gives you options, including staying in the room with her, giving her physical contact (like you're doing with your hand on her chest) after certain time intervals, etc.

Don't go this alone. Check out the book, and you'll be so relieved to have some good facts to back up your efforts! 5 months IS still so young, and I know you must be pooped. She's too little to put her paci back in, and she's probably teething and learning to roll over/sit up as well. Her sleeping patterns will keep getting screwed up, but if you stay consistent, she'll settle back down each time.

It's a crazy and exciting time! Good luck! You both will figure it out, I promise. :)

My daughter was the same way, swaddled until 7 months and rocked until 12 months (sometimes this took 45 minutes or more!). I tried cry it out around 9 months and it was a huge mistake for us. I'm sure for some kids it works but it backfired on me. I only let her go less than 1 hour and went in at 5, 10, 15 intervals. She wouldn't let go of me for a week! I felt horrible. Right after her birthday she was squirming while I rocked and pointed to her crib. I put her in she curled up and went to sleep. She was ready. Some kids just need more soothing and reassurance. I won't recommend CIT she's still so little and can't understand why your not coming.

5 months is too young to expect your daughter to sleep through the night. Some breasted babies still need an extra feeding at night up until even 8-9 mos. If she normally only gets up once a night but then started to get up more frequently, she is probably going through a growth spurt and needs to eat. I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's books (No Cry Sleep Solution).

The reason she is getting worse is because you have taken her security away and that's why she won't let you put her down. I'm not the biggest fan of the Baby Whisperer books (Tracy Hogg), but even she is against leaving children alone to let them cry it out and explains that it breaks the bond between parent and child. Elizabeth Pantley also discusses how it negatively effects children.

She needs to learn how to self soothe. It's not something that they just get. As for the bedtime thing, if you set up a good bedtime routine it will help to set the mood for sleep. This is what I do with my kids and they go to bed better then anyone I've ever seen. At the same time every night (7:30 for my daughter and 7:45 for my son) we go up stairs. First, we change into our pj's. Then we read a book. Then I turn out the lights and turn on the music. I play lullabies and classical for both my kids. With my daughter, once the lights are out we rock, and she drinks her milk. With my son, it's the same except no rocking or milk. But it's music and lights out. Now, you have to teach your daughter to fall asleep on her own. And it takes a week or 2. This is where to start. The first night rock/nurse her all the way asleep, while the music is playing. Then little by little your are going to put her in the crib more and more awake. Until you are putting her in the crib totally awake. One of the nice things about using the music to help soothe is that when she wakes during the night, all you'll need to do is put her binky back in (we always kept a spare on the dresser so I wasn't searching for it in the dark), turn on her music and walk out. If you want to incorporate bath into this, it's easy. Just decide what time you want her in bed by. Also, you may want to find her a "lovey". Sometimes they feel better if they have something to cuddle. Crying for 45 mins isn't helping. She needs your help to learn how to do this. Once she does, life will be so much easier. both my kids were about this age when I started to sleep train. It only took a few weeks. Now, most nights (at 4 1/2 and 19 mos) they are asking to go to bed. You may want to follow the same routine for naps, again it reinforces the sleep. Sorry this is so scattered, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

A., CIO is not to be used with such a young child. she can't soothe herself. she may be hungry but really mine didn't sleep through the night for a long time. i just had to do it. i did CIO when mine turned two (yes, twins, and still survived it). hubby may be right.

My daughter was the same way with her paci. We ended up putting a ton of pacis al around her crib and eventually she was able to find them herself. She uses the soothie pacis and we found that the wubba nubs with a small stuffed animal attached to the paci were the easiest for her to find in the middle of the night. She'll sleep through the night soon, and then she won't again. And then she will again! It's all just a phase! That's been my mantra since becoming a mom! Good luck!!!

My husband and I rocked our son to sleep until he was a toddler, he never liked a pacifier, but he always loved being held and comforted. After that I would sit in a chair next to his bed and read or sing to him until he got sleepy. I did this until he was 6 or 7, when he was old enough to read by himself before bedtime. Sixteen years later, I don't regret a single minute of this time we gave him when he was little. They grow up so fast, enjoy the time while you can. C. Ford, 40-something working mother of 16 year old son and wife to wonderful husband.

Hey A.,

Like you I believe in the cry it out method, however I would make sure there is nothing else bothering her before I would do it. Are you sure she is not hungry? Five months old is young for a breastfed baby to sleep though the night. It is not impossible but I think it is highly unlikely that she can go the entire night without a feeding. Has your doctor advised against starting cereal? If not you may want to make sure it is not hunger before you make her cry. If you are confident that there is nothing wrong then try to explain to your husband that if she is not hungry, not wet, and not sick it is not torture to teach her to rely on herself to fall asleep. By letting her cry for 45 minutes and then taking her out the only message you have sent to her is the longer she cries eventually someone will come take me out. Even though my daughter used the paci and I am not against them I can tell you it becomes only one more crutch for them as far as putting themselves to sleep. I would have to go in sometimes 4 or 5 times a night to put the paci in and it was horrible so I feel your pain. I know how hard it is to listen to your baby cry. But, if you know there is nothing else you can do for them then I think self soothing is a valuable tool for all children to learn. I would tell your husband to either get ear plugs or he can go in 4 times a night and put her back to sleep. One other suggestion I have is to let her learn to put herself to sleep at nap time as well not just bedtime. This really does speed up the process and helps to create sleep consistency. Good luck I hope you get some sleep soon!!!

Im sorry to hear your having this issue. However she is only 5 months so in terms of soothing herself consistently may be asking a bit much. Maybe she is teething which is whats causing her to wake up. Try baby oragel or hylands teething tablets. Hth

Hi A.,
I had the same problem with our baby (now 9 months old). Part of the nighttime wakings was teething, which we couldn't avoid, but the going to sleep was just her not able to do it on her own. We were desperate. Our baby would cry so hard she would vomit in bed so we would have to go in and change her and revert back to rocking her to sleep. Our Ped suggested getting the Ferber book "Solve your child's sleep problem" and we bought it. I was overwhelmed by 400 pages of book and NO time to read it, but my husband found the section about baby Emily, I think and we tried the method suggested. IT WORKED!! Our baby still doesn't love to go to bed, but now I put her down and she is asleep in 5 minutes. There is crying, but it's controlled, and the baby doesn't get into screaming bouts.
GET THE BOOK! or at least read and copy the method for Emily.
Good Luck!

Babies go through changes...growth spurts, teething, etc. Perhaps she needs you right now. My friend did that...let her son cry it out. She was too tired and had no patience left and then one day she found he had a tooth. She felt horrible because she had no idea how long he had been teething and here she was putting him in his room and closing the door for however long it took. I am with your husband. I think CIO is torture and is more for the parent's benefit. All it teaches them is you aren't coming no matter how long or hard they cry. I'm sorry but my advice is to give your daughter what she needs and be patient and see if she isn't teething. She will grow out of this soon enough.

Are you sure she's not teething??

Some kids sleep and some don't. I wish my son would get up just once a night!! He is 15 months old and gets up 5-6 times a night. Trust me I have tried everything. I just deal with it because I am his mother and I love him enough to suck it up. I decided to bring him into the world and it is my job to make it as good of an experience as I can for him. I think you are being selfish as a parent. Babies go through phases for different reasons. Sleep patterns change often. Have you done any research? Have you asked the doctor? My opinion, your baby showed you that she needed you and you didn't go to her and now she is punishing you for it. There are some doctor/authors who would side with you (Weisbluth) who would suggest letting her cry until she falls asleep and after a few nights she will sleep the night. Sounds like you would like to do it that way and your hubby would not. All I can say is that the book made it sound wonderful but it did not work for my son. Every kid is different but if I had to do it over I would have done it at your kid's age, not at 11-12 months like I did. Part of being a good parent is the sacrafices we must make for our kids, starting from day one. If you were not willing to forego any sleep, why did you become a mommy?

Hi A.,

Is your baby girl sleeping too much in the daytime? Sometimes this will trigger a bad night's sleep. One thing I would definitely say is that not to let her cry/scream for more than ten minutes. I know this is tiring and being a new mom is a life changing. Sometimes too much too soon. All of a sudden it isn't only you and your husband anymore. Many doctor's don't recommend it but my God-son and his sister are both horrible sleepers. Their parents felt it necessary to put tv's in their room with age appropriate material or music or a show with both to soothe the savage beast. As I've said, this is not recommended but sometimes you need to have some peace of mind. This will not twist your daughters brain in any way. If you try this method, then you can wean her off when she seems to be falling asleep normally. Always try without the tv first. Not getting enough sleep yourself is going to wear away at you. Whatever you decide, I hope you find a solution. I know of many parents who have had to deal with difficult sleepers and it always ends up with the parents rocking the child to sleep or letting the child sleep in their bed.

I wish you well.

C.

Anytime a child goes through a growth spurt - or is learning something new (i.e. sitting up, "talking" more, etc) their sleep and eating patterns are affected. She's also becoming more aware that you are not there. A 5 month old is still very young.

I don't see why you should let a 5 month old cry out.It is not going to make her stronger or better at anything, specially if it goes on for 45 minutes. She maybe teething. I am studying child development at the moment, a good book with very good information about child rearing is " The Ten Baic Principles of Good Parenting" by Laurence Steinberg. It is research-based.