How to Tell a Two Year Old That Dad Is in Iraq?

I was 2 when my dad was in the navy- I am 62 now. I don't remember what my mom told me. Whatever she said, it was enough. 2 yr olds don't need much explanation. Tell him every night that Daddy loves and misses him . If he asks, Daddy is away in the Army. That is enough for now.

I also have a 2 year old, whose father just left for Iraq aswell. We started by preparing her through conversation. She may not completely understand that Iraq is another country and what not, but she understands that her "daddy is at work far away in Iraq" "He is doing good things and working hard". It has worked well so far.

Hi W.,

I am a miilitary person, and I know when I leave my husband and son behind when I move out it is difficult for everyone. Your 2 year old isn't going to understand Iraq. He will understand that daddy is a work. Show him pictures of him, and tell him he is away. Telling him where is irrelevant for a toddler. Just reenforce how much daddy loves him and misses him. That is all he can take in. When my ex-husband was sent away to Panama for a year. I showed my son at that time was a toddler his picture everyday, we said our prayer with his picture. Whenever I showed his picture to him he would get so happy. It makes the coming home easier for a transition for my son. He wasn't scare of him. He knew who he was and was willing to go to him without shying away.

He is more than likely not going to understand. You can pull up a map of the world and show him where you live and then where daddy currently is living. Talk about when he is scheduled to come home. Get out a calendar and each day mark off and show him which day it is and which day daddy gets to come home. He will probably never grasp the idea, and too he will probably not remember anything next year about his daddy being in Iraq, as he is just too little. But reinforcing the idea that daddy is still here he is just working somewhere else for a while will help. but you will still have the questions and the constant where is daddy because they just don't remember things like that, and time and space are generally not concepts that they can understand. good luck to you and may your husband return safely to your family.

the best suggestion i have is to be patient with your two year old. My son was much younger when his father went to iraq for 13 months, so fortunately i didnt have to explain. He was only five months old when he left and 18 months when he returned. You have to think though, its hard even for us as adults to grasp that they are gone for so long and so far away. Just remind your child all the time that daddy loves them and when he can he will call. (if thats a possibility in his situation). good luck and my prayers are with you. this is never an easy transition....

I don't know if your child likes Elmo or Sesame Street, but there is a video about military daddy's that have to go away for a while. It is a very cute video and perhaps if you son watches it he may understand a bit better. Here is the site: http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/. Good luck with your little guy.

There really is no easy way to explain it to a two year old. When my daughter was two my husband was deployed and his destination was Iraq. However, his unit ended up staying state side. Just not in our home state. He was gone for 3 years.

Anyway, we told her that Daddy was at work. He just worked far away.

I know that it is not the same but they don't really understand at that age and she seemed to except that change in her life. Kids are resiliant.

If he is not asking then I would not bring it to focus.

i have not gone through this with ny boyfriend and our daughter but we have w/ his brother who is a marine and was stationed in alcarma (i know my spelling is off please over look it ) my then 1 year old would ask for him and we told her that b is not home he's working giving all the bad people pow and we were able to send phone cards and stuff to his group and others as well so that when he did get to call home she ran to the phone and everytime she was the first one to the phone sayn hello it did'nt matter who it was she'd answer it. we also laminated a photo of him for her so that she could take it with her everywhere she went . and believe me when i say by the time he got home that picture was sooo wrinkled up it too looked as though it went through war.
Keep him in your prayers try and include the kids and remember all the good times u had and will continue to have once he gets home.
GOD BLESS and we will keep ur family in our thoughts and prayers.
A.

W., I know it is hard for you with all those kids and your husband is away. A globe would be a neat way to show your 2 year old. I feel that is such a young age for them to understand no matter what you do though. You should save pictres, correspondence, cards and anything you can about your husband and the kid's dad. My niece lost her husband in Iraq 2 years ago when the helicopter went down with 25 guys on board. She had a brand new baby that he never met but he did see her by television while she was living in Hawaii where he was based. She never watched tv even before he was killed because she didn't like to see the fighting. Her daughter who just turned 3 knows who her dad is because her Mom has always talked about him, shared pictres, etc. The little girl says she sees him too when no one else does. It is pretty neat because she will grow up knowing her Dad is a hero, just as your husband is too. God bless and hang in there! G.

W.,

I am not really sure how to tell you to tell your 2 yr old. My kids at the age of 7.5, 9, 9, 10 really still dont understand. Mine is gone for 2 months at a time and home for 30 days. Actually that has been changed to 4months on and 30days off. I just tell my younger ones that daddy is doing a job that needs to be done similar to when mommy is away at night protecting the community and helping sick and injured people and he will be home soon.

Take care.
Kim

When my husband went over the first time, my kids were 4 and 3months. What we told my 4 year old was that daddy was over fighting the bad guys, he was proud of that. I made sure my husband called (when he could) and spoke to him and let him know he was ok. My son sent letters just about everyday and that helped. I also got a round (small) globe to keep in his room and that way anytime he forgot where daddy was he could bring it to me and I could show him. He got to take this to school for show and tell, and was very proud to let everyone know where and what his daddy was doing. Keep it simple cause unless they are really old enough to understand you really are gonna get weird looks and confussion. I am also a stay at home mom and what I did to help time was formed my own little group of wives that had deployed loved ones and we went out to dinner with the kids and skating and kept each other company and listened to each other. Hope this helps.

as a former navy wife (my husband got out on a medical discharge after 10 years and 3 tours in the gulf), we put up pictures of daddy and talked about him being on the boat. along with a calender with a count down to his return. if you dont know a date, just mark off the days as they go by. we also wrote letters together, and made boxes of cookies to send. i just explained that there are some bad people in the world and that daddy loves us so much that he wants everywhere to be safe for us and everyone ealse and so he and his friends went to teach them to share and play nicely with others. you can just use launage and terms that he can understand. i hope this helps.
C.
I thank your husband for continuing the job that was started. and to you keep up the work at home it is hard but so worth the effort, just writing and being concerned about your son shows that you are a mom that cares so much.

W.,
Where are you from? I live in NC and have had my husband go to Iraq twice. Something you might look into (if not mentioned before...as I am just jotting this down before I have to get going) is daddydolls.com . They make stuffed dolls, pillows etc with daddy's picture on them. They can be a real comfort. I just tell my youngest (he is four now) that daddy has to go away for work, and that he will call when he can, and that he is not on base but he will be back. My husband left this morning for two weeks (nothing as long as another trip to Iraq this time) but that's exactly what we told him. I also do something special atleast once a month to count down to dad's return. Tomorrow we are going to the base theatre to watch the new veggietales movie. He doesn't sit well in a small theatre but this one is big and laid out well for families with somewhat active children. Hope this helps!

i don't know what your going though but i think i may know what might help. a small picture album of his own. i know it has helped my kids though some tough times and when i use to wait on tables the grandparents of two childen that both parents were in war were having a hard time. i told them about it and they came back and said it helped so much!
drawing games also help.

Well W. I don't think the 2yo is old enough to understand what is going on. You just have to make sure you tell them that daddy loves them and to pray for them. Sometimes that is all we can do. My husband is also going overseas. My 2 older childern understand it. But I have a 7yo that still thinks daddy will just be away from the house for awhile. He really doesn't understand the whole thing. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi W.,

You might try starting off with minimal information -- Daddy is working and he loves us and that's why he has to work so hard to take good care of us. Then, see where the questions take you. At 2, they can only handle so much information and you don't want to scare your son by telling him too much at a time. Keep lots of pictures around and tell him as often as possible that daddy loves him and he'll be home when he's done working. Your son will let you know what else he wants to know.

Good luck and thank your husband for protecting all of us!!

My prayers are with you and your family. As a retired military spouse and a mom of a now adult, I can tell you we went through many worriesome deployments from the time my daughter was 18 months old till now. 2 years old is really too young to understand what "Iraq" is. You could explain to her that Daddy is far away where it is very hot and lots of sand (I used to take my daughter to the beach and let her play in the sand and then tell her taht daddy had lots of sand where he was...didn't know if that was exactly true...but it satisfied her). Also, I had to stop watching the news when my daughter was your child's age. She was still too young to understand most of it, but old enough to understand it was bad and scary and taht somehow daddy had something to do with it. She had nightmares, and started wetting the bed again. So during the day, we only watched TV channels that did not display news (Disney, Nickelodeon, etc...). Always keep a photo of dad by her bed so that she can tell him good night at nap time and at bed time and kiss the picture. Best of wishes to you and your family

I have the Elmo DVD and it is cute. You can order a copy at militaryonesource.com. It may help. My son is 5 and my husband leaves Dec. 30 for 7 months in Baghdad. I know mine is older than your child, but it did seem to help him. I send my best wishes your way and hope time moves quickly for your family. :)

Well I know what you are going through. My son is 31 months old, but he's trying to understand. He knows that Daddy works on a boat. So when he asks where daddy is? I remind him that daddy is at work on the boat. He talks to daddy whenever he calls and we created a daddy book using all the pictures I could find of him and his daddy before he left on deployment. As for the map, I don't think that is necessary. They are way too little to understand. You know the drill just emphasize how much daddy loves him and misses him and maybe you and your children can do a care package for him for Easter. When he's older, Daddy can chose to explain his job that took him away sometimes. Your family will be in my prayers.

Hi W., My husband was in Afghanistan and Iraq from the time my son was born until he was two and a half, except for a few months in between. My son was too young to understand, but I did show him some photos and told him "That's daddy." I also took him to all the FRG events where I knew there would be other children. Two is really way too young to understand, so I wouldn't stress about explanations. As a military wife, you have enough to deal with.

Hello, my name is donna. Let me first say that i can't imagine what you're going through. I don't think that telling the child would have any baring because of the child being so young. If i was in this situation i would gathering up some of the child's favorite toys and try to express it that way.. For example if the your child has a toy that's a airplane/anything that reflects the military so that the child can actually see what your talking about instead of just right out telling them. Your child may understand alittle better that way.. Hope i helped in some way. Good luck.

ok heres a different ideal..have you tried to get one of the
two year olds sibling to help explain where daddy is..
it might help, two year old tend to relate to their siblings
fairly well.just be there to help fill in any gaps in information and answer any questions the child might have.
K. H.

I told my daughter who was almost 2 at the time, that Daddy was working. I showed her pictures and told her things like "Daddy's working in the sand right now" and "Daddy has a big job far away but he'll be home soon." I also let her speak to him if he called and we spent a lot of time watching home movies, focusing on good times and planning fun things to do when he got home. Good Luck.