J.P.
Hi-
I'm so sorry to hear of your brother in laws condition. I lost my mother in law to the same thing just over 6 years ago. (And my grandfather before that.) My son was just an infant at the time so we didn't really need to say anything. Except Nana is in heaven. She died short of his 2nd B-day but she planned well and had her shopping done. We found his wrapped presents when we cleared out her house. She even wrote down what items she wanted specifically to go to each of us. I would probably suggest to just keep saying what you are for now. "Daddy is very sick" and keep reassuring the love. Unfortunately, she'll see what's happening to her Dad soon enough. Maybe a little bit later your family can break the bad news to her. My mother in law had to have her throat "opened up" (or stretched) several times. That seemed to help a little, but she ate softer foods. Eventually she was put on a feeding tube. She was very strong willed as she had just retired and fully expected to be a Nana to my son. There was just something on Oprah a day or 2 ago about a young woman diagnosed w/ stage 4 cancer and she started eating extremely healthy and whole foods. Making her own juices from fresh veggies and etc. AND staying possitive living in the moment. Meaning not worrying about what will happen, but enjoying the right now. She was holding her own without chemo. Perhaps you could look up that episode. As morbid as it sounds too, he may want to start writing things down for his daughter so that when she gets older she can read his advice on things.(Being a teenager, boys, marriage, babies...) He may not be up to it, but it'll be important to her later. And it'll be easier for him now before his thoughts get clouded with the sickness. Something else that happens closer to the end is, our family had to take turns staying at my mother in law's house. She started having "fears". When the throat closes like that, you worry about breathing. Or being able to breathe even with the oxygen tank right there. It might be a good idea if the little girl had someone she can stay with every once in awhile. Just so she doesn't have to witness all this all of the time. Maybe things will work out better for your brother in law, and I really hope so, cancer is a terrible thing. All my best to you and the family.