How to Stop Getting Annoyed/mad???

Get a book or read about "The Work" of Byron Katie. I have one of her books and it totally works. If something is just really eating me up I do "the work" exactly as she says to do it in her book and then I can just let it go. For me it works anyway. It sounds perfect for what you are talking about.

OMG!! i was thinking the same thing, even considered writing a question. I have such resentment right now with my husband. i have to think of the good in husband, very few as it is, as im the one holding it together.

my hubbo always made me feel ugly early in our marriage. last week, he rehashed to my friend how we met and he stated that, at our job at the time, he had the pick of the lovelies but he picked me :(..... also on a vacation to Ports O Call in San Pedro, CA with his relatives, he and i were looking at oil paintings and there was one with a lovely American Indian maiden half nude, he pointed at the paining and said, thats how you should look like :(

im not the kind of person who can quickly come up with a comeback as wicked as his, or anyone else. you and i need a book for dummies for comebacks, lol.

sorry i didnt mean to vent on ur Question post, but you are not alone.

Well if its your spouse/sig other....I don't practice this all the time but I read something one time that said for every mad/annoying thing your spouse does think of 5 positive things he does do. It does seem to help when I practice it.

That is if the behavior is not a deal breaker.

Let go of the expectation/"should." Most of us have an unconcious attachment to how we think others "should" behave. This will always create disappointment, frustration, anger, and even rage when they don't live up to this. We spend all of our time stuck up against the wall of "shoulds" and have no choices.

When we focus instead on "what is," we free ourselves to make choices. For expample, "My son shouldn't leave his dirty socks on the living room floor." I can either keep trying to change him (not working) or I can choose to: keep his socks and charge him for them, pick them up myself because I am the one with the issue, put them on his pillow (yuck), or any number of other choices that I can make on my own behalf.

As you well know, changing others never really works. Change yourself. See people for who they are and then make choices around boundaries and communication for yourself. The only space that you really can do anything about is your own. Yes, that really sucks on some level; and yet, it can also be freedom.

The more I just acknowledge who other people are and then, make choices for myself, the more peaceful I feel. Now, that doesn't eliminate bad feelings. Sometimes it is sad or frustrating to have someone be the way they are. However, l can assure you that it feels much better to let go of the lie that someone should be someone other than who they are.

You are not alone.
I go through this everyday.
All I can come up with is that maybe I should look for an
anger management class in my area.

That's all I can think of.

May God help us all.

Well, if "he" won't change, then the only person that can change is you. You either learn to accept him as he is, behaviors and all. Or you minimize the contact that you have with this person. That's all you can do.

Now, if it's your child. It's different. You are in it for the long haul. The good news is that if it's a child, you can have a role in teaching the appropriate behaviors. I am guessing that it's not your child though. :(

I hope this helps! Good luck.
N.

You make a choice to not let it bother you... it's not easy either. Have you ever heard the saying "what is the definition of insanity... doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome...." You can't change him, you've been through this many of times and the same outcome so why get all mad and think for a minute it will be different... you have to be different, you have to not let it affect you anymore, make that choice to be happy or to leave the room when he acts his way... You have no control over him, he's an adult... he has to make the change, you've already tried getting mad and annoyed, it didn't work, so find a way to leave the situation alone, like walk into another room, count to 20, take an hour if you need, just tell yourself you will not let it affect you, you have no control of him...

It's hard to know how to answer this because the "behavior" could be almost anything.
My husband used to empty and clean his electric shaver and leave his whiskers in the sink. One day, instead of cleaning the sink, I left the whiskers and that night after he got home from work, he wanted to know why his whiskers were still there. I told him that if he was old enough to shave, surely he was old enough to rinse his own whiskers down the drain.
The next morning....the whiskers were still there. We had two other bathrooms so it's not like it was the only sink in the house. Those whiskers could have stayed there for weeks. We could have had a fight about it, but why?
I washed the sink out and after doing it a couple of times without bringing it up anymore, he started doing it himself.
My point is, even if he never cleaned his own whiskers out of the sink for the rest of his life, were whiskers really worth fighting and having a stand-off over?
Like I said, it could be about something fairly simple but it drives you crazy or it could be coming home drunk every night. It could be drinking out of the milk carton.
It's really hard to know what to tell you other than you have to examine how serious the behavior is and if it's really, really worth fighting over again and again.
Only you know the answer to that.

Best wishes.

Why should you be the only one to do something about this? Why not demand a compromise? If a habit or behavior is getting so bad that just THINKING Of it makes you upset and anxious - don't you think your husband should love and respect you enough to consider your feelings?

Ok....well this question at least got me giggling, it is not that it is not a valid question...it is So so so valid...but I have SEVERAL of these people in my life so I totally relate! You cannot do much about the person, they are who they are...so you just have to grin and bear it...literally. I do force a smile and think thoughts in my head like here we go again...etc. But I also suggest if this is a "toxic" person that you limit your contact with them, if it is something like being constantly late, no problem calling them on it, or even suggesting a "later" time. I am always running late, I know it is a flaw and in order to combat it, I honestly ask those closest to me to "pad" times for me so I get there on time = ) Sadly it works for me!

If you have any sort of religious inkling or believe in the power of prayer, read, "The Power of a Praying Wife" INCREDIBLE!!
Even if spouse is not a believer and you are:)

It's really hard but you have to walk away. Cut them out of your life as much as you can. I know most of the time it's family so that's tough. I had issues with a family member and they just can't be trusted. I don't talk to them any more except at family functions and when we chat I talk about the weather and really generic things.
It's really hard but if you can manage to just pull yourself away you'll find you get less aggrevated and you will find less stress in your life. It's really nice once you do it. I have no patience now for drama. I see it and I walk away. I am much happier now.
Good luck

If you think of it, we do some things over and over ourselves all the time (things we have to) and we don't get mad or annoy ourselves. (like go to the bathroom for instance). It's part of what we do, part of being human. Unless your body is reacting to the sound of his voice (I can't handle certain levels of shrieking) if he is doing a number of things (oh I would so love to know what this is) I would try to look at it in a different light. We simply cannot control things sometimes and it is hurting us. If it's a body reaction he has we can't do anything, if he has a habit of leaving his shoes in front of the door and we hate it and told him to stop a million times, then by golly I guess I'll move the shoes myself and not destroy my insides by being angry. There are some emotions we have that we can start changing and others we were trained to have and some that we cannot. Put me with someone with a dangerous weapon and I durn well will be terrified. But put me in the house with a guy who refuses to move his shoes out of the way and eventually I am going to take care of me.

I would consider Marriage and Family Therapy... chances are this isn't the only issue, and if it keeps reoccurring it will begin to erode your relationship no matter how hard you try to "get over it."

Good luck~

I really have been working on this lately too. It does no good for anyone and the behaviors that won't change aren't deal breakers for me. So I just honestly leave the room or go to sleep if it's at night. If a fight is not going to help at all, then there is no point in having it. I just go away from the situation and do my BEST not to vent to my family about it!