How to Prepare a 4 Year Old on an Expectant Baby.

In preparing both of my children (I have 3) I bought these great books that talked about having a baby sister or brother. The books really helped the other children to understand how great it would be to have a sibling and how to care and treat their sibling. Both children we exstatic when the baby arrived. I also talked about every day situations and how/what things would be like with a brother or sister.

We also had to move to a larger home and while the kids were a little sad they grew to love their new home (so much that they miss it while on vacation). Again, I talked a lot about the new home and what it would be like, etc. They got to pick out new bedding and items for their "new" bedrooms which helped with their excitement. They also helped move.

The many transitions were successful and I felt accomplished well simply because of constant communication.

Good luck and congratulations. It is so great to see the love and joy that is shared between siblings.

congrats! one extra step we took when expecting the second child was to bring a gift from the new baby to the hospital for big sister and when we came home with the new baby we also brought home the new gift the baby got for big sister and sister to this day loves the gift the baby got her the day he came home. Hope this and the other wonderful advice helps!

J.

Congratulations! You can begin by telling your son there is a baby in your tummy and he will have a new brother/sister. Introduce him to the idea soon. Maybe when you take maternity leave or when you just are working part-time and not going to school, you can start by keeping him home with you and maybe taking him to school only one or two days a week. As time comes closer, I would still find a way to keep him in school 1 or 2 days a week. I realize money will be tight, but it will be a difficult enough adjustment for him when he realizes that most of mommy's time is devoted to this new baby and he will not be happy and perhaps try to take it out on his sibling. He needs to feel special too and continuing to go to school, although less time, is still something he can look forward to that is special for him.

How exciting! When my youngest was born, my oldest (who was 4) was a huge help, and super exited about a little baby.It was the middle child that she couldn't have cared less about. I have three kids now 7, 5, and almost 3.
Books about having a little one around the house are good. We had all different ones. If you have any friends that have recently have babies see if you can hang around them for a little bit so he can see what they are like. BUt he probably won't start getting the whole prengant thing until you are showing and growing.
You have to make him apart of the pregnancy. Have him measure your tummy and right down a log for him. He can take pictures of your tummy. Like his own baby diary..
Congrats!

Congrats! You have received a lot of great advice. My son was 4 when we had our 2nd son and as in your other comments we remained extremely positive. We would always say "you're going to have a new baby" and "your baby" or the "big brother" and he seem loved it. He would always ask when his baby was coming, he couldn't wait. At 4 he knows what the hospital is so I did bring him with me to the hospital to explain that is where I would be when the baby comes, so he wouldn't be worried or scared. My best advice is to keep him informed so he knows it's coming and keep it as positive as possible. Best of luck to you and your family! Everything always works out!

S.,

First, read the book "Raising Your Spirited Child"...it has a lot of tips for children who are slow to change. Basically they need to know about things early and how it will be fun for them or to their advantage. You need to get his buy-in.

What I took my oldest to a Sibling class, which talked about how helpful he could be and the things that he could and could not do with/for the baby. See if there is one offered in your area.

Look at and read books about the baby's growth and development (our baby is this big and has tiny fingers, etc.). Also read books about being a big brother...there are lots of great ones; check out Amazon. One of our favorites was My Big Brother by Valorie Fisher, shows the importance of the big brother from the baby's viewpoint. It's SO important that he feels included and gets excited about the baby because so far it has always been all about him.

Tell him all the ways that he can help you during your preganancy, especially when you get bigger...perhaps picking things up off floor for you or helping put on socks or tying your shoes; my 4yo son did this for me. If he reads, he can sit on your lap and read to the baby. Create a bond now.

Also talk about how he can help with the baby...patting the baby when it crys, retreiving diapers, wipes, pacifiers, toys, choosing clothes, holding baby at times and helping "watch" the baby. My son was a little jealous at 4 with a new baby, but the more I got him involved, the more helpful and loving he became. You need to let him in on the reality of the amount of your time the baby will need, but let him know how he can signal you that he needs mommy time so jealousy does not grow. Include him in everything!

Regarding the move, tell him as soon as possible and let him know how he will be able to have his own room still instead of sharing with the baby. If you can afford it, allow him to "redecorate" his room or pick paint, etc. Also let him help pick out the theme or colors of the baby's room. Maybe he could even help paint or something.

I have to say that the transition was a little rocky at first, but I could not be happier with the 4 years between my two sons. At 4 they are beginning to become independent any way...make a big deal out of all the things your older one can do that the baby cannot. With your older boy helping he will also gain a lot of responsibility, so make sure to praise and reward him.

My sons are good friends, my oldest rides his bike to school with the younger one (now 13 and 9), watches over him and tries to teach him responsibility and keep him out of trouble. It is so sweet! Enjoy!!

Congratulations! A lot of the advice you have received here has been great. We too did the gift from the baby for the older child, our oldest still talks about it (he is now 8). Another piece of advice I received and used was this: when your son comes to see you in the hospital, have your arms empty. Holding the new baby can make an uncommon experience (going to see you at the hospital) more disconcerting. Our 2nd son had to be in the NICU, so we didn't have to use this advice then. We used it with our third child. I had open arms to hug my boys, and then I could introduce them to their little sister. They love her dearly (at least until she gets into their stuff!) Blessings!

Congratulations S.! My advice is to include your son whenever possible. On moving day, let him carry his pillow and special toy in the car. Let him pack a box all by himself of his special things, just monitor things for breakability, you can even make it a box small enough for him to move.

When you do tell your son about the baby in your belly, let him know about when it will be arriving- after Thanksgiving, before Christmas, next year... Tell him what will be going on in his world and relate the baby to him, not just an arbitrary date on the calendar. My son was two when I found out I was pregnant. She was a spring baby (mid-March) so I was able to tell my son to look for new flowers and buds on the trees and your sister will be born then.

He too, still talks about the battery operated car his sister gave him when she was born (he's nine now), but he remembers it and played with it until it was inoperable.

I also let him know what to expect from a baby: she won't know how to do anything but sleep, cry and breathe and we will have to teach her everything else - he was amazed that we had to teach her how to eat(nurse) and then to eat baby food later. He was so excited to teach her to smile, to sit up and to talk! He takes full credit for her learning to say "no".

Good luck and embrace all the changes. Your life sounds exciting right now, enjoy it.

Please do let him be part of the process. Start talking like this is a present for him and even ask him if he has some names he'd like to name the baby. My son was 4 also when I became pregnant with his sister. OF couse that was before we had sonograms to know what we were having, so I gave him a choice of names that I liked for boy or girl and picked one he liked. He started drawing pictures of babies, shocking my mother by drawing a lady with a baby in her tummy. I thought it was great that he certainly had the idea of what was happening. Keep saying "our baby" so he feels a little possessive about it. Good luck dear.

My 4-year-old son had to adjust to our decision to adopt a baby girl. We gave him his own Cabbage Patch doll and invited him to participate in the baby's care. HOWEVER, we made absolutely certain that we changed as few other aspects of his daily routine as possible. We still made time to read to him, still took him to preschool (which is nearly mandatory in our area; perhaps you can qualify for a subsidy or free tuition?), and still gave him lots of attention. A few years later, my husband and I divorced. I moved with the children and we split custody. I thought my sensitive son handled the whole thing wonderfully and it was only years later that I discovered what a traumatic experience this was for him. I think that most children have a threshold for the amount of simultaneous change they can absorb. For a sensitive child, I would advise that you change as little as possible about his daily routine and special times with Mom and Dad. This is a sacrifice that will pay you back endlessly in the future.

I recommend trying to make some of the changes now, like moving so that he doesn't "blame the baby" also I would wait as long as possible before I tell him that you are pregnant. For one you don't want to go 8 months of him asking when the baby is going to come and then from personal experience if you happen to miscarry it is alot harder to explain. With my 3rd pregnancy we told the kids right away and I then miscarried and my then 5 year old had a hard time understanding what happened and has even still asked (2 1/2 years later) if it is something he might have done.

Hi S. -
My daughter was about 4 1/2 when my husband and I had to tell her she was going to be a big sister and I worried over how to break it to her for weeks. She had made it very clear in the past that she NEVER wanted a sibling. There are some children who just gush over babies and treat them as some babydoll come to life! My daughter was the opposite - never liked babydolls and liked real babies even less. A friend of mine had had twins who would scream together in the car (very loud) and that was really hard for my daughter to handle. So my husband and I googled the question of how to break it to her. We found a lot of great advice. I know a lot of moms have suggested having your son help you get a diaper, hand me the soap, etc... which will probably make him feel important and a big boy ...but I would ease him into that role. Don't use language like you can help mommy 'take care of' the baby, be Mommy's little helper. We were advised that a young child might begin to resent the baby for increasing their responsibility - giving them work to do..."Take care of the baby?! One I never wanted in the first place?! Are you kidding me?!" Also you shouldn't use phrases like we are going to have a 'new' baby...as children are very literal, he may take this as he is the 'old' baby - Like he is the old worn out model and must be replaced. Anyway these are things we remained concious of and when the time came we finally told her that she was going to be a 'big sister'. Well she screamed and cried "Nooooo!!!! I don't want it!!!!" was inconsolable, went to her room for literally only about 5 minutes, quieted down, composed herself, returned and said, "well I guess it won't be that bad as long as it's just ONE baby" :-). She didn't want to talk about anymore that day...just wanted to get on with the game we were about to play. After that life went on and she became more excited as the time drew near. By the way, we gave her a say in choosing a name and it became a lot of fun at dinner as on numerous evenings we all came to the table with each of our new ideas. Some of hers were adorable "Strawberry?" - anyway it turned out fine in the end. She had about 7 months to watch my stomach grow and get prepared and now she doesn't LOVE babies (she LOVES her brother!!!) but can appreciate them. Good Luck...given time he will be just fine.

Congratulations!! My daughter was also 4 when we found out that we were expecting our 2nd baby. We were worried about how it would affect her, being used to having all of our attention, but she has been great! I recommend reading some helpful books to help ease some of his fears and questions. The Kissing Hand & A Pocket Full of Kisses are a great series, as is God Gave Us You & God Gave Us Two. I also used www.parenting.com website, and on the pregnancy page, it shows pictures of what the baby looks like at each week of development. We looked at that with her and it helped her feel like more a part of the process. Just talk positively about how special this is for him, and all of the fun of being a big brother.

The hospital in my community offers a class for parents and their children 3-6 years old where they tour the hospital, watch a video, read some books and do a craft all realted to getting a new baby. I just signed-up for it for my son who is almost 3, we have a baby due on the 4th of July. I can let oyu know how it goes if you want.

Many Congrats to you and your family!!!
You have gotton lots of great advice on including your son in all the changes. I have one more small bit of advice.
Wait until you are well past the point of common miscarriages (approx 16 weeks). I hate to be the one to dwell on the dark side but it would be awful to get the little guy excited about being a big brother and then have to explain that the baby isn't coming.
I had to do this many times to my little ones. Luckily they were a bit older than yours and had experienced death already with pets so the blow was a bit softer.

Again, Congrats and Good Luck!!

Change is difficult for children but they do adjust. The best thing to do is be positive about the changes, and if you can possible do it keep him at the school he's at now until you have to move so that it's only one change in schools and not two. By the way, kids love their mom to stay at home so that is a definite plus even if it means changing schools. Also, let him finish out the year at his current school. Change over the summer so he starts out fresh in a new school in a new year.
Good luck. I wish I could stay home with my boys.

Children are so adaptable! I am a military wife so change is something we do often. My 5 year old was born in Germany till almost 2 then North Carolina for one year then Cali. and she has 2 younger siblings. As long as you treat it like it's normal and no big deal so will your child. Don't over analyze things so much. Buy books that are about bringing home baby and being a big bro etc. Conrats on the new baby, what a joy!

My oldest son is autistic - so he hates change of any kind. To prepare him for the birth of our youngest we bought a very realistic looking doll. We let him name it, dress it every day, change it's diaper (reused the same one), wash it's face and hands, and feed it. He took this doll everywhere; in fact he still takes it most places and it's been over a year! We also talked about the baby coming as he "took care" of his baby. We took him to the Sutter Sibling class, it was great for him - we did this about a month before I was due so he'd still remember what he'd learned. Good luck and congratulations!

S.,
You are still very early in your pregnancy and I would not tell your son just yet. Wait awhile before you tell him. Maybe start by saying would you want a baby brother or sister. And see how he responds. As your belly grows, start explaining to him the changes going on in your belly and bring him to "most" of your appt. Let him be a part of it and hopefully by the 9 months he will be adjusted to the new baby coming.
Good luck,Trish

It is imperative for you to make a big thing about him being a big brother to his baby brother or sister. Make him your little helper in everything as it will make him feel important. Let him help you with the babys room and even take him to dr appts once in awhile if possible as well as shoewing him in books the different stages of his new babies growth.

Congrats! I'm actually in the same situation, except I'm due in about a week and my son turns 5 next month. But I definitely agree with not telling him until at least your 2nd trimester. But once he did know, he loved going to my doctors appt's with me to listen to the baby's heart "beep" and see the ultrasounds. We've also gone to our local library and checked out books about being a big brother, and this also got him very excited. He also has a lot of friends and family who have younger brothers or sisters and we talked a lot about that in the beginning so he can understand that it's very normal and exciting for this to happen in a family. I also agree with trying to keep him in school at least 1 or 2 days a week if you can because not only does he need that time that just belongs to him, but you will need it to! Good luck with everything, it'll be great!

I think you should wait until you are obviously pregnant (i.e. strangers comment on it) before telling him. 9 months is an impossibly long time for a child that age. We told my daughter (then almost 3) that she would have a new baby sister at around 6 months. My cousin is currently pregnant with #2 (her son is 5.5 years old) and she told him at around 5 months. At this point her baby is due in 6 weeks and he's sooooo excited. We call him "The Mister who's about to have a Sister" and he loves that.

With my daughter, we got the "What to Expect When Mommy's Having a Baby" book, and she made us read it to her every day. I think it helped reassure her on a daily basis about what was going to happen. I also invited her to sing songs to her baby sister (she'd pull up my top and sing/yell straight at my tummy - she learned to put her hands where the baby's feet were to feel for kicking). I showed her how all our baby gear worked and let her try it out with her baby dolls. Then when the baby arrived I let her "help" me as much as she could (go get diapers from the changing table, hand me the baby shampoo during bathtime, etc.)

During that time, we also had to move, and my daughter has always been a creature of routine. But it was fine, actually. She rolled with the punches a lot better than I had expected. I didn't tell her we were moving until about 2 days before we actually moved (again, hard for her to understand the timeline). I just told her, "The day after tomorrow, we're going to go live in a new house - you, me, and daddy! We'll put all your things in a box and we'll take them in the car with us to our new house, and we'll live in our new house all together." (For some reason, when you tell kids you're moving, they always wonder if you're taking them and their toys.)

I guess the most important thing is, don't overwhelm him with too much information too soon. Dole it out in little pieces and don't go crazy over-explaining things to him. Too much information is worse than not enough, in this case.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with your move!

Congratulations! You've gotten lots of wonderful advice. My daughter was a bit younger when we found out I was pregnant. She was 2 1/2. However some things probably will still work. 1) read to books about babies and being an older brother. The library has a great collection. 2) have your son choose something special for the baby like a security blanket. 3) have a basket of special toys or one special toy for when you are feeding the baby. That way your son doesn't feel left out. Special mommy activities too when the baby is sleeping. 4) See how your son can be mommy's helper. My daughter loves getting diapers and choosing what the baby is going to wear. She also helps to pick up or bring toys for the baby. She even picks up the sippy cup after its been thrown from the high chair.

Since there are other changes like moving to a new house, maybe you can have him pick out special sheets or something else special for his new room. Also maybe continuing to have playdates with friends from his school.

Good luck!