Expecting 2Nd Child - Any Good Tips/books to Ease Oldest's Anxiety?

When I was expecting my daughter I told my son that this was "his" baby (while pointing at my bump). So for my pregnancy we talked about "his baby" and "his sister" that would soon be here. This way he was very mych a part of the excitement. We also bought him a special toy for being a big brother when the baby arrived.

My son is 8 and we are expecting his brother in about 4 weeks. Del Webb Hospital, in Sun City West, offers a class (which we took) to prepare him for a sibling. They had a really great video that covers all of the emotions and really showed how much of a hero they will be to mommy when the baby is born with helping, etc. The class showed him how to change and feed the baby and how to identify which of his toys are not acceptable to keep lying around. They put him in a hospital mask and hat and took him to the birthing center, then let him make a birthday card for the baby. Finally, they presented him with a diploma/certificate as "An Official Big Brother." I thought the class was excellent!

When I first told my 3 year old about her new sibling, she too was very excited. Then as soon as I started showing a bit she got very clingy, had potty accidents and trouble sleeping. We essentially quit talking about the new baby for a few months and just tried to give her lots of extra time. Now that the baby is about a month away, she is getting excited again. She has helped us shop for the new baby and she has picked out a special rattle she gets to give the baby. We have started to read the book "I am a big sister" by Joanne Cole. There is the same book for big brothers.

Hi N.!

The best thing that worked for my friend is to get them involved as much as possible. She had a 5 year old daughter and expecting another little girl. She let her pick out things for her nursery and help with the baby shower. I know it is a little different but let him pick some of the stuff for his sister. He needs to feel just as excited as you do. I only have one daughter right now but we will have another child in the future, so I am really curious on what worked for you. Please let me know...

Good Luck! Congrats!

One thing that I did with my 2 year old when baby no. 2 was on his way was to take out a lot of the baby's gear, like the little bathtub, the swing, bouncy seat... and I got him a lifelike little doll at Goodwill for $1, and showed him what I would be doing with the baby, and let him help. It really got him excited. Part of the anxiety in your son might be not knowing what having a baby around means. After our second son was born, my oldest was the best helper. He helped give the baby a bath, and helped buckle him into his seats. Good luck to you!!!

I have a 5 year old, and a 16 month old. While I was pregnant with my second, we talked to him all the time about "how good of a big brother you will be". It seemed to help us and got him really excited about the new baby and ever since my 2nd one was born, he has been "a great big brother".

I had a 2 year old when my second was born these are some things we did to help with the transition.

We started talking about the baby right away, and when I got bigger, we encouraged her to kiss and hug my belly/her sister/the baby.

We put the swing, bouncer, crib out ASAP. Maddy got out of the crib in February and we immediately set it up in the nursery with the glider and changing table. We called it her sister's room.

We got her a doll for Christmas. We would pretent to change diapers and feed the baby. She would take naps in her crib, swing in the swing, etc.

In March we moved Maddy's carseat to the other side of the car, and in mid-april, we put the base in the car for the baby. Sometimes, we would pack up the doll in the carseat and take it to my parents house. We would get Madison involved in all of these activities and she loved it.

Once Brooklyn arrived, when Maddy came to the hospital. I made sure I did not have the baby and spent a few minutes playing with Maddy on my hospital bed. Made sure she got mommy time before meeting her little sister. Then, when we came home, we brought a present for Madison and told her it was from Brooklyn.

Once home, we made sure to have Madison help in anyway she could, bring diapers, wipes, burp cloth, etc. While I was nursing, I would often read to her, and while Brooklyn was napping, we always got mommy and maddy time. If the day was crazy, Madison adjusted well, and we would have our time before she went to bed.

About 3 months after her sister was born, we went out, just Maddy, Mommy, and Daddy, to Disney Playhouse Live, and I'm taking her to Disney Princesses on Ice tonight, with no little sister. Just make sure you make time to spend with just him alone, even if you can't go out with him at first. And when you can leave the baby, then take him to the park alone, or to et some ice cream, or just something special.

I hope ese ideas help.

I really don't have much advice-just thought I would share my exp-my saon was born when my daughter was 14 months old-she knew what the baby was, but when I came home from the hosp she did not talk to me for 2 days which broke my heart and I thought she would not regress which everyone said all kids do, but I see it now-she is now 26 months and my son will be 1 in Feb. I think all kids are different and will ahndle it different. I would maybe get a baby doll may sound stupid, but see what he does? Let me know what happened. Sorry I didn't have much advice. L.

I know Durango hospital is good, but I'm not familiar with what they offer. I would assume thye have sibling classes. If not, I know San Juan Regional in Farmington does. That might help her. We never did it while we were in Farmington, but we're thinking of doing the classes this time. It sounds really cool. I have friends who say they're great, and the gifts are pretty cool stuff.

Hello N.. I have two daughters who are 5 years apart. I knew I had to do something when I was pregnant for my 2nd daughter. I got a baby doll (like the other mom suggested, it worked great)... but what I did with this baby doll and how I interacted with this doll made the difference. First, I explained to my daughter that this doll was just like the baby in Mommy's Belly and I placed the baby doll inside the bassinet which was inside my bedroom each night. My oldest daughter would kiss the baby goodnight. If she wanted to hold the baby she would ask first and I taught her to gently touch the baby, etc; Basically pretend that baby is the real thing to see how he will react and then you can groom him on being a big brother and how important it is to be gentle (especially around the soft spot around the baby's head, etc;) Good Luck on your delivery and blessings with your new baby and family.

I agree with everything that's been said. My oldest was 20 months when I had my second. We talked a lot about being a big girl and a big sister. We made all of the necessary changes well in advance of the baby coming (i.e. switching beds and rooms). We didn't talk so much about the baby specifically in my belly...that's too much for a little one to understand. I did talk to her about what would change when the baby came and how she could help. We read lots of books about babies and being a big sister. We gave her a life-like doll when the baby came and some accessories like a carseat and a pack 'n play so that she could take care of her doll. I even have pictures of her pretending to nurse her baby.

Expect some regression. Everyone says it but you always think your child will be different. My daughter was sooooooo wonderful with the baby (and still is) but she regressed a little about 6-8 months after the baby came. It was minor and didn't last long, but it happened.

Hope this helps a little. Good luck!

Check on Amazon. I bet there are a ton of kid and adult literature. I would get a life-like doll and model appropriate behavior by showing the child how the "baby" must be treated. The doll is not a toy, so don't let the child have the doll. Give the child special responsibilities. This will help the kiddo know that he/she will have to help with new baby, thus he/she will not be forgotten.

Hello N.

I have 2 children, an almost 4 yr old and a 14 month old. We of course did not read any books but we did buy our oldest son a baby doll, which was reccommended by our pediatrician. He really took to taking care of the baby and talking about the new baby in mommy's belly! When our 2nd little bundle of joy came, yes there was a little jealousy, understandable, but my son nurtured and cared for his baby as we both nurtured and cared for our new baby! It worked wonderfully! Some people said a baby doll for a boy! Yes, we are not accustomed to what everyone else thinks or believes, it was what my husband and I agreed to do as well as good advice from our pediatrician!

Hope this helps! And congratulations on your second beautiful God given blessing.

Much Love and Joy
T.

My daughter was about the same age when my son came along. I have to say don't feed into his anxiety yet keep making a big deal out of him going to be the big brother and how much his sister will love him (and does love him) and even consider getting him his own doll when the baby comes and he can take care of his while you take care of his sister. At his age I don't think he has any true concept of anxiety from the standpoint of truly understanding that the baby is coming and will be here and how much or little his life will change. The positive about a newborn is they sleep a lot and that still gives you lot's of time to focus on your son and give him some extra special attention. Kids go through just wanting a specific parent a million times. I think that part is normal. Just keep him included and he will adjust probably better then you think. Seems around this age they do great as they are past the "baby" stage themselves. Good luck and CONGRATS!!!!

If you aren't against it a doll might help him. You can teach him to take of it like you will be taking care of the baby. You can also give him special big brother jobs such as getting diapers or wipes, a change of clothes etc. My daughter might also went through the same thing and the doll helped her. Also the is a book called best ever big brother. I don't know if it is any good but I found it on babycenter.com

I love "Guess How Much I Love You." It doesn't really specify the relationship between big nutbrown hare and little nutbrown hare, they could be daddy and son or big brother and little brother. It might be a good one for your older son. It's also just a very sweet story.

N. I am also having a second child in June, my five year old is excited still (thnk goodness) but i am thinking yours is getting nervous because you are starting to show and act more pregnant. I belong to something called UMC Baby Steps...that have so many great classes, Dads to be, birthing, breastfeeding and a Big Brother/Big Sister class.. Ths may be fun for him. Let me know if you need anymore info,

M.

We got "God gave us you" and "God gave us two" as a gift at a baby shower. They are really cute books about a polar bear family. My oldest really loved them and I think that it helped her understand what was going on a little better. Good Luck!

My son had just turned 4 when we had his little brother. At first he was very excited about having him especially when he came to the hospital to see him. When we brought him home, the jealousy started. It also didn't help that my in-laws always greeted the baby before my older son. We had to stress to them to go to my older son first and then see the baby. Once they did that, it really helped. We also made sure that one of us always spent quality time with our older son (nice thing about having 2 - one for each parent :)). My older son also at the time really started enjoying going to the movies and so that was his special time because his baby brother couldn't go so that guaranteed alone time with one of us. We also had my in-laws take him for special days out without his baby brother AND had them take both so he could protect & take care of his baby brother. Things really smoothed out after a few months (no more accidents, tantrums). We also made it clear to our son that he should tell us if he wasn't getting enough attention. That really worked with him and it made us feel better knowing he could express himself :) Good luck and congratulations :)

when I had #2 I got a book from toys r us called Im a big brother and it worked great getting him excited for the baby!! I will see if I can find the author etc for you.....

Check out "Baby on the Way" by Dr. William Sears, at your local library (or you can get it at http://askdrsears.com/store/products.asp?cat=38). It's great in explaining exactly what's happening to the family and mommy while the baby is growing inside and what they (older siblings) can do to help and get ready for the baby. Also his other book, "What Baby Needs" explains what life is like after the baby arrives. His books have great illustrations and ideas for the future big brothers/sisters. I think it will help your little one.
Also, your son's probably sensing the impending changes, making him more anxious and clingy. Make sure he knows how much you love him and that he'll still get personal "mommy time" after the baby arrives, and make sure you DO give him his own time each and every day. And definitely give him the love he's craving now, as well. If you embrace his feelings, he'll feel more secure and willing to make the future adjustments.
I just had my baby girl, who came when my son was 22 months and, although I know there's a big difference between a 2yo and a 3yo, these books helped him better understand what was happening and how our family is growing, and how that's a good thing. Soon he'll have a playmate (among other things)! I sometimes have to stop everything and just play with him, or read or wrestle, to make sure he knows he's still loved and that the baby hasn't replaced him.
Best of luck,
N.

I have a 3 year old son and in November we just welcomed our second son into the family. I was always taking to my 3 year old about the baby and what baby's are like and what you can and cannot do with them. My mother sent me this book to read to him. It is called "I'm A Big Brother" by Joanna Cole. We read it just about every night. In fact, we still read it and he loves this book. I highly recommend this book. My mother said she found it at Toys R Us.

There are several good books out for children about birth and some videos as well. I have most in my practice if you are interested in connecting. The more you can involve them in the preparations and birth, the more they seem to go into nurturing mode and think of it as their baby too. This is more difficult to do if you plan a hospital birth.
I just added an article from my first book to my website, Kids At Birth, if you are interested. www.inspiringbirthstories.com
Best of luck to you. D.

I have four children, with a goal of no sibling rivalry. So far, so good! Our answer: LOVE THEM! Give them lots of love and attention. They need that so much more than most parents realize. They are not little people with our rationale, they are babies. Happy loving!!!