How to Help Someone Who Feels Trapped in Their Marriage

There is nothing in this marriage that would change for the better by divorcing. He would just be leaving his kids with a single mom who would be more overwhelmed and more angry. The only thing he would get out of it is, out. Time for him to go to counseling. Get ideas on how to deal with her reactions and protect the kids. If he invests in them instead of runs away, there is a chance for things to change for the better. Maybe if she sees him consistently going to counseling and how he grows and changes, she will stick with a counselor and get better. Maybe his contribution to her problems (nobody is perfect) could be lessened and she would be less overwhelmed.

He doesn't want to? Well, sorry. He married her. He has 2 kids and they deserve 2 parents. He doesn't want to live with her but he would "never take them away"? Kiind of sounds like is ok with her care of them. I vote he works from there and not chew off his leg to get out.

Your husband can urge his friend to go back to counseling on his own. This counseling would be for his own sake, not for straightening things out with his wife. This is not an unusual thing in a difficult marriage.

Your DH's friend probably just wants to vent. I wouldn't opinionate too much unless he specifically asked for it. Most likely he is only telling his very sympathetic side of the story, anyway and not completely innocent in all of this.

What you are not thinking of is, that you need to stay out of it.

His side, her side, and the truth. You're getting one side. Even IF it's the whole truth (it's not) you need to stay out of this. Other then suggesting counseling, tell your husband not to give advice. Say it's really this bad, and the man goes in for a divorce. Say the divorce gets messy. Say there are trials and depositions. Your husband and his advice, could easily be dragged into this.

This is not his marriage to fix. He can listen and suggest counseling, but do no more.

We really never know what goes on behind closed doors. A nice person can be a monster or monster a nice person.So I'm not a hundred percent that she is all to blame. It usually takes 2 to tango so to speak. Nevertheless He needs to get a life for and the kids outside of the home. I'm not talking divorce. I'm talking socccer teams, baseball teams. Gymnastics. And most of all some counseling that both kids and yourself and discuss.

tell him NOT to feel responsible, or that he should help, or give advice.
what his friend needs is a sympathetic ear, and some prompting questions that will allow him to move through, socratic style, to find find his own unique solutions.
which may not be the ones you and your dh would give him.
it is not up to you guys to fix this.
khairete
S.

All of the information you and your DH are hearing is hearsay.

You do not know what you do not know and that means what exactly is going on behind the closed doors.

Your DH should not feel responsible or obligated to find help for his friend. His friend is a big boy and should be able to find help on his own. If he is indeed financially stable enough to consider a payoff, then he is smart enough to figure out what he needs to do.

Basically, your DH is the friend's venting post and he should only be that.... the listening ear. Your hubby would not want to suggest something and then everything backfire and look who is held responsible for the breakup, backfire, etc.... your hubby.

At most, your DH suggestions should be for his friend to enter counseling either as a couple or individually and stay out of it.

Best wishes.

J.:

Unfortunately, your husband should NOT give advice. He can lend an ear for him to talk to.

I say DO NOT give advice because of this - if the advice he gives is "wrong" for their situation, he could be 'blamed' for it. You, nor your husband, want that to happen.

I am soo sorry that this is happening to your friend. How horrible it must be to have loved someone, married them, had kids with them and they went off the deep end (well, not really - but seriously changed) and now it's not good. Is it possible she has untreated postpartum depression that might have turned into PPP - postpartum psychosis? Someone needs to get her back to the therapist so she can get on an even keel again and be healthy...

You can invite your friends to church with you....she might get what she needs there...

other than that? lend an ear but don't give advice.

All the best to them. I hope things work out.

That is kind of your husband to listen and be there for support. I agree with others about maybe just being a listening ear.

There is a site where marriage help and information is being gathered and compiled in hopes that support can be given to all those that are struggling in their marriage.
The site is christianmarriageadvicehelp dot com forward slash the-love-dare-blog.

Blessings

My suggestion would be to encourage the husband to start going to church with his kids. Eventually the wife will follow and see the positive changes in her kids and her husband. They can go to marriage counseling---biblically based counseling or mainstream---- whatever is best for them. But I would start there.

Or if he isn't interested in church---give her a ultimatum. Tell her she straightens up and gets anger management or he will be forced to take legal steps to end the marriage.

The only advice I think that your husband ought to offer his friend is to go to individual counseling, and to encourage his wife to attend marriage counseling with him.

There could be a lot more going on behind closed doors than he's letting on. Her behavior (granted this is all third party info at this point) sounds an awful lot like untreated postpartum depression. It seems she's aware that she has anxiety, since she takes medication, and she does have trouble sleeping. Those are classic symptoms. But she's not in treatment if she's only getting those meds from a PCP. She needs actual ongoing treatment from a psychiatrist to make sure that she's getting the right meds on the right dosages with frequent check-ups and talk therapy.