How to Help My Young Daughter Get Ready to Be a Sister

Great book to recommend - Siblings Without Rivalry - it has great ideas that you might otherwise never think of!

Good luck - mine are 23mo apart and the book was very helpful and they are great buddies now.

D.

I got my son a baby doll so he could start learning how we do and do not hold, touch, and handle a baby.

We went through the same thing with our son being 16 months when his younger brother was born. We usually would tell him about the baby, and that he would be getting a new brother. We also brought him to the ultrasound appointments and a few of the doctor's visits. It really helped him to see the baby in u/s and to hear the baby's heartbeat.
Of course when we had the baby, he didn't really pay attention to him for the first few weeks. He knew there was someone new in the house, but wouldn't hold or touch the baby. He just kind of ignored him. After the initial three-four weeks, he started getting closer to the baby. Usually because we would ask for his help, like getting a pamper or throwing one in the trash. He started liking the independence and being a "big" boy that he started telling us when the baby was crying or woke up. He even started insisting on feeding the baby. Just remember every child is different, and to make special time for just you and older sister.

Your daughter may be too young for this, but only you can decide that. With my daughter, we spent the pregnancy referring to the baby as HER baby. HER baby brother, HER baby, etc. She was so proud and already felt connected in a way. We practiced a lot with baby dolls (ones that drink bottles of water and pee, ones that can take baths, ones with strollers, etc). While playing, I commented about the things she was doing like saying "When your baby is born, do you think he'll like riding in the stroller, or what will your baby eat when he is born?" Once the baby was born, I let her hold him whenever she wanted even if it meant he was going to cry because he was hungry. When he cried, I made it a point to ask her what she thought the problem might be and I talked it through with her so she felt like I really needed her help. I asked her for help with things like watching him while I used the bathroom. My older one really felt a strong bond with him and was so proud of herself and never jealous of him. Even if your daughter is too young for all of that, it is important to remember that making your baby wait to eat or be changed or held or whatever will not hurt him/her. Your older one however will develop major jealously issues if you constantly push her aside and put the baby first. When they both need you, try telling baby " I know you want to eat, but you are just going to have to wait your turn because mommy is helping sissy right now" just as much as you say "sweety you are going to have to wait until mommy is done feeding the baby". When your older one hears you say that to the baby, it will make her feel more like things are fair.

Start talking the baby now. She understands way more than you think. You must teach her
1)how to have HER OWN relationship with her sibling
Talk about what she will get to do... she will get to teach the baby how to play with certain toys, how to walk, how to not touch the stove and stay out of the trashcan etc. Talk about how the family will be bigger and how her life will be "better" (someone to play with, someone to teach)
When the baby is born, she can throw away diapers, dance for the baby, play peekaboo, she can get toys.
2)how she is RESPONSIBLE for her sibling
As soon as the baby is born, teach her to make an "O" with her pointy fingers together and her thumbs together. Show her that anything that can fit through that space shouldn't be by the baby because they can get hurt.

If you don't think she can understand, then after the baby is born, show her how to be a sister. They DON'T just know how to have a relationship with baby who doesn't know how to have a relationship either. <grin>

I used to teach a siblings class for children expecting new babies in their homes. The best piece of advice I always gave is this:
The first time your daughter sees you after the baby is born greet her without the baby in your arms. Let her know you want to see HER. Don't let the baby become an immediate barrier between you and her. Love on her and let her see that you are still the same mommy you were before the birth and that you are always there for her. Wait a little while before introducing her to the baby. Let her become curious about the new baby rather than force it upon her. Also, encourage others with you to pay attention to your daughter without talking about the new baby.

Having a new baby is pretty overwhelming to us adults. Just imagine how overwhelming it will be for your daughter. Give her time to adjust.

Perfect practice makes perfect. Do you know anyone who has a baby or even a pet will work. I was in the same situation (son turned 18 months just days before our daughter was born). We found our friends with babies and pets and showed him as much as possible that something just as gentle would be joining us very soon. We would take his hands and gently guide them over the pet or the babies head and tell him "Nice, nice, soft". It became his routine - he loved it! When the baby arrived he was fascinated with her. He loved to touch her head and say "Nice, nice, soft" over and over.
I've heard from a friend that baby dolls are really great for breaking a child into the idea of a new baby - we are trying this method with our daughter and she is getting pretty excited for when the new one will arrive. Also she really does understand way more than you think. I hope all goes well!

Hi, My daughters are 22 months apart and what I did was just always talk about the baby. I remember having Kaitlen lay her head on my stomach and having Alixe kick...Kaitlen looked up, very surprised, and asked "what was that?". I told her that was her baby sister and she was very impressed and from then on, she would come over and pat my stomach and say, "baby, is she?". Once the baby gets here, remember that your older daughter is still very important and has a very important role to play as the big sister and it will take some time, they will get used to each other. Now Kaitlen loves Alixe it's so cute to see them play and laugh. They play peekaboo and Alixe just loves to laugh at her big sister. Sorry if this is just a big long rant. :)

Hi J.. When I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter, I prepared my older daughter with books about being a big sister. And, we talk about all the fun things she can do with her baby sister. We bought a toy and a Elmo DVD(since that was my older daughter's favorite back then), wrap them and told her that baby sister will have a surprise for her at the hospital. She was SOOOOO looking forward to it. On the actual day at the hospital, she came in to see her babysiter. We gave her the present on behalf of her baby sister and we sang her Happy Birthday. Until this day, she still remembers that day at the hospital. She still tells me that Elmo DVD was from her baby sister every time she watches it! I hope this helps.

I would suggest taking your daughter to build-a-bear and having her make a special little bear for the baby (and a big one for herself) so that she has a present for the baby. My boys are 7 & 10, and the younger one still treasures his first teddy bear that big brother made for him. And then, have a present ready from the baby to her (My older son was 2 3/4, so his brand new little brother got him his first big boy bike, and then of course Dad had to spend a lot of time taking him out to ride it). Also, prepare ahead of time and ask guests who come to the hospital or your home to greet the older child first and let her tell everyone about her new sibling. Make sure she's the first one on scene to meet the new baby and give her some time before the rest of the family comes in so that she can get adjusted to the situation. Have a little stash of goodies for your older child (a new coloring book or other small cheap toys) for after the baby comes home, so that if people come over with an impressive gift for baby, she gets a little something too. Above all, make sure that you give her a lot of extra attention after baby is born. We sat looking through old photo albums of my older son as a baby, and I pointed out pictures of him learning to crawl, etc., and then talked about how his little brother was so lucky to have a wonderful big brother to teach him important things like that.

Even though things went really smoothly and my two boys have been the best of friends their whole lives, though, there are still going to be moments like the one right after we brought the little one home from the hospital and the older brother walked over and bonked him on the head with a toy truck. When the baby started squalling, he was really surprised. It wasn't done with any malice, I think it was just an experiment to see what would happen :)

Good luck, and congrats!

Yeah....Congratulations on being a mama!! My daughter was a little bit older (almost 3) when we brought home baby but I think some of these things will still work. I let Lorian pick out a special gift to give to baby...she still will go and find it and give it to him and say I got this for you little brother. I also went and picked out what I thought was a cute baby doll (I was dismayed because all of the baby dolls I found were girls and I really wanted to get her a boy doll...)I have to say that it back fired a bit because when I gave her the doll she looked at her brother and then she looked at the doll and then she looked at me and said "That baby is ugly" and would have nothing to do with the baby doll. LOL!!

The thing we did that worked the best was making a nursing box! Lorian helped me pick out a big storage box and then we painted some stencils on it. I let her pick out a few things but I picked out most of the things that went into the box so that she would be 'surprised'. When ever I had to nurse baby or really spend some undivided attention with him out came the nursing box and she had some special books and activities she could do that were special for her...that way the time kinda became her special time. The rest of the time we kept the box put away and that way the novelty of the items in the box took longer to wear off.

We also arranged for a fun class for Lorian to take...tot bop is offered at some of the community centers and is fun time with mom...or dad...you can take baby and baby just gets to hang out while mom and the older kiddo get to dance and sing and be goofy!! A good time for sure.

The other thing I would recommend is the 'let it slide' attitude. For the first 5mnths of having a new baby I don't think our house was ever clean. I would have a choice between playing a game with my daughter or doing dishes and I would think "let it slide" spending time with her is much more important.

Best of luck
L.

Hi, J.. Congratulations on your new little one on the way! My first two kids are 20 months apart, and, aside from just talking about the new baby coming when it seemed appropriate, there wasn't a whole lot we did to prepare our daughter. She was really too little to understand much and, actually, it was a pretty smooth transition once my son was born because my daughter was too young to think that she might not still be the center of our universe! We did let her pick out a blankie at the store for him a few weeks before he was born, and we had a gift that we bought before hand to bring home from the hospital with us. It was a gift for her from her new baby brother. My only other piece of advice, that someone passed along to me, and I so appreciated it, is when you go into labor and are ready to leave for the hospital, take a good long look at your daughter and see her as your baby. Because when you bring that new baby home from the hospital, your daughter will look HUGE to you! That was our experience at least. Good luck and God bless!

K. R.

My children are 18 months apart as well. I started telling my daughter that she was going to be a big sister soon to a new brother. I'm not quite sure how much she understood but we still talked about it often. I bought a doll for my daughter so she could play Mommy as well. We had my mother-in-law bring her to the hospital the day after her baby brother was born to meet him. She loved him instantly and wanted to hold him immediately! After the baby is home have your daughter help you with the many tasks that come with having a new baby. My daughter loved bringing me a clean diaper or bringing a blanket to keep him warm.
Be sure to set some one-on-one time with your daughter. This can be hard but it is so good for the both of you. Plus it gives Dad a chance to bond with the little one. Anyway, take care and enjoy the time together now. It sure changes when theres 2!

H. H

I think your daughter can understand.. in her own toddler way.. and that there are things you can do to help her. There are books available that cater to different age groups that can help them understand too. The bigger challenge I think is to help her not to become jealous of the new baby when he/she arrives. And "tricks" I found with my kids were things like buying them a baby doll to take care of, emphasizing that the baby is THEIR new sibling (like ownership), learning to give that child one on one time while the new baby was napping.. or even learning how to nurse and read a book to the child at the same time. Surely she will see your tummy grow and you can allow her to feel your tummy.. and when the baby moves or kick allow her to feel a kick. Do you know of anyone about to have a baby? When you see this other expectant mother, point her tummy out to your daughter and if you are close enough to this person ask if they will allow your daughter to feel their tummy.. their baby kicking/moving. Then if you can.. after that woman has her baby, show her how the tummy is not big anymore and let her see the baby.

oh... and your due date is a great day - my younger son's birthday and also my grandfather's birthday.

best wishes..

Jennifer

My two older kids are 21 months apart and I helped prepare my son for the arrival of his little sister by buying a life size baby doll and teaching him how to hold the baby and touch the baby and all the everyday stuff that goes with a newborn. By the time my second one was born her big brother knew all about the baby.

The first thing we did is bought a book called "I'm A Big Sister" by Joanna Cole. It talks about all the things a big sister can do and what a baby can't do. We read that to our daughter every night before bed. She liked it so much she memorized the book. (Then for my son, we bought the "I'm A Big Brother")

The other thing we did is let the kids talk to the baby while I was still pregnant. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my son, who was 2, made up a little song to sing to my belly. He would sing to the baby whenever he could. A few days after the baby was born, she was crying when I was changing her diaper and my son came up and sang his little "baby song". She stopped immediately and looked at him. From then on, whenever the baby cried, he wanted to help and he would sing to her.

Congratulations and good luck!
Love,
S.

My girls are 21 months apart so I understand your concern. Michelle has some good points. Like she said, I also emphasize to my older daughter that baby is HER sister or HER baby and try to address the older ones needs first whenever possible. Also, when I was pregnant and still now, when I can't do whatever my daughter wants right away, I say something like my hands are busy instead of sorry I'm holding your sister or whatever I'm doing. I also plan to get my older daughter a Little Mommy play set because she loves being a little helper and sometimes she gets in the way more than help like when little sis has a blow out diaper. lol Fun times ahead. :)

Congrats on baby #2

My suggestions would be to get her a baby doll, if she doesn't already have one, and play with her and the doll, simulating what it will be like, and that is what is in your tummy. Show her how to hold the doll carefully, etc. Also, you can get a children's book about being a big sister, and start reading that to her. I think they understand more than we give them credit for! Enjoy these last months with your daughter:-)