Hello moms!
My son just turned 6 and started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago. He has been excited about starting school since last year and even more excited about riding the bus. The problem is, a few days after starting school, he told me some kids were being mean to him on the bus. He said they are hitting his backpack, telling him to move out of their seat, and waving their hands in front of his face and calling names. I told him to tell them to stop, but not sure he is willing to as these are older kids. He tells me he just stares out the window when they start. A couple days later, he told me the same kids were picking on him on the playground. I never imagined I'd be dealing with this in Kindergarten. I told him to tell a teacher when it happens, but Part of me wants him to defend himself to the bully, so it will stop. I'm sure this kind of thing happens to most kids, so moms, what did you tell your kids to do to the bully? What worked, What didn't?
Thank You so much for your help.
Thank You all very much for your advice. I did talk to his teacher about this and she had the boys introduce themselves on the playground. It turns out, this kid is from our street and we have played with him a couple of times over the summer. My son did't recognize him and the other boy was trying to play with him. So, fortunately, this time was just a misunderstanding and I'm thankful for that.
I would definitely speak with his teacher, and the principal. He is just a little guy, and he needs some help. I teach 7th graders, and even at that age they need a little help.
This is terrible! I would talk to the school. Perhaps they could give him a "buddy" in an older grade to sit with and watch out for him on the bus. When my daughter was in 4th grade she was the buddy to a Kindergarten girl who was having issues with other kids on the bus. This ended up being a great experience for both of them.
You have to jump in and help! Your son is too young to handle this on his own. He needs you to advocate for him. Talk to your school guidance counselor and get the bus company involved. Don't stop until it gets resolved. Seriously- this can negatively impact so much if left unchecked.
Hi A.,
One of the ways to deal with bullying children is to call a conference where both parents along with a facilitator gives the boys an opportunity to express their feelings.
It is a restorative practices approach.
You can check the web about restorative practices at
If you need a facilitator, I will be glad to help.
Good luck. D.
Holy cow, my ninja mom instinct flares at this nonsense. I'm glad it worked out and you knew one of the kids etc..but for future... You are so right that your son needs to learn to say things to bullies because it will boost his strength and make him "not the easy target."
I'm also going to get my son used to sticking up for people when he gets older (he's 2-my BABY) Ive already started letting my daughter (3) see me say "no" to people firmly and nicely as and example to how she can stand up for herself as well as calmly and cheerfully confronting-by-not-confronting moms at the park when their kids are mean by telling my daughter cheerfully she doesn't have to play with the girls being rude if she doesn't want to in ear shot etc.
At six years old, I would also definitely talk to the parents even if you have to lie and say your son didn't want you to say anything, but another kid told you who was hassling him on the bus, and you're sure it's all a misunderstanding etc and talk to the parents AND the kid as if you're just making sure everything really is OK, because you KNOW he's a good kid who would never do that...keeping cheerful. And yes, be that annoying mom nagging the driver and teachers and principal that bullying isn't allowed and you don't want to hear about it not being addressed. You don't even have to make it about your son-it's for all kids.
Time for dad to spend some extra time on manly things together fitting in to conversations about how mean kids really are nothing to be scared of and to always stand up for himself and others by simply telling them to stop-maybe with a few stories of his own about how he was scared of mean kids, but told them to scram and felt better....you got lots of good tips. Good luck. This is a fact of life that stinks!
Hi A., All schools have a "no bullying" policy (or should have) call your bus company and complain and call the princepal!! Your son is going to school to learn...not to be afraid!! Do not let this matter rest...it will not just "go away" if you ignore it or tell your son to ignore it. It will just continue and get worse year after year until something happens. I don't mean to panic you, but trust me when I say bullies don't stop until you make them stop. Best wishes
Hi there. I am a grammom to 3 year old. I am here to tell you you MUST contact the school. They know how to handle things like this. Bullies are not a matter you should handle on your own. They will handle it in a way that will not involve your child being involved with the punishment. He is only in kindergarden and only 6 years old and is not in the place to make the decision weather or not to tell the "authorities." You Can go into the school or call on the qt so he doesnt worry about being the one telling on the bullies. but you have to get the school invovled.!@ They will handle this. do it today. can you take your child to school for awhile.. let me know how this turns out. J.
Hi A., I understand your heartache. I was in a similar place with my son as he just wanted to be "everybody's friend" and thought it was okay for other kids to act like that towards him and he never even defended himself which brought on more bullying. We do not condone physical contact however, we always want our son to defend himself if he is being assaulted in any way. Hence, we signed him up for karate (mixed martial arts) which helped build his confidence so much and he is even learning different techniques if he ever needs them. Glad to say he hasn't used them yet but honestly, it's because his self-confidence grew so much he carries himself so much better which I believe that in itself shields being picked on. Perhaps give that a try and get two benefits for the price of one. Good luck! A.
Your son is definitely too young to be dealing with this on his own, you need to be his voice while at the same time helping him find his for the future. Every school has some sort of bullying policy so I would contact the principal right away. Also, if you can talk to the bus driver that is great but if not, if the bus service is through the school, check the school district's website and there should be a phone # for the transportation department. I had to do this once because a bus driver wasn't following procedure and you can be sure they didn't make that mistake. Also, my dad is a bus driver and its mandatory kindergartners sit up front with other kindergartners unless they have an older sibling they want to sit with. That's not a bad policy. You're right in your instinct to want to defend your child, he's still a little boy and needs that, I have learned that if you make the noise right away and in a round about way your child knows you did, in the future, he will know he can count on you.
Being the victim of a bully can take a toll on a child, emotionally. My daughter, now in 2nd grade, has had to deal with some type of bully since preschool. She has ADHD so kids don't always understand her. Anyway, for the situation on the bus....I would speak to the bus driver and ask that your son be seated behind the bus driver, up in front. IF the behavior continues I would go to the school and speak to the principle. Go as far as you have to go to get some help....even if it takes you to the school board.
I know that you want your child to defend himself and you can help. Do roll playing. This has worked with my daughter. Act out a situation with you being the "bully". Ask your son to respond. Practice with him by telling him to tell the bully, in a firm, strong, voice to "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE" or "STOP THAT, NOW". We've learned that being nice and saying, "please don't do that" or "you are hurting my feelings" does not work. A strong, assertive voice that gets right to the point works best in our case.
In my opinion, bullying is a situation that should not be ignored. Untill your son can get the courage to defend himself, you are his best advocate. Talk to the teacher and let her know what is going on on the playground. Maybe she can keep an eye out for your son if she knows what is going on. If you don't get any accepatable solution from your child's teacher, take your concerns up the ladder.
My daughter was being bullied in the bathroom last year. I talked to the teacher and we agreed that she should not be allowed to be in the bathroom at the same time as these other girls. Now, she has a voice and has started to stand up for herself (of course it still hurts). I just tell her that she can not control how other people act, but she can control how she reacts to it.
Good luck. I feel for you and your son.
Hi A.
I understand your frustration! First of all, I detest bullies, and for some reason, my kids are the ones that are "the picked on", because they try to be nice to everyone and treat other kids respectfully, as they would like to be treated. Unfortunately, there are many imbecile parents out there that do not teach this in their homes. I agree with the other moms that have written in, you MUST contact your school principal immediately! Document what is happening each day....I know, sometimes it is like pulling teeth, and my little guy tends to give bits and pieces of info and then hours later will tell me something else that the bully did or said. So, write things down and by all means TRY to get names if at all possible. Because he is in K, he may not know the other kids names, but I can assure you the bus driver does. But, please do call your principal and let him know the situation and that you will not be tolerating this happening to your little guy. Also, call your bus superintendent, and let him/her know the situation and behavior on the bus, and they can speak directly to your bus driver! That is THEIR job, to get this corrected not yours. And make sure to remind the superintendent that bullying is not allowed on the bus and should result in loss of bus riding priviledges if it were to happen again. Stay strong and assertive without being nasty or over-emotional. Also, I love the karate idea! My oldest son did that in 1st and 2nd grades and it was a great help. I am really sorry that he didn't stick with it, but we had too many other activities going on. :-( Good luck to you and your little guy!
My son, who is in 5th grade, and just moved up to the intermediate school, had 6th graders that were picking on him on the bus. I told him to ignore them and pretend they were not there. I told him not to let the kids know they are getting to him. That only makes things worse. If the kids know they are upsetting you they will do it more because they are getting the reaction out of you that they want. He did exactly what I said and they are leaving him alone now. It is no fun picking on someone who doesn't care you are.
If it still continues, I would have him talk to the guidance counselor and then maybe someone can talk to the bus driver. If he has an assigned seat, which our kids do, maybe he can get his seat changed.
It would be nice for your son to defend himself, but he is so little and for him to be dealing with this for the first time, and being in school for the first time, he still might need your help and help from others. He will learn to stick up for himself in time.
Talk to teh bus driver or call the bus company. Also let teh school know whats going on. They can't help if they don't know.
Our kids have assigned seats on the buses. they sit with kids in their age group.
Don't drop the subject. call and speak to the counselor, they can talk with your son at school to help him. I dealt with this 2 years ago and things are fine now because my daughter knows she can come to me, her teacher, bus driver and the school counselor if she needs us.
Best of luck
PS. she also stands up for others whio are being bullied as she isn't afraid anymore!
I would definitely speak to the bus driver about the K kids sitting up front. Last year, when my son was in K, all of the K kids HAD to sit in the first few rows of the bus. That worked pretty well.
Also, you can tell your son about using empowering "I" statements: I want you to stop, I don't like that, I want you to leave me alone. When he finds his voice, he'll be ready with what to say.
You can explain what bullying is and why the kids are doing it. And that it is wrong and they are misbehaving by doing that to him.
I know none of us wants to raise a tattle tale but you CAN tell him that he can always tell a teacher/bus driver if he needs to.
I would also mention the playground bullying to his teacher. Most schools have a 0 tolerance for bullying.
It's heartbreaking to see/hear about when your kid goes through this. But they all go through it in O. way or another.
You need to do both . . . work with your son to help him to respond in ways that will not escalate the confrontation. In addition, you MUST contact the school. They have programs in place to address bullying, and this is the only way to make sure that these kids don't just move on to a child whose parents aren't as involved as you are . . . In the meantime, is there anyone else (a neighbor child?) on the bus who can sit with him and help to keep an eye on him?
My son who is now 15 has had many bullying incidents on the bus and at school. Our school district has a zero tolerance for bullying and has handled the situations that have occured wonderfully but I had to make them aware of what was going on and keep on them about the situation(s). I first called the guidance counselor and told them about the bus incident (elementary school)and the school's first step was to wait for him when he got off the bus in the AM and ask my son if all was okay and if something had happended on the bus. If bullying had occurred, then the guidance counselor would tell them and the kids would be reprimanded and if it kept occuring the parents were called. When it happended in middle school, Ryan would go to the guidance counselor and tell them what happened and it was dealt with appropriately. The key is to make sure the guidance counselor and principal and teacher is aware of the situation and to keep up on it yourself. Your son is too young to deal with it by himself.
Good Luck!!! Being a parent is a hard job!!
call the school and talk to the principal about this - don't be surprised if you have to nag a little. If it is happening on the bus the teachers won't know, or do to much about it - the bus driver is trying to drive, but she can give the names to the principal and she can deal with them. His experience in kindergarten shouldn't be ruined by this
