My friends (husband, wife and baby daugther) live away from their family and due to some circumstances they are not able to go home at this moment. They are having a really difficult time right now.
His mom was diagnosed with breast cancer this month and it seems to be advanced. She cannot have a mastectomy because of her high blood pressure and the size of the tumor (I don't have any knowledge about this), so she is starting chemo next week. Her grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer (she is 81) and it has spreaded to other organs. My friend is very upset because she is the only grandparent alive and very close to her. Her dad just found out that his prostate is inflamated and need surgery, she is afraid of this being also a cancer. I never had to deal with so many difficults and also never had anybody close to me going throught anything like it. I would like to know what can I do to help them emotionally and also let them know that I really care about their situation. I listen and try to encourage with positive words, but even with that I don't think I'm doing enough. I'm their best friend around here and really would like to be more helpful. Thanks.
Thank you for all the responses. I believe now that I'm doing what a friend is supposed to, just be there for anything, the good and the bad. Money is not an issue. They are Christian and go to church regularly. Their dagther is my goddaugther and I already babysit a couple a days a month, they don't like to leave her on the weekends or nights because she already spends five full days at daycare, so they want to be with her on their free time. I had them over last weekend for lunch and they had a good time. I'll try to plan some family time together, just to relax, on the weekends. Again, thank you so much for the advices, they were very helpful.
You might do some fund raisers to raise money for them to travel home for a visit. I would hate to not get 1 more chance to see my love ones before death. Yes, they may live a longer life, but at this point it is iffy. Bake Sales, Garage Sales, etc.
Offer to watch their daughter for a night or two and give them some down time to process what is going on and see if they can come up with a plan.
Also a simple card expressing your thinking of them is a great gesture. Your a great friend for even thinking of them, ask them if there is anything you can do.
If I were you, I would offer babysitting, set up Skype or the like for easier communication, offer resources that you peruse regarding the various situations, make a meal or to that can be frozen and taken out whenever they have had a particularly long day, and continue to do exactly what you are doing...listen and be emotionally supportive.
There are so many resources out there, maybe you can be a resource, resource, so they don't have to do the leg work of finding them.
Peace,
T.
Have you ever looked after the baby daughter, do you think mom would be cool with that. When I have been stressed in the past thing I loved more than anything was either some time to myself or with my husband. So maybe offer to watch baby girl for whatever time is good for them and let them just get away for a bit. The best thing you can give them is something to bring down the stress level. Is the house getting messy bc she is just emotionally exhausted, maybe offer to run the vac or clean up the kitchen and just have a happy heart while you do it, a happy heart is very contagious. Just look around and see what might be burdening them and pitch in. If you cook or bake, a yummy homemade dessert or casserole just because can really brighten a tired mommy's day. You are a sweet heart, I am sure you have done more than you know already:D
Great answers already. If the reason they can't go is financial, then do what you can to raise some money for them (garage sale, bake sale, etc). Even if the money doesn't go towards an airplane flight, it could go towards a webcam (great Skype suggestion Taffy), towards a date night so that they can get out and enjoy themselves, or towards care for their parents. Perhaps let them decide.
I agree to offer to clean her house while she goes out for a bit. You could cook while her baby naps and she can go get a pedicure. Or maybe your husband (or you could pay for a babysitter) could hang out while the baby naps and YOU TWO go get pedicures together and go out for lunch.
When my friend was on bed-rest with her twins and her mom was sick with Alzheimers at the same time (and her husband was busy with grad-school), I would go to her house and bring her her favorite Sonic Cherry Limeade and we'd just hang out and talk and laugh. Maybe this is all your friend needs is some 'girl time' to laugh and play and get away from the other craziness.
Another idea -- have a dinner party at YOUR house. Invite them and their daughter and a baby-sitter. The babysitter and baby can be in the other room while you adults have fun time. Play games like Balderdash or Apples to Apples. Laugh!
Hope has always been something that has helped me to cope with the sickness or loss of my dear ones. We live in really hard times, and it seems as though things are going from bad to worse. Do you and your friends believe in God? If so, share some scriptures that offer some REAL hope to them. Some of my favorite verses are Isaiah 33:24, Rev 21:3,4, and Isaiah 41:10,13. It's comforting to know that he never intended life to be like this, rather he wanted us all to live in perfect health! Soon he will step in and make it all better and we will see our loved ones again!
You have already received a lot of good suggestions. Perhaps the best advice is just to be an ear for them when they need it. Some one there that they can turn to, to listen and not judge. They don't expect you to fix it, but just that friendly face to support them. I think that the suggestions of babysitting and a "girls day" sound great, that would be a way to distract at least for a little while. I can speak from experience that a big part of what you can do is be supportive and just listen. My only other suggestion would be to maybe turn to your church or theirs for a donation so that they could go "home" for a visit. Church's often support their community and you would be surprised how giving people can be. Or perhaps you could make a few dinners that they can freeze and keep to pull out for an easy meal without the aggravation of cooking or the cost of going out. Having so much on their minds planning dinner is likely not a priority.
Good Luck and you are a good friend for caring so much
Check with the hospital, about if there are any "support groups".... support groups can be very helpful and a place to commiserate... for terminally/seriously ill patients and/or their families.
People who are ill, often feel that no one can 'relate' to them... since it is such a unique situation... and very emotional.
Having other similar people to talk to, in a support group, can then be very therapeutic for them.
As for you personally, offer to help them with errands/babysitting, cooking, anything that they may be too tired to do or unable to do, themselves, given their situation.
Sometimes, just being there for them... even if not actually doing anything, can help a great deal. My Dad was ill for a long time, and just having me be company for him, was something he really enjoyed. One thing my Dad did not 'like' was other people telling/lecturing him about how he 'should' feel.... because ultimately, an ill person needs to vent too and just have someone to listen... a shoulder to lean on and an ear to bend to 'hear' them.. .and all of their worries too.
Each person is different with different 'needs' when ill. Maybe, just ask them, how you can help. They may not even know themselves... since they themselves are trying to process everything too, emotionally and intellectually.
all the best,
Susan
This is very hard, I do not think there is anything you can do that you have not already done listen, be there when the need to cry, hold them when they need a hug, and you could offer to take the kids while they go visit if they need to go home and see their family. I would say it like " if you guys just want to go to CITY NAME I can tak the kids for as long as you need" That I know would mean the world to me. I would not take you up on it but the message that gives WOW!!
You are a great friend!!!
