How to Handle Troubled Kid That Wants to Play with My Child

I am not sure why you would feel that a 5 year old would be a threat to your son. If this little boy is in a home where it is totally disfunctional it is only natural for him to seek out somewhere he feels safe. You are only 32 so you may not know the term "kool aid house" but anyone over 40 will. Make your house the kool aid house in the neighbor hood and you will always know right from the start what is going on in your childrens life. If all the kids feel safe and ok playing at your house then when they are older they will be in "your" backyard swinging and your drive way playing basketball and in front of your house skateboarding. they will be ok with playing board games at your house cause your the cool house. Their friends will be ok with hanging at your house becuase your the cool mom. Make it accessable now. Don't wait until they are 14 and looking for somewhere to get away like this kid is doing at 5. i grew up in the koolaid house. My mom never turned friends away. Consequently I have a houseful of kids all the time even though my kids are at college now. When they are home their friends have no problem hanging out here. It is work when they are smaller. but the blessings are tenfold. When I was going thru cancer treatments christmas before last I had 6 teenagers who spent new years eve with us playing games and then just talking as I fell in and out of sleep. these children who have been in my kids lives call me for no other reason than just to check in even though they are not really "my kids" A really nice teenager is nice for a reason and it usually is becuase of an adult they come in contact with while they are young. I hope you are able to see past the parents problems and don't cause this little one any more hurt than he may already be getting at home.

This is a hard. Anytime I have questioned the behavior of neighborhood kids, I make sure my child is playing with him in clear earshot of me. No doors closed. Get to know this child. Use it as a life lesson for your child. Have a conversation with your son about what he should look for in a good friend. Let your son also know that there are rules in your home and anyone who is entering it needs to follow those rules by using good manners (this is a stretch for some kids!), nice language - no bullying, no sneakiness (i.e. if someone asks him to do something sneaky or wrong, don't do it.) I've tried to instill in my children that "doing the right thing isn't necessarily the popular or easiest thing." especially if becomes their choice NOT to continue a friendship. Not that this child has caused ANY problems, but in the future, sadly, it is the kids who do cause trouble that you will want to know who they are and where they live. I know so many kids in my neighborhood and I greet them all by name. Respect can go along way - especially if you know the kids in your neighborhood.

Many times friendships are very short-lived and may amount to little contact in the near future. And, at the very least, you have gotten to know this child.

My instinct would tell me to be curious of the trouble in the boy's home. I would not let my child go there unless I knew the history of why the police have been there and I would meet the parents too. If it gets to the point that your child wants to go to his home, let your child put the burden and blame on you "My mom is not comfortable letting me go to someone else's home." Those are her rules.

Yes, it gets harder and you become wiser. If you can make it your goal to stay one step in front of your child's concerns, you're doing well! Good luck.

Y S,

Hi, I have to say that I agree with you and I see your point. Your children's peers will influence them throughout life. At 5 years old, your child is very impressionable and will see what is going on at these people's home. If you let the boy come to your home, you don't know what he has been exposed to so you don't know what he will do or say in front of your son. I know we can't shelter our kids forever, but your son is 5 and at this point you decide who he spends his time with. I would want my son spend time with people that are going to show an example of the behavior I expect. I know that maybe I don't sound very charitable, but its isn't your job to take this kid in and show him the proper rules and behavior. I would limit the time they spend together and make sure to supervise when they do. I am not saying that this kid is a bad person, just that you should think of your son first and what you want him to be exposed to.

Do you want to avoid the parents? Is that why you don't want him around?

Unless he is causing problems for you and your family, I would let him hang out at your house. He might need a stable environment and some consistent rules. When I was growing up we had one of those kids hanging out at our house and he was the nicest boy. His parents were not nice, but we didn't see them much.

As long as he comes to your house and you don't send your son to his house, you should be ok. You might need to be pretty involved the first few times he comes over since he might not know your rules or how to behave properly. Think of how you can make a difference in his life!

Of course if the parents are a problem that's another story.

Hi,
I think it is this little boys way of asking for help without realizing it! He sees your house as asafe place and would rather be there than at home.
Children are not born into being mean they learn it! Help teach him how to be nice just as you would your own child. I know it is a lot to take on but he is seeking you out for a reason.
Take a deep breathe, let him in and be open minded. Who knows, he could just turn out to be your sons best friend!
Best Wishes!

Let them play together - at your house and not his until you are comfortable enough and confident enough that being in the other environment is not detrimental to his safety, well-being, and development.

I have to agree with many of the posters here. Maybe this kid is around a lot of negativity and by being with your son he feels safe, secure, loved, happy. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to teach your son a lesson about empathy and reaching out to those who may have a more difficult time as they go through life.

That being said, the kid (any kid for that matter) doesn't get a free pass. Like I said earlier, the play dates happen at your house. You are the eyes and the ears monitoring what is happening during this time. If you witness poor behavior, don't be afraid to step in and be an advocate. Maybe this kid isn't getting the guidance at home; maybe he craves some sort of control, structure, and discipline and could likely learn something from you and your son if you decide to be flexible and loving.

Now, if this kid were a total hellion and bad influence on my kid I would definitely curtail the involvement but from the sound of your post it seems as if you are making a snap judgment on the kid based upon what you see going on 'down the street'. Give it a chance - your son might be exactly what this kid needs: to feel included and liked.

AS they get older it will be harder to keep them apart, and it sounds like this poor little one could use some good adult guidance. Now is the time to invite him in and teach him the rules of your house...In our house we don't say that, or we wash our hands before eating...so you establish that he is welcome as long as he follows the rules you have for your kids. My dad and mom were the pseudo parents for many of the "orphans" who had awful parents. One boy was the neighborhood terror swearing, beating his sister up stealing his parents drugs. He became an Eagle scout by the time they were done. Unfortunately some good kids get bad parents.

There's one of these kids in every neighborhood- the kid who doesn't ever want to go home and just shows up all the time on your doorstep. For this kid, it sounds like he might have good reason for that!

At age 5, I really just feel sorry for this kid. He isn't going to be drinking or smoking or stealing cars for a few years yet! If you are a strong and loving parent, you will bring your son up to handle outside influences. If anything, it sounds like YOUR son is the positive influence here!

I agree with other posters- just set your house rules and be sure the child follows them. be kind and firm and I bet he will respect you. Possibly ask your child's teacher or principal if you have a good relationship with them, if they are familiar with this particular kid's situation and they may be able to give you more background on him. This is actually going on right now with my son and a boy in our neighborhood. So far it has worked out fine, but I did have to be firm about when he can come over and when it isn't ok. It sounds like your son must be a friendly and confident little boy, since this other child wants to be around him so much! You should be proud of that :)