How to Handle an 18 Month Old's Hitting

Redirection worked for us. When she hits, get down at her level and tell her it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hit people or animals. If she wants to hit a pillow or the couch, she can.
Good luck!

You're doing the right thing. Just keep reinforcing that the behavior is not okay. "We don't hit, that is not okay. soft touches" Maybe stroking her hand gently on you or whoever she just hit. It's very normal at that age when they don't yet have the vocabulary to express how they feel. It may take months of you just simply repeating this every time but she wil learn and stop as long as you continue to do that. you can also try removing her from the situation when that happens - staying very close to her during playdates do you can see it coming and stop it before it happens if you're worried. good luck!

Every action must have a consequence... a "no" is not enough. The child is thinking "No, or what Mom?"

My son was biting at this age and I decided on a "no tolerance" approach. This meant, no free bites, you did it the first time and you went in time out.

So, do what you are doing by looking her in the eye and say "not hitting".

Then pick her up and put her in her crib for 1 1/2 minutes (1 minute for each year she is old). She may cry, or she may play, it doesn't matter which (although I always feel that when they cry they are getting the message).

At the end of the "time-out" just take her out and continue what you were doing... no fuss, no short explanations or apology from her(that can come later).

She will get the message very quickly.

My son (Now 26 months) went through the same thing between 12 and 15 months. It was awful and embarassing, because he was really bullying "younger kids" in his class (it started when all of the slightly older kids in his infant class moved up to the toddler room and he was left with all the younger babies).

The teachers at his school were great (since it really wasn't happening at home). They focussed on letting him know that he was hurting people, telling him "no thank you" and removing him (not the toy, but actually taking him) from the situation.

HTH
T.

My son did this as well and I had no idea how to change this behavior. So what I started doing was the moment he got angry and started to hit me, I didn't physically restrain him, but I did look him in the eyes and say hitting hurts and I need to speak with you about this. At that moment, I stopped everything I was doing. Even if I was in the middle of cooking dinner, I would turn everything off and just sit crossed legged on the floor and wait silently for him. After only a few moments he would come and sit facing me. We would then have a discussion about hitting being inappropriate behavior, etc. I would ask him what we think we could do in the future when he gets mad rather than hitting me. He would always come up with a good idea. We always ended the talk with hugs and I love you. It took a week or so of doing this, but the hitting gradually stopped.

I still use the technique today and he is 4.5. Whenever things start going badly, I stop everything and sit on the floor telling him I need to speak with him. It's really amazing how giving him my full attention seems to shift the energy.

Good luck and hope you find what works for you. D. Parker

Yes hitting can be a natural response to frustration. With our 21 mo old who began hitting in the last few months also, we just tell him if hes frustrated he can hit a pillow or the couch- an object, but not someone. Acknowledge her frustration with a word so she gets its ok to have feelings. See if you can distract with something fun. Good luck....

Try time-outs. When done right, they're often very effective. The key is to turn off your attention for the duration of the time out, so set a timer (thus reducing the effectiveness of 'is my time out over yet?'and turn a deaf ear. If your daughter moves from her time-out spot (her room, the corner, whatever you pick), just say calmly. 'You're still in time out-- go back to-- or I will add 10 seconds.' The key is to make hitting something that gets her less attention, not more. Also, dole out lots of attention to whoever got hit. 'I'm so sorry she hit you... are you OK?' etc.

Our 19 month old son does the same thing, he also pulls hair. We have started putting him in the "naughty Corner" for 1 to 2 minutes every time he does it. He understands that it is wrong. But when he gets angry, he strikes out. I think this is a normal way for them to communicate because they can not voice their anger. Be patient, I think that they will grow out of it. But try the naughty corner, the hitting seems to be getting better because of it.

Hi N.!

Sorry to say....it's soooo normal to hit and throw at this age. At least in MY house it was normal :o)

My older son was REALLY good at throwing things in anger! We had soooooo many little balls in the house always ready so we could say " NO! You may only throw balls...." It worked after a LONG while.

The hitting thing is similar. They are just trying to express themselves, and using their body, and that's really the only way they know how. The important thing is to let them know that this is not nice, and you're doing that.

She is old enough to start "time outs", but only for a minute or so. I would use them after the 3rd warning at this age. She needs to understand that if she does this behavior then there will be a consequence, but she should be given the chance to stop the behavior before getting into trouble.

I had to have an "angry pillow" in our house for when they went through this phase. They were allowed to only hit this one pillow and nothing else. You know, my 5th grader has been getting frustrated with his little brother lately, and I found him hitting his pillow in his room the other day. I guess I taught him how to express his anger when he was little, so it carried into his older years. Of course I wish we could "communicate the problems" first, but that's not always easy. I have a hard time doing that myself, so I don't expect my kids to did each and everytime that get angry. As long as I teach them to "come back" to the problem with "words" to solve their issues. That's what I'm having to re-try now.

Mamsource is a great resource for issues like yours. You'll get alot of great advice to implement into your home.

Good for you to reach out! But know....it's normal, and we've ALL had to dea with something similar :o)

Good luck!

:o) N.

What worked for me: was to immediately respond with proper reaction, like "ouch that hurts. That makes me feel like crying," etc. (Be a drama queen) If she hits another person: Immediately, go to care for the other person first ignore the hitter and hug and coddle the one who is hurt. (Never say she did not mean to hurt you; or make excuses. we all try things to figure them out. It's natural) Then ask her "did you know that hurts so snd so? Oh, come give her a hug and say you are sorry." Have child say, "sorry for hitting you. I do not want to hurt you." (Not just sorry: make her explain why she is sorry) Just a suggestion......once my daughter realized she wasn't getting attention and it hurt she stopped....she was looking for a reaction, attention. When ever you find her doing something good praise her.....If she ever gets hurt, falls etc. you can slowly use those events as ways to teach too by explaining how impact from something hurts. Ask her did she like that? She'll say no and realize that why she does not want to hit. Good Luck and God's Blessings.

Her behavior is age appropriate. She is learning that she has physical control over her environment. Say something like "that hurts when you hit people.", and redirect her to a positive activity. Then she will learn to substitute appropriate behavior for inappropriate, as well as learn that when she is frustrated she can handle the emotions without physical responses.

Gear N.,

I have a 6 yr that did the same thing. What I had to do was sit on the floor and cross my legs over his. At the same time, I held his wrists light but firm and crossed his arms. You have to hold the child like this till they calm down. Some children get built up frustrations and do not know how to express them so they act out. By holding them, you are allowing them to calm down without letting them hurt others or themselves. It took a really long time to be able to get my son out of this stage, but it does work. Do not give in either, if you start to give in to the begging and the 'your hurting me!' and let them go before they are calm, you have done nothing but show them they can control you. You know when to hard is to hard so just sit there and let her calm down. All the while, tell her that when she is calm, you will let her go. My son and I would sit like this for up to 2 hrs. I want to warn you, hold your head back a bit or she might throw her head back and pierce your lips!

Good luck!