How to Get Toddler Back in His Own Bed

Hi J.-
Try getting him a new teddy bear and say that it likes sleeping in "his" bed.
Or you could try "laying or being by him in his bed, like reading a story and trying to leave the room for a bit to see if he falls asleep.
Or Try getting him a music box that is special for his room at bedtime.
Hopefull this helps! J.

I would get him a 'big boy' bed set, redecorate his room as he would like it-let him make some major choices-even if it's not the color or decorating you would want. Emphasize that it's HIS room now. It's worth a shot.

I suggest reading The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. There are lots of good things to try to ease out of co-sleeping.

Good luck

We used a tiny blow-up baby pool next to our bed to create what my daughter called "a nest" She would put her blankets and pillows into it and go to sleep. We eventually moved the nest into her room, and she transitioned nicely at around 3 1/2 into her bed. She is 4 now and even at at our new house without the pool, if she wants to come into our room, she brings her stuff with her and makes a nest! The pool slid right under our bed during the day and didn't cramp our style or our marriage since we are both into investing the time in our little ones when they need us.

Western culture is the only society that insists that children act independent long before they are ready. Our grandmas's advice of "letting them cry it out" or "training them to sleep in their own bed" is antiquated advice that we now know leads to DEpendenet and clingy behaviors in children, not the confident, INdependent ones we want to foster. Kids need their parents and have a real emotional need to be near them.

My parents forbid my brother or I to go into their room...and their were plenty of nights i really needed them, but was too scared to ask for their love. I learned to expect emotional distance from my parents...and i always feared asking them to help me with my emotional needs.

Perhaps a change of attitude is needed rather than a change of HIS behavior? i understand wanting your actual bed space back, and that is totally 100% your right! But why does he have to be alone? you and your husband get to sleep together and rely on each other for physical closeness, emotional bonding etc...why is your son relegated to "big enough to cope on his own" when he is still so in need of you both? Why does he have to be convinced that your agenda is what is best for him? Would your dh be on board for you convincing him that sleeping on the couch was better for 'both of you" (he'd think he was in trouble!)

I know i fought with one of my kids all night about this issue until i realized i was doing it b/c my mom, my grandma and my aunts warned me about how "he will never leave my bed!" I gave up fighting and filled his needs instead of society's, and within a few months he was happy to move into his big boy room all by himself after he knew he could trust me to really be there for him. Well, despite allowing that, i can assure you that my 19 yr old son does not sleep between me or my husband any longer ...but still feels safe and comfortable enough to join in the Sunday morning "snuggle" once in awhile!

Try reading Dr Sears...even though you don't want to start co-sleeping at this point, i think he makes a good argument for why little ones still need mom and dad long after our culture insists they are too big to deserve our tenderness! I promise that he will leave your room someday...and he will understand boundaries and not barging into your room...but 33 months is pretty early for him to be on board with all of our cultures rules!

Good luck, Momma!

Hi J. My name is V. and I am having the same issue with my daughter. She is 3 years old, almost 4 and we couldn't seem to get her out of our bed after my mother moved back to Puerto Rico. My daughter was very close to her and I think she was concerned that I would leave her as well. We've tried talking to her, bribing her and every other method that has been presented to me. So we decided to make her a small bed on the floor next to our bed. she comes in the middle of the night and cuddles in and we all get a good night sleep. It doesn't resolve the issue completely but we are getting sleep. I am a working mother and right now sleep is more important. I hope this helps. Good luck.

You both have to stop giving in to him and make him to know gently that he has to sleep in his bed. Try lying down with him in his bed until he falls asleep then leave his room quietly.

My son just turn 7 on Monday and I had the same problem with him, it's a phase they go through until after a while it eventually phases out. Don't encourage him to sleep with both of u for he'll never want to sleep in his own bed again.

Good luck.

R..

Hi J......
Try a new routine.....start the evening with brushing your teeth with him and head into his room. All the while, talk about what a big boy he is and the responsibility that comes with being a big boy...."Big boys have to brush so they can have big beautiful teeth" ...you're doing such a great job"...etc... Tuck him in and read a story. He may protest, but again you will talk about him being a "big boy"....."big boys get to sleep in their own bed"...etc. Upon finishing the story, repeat the "big boy" conversation and say good night. He may fuss and it may take a week or 2, but stick to the routine and you should be just fine. Have you also tried to carry him into his bed once he's fallen asleep in your bed.
My dauther did the same thing and at first my husband would just carry her into her bed and she'd be just fine. In the end I just started a new routine, like the one I explained and she settled into it. She did try a few times therafter to go to the bathroom a million times and not go to bed, and I realized I had to read to her or spend a 1/2 hour with her before she went to bed to make her feel at ease. Good luck and let me know how it turns out!

When you have talked to your son about this, has he indicated a reason that he is sleeping with you? Does he say he is scared of his new room, or anything like that? Also, does he need to be in your bed to go to sleep at all, or is it the kind of thing where he can fall asleep in his bed, but then comes in and joins you in middle of the night and then you can't get him to go back?
I have 2 boys, currently they are 5 yrs. and 3 1/2 yrs. and they have always slept in their beds, but there are also nights when they do wander in to snuggle for a little while, which I think is ok. Or if they aren't feeling well or something, but that's different. The problem is when it becomes an every night thing, or if they start needing to be with you to actually fall asleep. I would recommend trying to talk to him about why he doesn't like his room. You also need to remember that moving is a big deal to a child that age. He went from somewhere safe that he knew to this new space. I would say you need to set up a reward chart for him or something where he has a goal to work towards, maybe a new toy or something, and he earns it by staying in bed each night. Or, if he's only coming into your bed during the night (and not to actually fall asleep), then put a time frame on it. Tell him you will let him snuggle for 10 minutes and then he has to go back to his own bed, and actually follow through. The other option might be, if he's having a hard time falling asleep without you, maybe go in and lay with him in his room instead of allowing him to come into your space. Just some ideas. Good luck and keep us posted!

my son did the same thing, so i said, you want to sleep in my room, then get your pillow and a blanket and setup next to my bed, on the floor....that lasted about a week then he went back to his own bed.......

I'm not a big behaviorist, but rewards to work well for this age and this issues. Explain to your son in simple language that he is now a big boy and he is going to sleep in his own bed. Of course positives have to come along with being a big boy. You can try a new and challenging activity with him (during the day. Make a chart and give him a sticker for each night he stays in his bed. I know thisis easier said than done. So the basics-go through a bedtime routine, like snack, bath, story. Read the book to him while he is in his bed and you are sitting nearby. Decide on the number of books you will read before hand. 1 or 2 is enough. You can sit with him until he falls asleep, but this might not work because your presence may keeep him awake. The best but emotionally more difficult for you is to leave the room after the story. If your son comes out you should put im back in with minimal communication. Continue to do this. If he cries thatis ok. Children to not die or hurt themselves form crying. Eventually he will fall asleep. If he comes to you later in the night bring him back to his room. Enlist yor husband for help. He may be able to remain calmer andhe may be more motivated to accomplish the goal. Calm is the key emotion you want to communicate to your son. In the moring reward your son with a sticker even if he cried and got out of bed several times. Give him a prize after 5 stickers in a rwo. Sometimes people do a week, but 7 days is pretty long for a 33 mos old. Continue this and you will find each night gets easier. In a week he should be back in his own bed each night. You can fine tune the reward system so that he eventually does not get up and remains n his bed through the night. Keep in mind that this is good for you little boy. He will love the feeling of independence. Independeence is the goal, but can be very hard for moms that want to keep their babies forever. It helps to focus on your 3 years olds emerging skills and sense of self. 3 is agreat age.
Hope this helps
B.

I have a 3 year old that wanted to be in our bed with us too. My husband allowed him to fall asleep in our bed evenings when I had to work. What I did to get my son in his own bed was to tell him that "our bed is too small for three of us, but I would be happy to rub your back in your own bed. I lay in his bed with him and read him a book and rub his back and it has gotten easier and easier to leave his room. I keep this same routine every night and he is learning that his bed is where he is supposed to sleep. Sometimes I leave the light on for a little while and let him look at books in his bed. The key is to be consistent - it may take a few nights of getting up to bring him back to his room. Good luck.

ok, what I would try is first ask him why he will not sleep in his bed, then try to resolve that issue.

I would try to have a sleep over in his room.
Have him sleep in his bed then you sleep on the floor for the 1st day then I would wean him so that you leave his room after he falls asleep (make sure he knows you will not be sleeping in the room all night for trust)Then you stay for a few minutes then leave, then you work up to as soon as you put him down you say your goodnight, hugs and kisses. If he gets out of bed you just keep placing him back in bed, do not say anything to him just keep placing him back in bed.

Everyday work on him trusting his new room. If he is scare of monsters I always told my son that I know that Monsters are pretty scary, and do you know that Monsters are scared of you too, so you need to be vary scary and I would have him practice scaring the monsters away, also I would tell him that Monsters are VERY scared of Mommies and I am in the house to protect him.

That seemed to work for him, but the key is finding out why he does not want to sleep in his bed.

We had a similar situation after a family vacation where we had to share a room with our daughter, who is 20 months old. What worked for us was that I started to lie with her in her bed until she went to sleep and sneak out. It took a while - maybe a month - but now she sleeps through. Phase II is leaving her there groggy and awake. This may not be the fastest, strictest route, but my husband won't let her cry too long (he's smitten) and if you leave her in the dark she screams and throws up. Also, at the beginning, she would try to escape from the room but I would patiently stay there while she had a tantrum.

J.,

We, too, had the same situation when our son was 2 1/2. We, too, created the problem ourselves, but it just got out of hand.

Here's what we did. It took four nights and he was done and never came out of his bed again, but it's going to take a great deal of discipline on both the part of you and your husband. He has to back you up.

You start off by getting your son some new sheets for his bed (something he would like, like dinosaurs, cars, etc.). STart telling him earlier in the day that he has a bed and you have a bed. He has to start using it and that he isn't allowed to sleep with you and daddy anymore (if you have to, make up an excuse: your back hurts, he kicks, whatever). That night put him in his bed and explain to him that he has to stay in his bed tonight (a reward system doesn't hurt at all (a sticker the next morning, a quarter for the machines at the supermarket, whatever you want), but he must stay in bed. He may fuss, he may even cry (our son whined for an hour and 20 minutes the first night). If he gets out of bed, no matter what time of the night it is, you have to gently walk him back to his bed and put him in and explain to him again that this is his bed. It could be very repetitious, but don't give up. The second you give up, you're done. It shouldn't take more than 4 nights and he'll realize that he's not getting back into your bed.

We were tired for a few days, but the outcome of being able to have the bed to yourselves (to make the next one!!) is so very much worth it!!! Your marriage will be better for it as well.

Hope that helps. :)

I would stop trying to get him in his own bed. I have just taken that road over the last 2 years and it is futile.

What we do now, because we decided sleep was the most important, is we make him go to bed in his own room, we let him leave a light on (ask your son what would make him feel better).

We also created a bed on the floor in our room (it is a feather bed with a sleeping bag on it and blankets with 1-2 pillows.

We tell him that if he wakes up in the middle of the night he can come into our room and without waking us, get into the bed and sleep there.

You need to try the bed out before he goes to bed to make sure he likes it and finds it comfortable.

Also, keep in mind it may take several tries and practice. It did not work the first time we did it and we had to try it again.

It works great now and we all sleep better. For other ideas, I would check out the no cry sleep solution.

Just tell him what you said here first of all. Does he have a big boy bed , a toddler bed. Avoid naps during the day add more excercise and perhaps stay with him till he falls asleep. I think thats a winning combination.

Our culture is excessive when it comes to tactile restriction. Finding balance in our evolving culture is a challenge but I think you will be just fine.

When my girls were little, I never slept. The older one slept with me, but when I had the 2nd and she stopped sleeping thru the night at about 6 mos. I made up a sleeping bag and pillow on the floor next to my bed and told the older one that if she needs to come in my room, she can sleep there. My younger one went back in her own bed when we took apart her crib and made it into a grownup bed, worked fine.

J.,

Have you tried a nightlite in his room, making his room comfortable/friendly for him to want to stay in there? Explain to him he's a big boy and big boys sleep in their own bed? Laid with him in his room until he falls asleep? Last resort, have you tried to entice him with a reward for sleeping in his own bed.
Good Luck

I went thru this with my daughter... fun fun but i had heard somewhere that if i put har blanket in the dryer before i layed her down that it would help.. IT WORKED and now she does not want to sleep with me, good luck and let me know if this works for you .E.

Buy the book - how to solve your child's sleep problems by Richard Ferber - worked for me.....like a charm - twice!

I had a similar situation. My husband was out of town and I let my 2-3yr old sleep with me for that week. It ended up taking months to get him back to his bed. He did go to sleep in his own but would come in the night to our bed. We put a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed and let him sleep there for a few nights and then moved it closer to his room. Eventually he was back upstairs sleeping in the hall way and then his room. We decided to never do that again, then we had our last son and we were older and too tired to take him back at 3 in the morning..so we put him on the couch and eventually moved him and he slept in his own bed. The main thing is to begin breaking the pattern...then stick with it. Hope this helps~D.

Hi i am J.!
Intouch with you from jamaica! I am 32yrs old.
I would suggest you take him in his room and lay in bed with him; read a story or just play with him a little until he falls asleep then you slip out. After a period of time he will realise he can be by himself again.

Good Morning,
When he comes into your bed, take him back to his. If you keep repeating this eventually he will understand that he must sleep in his own bed.
It is a really bad habit. Much easier when you need sleep, but not good sleeping for you.

Good Luck

I am a grandmother of 3 now, but my 3 yr. old son was one of those kids who wanted us to lie down with him before he could drift off to sleep. Every night we would hear those little feet running from his room to ours. Every night my husband would carry him back to his bed and lie with him until he could go back to sleep. First we tried to have the cat lie next to him. But the cat got up and ran off. Then we tried Curious George, his favorite toy. C.G. didn't run away and our son felt more secure with him sleeping next to him. No longer did we have to lay there until he went to sleep. And when he did wake up, we brought him back to his bed and said Curious George was there to protect him. Darkness can be a scary thing for kids. My daughter would turn on a fan or air purifier to make white noise. That worked for her kids. She also left on a night light.

We have tried all three of these methods. They all worked to some extent...:
1. Making him a 'magic bed' on the floor of your room. He was OK with this but after a while I had enough of it
2. What the books say: every time he comes, put him back in with no talking/fuss. You might find yourself doing this more than a dozen times a night but he'll get the message eventually.
3. Give him an alarm clock and tell him he needs to wait until it rings to come to your bed. You can set it later and later if you think that's not pushing it...

I had a similar problem when my son was 3yrs old. My husband & I would put him in bed and sure enough in the middle of the night he would be in ours! We would put him back in his own bed & stay with him for a bit before going back to sleep in our room. We would do this every night until he finally started sleeping through in his own bed. It did take a few weeks of consistently doing this but it was difinitely worth the effort.

start sleeping with him in his bed several nights and then gradually go back to your after few weeks or days

Hi J.,
I totally understand. When went made the switch from co-sleeping to my 2 year-olds toddler bed for those same reasons, we began with it in our room. His toddler bed is still in our room, but since the first night (shockingly) he has slept there every since. At some point, we will move him into his own room, but he completely "owns" the space of his bed now.
Good Luck
N.