Help! My 5 Year Old Son Still Sleeps in My Bed!

I like the sleepover suggestion, as well as the room makeover (futon for the bad nights!). I do know from other friends who had the same problem: Once he's in his room, be very careful not to let it happen again. My girlfriend's son got very sick at age 7 and she let him sleep with her (after just kicking him out the year before) and he's back there now.

Hi A., I have a different opinion on this. I have an 8 yo daughter and 5 yo son. Neither of my kids from birth ever slept in my bed or in my bedroom...UNTIL...my daughter was about 3 and she started to come in with her blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed. I would wake up and try to get her back in her bed, but she would just be back. this went on for about a year and all of a sudden, one night she just wasn't there and hasn't been since! Now it's my sons turn. He comes in around 1 and does the same thing, sleeps on the floor. I don't care. I know that he will grow out of it. I pick my battles and him sleeping in my room is not a big deal and I like that he feels close to me. My daughter IMMEDIATELY falls asleep at bed time and stays in her bed the entire night. I know that he will get to this point too and I've decided not to fight him about it. I feel that the kids are constantly being disaplined all day and they should rest easy at night, even if it is on my hard floor!

My first thought is to let him sleep with you until he is ready and comfortable to move to his own. I am willing to bet, in a few years at best, he wont want to be in your bed!

If you insist on getting him out, (since this was your question), there are a number of possibilities:
Could you do a complete room makeover, with him choosing the theme? Let him be completely involved in the process, all the while talking about how this is his place to sleep. Does he have a friend or cousin who could be invited for a sleepover the first night he sleeps in it, once it is completed?

Would you be willing to sleep in his room with him until he falls asleep, for as long as he needs this comfort?

I have heard of parents who have filled a squirt bottle with water, label it "ghost phazer" or something appropriate, telling him when he is scared of ghosts (if that is the culprit), to spray them and they will disappear. I would do this first during the day so he can have fun with it. (I do not like this myself, but have heard it worked).

(I like this idea better) Since he thinks ghosts are something to be afraid of, could you introduce him to the idea of friendly ghosts (such as Caspar?). Or introduce him to angels and how they are here to be with us, especially while we sleep? Make some angels and hang them in his room, letting him choose where, to remind him of their presence. Or ask him to invent an imaginary friend who comes to be with him while he sleeps. Children have such grand imaginations...utilize it!

Lavendar is an herb that helps bring relaxation. A small plant in his room might be helpful, or putting a few drops of its essential oil near his bed each night might help, in addition to other suggestions.

Contact a hynotherapist who can give you some advice on how to use simple hypnosis at bedtime with your child to remove fears and instill peace and calm.

But I want to go back to my original comment in closing. He is only five years old, and humans generally dont like to sleep alone (unless they have been taught otherwise). Can you possibly find it within yourself to continue to provide this need he has? I am sure that down the road, he will decide he would rather not sleep in your bed. If he falls asleep there, you can carry him to his own bed after he is asleep if you need to. My own children slept with their dad and me until they chose to go to their own bed (each at different ages). That was more than 20 years ago, and now, I wish their little bodies were here beside me when I sleep! It is only our culture that tells us sleeping with our children is "taboo". Sometimes changing our thoughts about something is all we need to do!

Peace to you in your decision and let me know how this "plays out".

You are letting him win and he is 5! Let him fall asleep in his room with you rubbing his back tellin him peaceful bedtime stories.

This is hard! My kids don't like their rooms all of the time, so I send them to the couch! There is always someone on the couch when I wake up in the am!!

There are some homeopathic drops that you can give him before bed. They are made from Bach Flowers and you can get them at Sprouts, Wholefoods and Wild Oats. Find one that will help him with his confidence and for sure get the Resuce Remedy one. It is for stress and good to have in the house at all times. They ususally have litature for you to read there at the store.

Take care and I vote for you to get your room back!
T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

I'm sure you realize that this will be hard, but it can be done. You could try putting his bed in your bedroom at first, to get used to sleeping on his own bed. Do not allow him to get on your bed. If he yells, tell him you will move his bed to his room right away. You could play music for him when he goes to sleep. Then move it (his bed) to his bedroom and use the same music and a night light. You could put a couch cushion on the floor in his room for you to lie on just until he goes to sleep during the first part of this stage (but do not allow him to lie next to you), gradually spending less and less time in there until he goes to sleep on his own - then give him a big reward.

As far as addressing the fears, you can try a really strong or cool night light. Maybe one that has a character on it, or one of those that changes colors (though those don't really put off a lot of light). For the ghosts, you can try having the 13 year old talk to him and tell him she was making it up, or try some "ghost spray" - just some water in a bottle. Try a bed tent for the big boy bed to make it fun. Every child is different - my 3 year old son is capable of a rational conversation and that works for calming him down at night; however, I don't know that that would've worked for my older son at the same age. But I would try talking to him during the day at a quiet time and asking him what he thinks would work (stickers? nickels to collect for a toy he wants? Buzz lightyear sheets?) to make it worth sleeping in his bed at night. You can explain that he really is getting too old to sleep in mommy's room and set an end date for the habit. This actually worked with giving up the pacifier for my 3 year old...we talked for months about his b'day being the day we gave it up, and I'm not saying it was smooth as frosting, but it worked and neither of us caved. Good luck!!!

Hi A.. My daughter slept with me until she was 3, and it was difficult to get her out of my bed. Thankfully she wasnt affraid of her room.
At HomeDepot or some store like it, you can buy a motion sensor that fits into the light switch. When you enter the room, it turns on automatically. On the internet I found a mat that you place by the door, and when it is stepped on, a light turns on. NOt sure what that is called tho.
Have you tried making his room very welcoming...maybe getting a gerbil, or fish that only he can take care of? Getting big boy sheets that HE picks out? I know one parent that went as far as finding a small fridge at a yard sale, putting drinks in it, and only letting the kid get one out when they spent the night in the room...pretty soon he felt very comfortable.
My son was affraid of monsters under the bed...so, I got out the old spray bottle with monster repellent and sprayed his room every day with him watching....make sure you decorate your bottle with something like a monster and an X through it!! Maybe you can start having a treasure hunt in his room. start with 3 clues the next day 5 the next 7 etc so that he spends more time there...maybe do this right before bed. He gets to keep the prize if he stays in his bed for one hour, etc.
I don't like night lights, because of the possible long term effect they can have on childrens eyes., but you may want to let him pick out a night light, or decorate one yourself that "wards off monsters"
Maybe you can find monster fighting pajamas?
I hope some of this helps.

Hi A.,
I am a grandmother raising a 5 year old grandson. He was just 2 when he lost his parents and came to live with me. I had a small one bedroom at first and he slept in his crib in my room. About a year later we moved into a house and he had his own room. He slept in his big boy bed in his very own room for about a week. Now he sleeps with me every night. He says he is scared to be in there by himself. You know "ghosts and monsters".

I have tried everything from redoing his room, fish tank, night lights, monster stay away spray......everything that has been recommended to you with the exception of hypnotherapy. Nothing worked.

I researched this subject in length because everyone I know says, "get him out of your bed... it isn't healthy". I am sure you have heard it all. There are many opinions on this subject.

My opinion is let him stay there. I am speaking as a mother whose children grew up way to fast. He will only be this little for a little while and enjoy it now because the time will come when he won't want to have anything to do with you. LOL He will leave on his own when he is ready.

You are his mother and only you know your child. The answer will come to you. Just listen to your heart. You will do the right thing.

Good Luck.

What about a bed on your floor for a while. Then he will get used to being close, but not in your bed. Then you can transition him to his room. I would also get him a little fishtank or something to light his room and create a soft background noise. Good luck!

Wow. The poor little guy is traumatized by his own bedroom. It sounds like all the experience he has had in there gives him negative feelings about it. So, for him to be willing to consider sleeping in his room, fill his mind with recent fun experiences in there. Comforting experiences.

First, I would suggest that putting him straight from your bed into his bed in a room he is scared of is too abrupt! This is the age where they get scared of things. Developmentally, it is not the best time for such a big change.

A transition from your bed to a bed on the floor next to yours would be more appropriate and more palateable to him.

In the mean time, while he is sleeping on the floor, on his new matress, you could do some of the following:

How about a sleep over!! You and dad and big sister (well, not if she is going to tease him), popcorn, games, etc.

Have part of the evening ritual take place in his room. Read a book to him in there, in his new bed, then bring him to bed in your room. Or play a game in there before bed time. Do things with him in there while it is dark (you could take flashlights in there and make shadow animals), so that he becomes more comfortable. And during this period, don't ask him to be there alone. Be patient. It will take time.

Go to build a bear and help him make a bear and call it Bear on Patrol or something like that. Talk it up as a bear that will keep watch in his room so that it will be a safe place. It may help even with the transition to the matress on the floor. So he goes from sleeping safely with mom and dad to sleeping with his special bear.

Can the 13 year old trade rooms with him so that he gets a whole new room without the stigma of the old room?

Good luck to you. Be patient with him. He is still just a little guy.

Hello,
I had this same problem and one day i just decided enough was enough. SO what i did is i told her she would be sleeping in her own bed. At bedtime we put on her pjs read her a book and stayed with her in her bed till she fell asleep. We also have a night light in her room, because shes afraid of monsters and the dark.
She would wake up in the middle of the night and come into our room and for about a week i had to take her back to her bed and lay down with her. Well after we got that taken care of. I had to leave her bed. So I sat on her floor and we slowly scooted ourselves out of her room as the days went on. We still have to stay upstairs with her, but now she'll stay in her own bed. It takes a lot of patience and time. So just hang in there. Hope that works for you.

A. - you must be exhausted & craving some time alone in your bed with your husband. I feel we can't be effective parents if our marriage isn't rock solid. Having your son in your bed every night, doesn't give you & your husband any time to be a couple. It won't be easy. Start by spending lots of time in his room during the day - read books, play games, build with blocks, play make-believe... Have him help you clean out his closet & reorganize it (showing him there is no room for anything but what you put in there). Clean the "dust bunnies" out from under his bed together.

Remind him that he is never alone - God is always there with him, protecting him. Say a prayer together each night, thanking God for His protection. There are so many verses in the Bible speaking of God's protection. My favorite is, Psalm 46:1, "God is our safe place and our strength. He is always our help when we are in trouble." Also look up: Psalm 71:3, Psalm 91:4, & Nahum 1:7.

When our children encounter something they're scared of, or have unacceptable behavior - they really seem to benefit from reciting the scripture we've helped them to memorize. Phillippians 4:13 is wonderful for so many circumstances. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Make a simple, clear plan with him. Be consistent, supportive, understanding & patient. Do this on a few days when life is not too busy - in case you end up being up most of the night. It sounds like you love all your children very much - encourage him to trust you & your husband & praise him for each small step he takes towards sleeping in his own room. Good luck & God Bless.

It's tough to get them out once you let them in!!! I've seen some articles about this and one thing that was suggested is a sleeping bag on the floor in your room to start. then gradually move the sleeping bag. Then try sitting in his room with him till he falls asleep. Start off with a chair by his bed and gradually move it closer to the door. maybe let him pick out sheets for his bed that he likes. Maybe a small lamp in his room with a low voltage bulb so he can see nothing is in his room.

Hi A.. I love what you said about boys!!

I am not speaking from experience, only from what I have seen/heard/read, because I fear I will be in the same boat in a couple years. My 9mo son sounds just like yours did. He will ONLY sleep with me. I mean, that kid can keep himself awake for hours and hours and hours. Longer than I can!!

Anyway I have heard that putting a futon matt at the end of your bed for him to sneak into if he gets scared will help ease the transition. I even saw a parenting expert on a show on PBS set up a tunnel from his room to his parents to crawl through to keep him from being scared on the way. Also I have read that if you spend a lot of time in his bedroom with him during the day, doing fun and comforting and happy things, he will gradually start to feel better in there.

I know what it's like to have people say things to you about it like "I would never let my child get away with that!" But THEY have never had MY child! Every child is different. Good luck with yours!

Hi A.,
I had the same situation with my first son, and he is now 3.5 and starting to sleep in his bed. I brought him to my bed out of self defense, he would not sleep for more than 45 minutes in his crib. He would wake up and scream until he had hiccups and turn purple.
I have to leave his closet light on, even in the day time, so he will play in his room. I started by sleeping all night in his bed with him for a few nights. Then we talked about the fact that he has his own bed and so do Mommy and Daddy. I told him that I will be with him until he falls asleep then I would go to my bed. We promised him a reward of a trip to Chuck E Cheese's if he slept alone, and it worked, mostly. After a few weeks, he will now go to bed alone, but most nights he comes to our bed early in the morning. It's much better than having a little boy between us all night. Good luck to you.
Oh, and if he has a monster-under-the-bed problem, they make a special doll to chase them away. Or maybe you could just empower one of his toys to be a monster chaser.

refuse to let him sleep in your bed but; you will be willing to sleep in his. pay attention to all the noices, shadows, etc that go on in his room. When he is asleep. leave his room and go into yours. It will take patients but let him no it is no longer acceptable to sleep in your bed. I did this with my son. He would freak when the a/c turned on and he would talk about seeing lights inside closet--toy went on when batteries low. etc. Hope this helps. Stand firm and do not let him sleep in your room. Even the bed vs floor in his room. etc etc.

I agree with one responder, sleepingin bed with mom is a great comfort especially if you are apart all day. Let him stay but begin with the transition to a bed in your room and talk gently every now and again how much fun his own room is and when he is ready he can sleep in there. If you give him the respect of knowing when he is ready, then he will let you know sooner than you think. But most kids who sleep with siblings begin to ask for their own bed between the ages of 6-8.

C.

Hi A.

I have the same problem, mainly because our son has got into sleeping in our bed when he was sick and when my husband was working strange hours. Anyway, I digress!

What has worked for me is that I got some deoderant and put a picture of what I thought looked like a monster and made a right angle line in red through it so that it looks like a monster spray!

Apart from that, we have gone as far as having an inflatable bat so that he can hit the monsters out of the room and have bought a Thomas the Tank Engine night lamp.

He really loves having that one because he is really into Thomas.

Use what he loves and work from there.

Option 4 is to use relaxation music so that he can go to sleep with some comforting noise.

Option 5 is using a reward system using marbles. Every time he sleeps in his bed, he gets marbles. This adds up to a reward once he gets a percentage of marbles in the jar.

All the best!